Well if you are looking to vent, then vent. But if you are looking for advice as you state then perhaps you should take it in instead of attacking what you don't like, it appears your way of doing things hasn't worked all that great for you otherwise you wouldn't be here asking about it.
I've been married for 20 years and we have had some very good years and some very bad years. We've been through things much, much worse than you've outlined here. Today we are pastors working alongside one another and have counseled many couples with struggles like yours and far worse.
As I said before, there is too much going on to get into any depth on an internet forum, but you've opened the door and rather than listen you've attacked anything you don't like. I have seen that MANY times as well (oh, the stories I could tell). You know what that is always a symptom of? She is not the problem. She may have her own problems, as we all do, but before anything in your marriage can change, your attitude has to change.
If you want to try to fix things, talk to a pastor along side a counselor. But only do that if you are willing to listen, otherwise it is a waste of time. If you want to vent, then vent and don't worry about the responses.