[open] How were you raised??

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

Hey

A thread I just posted in another area of the forum got me thinking. How does the way you were raised differ from the way your DH/DW was raised?

For the most part Mr Burger and I were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum.
He was raised in a very conservative Christian home (PK- sereved on the mission field in Uganda etc.) Was not allowed to listen to secular music (classica was fine, but jazz was boarderline). He was taught never to question anything.

I on the other hand was listening to Led Zeppelin whilst still in the womb (pictures are proof- my mom's belly wrapped in gigantic headphones- my dad wanted to make sure I was properly educated on good music... and I was), was taught to question EVERYTHING and generally was encouraged to express myself artistically (painting, drawing, playing the flute etc.).

But it's funny to me- both our families are christian, both are in the same general social class etc.

It always makes me think about how two people, or two families can be so different but still manage to marry and be extremely happy- now DH has changed drastically and we are now the spawn of satan to his family (yes, we watch R rated movies, drink alcohol, play poker etc.).

So if you are dramatically different then your spouce's family- how do you fit in? Because I'm finding it difficult to fit in with his entire family- Thankgiving weekend (ala Wadeapalooza 06) is turning out to be a nightmare for me, as they have planned a 4 day weekend family fun time- including apples to apples, puzzles, gingerbread houses AND G rated movies

 

[tryingtobeagain]

My DH and I were raised in somewhat different ways. He was independant at a very young age and I was living at home until a few years ago. He is very distant with his parents and I talk to mine several times a day.

It's sometimes difficult because we don't fully understand each other but the key is that we accept each other.

 

[ConservativeChristian97]

Great thread!

Well, hubby was raised by a Church of the Brethren pastor and a crazy (she's certified, I love geeting to tell people that, "Your mother in-law may be nuts, but mine has papers!") mother who stayed at home. They rented houses and trailors soo bad rats probably packed up and moved out since his dad couldn't hold down a job because his dear wife kept getting him fired (no joke, but I will add the just celebrated 33 years of marriage).

My parents, on the other hand, were non-church-going Christians (oh, and non-Bible-reading as well). They owned a doublewide on almost six acres and let me pretty much do what I wanted. Dad's idea was that I could do whatever I wanted, until I messed up, then I would be corrected and turned loose again. As a result, I am able to think for myself and make decisions without having to consult 50 million people (but sometimes do just because other perspectives are nice). It also left me with no reason to go through a rebellious period, there was nothing to rebel against. I never did drugs, didn't drink until I was married (and then it was in moderation), and never got in any kind of trouble. Both of my parents worked all of my life so I was usuallly on my own, which I still like.

His parents and I get along pretty well, his mom gets on my nerves sometimes, but they're good people and I enjoy talking to them on the phone.

 

[gengwall]

SotFB - almost identical to you but with the genders reversed. See my amusing anecdote on The Eagles and my wife here:

http://www.christianforums.com/showpost.php?p=28624631&postcount=18

 

[GolfingMom]

We were basically raised the same but in different social classes.

 

[firestar]

We were raised dramatically differently.

Me:
I grew up as the youngest child in the family in a small town rural environment, very sheltered in terms of the "big bad world" and very much a part of church. Despite my church going, I didn't have a deeply rooted relationship with God. Although my parents were not rich, we definitely lived well- I had my own pony, my own Christmas tree and pretty much whatever I wanted was mine for the asking. BUT due to being really really shy, and also one of two kids in my class of colour, I had next to no friends, had a lot of problems with insecurity due to teasing and was a real loner. I tended towards arts and due to asthma developed an aversion to sports. Because my parents wanted me to focus on school, I didn't even get my first job till I was 18.

Him:

Grew up in the city, very much part of the "big bad world". He spent all of his growing up years in the poorest and most crime ridden areas of the city. His parents were always struggling financially so he had NO financial security. Dinner was usually dry toast with some tea. Christmas was another day on the calendar. Anything he wanted- or even needed, he worked for so he got his first job at 13 to put clothes on his and his siblings backs, and to try to buy them presents sometimes too. Despite this, he was and still is immensely popular. We can't go anywhere without someone from his youth hailing him up. He was and still is a sports fanatic- the all 'round varsity MVP of every team he was on.... and he was on them all. He grew up with a deeply rooted belief in God, but not a life changing one. He definitely didn't have a relationship.

We are so different in so many ways, yet we mesh so well. I am truly blessed by God to call him my husband.

 

[rainygirl]

I was raised in a single parent home by my mother...she was a working mom, so a lot of the time I was able to do what I wanted. My parents divorced when I was around seven...mom never re-married, but dad did...

Hubby's parents both died at a young age...both in accidents..he was more or less shuffeled around to various relatives...he started working young and moved out on his own....

 

[Restoredsoul]

i was brought up in a single parent home - by my mum. i am the oldest of 4 - i have two half sisters (my dad and his wife) We didn't have much money when i was younger.

My DH is the youngest and comes from a fairly affluent middle class family. Parents still together.

Rs xxx

 

[Flipper]

We both come from the same economic background, and we are close to our parents, who are all still married. There are some differences, in that I grew up in a suburb with a huge high school and he grew up in a little town of 85 with a small high school.

It's pretty bad with the similarities - we are both the oldest of our siblings, and we each have a younger sister the same age.

Pretty boring, but I like the stability.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

SotFB - almost identical to you but with the genders reversed. See my amusing anecdote on The Eagles and my wife here:

http://www.christianforums.com/showpost.php?p=28624631&postcount=18

Thanks That is a great story!

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I responded in your other thead too. This is pretty much just because I'm bored with my hubby out with his buddies tonight.

Him: youngest of a conservative family where his father was not only a teacher in the Christian school associated with the church they attended but also a leader in the church. He lived right next the same church. He basically lived in church and was watched like a hawk by the congregation.

Me: oldest in what my husband calls a new hippy family. I attended public school and was encouraged to explore who I was and not worry about what the world expected of me but what I expected of myself. I attended church sporadically through out my childhood. Challenging authority was fine as long as I had good reason and good support to that challenge.

 

[Antje]

My hubby and I attended a marriage course recently, and on "in-laws day" we had nothing to talk about, our families are so similar!

We're both the oldest child, two married parents, same church denomination. Both families had deep Christian faith, but were open to asking tough questions and letting people figure out the faith for themselves instead of having it spoon-fed to them.

The only difference is that his family had much more financial stability than my own. We worked in missions for awhile and only bought our first house when I was 17. My husband had lived in the same house since he was 1 year old. Also, his grandparents are wealthier than my own, and the like to give handouts. The biggest check I ever got from my grandparents was for $20. The biggest check he got from his granparents was $10,000.

 

[LynnMcG]

How were we raised? The best our parents knew how!!

My DH is the youngest of 5. I am the middle of 5. Our parents were about the same age. Both families, non-practicing Catholics who believed in Jesus.

DHs parents were alcoholics. His mom died from emphysema when he was 15. Life got crazy after she was gone.

My parents marriage was destroyed by an affair, but never divorced. Life got crazy after that began.

Basically, we were both left to fend for ourselves. DH turned to drinking and drugs. I went to school. Somehow, God brought us back to Him and we're managing to be the best parents we can be, based on LOTS of stuff we learned NOT to do!

 

[Zoomer]

We have very different childhoods. I was raised in a christian home by parents who had been childhood sweethearts. I lived in the same area pretty much all my life, and have a close knit family.
My husband on the other hand was raised by his christian grandparents mainly and sometimes his athiest mother when she decided to be around. He ended up going to live with him mom in Europe and was kicked out at 16 and started living on his own.

 

[NiteClerk]

My wifes family has been Catholic for about 400 years. I was raised as a racist athiest in a very poor household. (Think Beverly Hillbillys) Left home at 16, found out some stuff about the world and at about 22 became a fundamentalist (fire & brimstone) protestant. When I was 28 I married my non-white foreign wife and became Catholic about two years later. Her family would be considered upper middle class by 1st world standards, but locally they were rich.
So we are from two totally different worlds.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Sign of the Fish Burger...I really like the way you write.

 

[tturt]

Sign Of The Fish Burger, how lucky you are that the family wants to spend time together. There are so many families that don't get together during the holidays; argue, fight, etc. so most everyone is miserable while they're together; spend their meal time on the phone to their son whose in prison; or are dealing with pain of losing a loved one, etc. How wonderful that your family gets together and does things.

 

[rainbowpromise]

I was raised in the city, in a single parent home. My mom had ever changing boyfriends and as we got older we were left to fend for ourselves more often. The sense of family was marred by the fact that we were only half siblings at best and there were abusive extended family members nearby. We knew what it was like to spend Christmas in foster care and wake up to drunks passed out in our livingroom. I attended church by choice. At first because I wanted to and in the end as a safe haven.

DH was raised on a prairie farm, the middle child of 9. Women and children were expected to attend church. It was the thing to do. Dh does not talk about his childhood much, but when he does it is very family oriented. However he does lack some skills that he would have learned from parents with a good relationship. So I have a suspicion that family life was more duty than relationship.

 

[MoodyBlue]

Me - Dad was a career Navy Officer, moved around a lot growing up - Went to five different elementary schools, two junior high schools, two high schools. Parents were born and raised in the north, all of my relatives are northerners.

Wife - grew up on a farm, lived in the same house her entire life until she was graduated from college (it was a local school). She is a southern girl.

I think our differences were what we both found interesting in each other.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

our raisings were quite different. I was raised in a Christian home, my parents were always very strict on me, I never really got to spend the night with my friends but on a few special occasions, we did housework, we were spanked, we were taught to respect our elders, not to back talk or question adults, don't interrupt...I was raised in a pretty traditional home..the music and tv that I watched was fairly monitored too, if mom didn't like the music then I didn't get the CD or tape...I ended up listening to a lot of her stuff which explains why I love a lot of 80's rock.

my husband wasn't raised in a Christian home (he would go with his mamaw when he was young tho), didn't really get spanked, didn't have to do housework, was allowed to pretty much do whatever he wanted as long as he told his parents where he was going and when he'd be back...he also cursed which was a beyond HUGE no no in our home. But my husband wasn't mean, he never got into any trouble and turned out to be a really good guy and goes to church regularly now so I lucked up

Hubby's also the youngest of 2 and I'm the oldest of 3...his mom used to clean his room for him, when I found that out I was like "are you kidding me?!" I used to dust, vaccum, sweep, do the dishes, clean my room, fold laundry...I don't think my husband ever did anything..so he's still kinda babied. He's still got a bad habit of leaving his pop cans and plates sitting out because he's so used to having them picked up after him..it's been 9 months since we got married and I still haven't been able to get him to break that habit.