Open letter to the church from millennial pastor - this is why we are leaving

[thecolorsblend]

.

 

[ColoRaydo]

I think she’s right on 1,2,6 and 7.

3. Please. No Christian church supports bigotry or slavery. The past is the past and people were horribly wrong. Any “church” that supports bigotry is not Christian.

4. The church as a whole has driven away the LBGTQ community before even giving them the option of knowing Christ. I’m not sure myself what the right approach should be, but barring the doors isn't it.

5. This is where she’s flat out wrong, in my opinion. If she doesn’t believe that no one gets to heaven except through the acceptance of Jesus Christ’s sacrifice for one’s sins, why would she bother being a Christian? Truly, I would like to believe in universal salvation, but I just don’t.

 

[Guojing]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

Her point no 5 made me sad and reminded me how there are churches who preach so much from the 4 gospels that their people are even unsure about why they are truly saved.

If you only use the 4 gospels, such as the ever favorite John 3:16, you will get confused by the Sermon of the Mount (Matthew 5:17-20), what Jesus stated to the lawyer (Luke 10:25-28) etc that is also implying that obeying the Law and doing good works are also necessary for your salvation.

For an issue like salvation, churches need to emphasize, and keep on emphasizing, that Paul's instructions are the way to go.

Yes, we are saved for good works, that is true. But when it comes to salvation, it is worrying if people have the impression that they are saved by good works.

Salvation is about what the apostle to the Gentiles, Paul, preached to us in various places such as Romans 10:9. 1 Cor 15:1-4, and 2 Cor 5:19-21.

If a Christian is not clear the basis of his or her salvation, I think that is very unfortunate, and really unnecessary since we have completed scripture in front of us now.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

Okay, let's just start with saying that I agree with most of these points. However, I will pretend my opinion is important and point out a few things I do not agree with.

Point Number 4: Diversity being a problem is a matter of mixed opinion for me. On the one hand, I have noticed that churches do seem to push white middle-class American culture as the standard for behavior. If you like that sort of culture, that's great, but I feel like few people try and reach out of their comfort zone and experience other interests and cultures.
On the other hand, it is part of our religious beliefs that homosexuality is unhealthy and therefore forbidden. If you disagree, you have the right to that opinion, but one cannot blame people for following their own religion any more than I can blame them for following their beliefs. Likewise, while a feminist myself (men can be feminists too, thought I don't adhere to the "mean feminist" mentality that seems to be pushed nowadays), I admit that the Bible forbids female pastors. (Despite that, one church I go to has a female co-pastor, and she's really good, so I don't judge; I just don't agree.) Do I think it's fair? No. But part of Christinaity is having faith that God has a good reason for what He does. (I don't believe God is a "because-I-said-so" kind of parent.)

Point Number 5: I actually have a very long and complicated reasoning as to why I believe that Hell is not a place of karmatic torment, but a place to try and purge evil from those within it. I also believe that the gates of Hell are eternally open, and the reason nobody ever leaves is because the only way to leave is to let go of your sin and let Jesus take it, and the sort of people who go to Hell aren't the sort of peopel who would ever give up; like Jacob Marley in "A Christmas Carol", they have forged their own chains, and they refuse to let go of them.
I could explain it in further detail, but for one, it's a bit late, and for two, it's only my opinion; I don't have any evidence for or against it, thoguht I think a different vantage point might provide some clarity to those questions why a loving God sends people to Hell.
As for people of other faiths goign to Hell... I admittedly have my own questions on that. I do not believe man can be good on his own. So what about Ghandi? He greatly respected Jesus; didn't like Christians, but he did like Jesus. I mean, the Bible says "he who is not against you is for you", so does this mean people who aren't against Jesus are Christians? Ugh... this is something for theologians, not little ol' me.

Point Number six: I fully agree that the Bible is sometimes more complicated than people give it credit for. The entire Song of Solomon is one long poetic work of erotica, thought if you take it literally you don't see the X-rated bits. (Seriously, that thing is steamy; yet another thing for Christians to argue over if it belongs in the Bible or not, because God totally didn't make sex to be good and pure.)
However, I feel like sometimes taking a different view of the Bible leads to people losing sight of what they are viewing. Beware that you aren't trying to twist the Bible to mean what you want it to mean, or else you become as guilty as the people you judge.


All this said, I still agree with most of the points, and have actually seriously considered leaving Western religion in search of God's true church, a church which isn't in a specific building, isn't restrictive or judgmental, but who also can correct others in love and humility. Like Martin Luther, I am feeling a reformation is needed.

 

[Peter J Barban]

Paul warned us very clearly in Romans 1 concerning the path from truth to darkness - The OP pastor and supporters are walking this dark path. Paul says that God's wrath is coming for those who approve of acts that lead to death!

"18 The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, 19 since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22 Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23 and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25 They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; 31 they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. 32 Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them."

 

[Aussie Pete]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

Yeah, no. You have pinpointed a number of vexed issues but you have also swallowed worldly lies and deceptions. Lord Jesus is discriminatory. Shock horror and all that. He came to bring not peace, but a sword. You are either for Him or against Him. He did not tell the adulteress its all ok, you can sleep around if you like. "Go, and sin no more," He said. You may not like what the Bible has to say, but it is what it is. Homosexuality is sin and those who practice it are disqualified from God's kingdom. So also will a great many "Christians" who excuse their sleeping around, adultery, financial dishonesty, verbal abuse, drunkenness and theft.

We are called to love people, not to pat them on the head and say that it will all be OK. No, it won't.

I don't go to a denominational church either. I detest the religious, "Christianism" that infects so many who claim to be saved. But I refuse also to compromise on God's truth. We should be dealing with the evils that afflict the denominations (watch this space: God is about to move in judgement and it won't be pretty). We should not follow the world into tolerating sin because we don't like God's ways.

 

[Kaon]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

It also seems like Millennial have no obligation or want to adhere to institution - as in, they aren't the authority to them. So, "[insert Church father/elder/saint/dogma here] said so" doesn't cut it for them anymore. But, technically this also fits in we looked at history.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

A former church attendee and pastor explains why she is leaving the church:

"I remember when I was serving as a pastor receiving emails, flyers and promotions for “solutions” to the issue of why millennials are leaving the church.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was actually a millennial until recently. (Apparently I am in the last year that they include millennials. And, ironically, I find myself joining them on this subject)

I, too, have left the church, but have not left my faith….

I loved church as a kid. It was my social outlet, my crowd, my people – faith and spirituality were something I identified with at an early age. But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking.

One of the struggles many millennials have with organized religion in general is the inability of the older generations to adapt, change, or entertain new ideas and new ways of thinking. This is an issue each generation bumps up against, but this generation and this subject don’t seem to be finding a middle ground.

As a millennial, life-long church attendee and former pastor, I decided to write an open letter to the church, with the main reasons I decided to walk out of church doors. (And why many other millennials are doing the same).

Dear church,

You have asked why so many millennials are leaving your walls and refusing to come back. As one who has served, pastored and attended church my entire life, you may be surprised to learn that it isn’t just the “flaky” Christians who are leaving. Many leaders like myself are leaving too. And here’s why:

1. We don’t like hypocrisy. I know, I know, a lot of you may wrinkle your noses when I say this – or scoff and say, “maybe other Christians, but not me”. Well friends, I’ve attended, led and pastored in more than one church and in multiple denominations. And, let me tell you, there’s a constant theme. Although, in my experience it seems to be more evident in the evangelical groups, it is a steady theme none the less. An example would be: preachers and sermons demonizing inappropriate contentography and any use of it. Making it appear that holy people (such as themselves) would never struggle with something like that. Especially never admit to it from the pulpit. Meanwhile, statistics show that over 50% of pastors view inappropriate content on a regular basis. Or, another example: people who lead mission trips, help the homeless, lead Bible studies and express a large outward appearance of “godliness” – yet, at home, where no one is watching, they neglect their spouses, are angry and controlling with their children and overall treat their family with much less respect and honor as they do the outside world they are “serving”.
2. We don’t think that loving your neighbor as yourself should come with a ton of conditions. Again, I can hear the argument against this statement but, hear me out. I was respected when I loved my Christian peers, pew mates and bible study companions who were like myself. I celebrated their families, their marriages, their accomplishments. But, when my neighbor didn’t attend my church, was LGBTQ or held a different faith, I was not supposed to attend their weddings, rejoice when they had or adopted children or celebrate their accomplishments (because clearly it was all the devil’s handy work). I was also expected to not vote in favor of these neighbors having the same rights as myself; such as rights to marry, have tax benefits and create a family or practice their faith publicly. Not only is this not loving my neighbors as myself – it’s hypocrisy at its finest.
3. We looked at history. History has this tendency to repeat itself. It doesn’t take long to pull back a few hundred years of history to see a nasty pattern throughout Westernized Christianity. Such as, the vast majority of slavery and racism was endorsed from pulpits. During the civil war, Christian pamphlets were passed to the confederates from churches and religious leaders in their support of God’s “holy war” – ie: the right to own slaves (Stout, Henry S.). Because, after all, slavery is endorsed by scripture. Another example, is how women’s rights were significantly hindered inside of the church and were fought against intensely (and still are) by many Christian leaders. Because, again, scripture supports the silence of women (if you want to interpret it that way). A pattern of oppression, bigotry and an overarching theme of one group holding all of the power, is nauseating.
4. We struggle with inequality. We have experienced a lot of diversity. And we believe that diversity is GOOD. We struggle with our LGBTQ brothers and sisters not being allowed to serve or have their families be welcome in church communities. We struggle with the continual lack of diversity in leadership: with women, people of color and LGBTQ people. (If you don’t believe this to be an issue, just look at who is at the top of most Christian churches and communities). And, many times if a woman does find herself at the top, she is paid significantly less than a man would be in her position. The list of spiritually gifted women, LGBTQ people, and people of color that the church has pushed out is truly a tragedy.
5. We have a hard time signing up for the idea that everyone we know who doesn’t claim our faith will be set on fire for eternity. If you’ve grown up in church, this concept seems super easy to embrace. Of course, your beloved grandma who is a universalist will burn in hell forever. Of course, your best friend at work who is an atheist will be tortured for eternity. Of course, your aunt who is a faithful Buddhist will be rejected by God and sent to be burned. This talk is so normalized for many millennials as children. But, once we grew up and really thought about what we were believing, the harder it was for us to reconcile that with the loving God we know. The concept of eternal torment is easy to embrace until it’s your grandma. Your parent. Your child. Your best friend. All of the sudden the idea of a forever place of torture doesn’t fit that well.
6. We look at scripture differently. A lot of millennials were told “because the Bible says” so much that we actually grew up and decided to read it for ourselves. We read. We studied. We wrestled. We researched. And we realized that the Bible isn’t as clear as we were taught. We learned that there are many conflictions. That there is context involved. People involved. Stories involved. We learned that the Bible is complex, beautiful and sacred. And that it’s okay to not know or understand all of it. That it’s okay to disagree with what we were taught (and even disagree with eachother) – and that’s okay.
7. We like authentic community. This is a big one. Many of us grew up attending home group, youth group, life groups, etc – whatever you want to call it. We invested time and energy into relationships, hoping to cultivate genuine connection (beyond just the idea that we attend church together). And, some of those relationships stuck. But, many of them didn’t. Many of these communities we found to be unsafe. Where we couldn’t be our true selves without being judged. We couldn’t express differing opinions (on faith, politics, culture) without being quickly told why we were wrong. We couldn’t go through life’s [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]ty circumstances and just BE MAD. OR BE SAD. OR BE HUMAN. We felt expected to constantly be “okay”. And, truthfully, it’s exhausting. Because a lot of us weren’t okay. A lot of us had childhood trauma, failing marriages, troubled kids, a spouse who was gay, addictions to alcohol, inappropriate contentography and a lot of stuff that is pretty darn heavy. And yet, we felt like couldn’t be real about any of it – because when we were real, we were shamed. Or attempted to be “fixed”, “healed” or “delivered”. Many of us have found that we can cultivate and thrive in real community outside of church. And, we find it to be much healthier for us spiritually and for our families.

In closing, I will say that I have loved the church. I love the people. I love my personal history inside it’s walls. But, as I’ve grown, I have had to make some difficult decisions regarding what is healthy for me and my family.

For myself personally, these issues were what caused me to draw the line.

I now find church to be inside my home; a space where everyone is welcome. I find that I worship by loving my children well and find prayer in the breaths and inside my heart. I find that I’m pastoring others well out here in the wilderness. As a family, we find community and love wherever we are and whoever we are with.

I believe and know Spirit to be everywhere. It is all present and ever seeking. When the church embraces this idea too, you may see some of us return. Until then, we believe we are free to follow where we need to be and free to allow others to do the same.

Grace and peace,

Anna"

An open letter to the church from a millennial – this is why we are leaving

What are your thoughts on this?

Man, she gives it away in the first few lines: "But, with each generation, comes new perspectives and new ways of thinking."

The Christian faith and the Word of God give no audience to "new perspectives" and "new ways of thinking."

Reality check for the woman who wrote all that: This is a kingdom. The King sets the parameters and the constructs for how the kingdom operates, and they are timeless. What he says, goes. End of story. You don't get to change any of it. Your opinions aren't even given an audience. If the kingdom, as it is now constructed (New Covenant, with all the forgiveness but also all the firm guidelines explained so well in Paul's writings) don't appeal to you, then it's not the kingdom's task to bend to your preferences, or even to give them an audience. It's up to you to modify your thoughts and behavior.

P.S. It's for your own good. Your life will go a thousand percent better. Trust me on that. I tried it your way for years. It doesn't work.

 

[Neogaia777]

The Christian faith and the Word of God give no audience to "new perspectives" and "new ways of thinking."

Jesus introduced a lot of "new perspectives and new ways of thinking" during His day and time, etc, and so did His followers, etc...

Very much more different than the traditional conservative religious leaders of the day (the pharisees) (trying to hold onto their traditional, supposedly classical, traditional interpretations, or traditions of scripture in the OT, etc) Anyway, Jesus and His followers introduced a lot of "new perspectives" and "new ways of thinking" that were very much more different than the traditional ultra conservative Jewish leaders or religious leaders or religious establishment of the day had thought about God and God's ways, and/or about how the OT was to be or mean and/or be interpreted, etc...

And they killed him for it...

So what if we have some of it wrong again, etc...?

Cause I think many of us do, and have over the years, etc...

What if some of the more common people of the world have it more right, and some of the religious leaders or establishments have it more wrong, like, or as it was, or how it "became" in Jesus day, etc...?

God Bless!

 

[GraceBeliever]

Thanks for you input. I still can't figure out the format of this forum. I spent an hour writing up a reply to a post and when I hit the enter key, the posted result was completely out of order, then I found out I can't delete a post. I can only edit it. Frustrating.

 

[Kenny'sID]

People have problems, something that will never change, and if everyone took that as reason to to leave their church, there would be no churches today...at all.

Besides, wouldn't that be good reason to stay with the church? Stay to help the people who have problems, to minister to, and try to be a good example to them?

Trying to justify there own sin? That was one of the things that crossed my mind as well.

These people, and there are many like them, think they have something new, something to say, a dramatic breakthrough, and some actually buy it. But in the end, it's the same ol' same ol, and in this case, someone copping out, and walking away from reality because they disagree with it.

In extreme cases, and if we feel we can't do any good there, leave the church for a better one, but walk away completelty?...no.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Thanks for you input. I still can't figure out the format of this forum. I spent an hour writing up a reply to a post and when I hit the enter key, the posted result was completely out of order, then I found out I can't delete a post. I can only edit it. Frustrating.

You can report your post to have it deleted, but I think the most popular way, and less work for the mods is to edit it, leaving one letter or something (I often use a period) or a note that says anything form "deleted" to a short explanation why.

It can be frustrating, and you will get it eventually, but in the mean time, if you have any questions, some here are more than happy to help....just ask.

 

[Spiritlight]

Gen X here that grew up in a conservative fundamental church that was very judgemental of non attendees (those sinners out there we don't want to be like). Behind the appearance of holiness and uprightness in the church was disgraceful sex sins hidden (yes kids and affairs) that did not emerge until long after I left it. Thus, hypocrisy was rife as was dishonesty and even though people were being honest about theft or minimal lying, the dishonesty about your failings was always present for fear of rejection as yo hid behind your 'holy' persona.

I joined a baptist church that loved the community and was down to earth in its outreach and honesty about life and the struggles we all have and the people were real. So non Christians entering the place were not intimidated and being honest about yourself and your struggles was easier there.

I went back to visit after 10 years absence and it had turned into a conservative nightmare. Conservative politics was present influencing things causing disagreement. Where once love for non Christians existed and you would never hear a bad word about people (but you would hear condemnation of sin) from the pulpit a spirit of intolerance and condemnation had crept in to replace it. Likewise the thirst for money was ever present with constant pressure for tithing and donations at every visit making several visits awkward to attend.

I saw elements of the first church in it and swore I'd never go back to it.

Using 1950's-1990's methods to reach millenials and younger in church is like trying to hit a square peg into a round hole as our culture has changed a lot since then. I am more like them and share the same concerns..

 

[mcarans]

Ok. We’re getting somewhere. Thank you for the response. But consider the lack is stats or factual information in the article. There are evangelicals that are all in with President Trump yet much more that pulled the lever for the same and felt ill because of the lack of choice. Either vote for someone who’s openly hostile to you or someone who has serious moral shortcomings but is not openly hostile. Yet our media would have you believe evangelicals voted lockstep for trump when that wasn’t the case. And the media wonder why they are loathed in The middle of the country.

TERRY MATTINGLY: Religious fault lines in ‘Alienated America’

edit. There is a much better article by Mattingly that goes into depth but I am on my phone so my
Search function is rather limited.

I was not able to see that article but found another one by Mattingly: Journalists don't understand religious fault lines in 'alienated' America

Mattingly talks about the mainstream media and its lack of in depth knowledge. The article I linked in Christianity Today which says: "The cost has been too high. American evangelicalism is not a Republican PAC." is not from the mainstream media. It is from an evangelical publication talking about evangelicalism.

 

[Athanasius377]

I was not able to see that article but found another one by Mattingly: Journalists don't understand religious fault lines in 'alienated' America

Mattingly talks about the mainstream media and its lack of in depth knowledge. The article I linked in Christianity Today which says: "The cost has been too high. American evangelicalism is not a Republican PAC." is not from the mainstream media. It is from an evangelical publication talking about evangelicalism.

That's the exact article that I posted. And its more than in-depth knowledge rather media as a whole do not think that religion is important. Mattingly often says the only "real" thing to a journalist today is politics. Here is the article I was speaking of before.

On Religion – Define 'evangelical,' please (2019 edition) – Columns

Also, the article you shared does not demonstrate your assertion. The author agrees with you but never demonstrates how this is being done (turning the church into a PAC for the Republican Party). Please demonstrate how your assertion is true.

 

[Lady Donna Marie]

It's unfortunate when anyone let's the lives of others and their actions come between that which God has shown us to be true.

I realize we live in a time where confusion seems to be the norm. How sad. Yet, God is the same today, yesterday, and forever so if we base our relationship with Him based on the confusion of this world then we will be brokenhearted for sure.

With that being said there is a real brokenness that is causing Christians to be disappointed in other Christians instead of us loving one another and honoring God. There are issues that are dividing us depending upon what Christian faith we are practicing and how the faith is interpreted.

The one thing that keeps coming to my mind is that throughout the ages it has been proven that some of God's children are not mindful of Him. So much so that they are more interested in what others think of them or their passions, then what God does and that God sees all and knows all. Some may think that we can get away with this or that since God is a forgiving God.

I am always happy when a humble soul sees the importance of God's sovereignty and chooses to honor God with their actions and not seek so much their desires over serving Him. I realize we all fall, but a man or woman that displays such attributes is someone worth having in our lives.

 

[Neogaia777]

It's unfortunate when anyone let's the lives of others and their actions come between that which God has shown us to be true.

I realize we live in a time where confusion seems to be the norm. How sad. Yet, God is the same today, yesterday, and forever so if we base our relationship with Him based on the confusion of this world then we will be brokenhearted for sure.

With that being said there is a real brokenness that is causing Christians to be disappointed in other Christians instead of us loving one another and honoring God. There are issues that are dividing us depending upon what Christian faith we are practicing and how the faith is interpreted.

The one thing that keeps coming to my mind is that throughout the ages it has been proven that some of God's children are not mindful of Him. So much so that they are more interested in what others think of them or their passions, then what God does and that God sees all and knows all. Some may think that we can get away with this or that since God is a forgiving God.

I am always happy when a humble soul sees the importance of God's sovereignty and chooses to honor God with their actions and not seek so much their desires over serving Him. I realize we all fall, but a man or woman that displays such attributes is someone worth having in our lives.

"I came not to bring peace, but a sword", etc...

The two parties and two sides to everything and in every group, and/or especially including Christians, and in even Christian houses and circles, etc, is "no joke", etc...

God Bless!

 

[Lady Donna Marie]

There was so much that was brought up with this post, but I would like to say living on a island as a Christian isn't easy and if there is a place where one can find peace in a Christian community it can be a source of strength to them. The times we live in are increasing confrontational on many levels and having a support team is very helpful. That may be why some of us are on CF.

By the way, I recently read information about the Xennial generation. That may be the generation that Anna is associated with.

Terminology and birth year definitions
The neologistic term Xennials is a portmanteau blending the words Generation X and Millennials to describe a "micro-generation"[1][2] or "cross-over generation"[3] of people whose birth years are between the late 1970s and the early to mid 1980s.[1][3][4]

So maybe those born in 1975-1985.

 

[Lady Donna Marie]

[QUOTE="Neogaia777,

One can obtain inter-peace that surpasses understanding in a world where there is conflict. I'm not saying it's easy to obtain, but it's better than being in turmoil.

 

[mcarans]

That's the exact article that I posted. And its more than in-depth knowledge rather media as a whole do not think that religion is important. Mattingly often says the only "real" thing to a journalist today is politics. Here is the article I was speaking of before.

On Religion – Define 'evangelical,' please (2019 edition) – Columns

Also, the article you shared does not demonstrate your assertion. The author agrees with you but never demonstrates how this is being done (turning the church into a PAC for the Republican Party). Please demonstrate how your assertion is true.

Here's an article from evangelical Timothy Keller:
Can Evangelicalism Survive Donald Trump and Roy Moore?
"In many parts of the country, Evangelicalism serves as the civil or folk religion accepted by default as part of one’s social and political identity. So, in many cases, it means that the political is more defining than theological beliefs, which has not been the case historically"