Non-intrusive thoughts

[marcb]

This morning I was talking with a co-worker who is Jewish about Hebrew names. A few minutes later I began to pray in my mind for her and others who have missed Jesus. I thought of the Law and the Prophets and how Jesus is the fulfilment of Hebrew scripture. I wondered how this was and is missed by the Jewish people. I reflected on what Pharisees and teachers of the law thought about Jesus, why they were so against Him, and why they ultimately conspired to execute Him. I calmly thought through what their thinking must have been, how they perceived Jesus to be breaking "their law," etc. I suddenly panicked. Why was I thinking this? Why was I even trying to identify with Jesus' enemies? I confessed this to God, but felt that sinking feeling. I had crossed that line, at least in my mind. It sank my day. Once that feeling came, I could not shake it. Sure, I faked it the rest of the day, but there was no shut off switch. Even if I stopped thinking about it. To be honest, I don't recall if I crossed a line or just perceived that I did. I just felt like I was in a "danger zone" just with my thinking.

I am finally tired of it, but it is so strange how non-intrusive thoughts can be even more stunning. I am way too prone to wonder about things casually, then feel like I've wandered off the deep end and into a horrible state of blasphemy. I can feel so lost after my thoughts wonder and wander.

I had a friend that used to refer to me as "brainwashed." I always responded that if the church was doing this "brainwashing" that I would be the first in line!

 

[goldenviolet]

i think it's quite natural to think something; then feel convicted against thinking those thoughts. it seems to me that it is part of our struggle with the flesh. somethings, yes we tend to get stuck on it. but overall, i think this is not just isolated to us obsessive compulsives. i'm betting it's true for everyone trying to live right for Jesus. ~ can you imagine what it would be like to have no concious? that's scary!

 

[Jayangel81]

Trust me youre not alone, Ive thought or said some things..i dont care to even repeat it , a second later i was like.."Did i just freaking say that?"

I also have a habbit of not thinking before i talk or think (if that makes sense lol) So i talk to God about it and i try to forgive myself, as i know that He has forgiven me.

As for Goldenviolet and what she said, it really does make sense, We are fighting this other half that we dont even want any part of anymore. I know God understands after all He knows us better than anyone.

You seriously wouldnt beleive some of the things that accidently came out of my mouth

You must forgive yourself, Do you honestly think God wants you to dwell on this?
God Bless!

brother in Christ,
Jay

 

[gracealone]

This morning I was talking with a co-worker who is Jewish about Hebrew names. A few minutes later I began to pray in my mind for her and others who have missed Jesus. I thought of the Law and the Prophets and how Jesus is the fulfilment of Hebrew scripture. I wondered how this was and is missed by the Jewish people. I reflected on what Pharisees and teachers of the law thought about Jesus, why they were so against Him, and why they ultimately conspired to execute Him. I calmly thought through what their thinking must have been, how they perceived Jesus to be breaking "their law," etc. I suddenly panicked. Why was I thinking this? Why was I even trying to identify with Jesus' enemies? I confessed this to God, but felt that sinking feeling. I had crossed that line, at least in my mind. It sank my day. Once that feeling came, I could not shake it. Sure, I faked it the rest of the day, but there was no shut off switch. Even if I stopped thinking about it. To be honest, I don't recall if I crossed a line or just perceived that I did. I just felt like I was in a "danger zone" just with my thinking.

I am finally tired of it, but it is so strange how non-intrusive thoughts can be even more stunning. I am way too prone to wonder about things casually, then feel like I've wandered off the deep end and into a horrible state of blasphemy. I can feel so lost after my thoughts wonder and wander.

I had a friend that used to refer to me as "brainwashed." I always responded that if the church was doing this "brainwashing" that I would be the first in line!

HI Marc,
Actually, what you did in trying to understand the "blindness in part, for a season", of the Jewish people wasn't in any way sinful. God expects us to be able to give "a reasoned answer for the hope that lies within us." We cannot do this if we don't honestly face the questions of all types of unbelievers, including the Jewish world views as well as athiesm, agnostics, eastern philosphies, secular progressive's etc.
All that has happened to you is just that your fight or flight center is still looking for something to latch onto in order to expend it's adrenalin.
Same thing has happened to me. I believe that apologetics is a very important thing for Christian's to be learning in this day when the spirit of anti-christ has spread to areas of academics as well as politics. Therefore I study lots of books which give the opposite arguments against my faith. Now when my OCD hasn't been active I can do these things quite easily but when my OCD is active doing this makes me begin to have intrusive, freaking out thoughts that maybe.... just maybe the very fact that I'm even considering these opposite points of view might just mean that I too am becoming an atheist or that I might really want to be an atheist.... blah, blah, blah... !!
It's still OCD my friend.... recognize the enemy.
You didn't sin by trying to consider the reasons for Jewish unbelief of Yeshua,(Jesus) as the true Messiah. How can we reach out to the children of Isreal if we don't do these things?
Your OCD will do just about anything to get you back into the same basic theme that it's been habitually torturing you with. And what theme is that??? Oh yah... I remember it now... it's the same as mine. "You're really done for now, Mitzi... this is just one more thing that indicates that you really aren't saved after all and on you're way to hell - eternally seperated from God." Then if I give any credence to that thought - I'll hop back on the hampster wheel and start treading the painful path of compulsive rumination.
It's just a variation on a familiar theme. The notes might seem different but the composer is the same old whacked out - dude... OCD.
So what!! walk on!! Turn around and walk away from it and persevere!!!
Blessings,
Mitzi