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OCD ruining my faith

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by Bee22, Feb 19, 2020.

  1. Bee22

    Bee22 New Member

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    Pray for a softening of my conscience.

    I'm concerned over this. I keep asking God to save me from unbelief but I'm always left unchanged, some days I have faith others days I can't find it. When I sin I don't feel bad but numb. It's hard to even go and ask for forgiveness in my mind. The anxiety of feeling bad when I sin is gone. I would probably feel worse if I sinned against my family than God. I don't want to be like this. I had battled blaphamous urges. I lost some in anger. This all could be my judgement, God giving over to a mind of confusion.

    Everything I had answers before are now bothering me. I'm starting to doubt God's goodness. I'm down in the dumps. I just want peace in Him. My head is stuffed with uncertainty. I go back and forth fighting those thoughts. Things like *What are the chances of one eternal God being good? You just believe that* He made the devil, etc* I keep checking to see if agree with them or not and used go no I don't! Latel my mind goes blank. This used be a given for me. It seems my body wants nothing to do with God.
    I pray and pray to no avail. I think about being numb to sin every minute of the day...


    I feel possessed.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2020
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  2. Sabertooth

    Sabertooth Repartee Animal: Quipping the Saints! Supporter

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    I am sorry this is so hard for you. I can only recommend two things,
    1. Get/take prescribed medicine.
    2. Find a church that is better at dealing with such things:
     
  3. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member

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    Sorry but God doesn't work like that.
    There is nothing wrong with having doubts or questions about what you believe, so long as you do something about finding answers to those doubts or questions.

    Part of your problem is your ocd.
    When it raises question or doubts about subjects you know the answer to, you have to remind yourself of the certainty of your knowledge and thank God that he is what you know him to be.

    Sites like coldcasechristianity is good for simple answers about the Bible or Jesus.
     
  4. Of the Kingdom

    Of the Kingdom Active Member

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    Welcome to the forum, and may God bless you richly, Bee.

    I see that you care about God, and are actively seeking a relationship with Him. God's word says that if we seek Him with all of our heart, we will find Him. I pray that God will remind you that He is always there, in the times you are conscious of His presence, and also in the times you feel He is absent.
     
  5. Mari17

    Mari17 Well-Known Member

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    You're not possessed! It sounds a lot like OCD/scrupulosity to me. Do you have any access to resources (or a therapist) to help you in dealing with it?
     
  6. tickletheivories

    tickletheivories New Member

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    I understand - I also have anxiety and a form of OCD. There are some questions about God's ways that...at times I know I can question Him so much in the 'not knowing' that it leads me to getting angry at Him, or questioning His goodness. And with OCD you just. can't. let. go of it. For me I worry over whether God gives everyone a chance at salvation...at times I do based on Scriptures and what the Bible says, but I also feel like there's a lot of mystery in this area and it can leave me feeling pretty angry about being left in the dark about it.

    I get it.

    I've had a counselor working with me (actually I found her on Faithful Counseling which this site seems to endorse) on this and, she always reminds me that, "We can't control our emotional responses." We just can't. The emotions are there because, something's happening or a need is not being met. (i.e., angry because, injustice appears to be being done, etc). What you CAN control is your response. I don't have much better advise than what I've been doing: Keep taking each day 1 at a time, and keep talking to God - even if you feel like it's not producing any kind of change.

    Honestly I've stuck it out because despite what I am feeling and seeing, I also still believe in God and that, there's hope that this will all make sense in the end. I guess I'm not convinced yet it's worth to give it up. But it's still hard.

    Hang in there
     
  7. Bee22

    Bee22 New Member

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    Thanks.I understand stand where you're coming. I had the same struggles regarding Calvinism. It's a tough theme. I feel the one's that respond aren't too harden in the heart because there are verses saying He draws all men. One says how long I wanted to gather you but you weren't willing, etc. For me, I feel so confused. Somethimes I can't see my faith and desire for the things of God. These thoughts brainwashed me and left me angry at God sometimes. All these moods make me feel lost. IDK, I hope God keeps us both in the faith. My life was so clear before this. I
    don't know how to deal with these thoughts on the days when I feel like I don't care. I can't help to block them out on those days
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
  8. tickletheivories

    tickletheivories New Member

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    Yeah. I also look at Acts 17 where Paul says God set all the nations at their appointed times that they might seek and find Him. So at times it seems to indicate it...but of course with my own brain it wants like, certain corroborative facts so...I can't help asking "Why didn't more people believe in God back in the day? Did they and we just don't have evidence for it? If people have a chance why do so few seem to take it until the gospel is shared?"

    I understand what you feel (or maybe lack of feeling...?). At times I don't know if I got burnt out or what but, I'd be in a state of just 'whatever', and then I'd panic over my own feelings or lack of feelings. During those times, I try to imagine that other people experience the same things, or that, it's normal. But it's hard because from my viewpoint everyone else look like very content, happy, God-fearing Christians with no problems/doubts/questions/anger-at-God whatsoever (silly me :tearsofjoy:). I am trying to keep an open mind about it....you know, that, God is loving and, whatever the real end result is, that it's gonna be way better than what I initially imagined.

    I keep thinking of C.S. Lewis - I've never read the whole thing but, in "A Grief Observed", I think he was going through a very rough time of questioning God's goodness with the loss of his wife. He kept the faith till the end, but, I'm sure despite all of his awesome writings that Lewis must have had some not-so-good days.

    Have you found things that work for you, to get you through days like this?
     
  9. Bee22

    Bee22 New Member

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    The thought of God trying to rebuild everyone through His perfect sacrifice so we can get back to Edan/heaven made me love Him. That's why there's so many laws, every sin leads to destruction. Our minds are proof of this.

    I really don't think we fully understand how sin operates and how it can destroy everything it touches. One sin lead to people like Stalin, etc. Existing in our world


    The Bible described Christ being rejected by His own in the OT. The Pharisees and The Romans tried to keep the message from spreading.
    It says God can use stones to cry out his message if they thought they could succeed

    Luke 19:40
    And he answered and said to them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.

    Even in Iran there are many stories of God using dreams for drawing people to Him.

    But, OCD wants answers to every question and creates constant pop ups that mess with us.

    I still struggle with my problems and have the feeling of numbness inside and I panic over this. I hope it's just OCD.

    I think our only answer is to trust in Christ for our sins and keep praying to God about our problems like in the Psalms.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2020
  10. Of the Kingdom

    Of the Kingdom Active Member

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    Praying for you.

    Sound advice. Please keep sharing it.
     
  11. tickletheivories

    tickletheivories New Member

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    Today has been rough. I still ask for forgiveness, still try to trust God with the mysteries, but I just keep feeling such questions and anger, thinking of everyone who ever lived, possibly without hope at all.

    I know I shouldn’t question God or feel these things. It’s just making me lose it...Sometimes I wish I had died before going through this, because...what if I lose my faith in God? What if I walk away?

    sometimes I try to look at this in third person (I.e, what can I do today as if I DID have a loving relationship with the Father, and wasn’t battling these questions?, etc). I don’t know if that might help you, to get through the worst moments?
     
  12. Tania11

    Tania11 Member

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    @tickletheivories
    I dealt with an issue like this and had some help by a good Christian. Know this, God draws all and sent His son as a substitute. People die in their sins because there is nothing that can be done to persuade the people who are about to be judged to repent. Their nature isn't going to change in hell. In fact, they will be cursing God in hell. The Gospel came at the right time when the world was ready to receive it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2020
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  13. tickletheivories

    tickletheivories New Member

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    Hi Tania11,

    I appreciate your response. It makes sense to me that, somehow God gives everyone a choice. But despite all of the things in Scripture that seem to indicate this, I am still not 100% sure (hence why some people struggle with this question). I still feel bad because a side of me just wonders and then those same feelings pop up toward God. On the flip side I wonder if God slightly obscures the answer so people don’t reject His Son (ie and instead try to go to God on their own).

    How were you able to keep going, keeping the faith in God, despite the uncertainty? Did those feelings ever recur, and if so, is it ok to keep trying to be faithful despite them? Odd question but, I guess that’s what I want to know.
     
  14. Tania11

    Tania11 Member

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    @tickletheivories Messaged you. Hope all is well. I struggle with a different issue right now but I learned to lean not on my own understanding.
     
  15. Mari17

    Mari17 Well-Known Member

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    I think it's a great strategy to try to live your life productively despite the doubts! It really helps take away the power from our fears and worries. However, I don't think it's necessarily wrong to have doubts. I think that those of us with OCD often feel "evil" for having doubts, questions, and bad feelings. But those things are normal. And it doesn't have to affect our actions. We can still choose to follow God, even while having doubts, and keep bringing our doubts and questions to him. One of the things OCD loves to do is to derail us with unsolvable questions and make us feel like we "have" to have an answer, getting us to go round and round on an issue and feel miserable trying to figure it out. One of the best things we can do is ignore that urgency, that need for certainty, and learn to live our lives WITH uncertainty. If we do that, eventually our obsessive topic becomes less consuming, and we are able to approach it with a more "normal" mindset, thinking about it calmly and logically instead of letting it consume our lives.

    I'd be happy to share some of the websites that have helped me in my struggles with OCD, if you'd like. There's also a great support group on Facebook that I'm a part of: Christianity and Anxiety Disorders - Let's Talk
     
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