OCD, trusting God and fear of Hell

[Jacob Black]

I've been plagued by blasphemous thoughts since October last year, the month after I was baptized. Scrupulosity already was an issue before that (compulsively burning candles, I could only pray in a certain position on a certain place in a certain matter and I always had to wash my hands before I started) but after these compulsions ebbed away I started being plagued by continues blasphemous thoughts and images. I read about the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit around that time (not knowing exactly how that worked) and every time I had to focus my mind on something a compulsive voice in my head would start to utter ''f- the Holy Spirit'' (even writing this feels kind of uncomfortable, so I haven't typed out the entire word). After this I started to get images popping up in my head in which I physically harmed Jesus (kicking him, spitting in his face). Talking about it with my parents and counselors and praying certainly helped to get rid of these horrible images. But after these images had ceased from my mind the almost uncontrollable voice sprung up again.

''Bow to Satan''
''Ac curse Jesus''
''Ac curse the entire Godhead''
''Cancerous God, what did he ever do for me/you''
''Godd-''

And so on.

Another fear that plagues me is continuous doubt of if I'm actually saved or not. The OCD can drive me into legalistic tendencies in order to control my own salvation (which I know is nonsense), and I still notice a lot of works of the flesh in my life. Chapter 7 of the Gospel of Matthew makes me very nervous which makes it harder to trust God. What if I think that I'm saved but in reality I'm just deceiving myself the entire time? Can I trust in Jesus as my savior if my life and heart does not show for it? I absolutely do not want to spend an eternity in the lake of fire completely separated from God even when I know I deserve it.

I've been taking medication for the last 2 1/2 weeks to calm my mind. The enormous mood swings these doubts caused are numbed but the cursing and the doubts are still as present. How can I completely trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior without the OCD and the pride trying to earn salvation for itself? How can I stop the cursing if it's absolutely uncontrollable most of the time?

 

[Aussie Pete]

I've been plagued by blasphemous thoughts since October last year, the month after I was baptized. Scrupulosity already was an issue before that (compulsively burning candles, I could only pray in a certain position on a certain place in a certain matter and I always had to wash my hands before I started) but after these compulsions ebbed away I started being plagued by continues blasphemous thoughts and images. I read about the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit around that time (not knowing exactly how that worked) and every time I had to focus my mind on something a compulsive voice in my head would start to utter ''f- the Holy Spirit'' (even writing this feels kind of uncomfortable, so I haven't typed out the entire word). After this I started to get images popping up in my head in which I physically harmed Jesus (kicking him, spitting in his face). Talking about it with my parents and counselors and praying certainly helped to get rid of these horrible images. But after these images had ceased from my mind the almost uncontrollable voice sprung up again.

''Bow to Satan''
''Ac curse Jesus''
''Ac curse the entire Godhead''
''Cancerous God, what did he ever do for me/you''
''Godd-''

And so on.

Another fear that plagues me is continuous doubt of if I'm actually saved or not. The OCD can drive me into legalistic tendencies in order to control my own salvation (which I know is nonsense), and I still notice a lot of works of the flesh in my life. Chapter 7 of the Gospel of Matthew makes me very nervous which makes it harder to trust God. What if I think that I'm saved but in reality I'm just deceiving myself the entire time? Can I trust in Jesus as my savior if my life and heart does not show for it? I absolutely do not want to spend an eternity in the lake of fire completely separated from God even when I know I deserve it.

I've been taking medication for the last 2 1/2 weeks to calm my mind. The enormous mood swings these doubts caused are numbed but the cursing and the doubts are still as present. How can I completely trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior without the OCD and the pride trying to earn salvation for itself? How can I stop the cursing if it's absolutely uncontrollable most of the time?

Not everyone agrees with me, but I believe that you are being tormented by an evil spirit. When you are having thoughts or imaginations against your will, ask yourself where they come from. It's certainly not God. It's not you. So what is left? The fact that it eased after being prayed for would tend to confirm this. Do you know anyone who would command demons to leave you?

One more question. Have you ever done drugs or been involved in the occult? That opens the door to demonic attacks.

 

[Jacob Black]

Not everyone agrees with me, but I believe that you are being tormented by an evil spirit. When you are having thoughts or imaginations against your will, ask yourself where they come from. It's certainly not God. It's not you. So what is left? The fact that it eased after being prayed for would tend to confirm this. Do you know anyone who would command demons to leave you?

One more question. Have you ever done drugs or been involved in the occult? That opens the door to demonic attacks.

No I haven't done drugs or have been involved in the occult. But I do have a history of OCD in other parts of my life. I'm taking antidepressants at the moment as I wrote which also helps to calm down my mind.

 

[Aussie Pete]

No I haven't done drugs or have been involved in the occult. But I do have a history of OCD in other parts of my life. I'm taking antidepressants at the moment as I wrote which also helps to calm down my mind.

OK. I also suggest that you read "War on the Saints", Jesse Penn-Lewis. It will help you understand what's going on and show you how to deal with it.

 

[Noah03]

Please never forget Satan is a liar. Jesus said that he was a liar from the beginning. He is the father of lies, and the truth is not in him. He is a roaring lion going about seeking whom he may devour. His entire purpose is to make you doubt the incredible gift Jesus gave you through dying in the cross. The Blood of Jesus is the most powerful substance that exists in the universe. Just remember God cannot lie. The truths of His word are rock solid. If He says it, it is a done deal. “Those that call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10). John 3:16 “...Whosoever believes in him Shall not perish but have eternal life...”. These are truths that cannot be overturned or done away with. I believe like Aussie Pete. I think Satan knows the people who love Jesus that have a sensitive conscience and knows exactly where and how to attack them. I have/do deal with these same things and I have for almost 30 years. Let me be clear, it is my belief that if you were not saved the devil would not waste his time on you, there would be no need to. He wants you to doubt to keep you in a place where you are in constant worry...inactive. Some of the greatest Christians in history dealt with the same issues. Martin Luther and John Bunyan immediately come to mind. These are men who changed the world for Jesus. Maybe that’s what Satan recognizes in you so he attacks you to keep you from doing what Jesus wants to through you. No matter what, do not let yourself be isolated. Satan wants you to think you are weird and alone...you are not I promise you. There are many others on this board and elsewhere who understand. Never forget Jesus loves you, He died for you, you are His child....No one can take you from His hand...

 

[Jacob Black]

Please never forget Satan is a liar. Jesus said that he was a liar from the beginning. He is the father of lies, and the truth is not in him. He is a roaring lion going about seeking whom he may devour. His entire purpose is to make you doubt the incredible gift Jesus gave you through dying in the cross. The Blood of Jesus is the most powerful substance that exists in the universe. Just remember God cannot lie. The truths of His word are rock solid. If He says it, it is a done deal. “Those that call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved” (Romans 10). John 3:16 “...Whosoever believes in him Shall not perish but have eternal life...”. These are truths that cannot be overturned or done away with. I believe like Aussie Pete. I think Satan knows the people who love Jesus that have a sensitive conscience and knows exactly where and how to attack them. I have/do deal with these same things and I have for almost 30 years. Let me be clear, it is my belief that if you were not saved the devil would not waste his time on you, there would be no need to. He wants you to doubt to keep you in a place where you are in constant worry...inactive. Some of the greatest Christians in history dealt with the same issues. Martin Luther and John Bunyan immediately come to mind. These are men who changed the world for Jesus. Maybe that’s what Satan recognizes in you so he attacks you to keep you from doing what Jesus wants to through you. No matter what, do not let yourself be isolated. Satan wants you to think you are weird and alone...you are not I promise you. There are many others on this board and elsewhere who understand. Never forget Jesus loves you, He died for you, you are His child....No one can take you from His hand...

Thank you for your very kind and lovely reply. This forum helps a lot and the medication I'm taking calms my mind, so it's going better now at the moment step by step.

 

[JesusisLord7]

Hi Jacob,

I have been through this, so I know exactly what it is like! Seriously, I had the very same issue.
It started in 2018, I got one thought I didn't like and was very angry at myself. Only one thought!

Then I came under a spiritual attack one night and thought I'd lost salvation. This came about because of my misunderstanding that these thoughts were already forgiven and really did not matter!

God brought me up out of that wilderness and showed His overwhelming love for me. The battle scar though was many swear words and I also have had the fear of committing the unforgivable sin and swear words against Holy Spirit etc. It was quite debilitating for me and my life.

Throughout 2019, Holy Spirit cleared up my mind. However, in Dec last year something happened which made the thoughts come back. I started 2020 feeling overwhelmed in my mind. It opened me up to spiritual attacks and things seemed to fall apart. The fear of Hell also came but God kept saying to trust Him. These things can harm us badly if we don't rule over it!

I found out that you have to understand His perfect love which casts out all fear. You must fill your mind with the word of God and believe it when He says He will never leave you or forsake you. You have to believe His promises to you, no matter how you are feeling.

You also must have revelation that none of these things can separate you from God. He is not looking at your performance Jacob, look at Christ's performance. The cross was sufficient. The price has been paid in full. No matter how many thoughts you get, know in your heart that they are already forgiven so what is the point in them? You will know the truth and the truth will make you free. If the Son sets you free, you shall be free indeed!

With Holy Spirit's help you can do it.
Hope this helps and remember God loves you intimately and knows you so well, do not be ashamed. Let go and soak in His love.

Take your authority, rise up and see yourself the way God sees you!
God never lies, so believe His promises.

Love in Christ.

 

[Celticroots]

Do not listen to anyone who tells you the intrusive thoughts are the result of evil spirits. This is not the Dark Ages. The intrusive thoughts don't come from demons, they come from a mental illness known as OCD. That is not your fault and nothing to be ashamed of.

God WILL NOT hold these blasphemous thoughts against you. He knows you have a mental illness and can't control these thoughts.

What you need to do now is find a therapist who is specialized in treating OCD and start Exposure Response Prevention therapy.

 

[Emsmom1]

Do not listen to anyone who tells you the intrusive thoughts are the result of evil spirits. This is not the Dark Ages. The intrusive thoughts don't come from demons, they come from a mental illness known as OCD. That is not your fault and nothing to be ashamed of.

God WILL NOT hold these blasphemous thoughts against you. He knows you have a mental illness and can't control these thoughts.

What you need to do now is find a therapist who is specialized in treating OCD and start Exposure Response Prevention therapy.

Celticroots is right-the best treatment for OCD is exposure therapy. Not that prayer can't help; it can, of course, but I believe God gave us experts (e.g., psychologists, psychiatrists) to help us.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Celticroots is right-the best treatment for OCD is exposure therapy. Not that prayer can't help; it can, of course, but I believe God gave us experts (e.g., psychologists, psychiatrists) to help us.

Sometimes prayer and Bible study works indeed on its own; sometimes they are combined with medical means; sometimes some of the purported medical means has a bias; so it depends from case to case, from person to person and from practitioner to practitioner, I guess.

 

[Hopeful37]

I've been plagued by blasphemous thoughts since October last year, the month after I was baptized. Scrupulosity already was an issue before that (compulsively burning candles, I could only pray in a certain position on a certain place in a certain matter and I always had to wash my hands before I started) but after these compulsions ebbed away I started being plagued by continues blasphemous thoughts and images. I read about the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit around that time (not knowing exactly how that worked) and every time I had to focus my mind on something a compulsive voice in my head would start to utter ''f- the Holy Spirit'' (even writing this feels kind of uncomfortable, so I haven't typed out the entire word). After this I started to get images popping up in my head in which I physically harmed Jesus (kicking him, spitting in his face). Talking about it with my parents and counselors and praying certainly helped to get rid of these horrible images. But after these images had ceased from my mind the almost uncontrollable voice sprung up again.

''Bow to Satan''
''Ac curse Jesus''
''Ac curse the entire Godhead''
''Cancerous God, what did he ever do for me/you''
''Godd-''

And so on.

Another fear that plagues me is continuous doubt of if I'm actually saved or not. The OCD can drive me into legalistic tendencies in order to control my own salvation (which I know is nonsense), and I still notice a lot of works of the flesh in my life. Chapter 7 of the Gospel of Matthew makes me very nervous which makes it harder to trust God. What if I think that I'm saved but in reality I'm just deceiving myself the entire time? Can I trust in Jesus as my savior if my life and heart does not show for it? I absolutely do not want to spend an eternity in the lake of fire completely separated from God even when I know I deserve it.

I've been taking medication for the last 2 1/2 weeks to calm my mind. The enormous mood swings these doubts caused are numbed but the cursing and the doubts are still as present. How can I completely trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior without the OCD and the pride trying to earn salvation for itself? How can I stop the cursing if it's absolutely uncontrollable most of the time?

Hey Jacob,
Have a look at these webpages. There are even a few testimonies of people suffering like yourself. I hope it helps.
Holy Spirit blasphemy: Testimonies of Christians who felt sure their sin was unpardonable

 

[faroukfarouk]

Celticroots is right-the best treatment for OCD is exposure therapy. Not that prayer can't help; it can, of course, but I believe God gave us experts (e.g., psychologists, psychiatrists) to help us.

@Emsmom1 So have you experienced - directly or indirectly - this interesting sounding exposure therapy?

 

[Emsmom1]

@Emsmom1 So have you experienced - directly or indirectly - this interesting sounding exposure therapy?

Yes.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Yes.

So did you find it effective?

 

[GoldenKingGaze]

I think it is good to identify types of symptoms, comparing this one with one from ten years ago, recalling the outcome and effects... Also from before symptoms began, did you daydream?

As you and many others write, the symptoms are attacks on the sacred.

Also I see typically black lies about other people, known people... their bad deeds are grey on the black exaggeration. One must resist believing them.

There are sticky situations, in which something valuable is damaged and it seems no one can repair it.

And there are mind games. They distract one from Jesus and His peaceable presence.

It is difficult, but there is a need to look at what is on your mind from a distance instead of playing the game or being absorbed in it with that block of the memory. Spend time mending your nets.

 

[Celticroots]

Sometimes prayer and Bible study works indeed on its own; sometimes they are combined with medical means; sometimes some of the purported medical means has a bias; so it depends from case to case, from person to person and from practitioner to practitioner, I guess.

ERP has shown to be effective by professionals in treating OCD. Advising someone to only read the Bible and pray isn’t good advice. You wouldn’t tell someone with a physical illness to do that, especially when the illness is treatable.

 

[Celticroots]

So did you find it effective?

Yes. Very much so.

 

[Mari17]

I've been plagued by blasphemous thoughts since October last year, the month after I was baptized. Scrupulosity already was an issue before that (compulsively burning candles, I could only pray in a certain position on a certain place in a certain matter and I always had to wash my hands before I started) but after these compulsions ebbed away I started being plagued by continues blasphemous thoughts and images. I read about the unforgivable sin of blaspheming the Holy Spirit around that time (not knowing exactly how that worked) and every time I had to focus my mind on something a compulsive voice in my head would start to utter ''f- the Holy Spirit'' (even writing this feels kind of uncomfortable, so I haven't typed out the entire word). After this I started to get images popping up in my head in which I physically harmed Jesus (kicking him, spitting in his face). Talking about it with my parents and counselors and praying certainly helped to get rid of these horrible images. But after these images had ceased from my mind the almost uncontrollable voice sprung up again.

''Bow to Satan''
''Ac curse Jesus''
''Ac curse the entire Godhead''
''Cancerous God, what did he ever do for me/you''
''Godd-''

And so on.

Another fear that plagues me is continuous doubt of if I'm actually saved or not. The OCD can drive me into legalistic tendencies in order to control my own salvation (which I know is nonsense), and I still notice a lot of works of the flesh in my life. Chapter 7 of the Gospel of Matthew makes me very nervous which makes it harder to trust God. What if I think that I'm saved but in reality I'm just deceiving myself the entire time? Can I trust in Jesus as my savior if my life and heart does not show for it? I absolutely do not want to spend an eternity in the lake of fire completely separated from God even when I know I deserve it.

I've been taking medication for the last 2 1/2 weeks to calm my mind. The enormous mood swings these doubts caused are numbed but the cursing and the doubts are still as present. How can I completely trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior without the OCD and the pride trying to earn salvation for itself? How can I stop the cursing if it's absolutely uncontrollable most of the time?

These are VERY common obsessions among Christians with OCD! I agree with a couple of the other commenters - therapy, especially ERP, can be extremely helpful for OCD. Either that, or learn the therapy strategies on your own and apply them (that's what I've done). Check out the website ocdandchristianity.com, including the blog posts. I can suggest some other resources, as well, if you like. And feel free to join the OCD group I'm part of on Facebook, "Christianity and Anxiety Disorders." You'll find that you're definitely not alone with these obsessions!