[open] MIL thingumy - not a problem but could use some advice.

Athene

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On saturday we spent the day with DHs family and I was having a conversation with my MIL and her best friend about stuff - it was good conversation and part way through my MIL mentioned that she felt I had barriers up against her, I don't let her get close to me or open myself up much.

It's true, I've got a big share of that good old british reserve, I don't open up easily to people, but with MIL I have tried in the past to be more open but it's very difficult because we have such different personalities.

I'll talk about stuff I do with the kids, the way I resolve problems and then she'll jump in and say how she would have resolved the problem but make it sound like her method is much better then mine and I should do things her way. And also I get the impression that my MIL has a vision of what kind of person she thinks I should be and I'm constantly falling short of that - (which doesn't bother me - I didn't give two hoots about my own parents expectations of me, nevermind somebody elses. :p)

My husband has confirmed my feelings, she's the same way with him - she's very set in her ways and believes that if we all followed her advice we'd all be in a better place - which maybe true but it maybe not.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should tell her all this - in our conversation she said she wants a closer relationship with me so she kind of has opened the lines of communication in this.

Thoughts?
 

DIANAC

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I am glad that you got this insight. It's good to understand the other person. Especially, since you are making attempts to get closer to her.
I would not reveal that to her. Just modify your behavior a bit. If she suggests something, acknowledge that it is a good idea (if indeed it is) and explain why you would take her advice. Also, explain why you would not take her advice. Perhaps she wants to be relevant in your life and that is why she is volunteering her advice and help. If everything is done lovingly and in the way that builds each other up, then I think it should work well.
Take care,
Diana
 
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bliz

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When she offers her advice, always say thank you and find something nice to say about her advice. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but you will make her feel listened to and that she has been a help to you.

Without realizing it, your MIL has give you a roadmap to a better relationship with her. Follow it when you can.
 
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GolfingMom

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When she offers her advice, always say thank you and find something nice to say about her advice. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but you will make her feel listened to and that she has been a help to you.

Without realizing it, your MIL has give you a roadmap to a better relationship with her. Follow it when you can.

:thumbsup:
 
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Athene

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Well actually, I went for a day out with my MIL yesterday, just me, her and 30 or so women from the church - but because there wasn't family around we got to spend time together and afterwards I said to her that sometimes I feel like she doesn't see me as me, and that I feel she has an image of what she wants in a DIL and I'm always falling short, but it turned out she does't feel that way. We had a really good chat and I feel we're on the way to building a better relationship.
 
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