Not married any more...

[blackribbon]

A funny realization came to me the other day. I don't feel married anymore. It has taken almost 10 years to get to that point.

I also want to meet someone but am not sure I am ready to invest in becoming a widow again and all the pain that comes with that.

 

[dysert]

A funny realization came to me the other day. I don't feel married anymore. It has taken almost 10 years to get to that point.

I also want to meet someone but am not sure I am ready to invest in becoming a widow again and all the pain that comes with that.

Everyone grieves differently, and it happens at different tempos. I'm glad to hear that you're apparently at the tail end of the process. I can understand your wanting to meet someone, but it sounds like you're predicting a lot to happen in a hurry (e.g., meet someone, date, get engaged, get married, he dies). Don't project so far into the future or with such speed. You're in control of what happens to you (to a large extent), and how fast things happen. Take the time to enjoy yourself, and try not to worry about what things might happen 10 years down the road.

 

[blackribbon]

Everyone grieves differently, and it happens at different tempos. I'm glad to hear that you're apparently at the tail end of the process. I can understand your wanting to meet someone, but it sounds like you're predicting a lot to happen in a hurry (e.g., meet someone, date, get engaged, get married, he dies). Don't project so far into the future or with such speed. You're in control of what happens to you (to a large extent), and how fast things happen. Take the time to enjoy yourself, and try not to worry about what things might happen 10 years down the road.

I won't ever not be grieving his loss. I just don't feel married any more.

And considering that everyone dies, either I am a widow or he is a widower before a marriage is over. It could be in 10 years or 30...but that doesn't make it easy at any length of time together. I don't know what you mean I am predicting a lot to happen in a hurry. I am simply looking ahead at the rest of my life ... no different than planning for my financial retirement (which might never really happen either) ... As we get older, it is more likely that we will be diagnosed with significant health issues that will affect how we live our lives. Maybe my view is related to the fact that I have received my first one myself even if it can be mostly corrected with a surgery. However, my husband was the healthiest man I knew until he got his cancer diagnosis...and he stayed healthy until the treatments tore him up.

 

[dysert]

I won't ever not be grieving his loss. I just don't feel married any more.

And considering that everyone dies, either I am a widow or he is a widower before a marriage is over. It could be in 10 years or 30...but that doesn't make it easy at any length of time together. I don't know what you mean I am predicting a lot to happen in a hurry. I am simply looking ahead at the rest of my life ... no different than planning for my financial retirement (which might never really happen either) ... As we get older, it is more likely that we will be diagnosed with significant health issues that will affect how we live our lives. Maybe my view is related to the fact that I have received my first one myself even if it can be mostly corrected with a surgery. However, my husband was the healthiest man I knew until he got his cancer diagnosis...and he stayed healthy until the treatments tore him up.

I am sorry about your losing your husband. I was (lamely, apparently) just trying to make you feel a little better about the future. Dare I say, try to enjoy the present without worrying about what might happen down the road? (Btw, I'm up in years myself - probably even older than you.)

 

[blackribbon]

I am sorry about your losing your husband. I was (lamely, apparently) just trying to make you feel a little better about the future. Dare I say, try to enjoy the present without worrying about what might happen down the road? (Btw, I'm up in years myself - probably even older than you.)

Is that a wise way to start a relationship? ... even if I were to find one.

Actually life today and for the past 10 years has been pretty hard. Not much to "enjoy"...more about surviving and taking care of my kids. I actually do look to the future in hopes that it isn't so exhausting and maybe has more good times left.

Thank you for trying to cheer me up. I appreciate it even if I don't sound like it.

Today's stress is the stupid lawnmower. For the first time in my life I don't have the strength to pull the cord hard enough to start it...and my son has left for the summer for a job. I can push it, just not start it. I guess I might have to swallow my pride and knock on the neighbors house and ask for assistance.

For 10 years, I have yelled at my husband in my head because doing the lawn was his job, not mine. As soon as my son was old enough, he took over for me. This year, I was grumbling mentally at my son...my husband didn't even cross my thoughts as I struggled. I swear I am going to move into an apartment when the kids leave home for good.

 

[dysert]

I swear I am going to move into an apartment when the kids leave home for good.

May not be a bad idea. Or else get a lawnmower with an electric start ;-) (Myself, I've given up mowing the lawn. I'm fortunate enough to have someone else do it for me.)

 

[Pilgrum]

I also want to meet someone but am not sure I am ready to invest in becoming a widow again and all the pain that comes with that.

Grieving is the inevitable price to be paid for having loved someone deeply. This will never change until Christ returns.

 

[Enilorac]

My mind knows I'm not married anymore, I don't wear my rings anymore either. BUT...in my heart, I am still attached to my husband and probably always will be. I have no desire to get into another relationship at all.

 

[Techo]

I guess that it comes down to the motivations of why we get married. We have this friendship with somebody of the opposite sex and often that is enough... just friends. But sometimes that friendship sneaks up on us and turns into love. My recently deceased wife only had, as far as could be determined, about 20% vision... she was blind. I did not marry her for her looks, as a second driver for when we traveled, for her money or for any benefit she could give me. I married her because I loved her and wanted to, as best I could, take care of her. That meant caring for her as she faded away from the cancer... and not being able to do anything to fix it. (I still had a couple of ideas to give her back some strength that I didn't get to try).

She must have been a little bit crazy to marry me 'cos I'm probably a little bit crazy too. I don't expect to marry again because anybody who might want to marry me would have to be twice as crazy to match my craziness and that which I absorbed from her but, if somewhere in the next 30 years (if the world survives that long), God does find that person for me it will be the same... I would marry her to give what love and care I can to her and bare the pain, if there is any, of losing her... again.