[open] I'm Really Resenting my Step-Son

MaraPetra

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Life just isn't fair sometimes. :sigh:

When my husband left yesterday for a business trip, the first thing my 12 year-old step-son did was start trouble...And it escalated to a point where the child almost hit me. Thankfully, years as the youngest of six kids and because of some self-defense training, I was able to throw him off balance and back onto the couch before he could do any real damage. He did this in front of my other two girls.

Tonight, his real mother spoke to him...His reason for being like this to me? I'm "not his real mom", so he shouldn't have to listen to me.

Lovely...I'm not his real mom, but I'm the person who looks after him. I'm not his real mom, but it's my money which buys his clothes, food, electricity, water and toys. I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who has to take off of work early when he gets detention. I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who has to care for him and discipline him.

I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who takes him shopping, cooks his meals, and listen to his angst.

Why is it that my natural son, who loves me so dearly, lives with his father unwillingly, and this horrendous terror of a child, whom I love dearly but who can't stand me, is the one in the house with me all the time?

I'm ashamed to say it, but tonight I desperately wish my stepson lived with his mother.

As it is, I need to pray over the situation, because I'm just not feeling the love tonight, and my heart is aching. :cry:
 

Linnis

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Real mother or the man in the moon, that child has no right to hit you. Has he tried this before? I suggest you make it clear to his Father he has to lay down the law about hitting. My son's only six weeks old but I know what happened when my brother tried to hit my mother, My Dad made it clear he'd be dealing with him the next time.
 
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hisbloodformysins

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:hug:

I think it's normal for you to feel that way. I think praying is a good idea being how sometimes I get pretty aggrevated with my own children and need to resort to that often for patience, knowing that I need to be patient, but yet not being patient because I just don't have it in my heart. God can turn things around. My sympathy goes out to you! God Bless!

HB
 
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firestar

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I have a step daughter (who doesn't live with us) and for the most part we have a great relationship. There are times however; when there are certain "red flags" for me, and what I do is talk with my husband, share my feelings and we make a plan together on how to deal with it. There have been some rocky patches when we were still trying to develop the communication that worked best for us (because let's face it- step parenting and blended families are touchy subjects).

There are a lot of times when even though the decision is a unified thing that we've agreed upon, it has to come from him- otherwise it could turn into something where she ends up trying to rebel against me for the sake of it. So far we've avoided that and things work out well. I do get concerned sometimes about how it would work if she ever came to live with us, but I guess we would have to continue communicating and taking it step by step.

So I guess my advice would be to talk to your husband, be honest and let him know what's on your heart and ask him what solutions he sees to this and share your ideas as well. Your husband has to step up and take immediate action though IMHO or else the son will think he has the right to continue and things will escalate and get worse.

I have a dear friend who recently got married and seven months into their marriage the step son is causing so much heartache and problems that they are on the brink of divorce (her husband's decision- not hers). Her husband actually kicked her and her kids out of their home and is siding exclusively with his son. His son's reason for not liking my friend (being verbally and physically abusive to her and her kids) is the same as your step son- she is not his real mom and so he doesn't want her living there.

I'll be praying for you :hug: :prayer:
 
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HeKnowsMyName

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Lovely...I'm not his real mom, but I'm the person who looks after him. I'm not his real mom, but it's my money which buys his clothes, food, electricity, water and toys. I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who has to take off of work early when he gets detention. I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who has to care for him and discipline him.

I'm not his real mom, but I'm the one who takes him shopping, cooks his meals, and listen to his angst.

One day, he will see that even though you aren't his "real Mom" that you love him very much. He's got alot of maturing to do before then, but he'll get there.

I agree that his Dad needs to get involved about the hitting problem.

You are in my prayers. :prayer:
 
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tergail

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I have step-son problems as well. He doesn't live with us. I wish he did because things might be a whole lot different. We are trying to live christian lives and his mom and family are not. So it's a real struggle for us to try and teach and disciplin him based on our belief's when he gets away with so much at his mom's. Our biggest problem is his mom. She has taught him that me and my children (his brother and sister) are not his real family. That when he comes to be with us for the weekends that it 's his dad that he is coming to be with. So he expects to come over and have his dad all to himself and me and his brother and sister are basically supposed to disappear. My hubby tries to give him some one on one time but it's hard. He also has this expectation of us being able to drop everything and do what he wants. He wants us to spend lots of money that we do not have. So because these things don't happen the way he wants, he comes over and pouts for almost the whole time he is here or he plays video games and nothing else. We try to make him part of the family and do family things together but he doesn't want to. Usually by the end of the weekend he has such an attitude with us that when he goes I almost feel like I don't want him to come back. I too have to pray about my attitude with him. I love him and have been part of his life since he was 4 years old and he's now turning 13. I would think that by this point he would finally be comfortable with me but he's not. Again, a lot of the problem stems from his mom. So I pray for her as well. She is not a happy person.
 
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c1ners

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I have step-son problems as well. He doesn't live with us. I wish he did because things might be a whole lot different. We are trying to live christian lives and his mom and family are not. So it's a real struggle for us to try and teach and disciplin him based on our belief's when he gets away with so much at his mom's. Our biggest problem is his mom. She has taught him that me and my children (his brother and sister) are not his real family. That when he comes to be with us for the weekends that it 's his dad that he is coming to be with. So he expects to come over and have his dad all to himself and me and his brother and sister are basically supposed to disappear. My hubby tries to give him some one on one time but it's hard. He also has this expectation of us being able to drop everything and do what he wants. He wants us to spend lots of money that we do not have. So because these things don't happen the way he wants, he comes over and pouts for almost the whole time he is here or he plays video games and nothing else. We try to make him part of the family and do family things together but he doesn't want to. Usually by the end of the weekend he has such an attitude with us that when he goes I almost feel like I don't want him to come back. I too have to pray about my attitude with him. I love him and have been part of his life since he was 4 years old and he's now turning 13. I would think that by this point he would finally be comfortable with me but he's not. Again, a lot of the problem stems from his mom. So I pray for her as well. She is not a happy person.

My step daughters were very much like this when they were young. When they would come spend the summer with us they made it very clear that they came to see THEIR dad, not me, not my daughter, and not their new baby sister. They would make mountains out of mole hills, and try their best to make everything out to be my fault. I didn't do laundry right, I didn't cook the foods that they liked. When I would take them shopping they would refuse to let me buy them things and then tell their dad that I would only buy for the younger ones. And they would hurt my babies! My oldest was once punched in the chest for wanting to play when her older sister had had enough, and my youngest fingers were bent backwards while holding her sisters hand.

The girls have learned to love my girls. They are now sisters, but I'm still not even a step mom. I am their dad's wife. :( And they have my daughter right now. It's no wonder she is starting to hate me herself. I could go on with the horror stories, but I won't. I will however pray for each of you in this situation, and pray that your husband stands behind you so it will eventually get resolved.
 
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icbeckyc

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Growing up we had similar problems with my stepbrothers. The hard part for my mom is, their real mom wouldn't help and actually told them they didn't have to listen to my mom. It was awful, my mom and stepdad had the boys live with us thinking it would get better, but it got worse. So as long as you can keep your husband and the birth mother helping, it will probably get better.

It is really hard dealing and figuring out how to deal and think of your stepparents. Granted getting physical is never right. Keep loving him and praying and God will work things out.

:prayer:
 
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