[open] Why is sex such a big deal?

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LOVEthroughINTELLECT

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First, if there is a better word for my status/lifestyle, I do not know the word. So if "male virgin" is an oxymoron (maybe "virgin" only applies to females) or something like that, it's not like I am naive or completely ignorant of that possibility. My possible erroneous use of the words is not unwitting. They are simply the only words that I have to use without conveying ideas other than what I mean to say.

I am, for lack of a better word, a 35-year old heterosexual male virgin. And not just a "technical virgin"--no partner sex or physical affection of any kind. Really, no emotional affection ever either--no romance/"love".

Everybody else--from all persuasions--seems to think and act like everything good and bad depends on how we experience sex.

The explanation that everybody gives for this sex-centered approach to life is our species's need to procreate.

Well, the first problem that I see with that explanation is that it does not account for the phenomenon of asexual reproduction. If I am recalling all of it correctly, I even read in a college biology textbook 16 years ago that in evolutionary perspective biologists can't see an advantage in sexual reproduction and can't explain its occurrence as opposed to asexual reproduction.

The second problem that I see with that explanation is that most of our sexual experiences have been separated from reproduction. Human sexual behavior that results in reproduction seems to be only a small fraction of the sexual behavior in today's cultures.

Furthermore, a species's survival depends on a lot more than reproduction. And a case could be made that much of our sexual behavior has contributed to problems that threaten not only our species but all of life (think of all of the non-renewable resources used in the production and consumption of things like internet inappropriate contentography).

But let's assume for a second that the procreation explanation for peoples' emphasis on sex is correct. Does that mean that if somebody was to market to the general population products and services*, such as prescription drugs or clinical procedures, that eliminate the sex drive that governments would attempt to eradicate such products and services? Wouldn't our species be in jeopardy if people were to find a way to control or get rid of unwanted sexual urges (and I am sure that most people can report times when their libido caused them to suffer physical and/or emotional pain). If we depend on sexual reproduction for our survival, wouldn't governments be obligated to eliminate anything that could potentially destroy sexual reproduction? Wouldn't products and services designed to eliminate the sex drive be the biggest test ever of the ideals of liberty and free markets?

Personally, I don't need artificial interventions like drugs to live a happy, fulfilling life without sexual pleasure. But because the social system that I live in is structured to emphasize sex it has been difficult to live peacefully with my sexuality and other people's sexuality and difficult to begin to experience the full potential of the many non-sexual experiences in life.

If sex is readily available then I might as well enjoy it, I suppose. But sex is not readily available for most people, especially those of us who believe that it is ideally only practiced in the holy estate of marriage.

Meanwhile, I am not motivated to do the things that would make sex readily available to me. And I do not understand why sex is such a big deal to other people that they say that they could not live without it.

I am motivated by work and intellectual fulfillment. I would be happy spending all of my life on the most fulfilling manual and intellectual work.

However, as threads like this thread show, the overwhelming majority of people from all persuasions seem to have no concept of good or bad without bringing sex into the equation. Why?


*If such products and services are already being marketed to the general population, I do not know about it. The only sexual products and services that I have seen marketed to the general population (available to most consumers, and encouraging as many people as possible to purchase it; not the same as things like producing chemical castration to help governments attempt to control sex offenders) invariably promise to enhance a person's sex life--I have never seen a product or service marketed to the general population that promises to eliminate unwanted sexual urges.
 

Chie

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First, if there is a better word for my status/lifestyle, I do not know the word. So if "male virgin" is an oxymoron (maybe "virgin" only applies to females) or something like that, it's not like I am naive or completely ignorant of that possibility. My possible erroneous use of the words is not unwitting. They are simply the only words that I have to use without conveying ideas other than what I mean to say.

I am, for lack of a better word, a 35-year old heterosexual male virgin. And not just a "technical virgin"--no partner sex or physical affection of any kind. Really, no emotional affection ever either--no romance/"love".

Everybody else--from all persuasions--seems to think and act like everything good and bad depends on how we experience sex.

The explanation that everybody gives for this sex-centered approach to life is our species's need to procreate.

Well, the first problem that I see with that explanation is that it does not account for the phenomenon of asexual reproduction. If I am recalling all of it correctly, I even read in a college biology textbook 16 years ago that in evolutionary perspective biologists can't see an advantage in sexual reproduction and can't explain its occurrence as opposed to asexual reproduction.

The second problem that I see with that explanation is that most of our sexual experiences have been separated from reproduction. Human sexual behavior that results in reproduction seems to be only a small fraction of the sexual behavior in today's cultures.

Furthermore, a species's survival depends on a lot more than reproduction. And a case could be made that much of our sexual behavior has contributed to problems that threaten not only our species but all of life (think of all of the non-renewable resources used in the production and consumption of things like internet inappropriate contentography).

But let's assume for a second that the procreation explanation for peoples' emphasis on sex is correct. Does that mean that if somebody was to market to the general population products and services*, such as prescription drugs or clinical procedures, that eliminate the sex drive that governments would attempt to eradicate such products and services? Wouldn't our species be in jeopardy if people were to find a way to control or get rid of unwanted sexual urges (and I am sure that most people can report times when their libido caused them to suffer physical and/or emotional pain). If we depend on sexual reproduction for our survival, wouldn't governments be obligated to eliminate anything that could potentially destroy sexual reproduction? Wouldn't products and services designed to eliminate the sex drive be the biggest test ever of the ideals of liberty and free markets?

Personally, I don't need artificial interventions like drugs to live a happy, fulfilling life without sexual pleasure. But because the social system that I live in is structured to emphasize sex it has been difficult to live peacefully with my sexuality and other people's sexuality and difficult to begin to experience the full potential of the many non-sexual experiences in life.

If sex is readily available then I might as well enjoy it, I suppose. But sex is not readily available for most people, especially those of us who believe that it is ideally only practiced in the holy estate of marriage.

Meanwhile, I am not motivated to do the things that would make sex readily available to me. And I do not understand why sex is such a big deal to other people that they say that they could not live without it.

I am motivated by work and intellectual fulfillment. I would be happy spending all of my life on the most fulfilling manual and intellectual work.

However, as threads like this thread show, the overwhelming majority of people from all persuasions seem to have no concept of good or bad without bringing sex into the equation. Why?


*If such products and services are already being marketed to the general population, I do not know about it. The only sexual products and services that I have seen marketed to the general population (available to most consumers, and encouraging as many people as possible to purchase it; not the same as things like producing chemical castration to help governments attempt to control sex offenders) invariably promise to enhance a person's sex life--I have never seen a product or service marketed to the general population that promises to eliminate unwanted sexual urges.
You seem happy and content , the bible tells us Christians it is better to marry if we can not do this. So the bible acknowledges both sides, and gives us instruction.

Chemical castration, taking away the sexual urges will not reform/change a sex offender, it is not about arousal that is confined to the genital area.

 
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FleurDeLiz

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Personally, I think this might be the most sex crazed society ever, as sex seems to sell everything from TV shows to music to cars to clothes to even now today "drugs" as in Viagara, etc.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual, and you should find peace with that.

Perhaps you don't want the responsibility of marriage and children.

Perhaps God will call you to something else, where a wife and children would hinder your easily moving about?

Some men don't settle down until their 40's nowadays.. as men can have children much later than women can.

However, it's a lets sell sex for profit society now, IMO.
 
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Chie

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Personally, I think this might be the most sex crazed society ever, as sex seems to sell everything from TV shows to music to cars to clothes to even now today "drugs" as in Viagara, etc.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being asexual, and you should find peace with that.

Perhaps you don't want the responsibility of marriage and children.

Perhaps God will call you to something else, where a wife and children would hinder your easily moving about?

Some men don't settle down until their 40's nowadays.. as men can have children much later than women can.

However, it's a lets sell sex for profit society now, IMO.
So true.
 
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Chie

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Sex is a big deal because people are secretive about it. Anything mysterious is a big deal. If all people appeared nude in public - especially old, fat, out of shape people, sex would not be a big deal. The population would probably shrink.
lolol I am sorry but this cracked me up. There is nothing left for the mind to imagine and there is nothing secretive about sex not in this day and age. The population isn't gonna shrink if old fat out of shape people ran around naked lolol , you saying old fat out of shape people don't have sex ?
 
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4Christ2

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IMO, sex is a big deal because God created us and gave it to us as a precious gift. God however; our pure and holy God, gave it to a lawfully married husband and wife.

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh4983.

1Co 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body4561? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 4983

Strong's definitions
G4561
σάρξ
sarx
sarx
Probably from the base of G4563; flesh (as stripped of the skin), that is, (strictly) the meat of an animal (as food), or (by extension) the body (as opposed to the soul (or spirit), or as the symbol of what is external, or as the means of kindred, or (by implication) human nature (with its frailties (physically or morally) and passions), or (specifically) a human being (as such): - carnal (-ly, + -ly minded), flesh ([-ly]).

This is the "sex" we love so much. It is carnal and sin because it is outside of holy matrimony!

G4983
σῶμα
sōma
so'-mah
From G4982; the body (as a sound whole), used in a very wide application, literally or figuratively: - bodily, body, slave.

This is the "sex" that God gave us as a precious, wonderful gift. It is holy and in it the bed is undefiled!

Seek "soma" my brother and flee "sarx"! Your christian walk in keeping yourself pure brings glory to our Lord! Wait on him and be blessed!!!
 
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sunlover1

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First, if there is a better word for my status/lifestyle, I do not know the word.

I think that the word for your lifestyle is maybe 'spiritual' as opposed to 'carnal'.

This sex craze you speak of is simply the lust of the flesh manifested.

So many out there are suffering and empty and looking to fill that God void inside of themselves.
They are "looking for love in all the wrong places"
:(
 
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LightDancer

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I think that the word for your lifestyle is maybe 'spiritual' as opposed to 'carnal'.

This sex craze you speak of is simply the lust of the flesh manifested.

So many out there are suffering and empty and looking to fill that God void inside of themselves.
They are "looking for love in all the wrong places"
:(

I agree with this sister! Very thoughtful and truthful post.

Yet unfortunately, "sex sells", especially in this media driven "visual" society.

This is why God wants us to see with our hearts, not with our eyes.
 
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JDIBe

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I don't think it necessarily makes you any more "spiritual", it's just one less thing you will have a problem with. But for many people, sexual urges are a very difficult thing to control. Be grateful that the Lord has spared you such a battle.

And the reason no one sells a product that curbs sexual desire is because we live in a society that does not want to control desires, but wants to let them have free reign and still suffer no consequences. (Diet pills that claim you can eat as much as you want, etc.)
 
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desmalia

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First, if there is a better word for my status/lifestyle, I do not know the word. So if "male virgin" is an oxymoron (maybe "virgin" only applies to females) or something like that, it's not like I am naive or completely ignorant of that possibility. My possible erroneous use of the words is not unwitting. They are simply the only words that I have to use without conveying ideas other than what I mean to say.

I am, for lack of a better word, a 35-year old heterosexual male virgin. And not just a "technical virgin"--no partner sex or physical affection of any kind. Really, no emotional affection ever either--no romance/"love".

Everybody else--from all persuasions--seems to think and act like everything good and bad depends on how we experience sex.

The explanation that everybody gives for this sex-centered approach to life is our species's need to procreate.

Well, the first problem that I see with that explanation is that it does not account for the phenomenon of asexual reproduction. If I am recalling all of it correctly, I even read in a college biology textbook 16 years ago that in evolutionary perspective biologists can't see an advantage in sexual reproduction and can't explain its occurrence as opposed to asexual reproduction.

The second problem that I see with that explanation is that most of our sexual experiences have been separated from reproduction. Human sexual behavior that results in reproduction seems to be only a small fraction of the sexual behavior in today's cultures.

Furthermore, a species's survival depends on a lot more than reproduction. And a case could be made that much of our sexual behavior has contributed to problems that threaten not only our species but all of life (think of all of the non-renewable resources used in the production and consumption of things like internet inappropriate contentography).

But let's assume for a second that the procreation explanation for peoples' emphasis on sex is correct. Does that mean that if somebody was to market to the general population products and services*, such as prescription drugs or clinical procedures, that eliminate the sex drive that governments would attempt to eradicate such products and services? Wouldn't our species be in jeopardy if people were to find a way to control or get rid of unwanted sexual urges (and I am sure that most people can report times when their libido caused them to suffer physical and/or emotional pain). If we depend on sexual reproduction for our survival, wouldn't governments be obligated to eliminate anything that could potentially destroy sexual reproduction? Wouldn't products and services designed to eliminate the sex drive be the biggest test ever of the ideals of liberty and free markets?

Personally, I don't need artificial interventions like drugs to live a happy, fulfilling life without sexual pleasure. But because the social system that I live in is structured to emphasize sex it has been difficult to live peacefully with my sexuality and other people's sexuality and difficult to begin to experience the full potential of the many non-sexual experiences in life.

If sex is readily available then I might as well enjoy it, I suppose. But sex is not readily available for most people, especially those of us who believe that it is ideally only practiced in the holy estate of marriage.

Meanwhile, I am not motivated to do the things that would make sex readily available to me. And I do not understand why sex is such a big deal to other people that they say that they could not live without it.

I am motivated by work and intellectual fulfillment. I would be happy spending all of my life on the most fulfilling manual and intellectual work.

However, as threads like this thread show, the overwhelming majority of people from all persuasions seem to have no concept of good or bad without bringing sex into the equation. Why?


*If such products and services are already being marketed to the general population, I do not know about it. The only sexual products and services that I have seen marketed to the general population (available to most consumers, and encouraging as many people as possible to purchase it; not the same as things like producing chemical castration to help governments attempt to control sex offenders) invariably promise to enhance a person's sex life--I have never seen a product or service marketed to the general population that promises to eliminate unwanted sexual urges.
Sounds like you are blessed with the gift of singleness, and that you have embraced this. :thumbsup:

I understand your frustration with society's obsession with sex, even among so many Christians. Prior to meeting my husband, I was absolutely shocked how many Christians on these online dating websites are specifically looking for a sexual relationship. It got to a point where I had to actually post on my profile that I was not looking for sex. How sad!

I've also read many people's posts on forums saying that you have to "try out" your partner to see if you have chemistry before you get married (like test driving a car or something). So many people have totally lost sight of what God intended sex to be.
 
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tpony298

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Sex is a big deal because people are secretive about it. Anything mysterious is a big deal. If all people appeared nude in public - especially old, fat, out of shape people, sex would not be a big deal. The population would probably shrink.
This is so unfair...Sex isn't always beautiful..
We hear of 70 and 80 year old women raped all the time...Rape, a vicious form of sex) isn't perpertrated out of love or emotional arousal.. but out of a need to control.

And what about the children? How many are abused by family's .

Sexual ppreferences are a privite matter between you and God. And I think the act of sex for pleasure was introduce to man to demonstrated the intense love God has for us.

Witness, if you may, a charismatic at worship with his God. He is enjoying a purely a sexual pleasure with God. You can see it in his face.

JustMy opinion
 
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4Christ2

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This is so unfair...Sex isn't always beautiful..
We hear of 70 and 80 year old women raped all the time...Rape, a vicious form of sex) isn't perpertrated out of love or emotional arousal.. but out of a need to control.

And what about the children? How many are abused by family's .

Sexual ppreferences are a privite matter between you and God. And I think the act of sex for pleasure was introduce to man to demonstrated the intense love God has for us.

Witness, if you may, a charismatic at worship with his God. He is enjoying a purely a sexual pleasure with God. You can see it in his face.

JustMy opinion
I have to disagree respectfully with your comparison of worship with a sexual pleasure.

Sex is a gift given to a man and woman. It is not even remotely compared to worship or our relationship to Christ as His Bride.

In holy matrimony (between a man and woman) - it is pure and undefiled. In all sexual acts/deeds outside of lawful marriage (God's law); it is wicked and we are told to flee it as sexual immorality! This is what you have described above - incest, child abuse, rape is sexual immorality and is indeed not beautiful!
 
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tpony298

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I have to disagree respectfully with your comparison of worship with a sexual pleasure.

Sex is a gift given to a man and woman. It is not even remotely compared to worship or our relationship to Christ as His Bride.

Explain then to me The Song of Solomon...all commentarys say it is an example of God's love to man.

?????????????????

In holy matrimony (between a man and woman) - it is pure and undefiled. In all sexual acts/deeds outside of lawful marriage (God's law); it is wicked and we are told to flee it as sexual immorality! This is what you have described above - incest, child abuse, rape is sexual immorality and is indeed not beautiful!

I am in every aggreement with this... If I implyed other wise..I am sorry...perhaps I didn't state things clearly.

sincerely Joyce
 
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