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Not suffering fools

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Lilly54, Mar 14, 2018.

  1. Lilly54

    Lilly54 Well-Known Member

    812
    +859
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Being christian does not mean being a pushover or tolerating pure nonsense.
    A woman at church has latched on to me. She sits beside me chatting incessantly. Destroying my peace. I go there to commune with God and reflect on life. Yes, i need to. She has many problems, i listen and sympathise, I've prayed for her. I am always polite. But her problems seemingly have no solutions. I do not see why i am obliged to be involved. Actually it's worse. I had invited her to my house several times, i regretted it. She has been turning up uninvited, wasting my time. She lives a chaotic disirganised life. I do not.
    So i told her straight, i must have peace! I've told her i cannot have her coming round any longer and she must sit elsewhere at church. I mean, even as we take communion, she chats in between. I need that time to think, pray, reflect.i cannot be robbed of that, just once a week after all.

    So i prayed about it, the answer came back. Get rid of her. She took it quite well actually. She apologised but then began giving me presents to say sorry! My heart goes out to her but really, i am so stressed out!
     
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  2. r4.h

    r4.h Member

    167
    +83
    New Zealand
    Christian
    Private
    "If your brother/sister sins against you....." Youve done this now stand your ground, don`t let the devil try make you feel guilt for having boundaries. Refuse the presents gently but firmly they still part of manipulation and control.
    Let the Holy Spirit guide you in Loving firmness.
     
  3. Aino

    Aino God's own

    +621
    Christian
    Married
    Well you've done the exact right thing. While the mission of the church is to welcome all kinds of strangers to church and to tolerate everyone's weaknesses, we must be able to take care of ourselves too and sometimes that means setting boundaries, like you've done to her now. I hope she'll find some more friends and get over to a more mature way of acting around others. It sounds like she doesn't have many people to talk to, maybe she's had a difficult life. Maybe try make her acquainted with a couple of new friends and encourage her to do something new and useful. When she'll have things to do and people to talk to, her troubles and problems won't have to take as big a share of her life and entire identity.
     
  4. R. Hartono

    R. Hartono Well-Known Member

    +602
    Indonesia
    Protestant
    Married
    You should introduce her to shepherds and other members at your church so she may hv more friends.
     
  5. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +5,540
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    I went through something like this with a lady at church one time. I finally had to take it to the pastor. Although he laid it all out to her very clearly she still pursued me. The pastor then assigned some ladies to work directly with her. It wasn't easy but, she finally got the message.

    I recommend talking to a pastor or an elder.

    M-Bob
     
  6. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

    390
    +86
    New Zealand
    Non-Denom
    Private
    deleted as i feel i was being too harsh.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2018
  7. Yoona86

    Yoona86 Newbie

    390
    +86
    New Zealand
    Non-Denom
    Private
    setting boundaries involves considers one's own rights and balancing that out with others' rights

    the OP has the right of take her self

    but she does not have the right to infringe on the other woman's right of being talked to in a respectful manner.

    PS i do give OP the benefit of the doubt that she did talk to this woman in a polite manner, in that case there is no problem.
     
  8. Aino

    Aino God's own

    +621
    Christian
    Married
    You're absolutely right too. It didn't even cross my mind that the op would have been rude here, and I still don't doubt she's been respectful. But your post is also relevant to many situations and something to ponder for all of us. How can anyone with more difficulties then the average church goer start acting better if they get treated with disrespect and looked down at for having the problems they have. I think sometimes the most troubled among us need most love and respect and not the other way round. The big problem is just, that sometimes the burden of taking care of and loving one very suffering soul is put too heavily on one person and not divided between the many in church. Then something would need to happen in order for that one individual to be able to thrive as well.
     
  9. Lilly54

    Lilly54 Well-Known Member

    812
    +859
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Hi
    I agree. I am always polite and respectful. But i crave peace! So i am being firm and nice about it. My problem is i am a good listener, i do care. So i get taken advantage of.
     
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