[open] Have you thought past the "fun" years of retirement?

firestar

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I work in a facility which is both nursing home & retirment community. The home I work in, is absolutely beautiful. They have wonderful amenities (pools, horticultural rooms, wood working, arts and crafts, music lounges, great food, in house theatre and entertainment, a gorgeous atrium with exotic birds and fish etc... and I'm saying all of that so that no one is under the illusion that the place is a hole.

I love what I do, because I really enjoy elderly people. I spend a lot of time talking to them and visiting and what I've come to realize is that not one of them is happy living here. They are all miserable and hate it because no matter how beautiful it is- it's just not home. For those who are married- who both live here it's a bittersweet situation. On the one hand, they get to see their spouse daily - but on the other hand 99% of the time they do NOT get to share a room with their spouse or sleep with them at night. Sometimes due to their cognitive awareness and needs, they are not even on the same floor or in the same wing. Then there are others whose spouses don't live here. It's hard in different ways on each of them. The commom theme is that none of them ever thought they'd end up where they are and it got me thinking of me and hubby's retirement when we've gotten so old.

Have you guys ever thought this far ahead? Have you built it into your retirement savings plan (ie: home based care instead of institutionalized care?)
 

fuzzymel

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Well as someone not intending on having kids I do have to think of the future (not that children guarantee to look after you but you know what I mean).

The main plan will probably be to downsize to an easy to manage property so as to try and stay 'home' as long as possible.
 
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firestar

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Well as someone not intending on having kids I do have to think of the future (not that children guarantee to look after you but you know what I mean).

The main plan will probably be to downsize to an easy to manage property so as to try and stay 'home' as long as possible.

Yeah, having kids doesn't mean you don't have to worry about institutionalized living later down the road... most of my residents were put there *by* their kids who never visit them... it's very sad :(

But in terms of my OP... what I'm curious to know is how many people are actually thinking *that* far ahead in terms of earmarking funds to go towards home based care and things of that nature. From what I see, there are very few of the residents that actually need daily and intensive "medical" care.. most of what is being done for them could be done by a private personal support worker.
 
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kanga22

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In my family, members have either lived on their own or with an adult child until the final hospitalization. If that doesn't work out for me, I had always planned on a nice retirement village. You know, where we have our own apt. and have the freedom to come and go as we please. But, there would be assistance if it was needed. That does exist, doesn't it?

As far as financial planning; I don't even have the fun retirement years funded yet! I'm just trying to keep up with todays bills right now. What kind of long term savings plans are there besides the traditional 401K and IRA's?
 
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fuzzymel

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Yes my DH's gran lives in one of those places. Its ideal for her currently but I am not sure for how much longer because her mind is starting to go more and more.

I think while someone can look after the basics (cooking, washing, cleaning etc) then those are perfect for when you need that little extra help. They seem very popular where I live.
 
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firestar

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In my family members have always either lived on their own or with an adult child until the final hospitalization. If that doesn't work for me, I had always planned on a nice retirement village. You know, where we have our own apt. and have the freedom to come and go as we please. But, there would be assistance if it was needed. That does exist, doesn't it?

To varying degrees. Our retirement facility here does let you have your own apartment, but if you're still a married couple the space is really cramped and it's more of a two bedroom mini suite than an actual apartment. There is no intensive medical facility though, and unless you opt to move into the nursing home you'd be shipped off to any hospital that has an available bed for you. A friend of mine who is 72 lives in a seniors residence, and they have day programs and increased security but apparently it's just like a condo in every other respect. They have NO medical facilities and no one to check on you to see if you're okay. She said no one would know if she fell down dead in her apartment one day.

For me and my husband, we are planning on having separate funds set aside for home care when that time comes, and legal documents that those funds are not to be used for anything else other than our care. I don't want to find myself caught up in institutionalized care and have all my freedoms taken away.
 
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firestar

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As far as financial planning; I don't even have the fun retirement years funded yet! I'm just trying to keep up with todays bills right now. What kind of long term savings plans are there besides the traditional 401K and IRA's?

Saving through your 401k or IRA would be a great starting point at this time in your life, then when you hit retirement age, shift some money into a separate investment vehicle and safeguard it legally so that it's not a part of your estate which will be passed on to your beneficiaries. It's sad, but so many peoples' children end up putting them away when they are still fully functioning because they can gain access to the elderly person's money if they have power of attorney. Greed does some crazy things.
 
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Asherz

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So far we've put a little thought into it, but not a whole lot. We know we need to plan, but we're not sure what we'll want that far ahead!

Right now I'm not sure what to do about my own parents. I don't think my mom will be able to work for more than another five years or so, and they haven't save or planned a bit for retirement. I'm trying to convince them to cash out on their house while the market is still good (suprisingly, housing is still going up in my area) and move back to my dad's hometown where all his brothers are moving back. At least that way they'd all be together and could help each other out. I think they're counting on moving in with one of us kids, but I don't know if that's going to work out.
 
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I worked in an assisted living apartment building for a few years. It was sad how many were put their in so many sneeky ways by their children. My husband and I would like to have in home care if it is needed. My children are too young to think about how they would care for us but I pray that they will take cue from how we will be caring for our parents and my sister as they age.
 
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bliz

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My husband and I would like to have in home care if it is needed.

If it is needed? The harsh reality is that almost all of us will need it. Who won't? Those who die quickly in hospitals and by accidents.

Dying peacefully in our homes usually assumes an adult child (usually a daughter or daughter-in-law) who can care for us, which means that they themselves are not employed outside of the home and not have overwhelming child care demands as well. That's a lot of assumptions, and a husband with a good income and kids who are all earning college scholarships - does ohe spend their limited dollars caring for Mom or getting their children educaterd? We alll want to say "Both." good luck with that.

Sometimes the financial gymnastics people go through to admit their parents to assisted living has been orchestrated by the parents themselves.

Sometimes the care of a person at home (particularly in cases of Alzheimer's) becomes impossible for a family to manage. A loved one who seldom sleeps and does dangerous things alll day is beyond the ability of one person or even two to care for.

Sometimes the family relationships are so toxic that not caring for a parent at home is a matter of self preservation. That perfectly nice old gentleman the staff sees may be nasty and vile to family. Plus not everything the nice old man says is true.

Me? I have long term care insurance and have no desire whatsoever to have my children care for me.
 
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firestar

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Me? I have long term care insurance and have no desire whatsoever to have my children care for me.

I don't think I'd want my children caring for me either. That can really be a strain on a relationship. I have friends who are personal support workers and as a sideline they do in home private care- and that is what I'd want if anything. The comfort of being in my own home, with my own things around me, with my husband in my bed... not being stripped of everything... but having someone to assist me with tasks that are becoming too much to do alone.

It's not done to be intentionally cruel, but I see the downward spiral of the residents from when they first come here, to when they start to get sick enough to be confined to bed. It starts with the depression over having to give away/sell/leave behind all of their possessions- with the exception of a few pictures, memorabilia, bedding and maybe their tv. Then they start to be forgotten by family and loved ones, then they have to cope with not even being able to choose what they're going to eat, or having to eat food that is just not appetizing. In cases where both spouses are living but separated it just adds another dimension to the depression. Another factor that a lot of people talk to me about, is being in close proximity to other residents who are really mentally distressed and have prolonged periods where they are screaming or groaning. It's disturbing and unsettling for the ones who are healthier... and most of my residents are pretty healthy- aside from high blood pressure or high blood sugar which can be easily managed at home with the right support.

When it comes right down to it, there is only so far you can go to make institutionalized living pleasant. Unless I am actually ILL and need 24/7 medical care, I want to stay home. It's funny, before I started working in long term care I never gave this stuff a second thought.
 
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If it is needed? The harsh reality is that almost all of us will need it. Who won't? Those who die quickly in hospitals and by accidents.
That is why I said, IF. I don't know if I'm going to grow old and need it or if a car is going to hit me, or I fall down the steps or I go into the city and get shot(This just happened last night in a part of town I drive through.)
IF
 
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