- Aug 27, 2017
- 19
- 20
- 36
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
I (29F) have been seeing someone (30M) for a few months now, and I'm just not sure about him. I'm going to be very candid and honest here and I'm going to sound shallow, so please bear with me.
I look first and foremost for Christian men, and the type of Christian who actively lives out their faith. This guy seems to play that part and wants a relationship centered around Christ which is super important. He is genuinely a very kind, thoughtful, nice guy. We share a lot of the same values.
My issue is in regards to more "shallow" things. I am a well educated woman making 6 six figures. I worked very hard to get to where I am, and find that I relate better with other ambitious and driven people. This guy did not finish a college degree and frequently complains about not having money. He has also never lived on his own (still lives with his parents) and routinely sleeps until noon on his days off which tbh is a huge turn off to me, again relating to the ambition thing. It seems lazy. He does have a job, but I haven't asked if he contributes to rent or bills. Because of the money thing, I find myself shying away from dates that will cost money because it's awkward when he is always commenting on how expensive things are.
I am struggling here because I want to look at the heart as God does, but I also know that just because a guy is a strong Christian man does not mean I'm compatible with him. If that were the case, I would be "compatible" with every single Christian guy.
So is it okay to look to those more "shallow" things? Is it okay to want a man who can contribute equally to finances in marriage (or at least somewhat equally)? Is it okay to want a man who had the drive to finish a college degree? Is it okay to want a man who rises early to get a jump start on the day? Or do I need to look past those things and just look at the heart?
I look first and foremost for Christian men, and the type of Christian who actively lives out their faith. This guy seems to play that part and wants a relationship centered around Christ which is super important. He is genuinely a very kind, thoughtful, nice guy. We share a lot of the same values.
My issue is in regards to more "shallow" things. I am a well educated woman making 6 six figures. I worked very hard to get to where I am, and find that I relate better with other ambitious and driven people. This guy did not finish a college degree and frequently complains about not having money. He has also never lived on his own (still lives with his parents) and routinely sleeps until noon on his days off which tbh is a huge turn off to me, again relating to the ambition thing. It seems lazy. He does have a job, but I haven't asked if he contributes to rent or bills. Because of the money thing, I find myself shying away from dates that will cost money because it's awkward when he is always commenting on how expensive things are.
I am struggling here because I want to look at the heart as God does, but I also know that just because a guy is a strong Christian man does not mean I'm compatible with him. If that were the case, I would be "compatible" with every single Christian guy.
So is it okay to look to those more "shallow" things? Is it okay to want a man who can contribute equally to finances in marriage (or at least somewhat equally)? Is it okay to want a man who had the drive to finish a college degree? Is it okay to want a man who rises early to get a jump start on the day? Or do I need to look past those things and just look at the heart?