OCD and feeling condemned

[Q1108]

So I've been struggling with OCD for the last year and I really struggle with the thought that God hates me or that grace has passed me by or that I'm not sorry for my sins or whatever it is. This leads me to the place of not being able feel or see God in my life at all. It breaks me because before this I still struggled with sin but it was all about Christ and my faith was on fire. Now I feel like I've been in the dark for a year. I feel so hopeless and now I feel that God has forsaken me and I won't have the opportunity to repent. I was saved when I was 12 or so I thought. A year ago before this started Christ changed my life and I loved it and now I feel that God is cold shouldering me. Is this my OCD or is this a real spiritual issue. I want Jesus. Not just his gifts. I want him. To commune with him and to walk with him. Basically I hate this stuff and the way it makes me perceive the Lord. I no longer can gain any reassurance of salvation or sorrow for sin. I feel like the lord has given up on me or I missed the boat some how. Any response is appreciated. Thanks.

 

[flowerforever7]

So I've been struggling with OCD for the last year and I really struggle with the thought that God hates me or that grace has passed me by or that I'm not sorry for my sins or whatever it is. This leads me to the place of not being able feel or see God in my life at all. It breaks me because before this I still struggled with sin but it was all about Christ and my faith was on fire. Now I feel like I've been in the dark for a year. I feel so hopeless and now I feel that God has forsaken me and I won't have the opportunity to repent. I was saved when I was 12 or so I thought. A year ago before this started Christ changed my life and I loved it and now I feel that God is cold shouldering me. Is this my OCD or is this a real spiritual issue. I want Jesus. Not just his gifts. I want him. To commune with him and to walk with him. Basically I hate this stuff and the way it makes me perceive the Lord. I no longer can gain any reassurance of salvation or sorrow for sin. I feel like the lord has given up on me or I missed the boat some how. Any response is appreciated. Thanks.

Hi Q1108,

It sounds a lot like you are relying on what you feel, rather than what God says in His Word. You said this "I want Jesus. Not just his gifts. I want him. To commune with him and to walk with him." That is enough. You do not have to wait until you "feel" like God loves you or not. Your intention is to have a relationship with Him. I want to share this Scripture with you, you may want to write it out, carry it with you, and look at it when you need assurance:

John 6:37 “All those the Father gives me will come to me, (and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.&#8221

You can rest secure in the words of the Lord, and not in your feelings which may or may not be on point. The Lord tells the truth.

Even if you turn away from God, and return, look what the parable of the prodigal son illustrates about God's character toward us:

Luke 15:20-24 “...But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."

The son acknowledges his sin, and tells his father he is no longer worthy to be called his son. His father is so excited his son has come back that he turns to his servants and asks them to immediately prepare for a celebration, referring to his son AS his son right after the son tells the father he is no longer worthy to be called his son. Just like the father in the parable, God's focus is on the fact that we come to Him. The father in the parable considered his son and him to be reconciled when the son returned; he didn't make his son jump through a bunch of hoops or "prove" himself before they were reconciled. The father just wanted his son back, and his son's choice to return was enough.

You want God, and want to please Him. Trust that God sees you, has compassion on you, and loves you.

_______
Acts 2:38 "Peter said, "Repent and be baptized, everyone of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit."

 

[Anonymous User_]

Q1108,

I've been struggling with OCD of a similar sort for a few years now. OCD always tries to convince you that what you fear most (such as losing your salvation or relationship with God) is a reality. But you should be encouraged! The very fact that you are worried about these things shows just how important they are to you! You have trusted Christ as your savior, and you are SAVED! Never rely on your feelings when suffering with OCD. OCD causes depression and always results in irrational fears. God loves you, and the very fact that He has allowed you to bear this struggle proves that He knows you are a strong enough servant to hold on to Him. I think He is very proud of you! Nothing can tear you away from grace. As long as you decide to follow Christ and trust Him as your savior, you are no less saved than Billy Graham or Mother Therese.

If you are not already seeking a Christian counselor/therapist and a psychiatrist, please do! Cognitive therapy and medication will do mountain of help for you! I know they sure have made a difference in my life!

Also, I really beg and encourage you to read 'Can Chrsitianity Cure Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?' by Ian Osborn. You'll find that people like Martin Luther and Paul Bunyan went through nearly exactly what you're going through!

 

[AbundantAspirations]

The devil is a liar! Don't go based on feelings. OCD is a spiritual battle but nothing the word (sword of the spirit) can't conquer.

In the physical, research INOSITOL. It's derived from b-vitamins and drowns out obsessive, disturbing thoughts. It has no side-affects and isn't a "drug". When it begins working, read your word, pray and fast.

You should also reach out to those in your church/forums and ask for prayer. Ask if they can pray for you in the Spirit/tongues.

You will be fine in no time. DO NOT give up because God and Jesus are right there beside you.

 

[tripletiger1200]

I feel the exact way. I worry my heart is hardening too much for the Lord to work with anymore. The Lord has promised to complete the work He started in us, even if we don't see it. The key is perserverance. You and I might not see the fruit of His work in our lives, but we are the soil, not the seed. It is not our job to grow and produce fruit, we can't do that. Fruit is something that you see in life of a genuine Christian because God is working in the soil of that believer's life with His Spirit to cause you to bear fruit. You may feel far from God, or like nothing is working, but it will pass. God is not leaving you. Your emotions may change, but God's presence in your life does not.
On a side note, are you attending church? Do you have fellowship and real relationships with other believers? I think that being part of a Christian community is something that can help you to feel reconnected to God. I've heard several people say this, and I've seen it a bit in my own life. I'm not sure why this is, but if you aren't around other Christians very often maybe it is something that you ought to try?

 

[kodadog1024]

So I've been struggling with OCD for the last year and I really struggle with the thought that God hates me or that grace has passed me by or that I'm not sorry for my sins or whatever it is. This leads me to the place of not being able feel or see God in my life at all. It breaks me because before this I still struggled with sin but it was all about Christ and my faith was on fire. Now I feel like I've been in the dark for a year. I feel so hopeless and now I feel that God has forsaken me and I won't have the opportunity to repent. I was saved when I was 12 or so I thought. A year ago before this started Christ changed my life and I loved it and now I feel that God is cold shouldering me. Is this my OCD or is this a real spiritual issue. I want Jesus. Not just his gifts. I want him. To commune with him and to walk with him. Basically I hate this stuff and the way it makes me perceive the Lord. I no longer can gain any reassurance of salvation or sorrow for sin. I feel like the lord has given up on me or I missed the boat some how. Any response is appreciated. Thanks.

I felt that way a year ago Q1. My anxiety/OCD seemed so bad at one point that after reading Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" I had grounded my thoughts that my "purpose", God's purpose for me here on earth was to be a murderer, a killer, for no apparent reason, because of my intrusive thoughts. I even got baptized to show Him that I wanted a relationship with Him. People always said I was "nice" guy, the big teddy bear, etc, etc. So when I had my first intrusive thoughts, they broke to the point of being suicidal. I convinced that God wanted me this way, if He loved me, then why was I tortured with these thoughts, day in and day out? It got so bad, I remember going to the drug store one night and wanting to buy sleeping pills because I was convinced that I would act on these intrusive thoughts. Turns out I didn't have enough money (which was a good thing). And yet through all this crap, I still turned to God, on my knees, begging for forgiveness, to be accepted, I started donating my design time to my Church, reading the Bible every day, going back to church, joining a Bible group and listening to K-Love radio 24-7. I still get these crappy thoughts and wonder sometimes if I am doing something wrong to get God's love, to get His forgiveness. I doubt many things I do throughout the day still, but there is a part of me, deep down that knows God is in control and I have to be ok with that. It's hard man, but you just have to trudge through it. Big hugs.