not worth anything

[Lily76_]

thank you all for your replies thank you for being to kind and saying what you all have said
talked to my husband today about how i am feeling he says i need to stop having a go at myself and giving myself a hard time my husband has said if i want to change how i feel and see myself i need to start working on myself and stop thinking oh poor me all the time there are people around the world who have had a lot of hard things happen to them much worse than what i have been through and they still see themselves as something that is worth something i have deep negative thoughts i think its the way i am i have tried to be positive and happy but when am at my lowist everything crashes down and i feel so low and upset that i hate myself and see nothing of value or anything that is worth something
every time i feel even a little bit positive or happy i make myself crash with something that negative or somethings that happen in life makes me crash to feel like i cant cope with my feeling about myself

i think i just am a negative person but i need to work on make myself better

first thing am going to do is
try to love myself not matter what size i am god love me not matter if am stick thin or if am the biggest person in the world there is still Gods love in everyone including me

second thing i feel that even if it get on my nerves to have positive music around me
Christian music is key to this normally when i feel down and wanting to self injure i put music on that reflex that mood i need to stop doing that and listen to music that is about God love

third i need to start walking with Jesus listen or read small parts of the gospels every day I have OCD and sometimes my negative thoughts turn in to blasphemous thoughts i need to try and not let that get to me


this i think is what i should start with also my husband is my full time carer my mental health is so bad that i cant go anywhere on my own my husband is with me 24/7 and he is scared to leave me on my own even if it for an hour as in the past av tried to do things when i was very ill and suicdal i ended up at the train station about to jump i managed to stop myself and get help but next time i might be unable to stop myself

my husband is very kind and caring person who love me very much but i dont love me he says he hates that i am so abusive to myself with the self injury and self hate and the feeling of worthlessness



i like to thanks you all for what you all have said its helped me a lot
please pray for me and my husband my husband and i have been together for 12 years married 10 years he never taken time to himself even when i have gone to bed we are still together even if he is having an late night with his games i sleep on the sofa until he is ready for bed then he wakes my up and takes me to the bed room and we both sleep in bed.
my husband like to stay up late he ends up going to bed from 2-4 am i go to bed at midnight mostly

i worry about my husband a lot that something bad is going to happen and that he will die and ill be all alone with no one to look after me but i need to start to look after myself its just hard for me to take that responsibility for myself i need to try a lest with something small and work up from there

 

[Daniel Christ87]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

Dear Catherine, Sister please listen to what I have to say and really think about it. You are asking yourself the question what is the point of my life, what purpose do I have to live, it's a question that nobody can answer, because it is like asking what does my future hold, for which nobody has the answer. Nobody has the answer to that question even for there own life, why you might ask, well it's simple, you are not now, nor have you ever been in control of your own destiny, and therefore you cannot know what your future holds, but that is the beauty of life, it's never knowing what is around the corner. Negative thoughts of what your future holds are simply that, Just thoughts, they are not predictions or premonitions of your future and they are not apart of reality. One of your purposes is to love your husband, be there for him. Beyond that you may feel your life is worthless God clearly doesn't he gave his life for you to have eternal life with him. You are not worthless,
Matthew 10:29-31 " Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin ? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from you Father's will". 30: "But the very hairs on your head are numbered".:31 Do not fear therefor; you are of more value than many sparrows.
You say you feel worthless because you have no children, but you forget you yourself are a child of God, you are far from worthless to him, you are his treasured possession, He loves you even as he Loves His son Jesus. He is Your Father, He is your comforter, Seek His comfort, Seek his rest, tell him your troubles, lay them at his feet, that's what he wants you to do, turn to him not just as Your God, but as your loving father with an open ear ready to hear you, to comfort you and be there for you. You came here to ask for help, Good, but don't forget Your Father is ready to listen to you, seek him first, and let him fill your heart with Joy, Trust me He will, if you only ask, Ask and you shall receive, be not afraid only believe. Please believe me, Almighty God is your Father, who loves you more than you can Imagine and he will bring you peace if you ask him, Please ask him. I'm praying for you, I hope you find peace with God, May God Bless you and comfort you In the Mighty name above all Names Jesus Christ, Yeshua Messiah, Yahoveh Elohim, Amen. x

 

[WonderingStranger]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

You are trying to find value and identity externally. The Kingdom of Heaven is internal not external, you need to seek Christ internally through prayer and meditation, you need to experience his love for you because we come from a place of seeking love and acceptance externally, when we were created to draw from him as the source for love. You must seek your identity in Christ, get to know who he is and let him reveal who you are. I can say all sorts of encouraging things but I think unless you hear it from him it won't mean much.

At some point you came into agreement with a lie or curse either satan has lead you to believe, or another person, could be your family even and in coming to agreement with it have given the kingdom in darkness legal right to harm and hurt you. You need to ask Jesus what the lie was and ask him what the truth is. It may be more than one thing.

Also I encourage you to check out Andrew Farley and listen to the gospel as he preaches it. It may just revive joy in you.

 

[WonderingStranger]

Your identity is not in the flesh, you are a spirit being having a human experience. Your home is in heaven not on earth. So if your looking for comfort in this world you won't find it, this world simply is not your home, it is your assignment. Your purpose is to seize the Kingdom of Heaven and manifest it on earth to bring Jesus glory. You are here to take back what Satan has stolen from you, you are here to reign over the earth with God again as Adam once did in the garden of eden. You are here to usher in the Kingdom of Heaven through relationship with Jesus Christ. That is who you are, you are a child of God, with a destiny. What that destiny looks like is between you and God, he has the blueprint and is waiting to give it to you.

 

[matfletch]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

 

[Solomons Porch]

I love you and I have NEVER stopped praying for you, I am always here for you

 

[TheSeekerOfTruth]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, if you ever need to please call a crisis hotline or call for an ambulance. Please stay strong and don't harm yourself, you're a treasure to God. You have better days ahead of you friend.

 

[Faith Alone 1 Cor 15:1-4]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

Read parable of great Pearl or Hidden Treasure , Christ saw great pearl/treasure (you) and gave everything he had for you ( even his life ) , you are worth more than you think.

 

[Lily76_]

i feel so low today ...the low moods av been having i try to focus on the positives but all i see are negatives all i want to do is self injure in any way possible wanting my husband to leave the medication box open so i can OD but of course my husband has locked the box up and hid the keys i have no reason to be depressed apart from i just cant handle life - Everything is so dark -meandmy husband fighting about what am posting i have to go in the bed room because he dont want to post things about my mental health the things i see as he said we'd get the nuts that goes on about demons and possession and he dont believe in all that yes he christian but he is a new christian - i myself believe in things like spirits good and evil not so sure on the other stuff but i am open to it
this has made me feel worse all i want to now is get something that i can hurt myself with
already pulled some hair out and scratched my skin on my wrist i should really try and sleep am sorry for being so negative and low EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE MY FAULT

 

[brinny]

i feel so low today ...the low moods av been having i try to focus on the positives but all i see are negatives all i want to do is self injure in any way possible wanting my husband to leave the medication box open so i can OD but of course my husband has locked the box up and hid the keys i have no reason to be depressed apart from i just cant handle life - Everything is so dark -meandmy husband fighting about what am posting i have to go in the bed room because he dont want to post things about my mental health the things i see as he said we'd get the nuts that goes on about demons and possession and he dont believe in all that yes he christian but he is a new christian - i myself believe in things like spirits good and evil not so sure on the other stuff but i am open to it
this has made me feel worse all i want to now is get something that i can hurt myself with
already pulled some hair out and scratched my skin on my wrist i should really try and sleep am sorry for being so negative and low EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE MY FAULT

Praying, dear heart (((hug)))

 

[Blade]

Blessed-By-Jesus..so many hear alone.....love you support you and dont even know you AWESOME PRAISE GOD!

See the outlet on the wall? Jesus and the world. Just unplug from the bottom to the top one so to speak. Change what your looking at. I SO understand some of the things you talked about as do so many of us. Feel it or not.. see it or not.. you ARE here for a reason. And WOW.. did you know EVERYTHING was made for you? Yeah.. as if YOU were the only one... The Father knew about you before you were born.. knew something had to be done or He would LOSE you forever.. NO WAY as that going to happen..

So Jesus left Heaven...for YOU..on that cross.. HE was thinking of YOU.. He is the only one that can do this. And rose.. so you will be with Him forever....Hes not going to just shake your hand and pat you on the back and say.. welcome!..no.. tears SO MUCH JOY.. kiss your face.. pick you up hold you and He will NEVER LET GO!

Have faith.. and no more TRYING.. you WILL! Every day.. praise and thank Him.. see your self.. the way you want.. pray HIS WORD. No matter what it LOOKS LIKE..FEELS LIKE.....look at your self though HIS EYES..no more.. I tried. it never works.. IT WILL...this is not nice words I speak.. this is not just to make you FEEL good. I dont speak things I dont know about. People some times say things.. hoping. not really believing and KNOWING. I KNOW.. you WILL lose weight.. for the JOY of the lord IS your strength.

And doubt has to leave..and give room to FAITH!.. you have.. you are HERE for a reason....that no one before you could do.. He put you here in THIS moment... yeah.. these are the END times and YOU are HERE! WOW right? He KNEW YOU were the one that could handle it .... I KNOW what it feels like.. looks like sounds like. But.. oh.. your NOT alone....He IS RIGHT THERE with you.. He gave you His peace.. just take it.. just receive it as you did with that OTHER Gift of SALVATION! Just believe..

And were praying.. HE said..if two you just agree....the FATHER WILL not maybe.. WILL DO IT! Love you

 

[dms1972]

I concur with others - you are definitely of worth for you are made in God's Image and likeness. But as you know already, until you see it yourself others saying will not make much difference.

The christian virtue of self-acceptance is the key. Depression when it involves loss of sense of purpose needs a spiritual cure, we can't change ourselves by mere self effort. We have to accept both the possibilities and limitations Providence has brought into our lives. We all love Jesus very imperfectly.

It's all very easy to say but it can take time to get there. I don't know what its like for you, but some things are true all the same, most particularly Jesus understands and his love is unchanging.

If you can find a good christian psychotherapist it can help to talk about things in that supportive setting. An alternative to this if its one is difficult to find are ministry tapes - I would recommend some of the tapes of Clay and Mary McLean. They have a website - I think its McLean Ministries. They are not 'academic' teaching but speak to you on a heart level. Leanne Payne's books are also good.

Learn the 'goodenough' principle.

It means we learn to say to ourselves things like : 'I may not be the best cook in the world, but this meal is good enough to eat.'

I'd say ignore those little mantras well meaning people sometimes whisper, although the serenity prayer may be an exception for you. To be honest it took me a while to appreciate the serenity prayer myself.

Sue Atkinson has good book called Climbing out of Depression, it encourages more realistic self-talk which you will find yourself coming up with yourself, its a good one just to have on the shelf to pick up and flick through till you find a helpful thought to take away.

God Bless

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

it's good that your husband is making the sacrifices to make sure you're safe, though i'm concerned that he would express a "get over it" attitude towards what you are going through. this may be due to the stress of having to keep watch over you all the time. not to place blame on you but to help you understand that he's just speaking out of stress and that he truly does care about you as you have pointed out in your posts. I also hope you're getting whatever professional and/or medical care you need to deal with your desire to do harm to yourself.

you posted in the Christian advice section so i'm going to give you Christian advice:

when you wake up, when you go to bed, and anytime you start having negative thoughts or the urge to self-harm, you need to cry out to the LORD to save you and change your heart and mind. here's an example of how you should pray:

"Father in heaven, I feel like I am a worthless person and I have no desire to be alive. I have every urge right now to do harm to myself and I absolutely hate who I am. despite this, I believe that you are a powerful God who can save anyone in any situation. all the thoughts i'm having about being worthless are lies but I am powerless to fight them off. Gracious Father, would you please give me the strength to overcome these strongholds. LORD, would you change my heart and my mind in adopting me as your daughter. I know you can do this and it would take little effort on your part so I come before you totally unworthy of receiving anything from you, humbly requesting that you would have mercy on me a sinner! save me from this wretched state."

you don't have to pray it word for word. the point is that you need to be honest with God about what your situation is and utilize the mustard seed faith that you have to even be on this message board to even believe God could do anything for you at all to cry out to Him in prayer. if you have already done this then keep doing it until the LORD answers you prayer. don't stop praying until God fulfills your request.

 

[writewords]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

Sister,

I am sorry for your troubles. Someone that is close to me has almost the exact same problems that you are describing here.

I know it's hard. I cannot imagine how it feels, but I know It is hard because of this persoperson I know.

I wish I could be of more help. Know that God is bigger than your illness and relying on Him is what will get you through your trials.

 

[Lily76_]

i have a dr appointment this morning at 9.30 am its now nearly 4 . 30 am my husband is sleeping
i cant keep doing what am doing the self abuse the hate i have for myself because one day i may kill myself am open my heart my mind to Jesus My soul ...i am leaving all my life to Jesus please Jesus help me please i just prayed to Jesus leaving it all to him... instead of looking for things to hurt myself with am about to make myself a cup of tea ...am listening to positive music K LOVE i recommend that radio station because its so positive and has help me a lot the stories of the LOVE OF JESUS
why peoples faith is so strong PLEASE JESUS HELP ME ...the love from everyone here has made me believe more the kindness the POWER OF JESUS HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER THE FAITH AND THE LOVE we are together because of JESUS
So this morning when i go to my dr am going to pour out everything ...tell her i need help
weather its be medication or something unsure what she will do

negative thoughts its like darkness but JESUS IS THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD

 

[Neogaia777]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

Pursue intellectual pursuits, our physical bodies matter very little, but what we do to and with our minds, affects our spirits, and is something we can take with us...

Try to think of the advantages you have in this circumstance (that God may have you in for that purpose) that for others, may not even be possible for them...

We can also take the substance of our relationships with others with us also...

Try to see the good in the bad or negative, every negative usually has a positive if you look for it, and already knowing the negative, can actually help you find the positive, if you can learn how...

God may or may not have you in this position for a specific purpose, I think you have an excellent opportunity for a journey of self-discovery here, that others may not get to even be able to have (yet)...

I do think it is kinda up to us to bring purpose and meaning to it, try to see and embrace the positives, K...?

Praying for you,

God Bless!

 

[Lily76_]

just came back from my dr's appointment she put up my anti depressants she said that its make take up to a month maybe more before i feel the affects of the medication unsure if i can hold on that long my husband is saying he will help me hold on
my dr said i should keep going to my groups that i go to today am going on a walking group then going to another group after that tomorrow i have two groups wedesday i have two groups
thurday one group friday i have my nieces and then saturday nieces still and Sunday one group not going to church on Sunday as there away on a trip and we couldn't go because of space it kinda full up then we are going to a group
i must keep myself busy some of the groups are from the church and the mental health Chaplin service my pastor is in charge of most of the groups
i feel there is so much darkness around me av never felt so depressed like this before
i have been very depressed in the past but this seems to be a lot worse than that
i cant seem to smile when i do its fake or i can hold it only for a moment
The darkness like a cloud that seems like it will be there for a very long time.
i see my psych in two weeks time ...see what happens there

 

[Servantleader]

Am struggling a lot at the moment...unsure if my life is worth anything ...my husband says it is and i have friends and loved ones who support me ...i feel empty most of the time my husband has to lock everything away to keep me safe am unsure of my purposes why was i born av wasted most of my life because of mental health and the fact i cant work or take care of myself am a failure my mother is ashamed of me am selfish most of the time and i hate myself even more i give myself such a hard time about things and am always negative about myself and my body am obese i have tried to lose weight i have an eating disorder where i either starve or binge i self injure but i cant stop doing this my husband has to lock everything i can harm myself away for my own safety including my medication am wasting my life away i am now 40 and i have no children and will be unable to have any why am i here ? what the point of my life

am nothing ...

My dear sister, I pray that you receive the grace and power of God on this new day to find the strength to lay all you burdens to Christ. Every thought that you are processing, every emotion that you are harboring, might I invite you to write your Father in heaven a letter, a lamentation of a sort. Not out out guilt or shame, but out of the grace of the Cross to come before the throne and to speak to our Father about our suffering and discomfort. I urge you to sit and pour out to God because He knows your pain and struggle and not one tear shed or moment of grief has been left unnoticed by God.

Do know that you are in my prayers. You are stronger than you know and God is keeping you in your time of uncertainty. God bless you.

 

[sidewalkchalk]

Hi Blessed-By-Jesus,

Ask God to help you to see yourself as He does. Then ask Him to help you to see others as He does. What you will find is that He views you as a precious child, His child and He views others the same as well.

Around the time when I started praying this, a couple years ago, I was at work doing an inventory night with the whole staff. There was a particular co-worker I didn't really like due to their insistence on gossip. I kept in mind that they could not be trusted and I didn't particularly like working with them for that fact. On inventory night though I happened to glance across the room and looked at this co-workers face and for the quickest instant I saw her face looking the way it did when she was little. Like someone had quickly put a silkscreen sheet of her younger face over her current adult face. It was just a flash of a moment but I knew that God was showing me how he saw/sees that person. As a child. And it's hard to be mad at a cute sweet little child! : )

After that I saw, and still see, people differently now. I don't see them as that flash of a child face that God showed me, that kind of thing hasn't happened since that instance, but I mean that I consider people as ones that God loves and sees as His children. This also includes you.

I too suffer from horrible depression and feelings of no worth and no point to my life. I often feel like everyone has value and living such great lives except me and my daily life is a struggle. It's not fun and I seem to have more bad days than good. BUT

the word of God says that the heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it? And that Satan comes to kill steal and destroy and he is also a liar and was from the beginning. The enemy of your soul hates you and doesn't want you to shine your light for Christ. So he will prey upon your weaknesses and insecurities and tell you lies about yourself. These things are the opposite of God's truth about you.

So please remember that you are in a spiritual battle and you are not alone with these depressed thoughts and feelings. Other Christians are struggling with depression and feelings of no self worth, etc.. Please remember that God loves you as His child. Please remember that you were put in this earth to serve God not man, nor yourself. You can serve God, and help yourself, by helping others. One of the biggest ways is by prayer. The Bible says that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful and effective. Ask the Holy Spirit to place on your heart people he'd like you to pray for and trust me, He will. Prayer can be done anywhere and at any time and you don't have to be a professional to do it! Also lift other Christians up in prayer and ask God to help others that are going through the same or similar things that you are, like depression, worthlessness, and so on. As you pray for others with the guidance of the Holy Spirit , God will work on your inner self as well. The Bible says that when we are about God's business then He will be about ours. Helping others is one of the quickest ways to pull ones self out of depression I've found. Depression pulls you down and inward while serving others causes you to reach outwards and help people upwards and thus God helps you upwards as well.

God bless you and I hope that you will have a great praise report soon!

 

[Lily76_]

Am really struggling with my eating disorder at the moment not wanting to eat and other times binging
i cant seem to stop going into a forum that is pro eating disorders my husband hates it and he has tried to ban it from my pc but for some reason it didnt work and when we tried programs to ban it it was easy to get into the forums
I seem to go there when am feeling bad about myself when i feel that no one cares about me and that starving is going to make me thin also been thinking about what i friend said to me he said ill never be anorexic unsure what he meant in that weather or not he is saying ill always be fat or something and a part of me wants to prove him wrong to try and be emaciated to prove i can do it .
but i know if i get that thin i'll end up having heart problems but even now am obese i can still get heart problems so it kinda same risk anyway i have told my dr who said i cant get help unless my BMI is 17 my bmi is 41 id have to almost be emaciated before they can help me all my dr does is weight me and thats it but i found out the other day that there is an eating disorder peer support group on at the hospital going to go there in a few weeks time as it once a month
kinda need the help as am not doing so well i have been looking for a group for months now am kinda glad there is one hopefully its helpful trying to eat normally is very hard we just got shopping in and most of it was diet or very low calories things my husband has also bought what he is needing as well my husband is a meat eater and am a vegetarian so he has his own food i have mine

i have to stop this