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No sex for 7 months

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Yngtex, Jun 2, 2016.

  1. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Yes. She was 21. We had been married about 6 months at that time.
     
  2. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

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    I notice women tend to be more ok with those kinds of statements. For alot of them no sex isn't a big deal. Which is selfish because even the bible talks about sex between a couple. Bodies belong to each other.

    Which is why I see so many men (and women in the situation) end up cheating, getting a porn addiction and so on. If one wants to deny sex forever and ever, odds are the other spouse will fall into some sexual sin. And while it is the spouses fault who falls into the sin for acting upon it, the other spouse is responsible too. All problems stem from something. Its why our bodies belong to our spouse. If someone doesn't want their body to belong to their spouse, then they should stay single because all they will do is destroy their spouses walk with God. And then blame them for sinning sexually.

    Though obviously in this case its more then just denying sex, theres a past that is getting in the way on both sides. Situation needs serious fixing.
     
  3. Yngtex

    Yngtex New Member

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    you're exactly right. You hit the nail on the head. Still doesn't help with my sexual needs and desires. We are trying to work on emotional intimacy, but it hasn't been helping.
     
  4. RedPonyDriver

    RedPonyDriver Professional Pot Stirrer

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    You cannot expect your wife to be receptive to sex if you're treating her like either a piece of meat or using her for "legal" masterbation...it just doesn't work that way. IF my husband did that, he'd get cut off quick and it'd be a LONG time before I "gave it up" again...it would take a serious attitude change on his part.

    But...I'm one of the fortunate ones. We rarely have any issues. But that is because he RESPECTS me...and knows that I won't stand for being just a **** buddy. What happens at night in the bedroom starts in the morning in the kitchen.
     
  5. Mudinyeri

    Mudinyeri Well-Known Member

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    Based on the OP, it would appear that he was "cut off" for some time before he "used" his wife for "legal" masturbation.

    There are consequences for action as well as inaction.
     
  6. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    I find it interesting that the issue of guys getting so frustrated from lack of sex is such a big issue in our culture. Some social scientists have suggested that the reason so many more young men than women are committing crimes and doing crazy risky things is from an unfulfilled sex drive.

    IMO that hearkens back a hundred years to a time when women were believed by western medicine to be incapable of having a sex drive.

    But contrast that with the mid east during bible times. Due to certain passages in the Torah, (5 books of Moses) it was believed that women had the higher drive and husbands were COMMANDED to keep them satisfied. It was believe that sex was a wife's right and a husband's responsibility. This was the cultural understanding that Our Lord, the disciples, Paul, et al grew up with.

    In fact, in the first century ketubot (marriage contracts) the frequency of sex was spelled right out in the document; and was based on the groom's occupation. If the frequency was too little, the wife could (and many did) sue in court to have her husband change jobs, to up the frequency. If that did not work she could petition a rabbinic court to force him to divorce her so she could find another husband to satisfy her.

    So back then it was the wives that were complaining (loudly) about sexual frustration. Today it is the opposite. I suspect it is a cultural thing. There is still a cultural stigma with women having a sex drive; even though we know they do. No such stigma existed in first century Judea.
     
  7. Mudinyeri

    Mudinyeri Well-Known Member

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    It was, of course, much more common in OT times to have multiple wives and concubines - especially for well-to-do men - than it is in the U.S. and Europe today. This may have driven some of the "responsibility" that rested on men's shoulders.
     
  8. Yngtex

    Yngtex New Member

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    Interesting, you are a pot stirrer. I in no way treat her like a piece of meat. I haven't even initiated sex in years. She is in complete control of it. I grew tired of being rejected, so I just stopped even asking. As far as "legal" masterbation, do you think that masterbation is wrong? would love to hear your thoughts.....
     
  9. RedPonyDriver

    RedPonyDriver Professional Pot Stirrer

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    What I was describing as "legal masterbation" is when a man is using a woman to get his rocks off without thinking of the woman's needs or providing her pleasure...

    and as for masterbation being "wrong"...I have a real issue with the whole purity culture thing. We are sexual beings and to deny that is to deny being what God made us to be...so...personally, I'm of the opinion that if it feels good...do it...as long as it's alone or with a consenting partner of legal age.
     
  10. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Probably you do NOT want to know my thoughts. They are based on this:

    1 Cor 7.4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

    IOW, if SHE says not to do it, then you cannot legally do it. OTOH, if she says OK, then go for it.

    BTW - you have that same authority over her as well.
     
  11. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    That almost sounds like the Ed Cole "Maximized Manhood" comment. He talked about getting married and then "vaginally masturbating." (since sex was now legal) He was strongly against it and "habitual" masturbation in general. When asked what was "habitual," the reply was "If you ever did it more than once in your lifetime."

    Yeah - me too. I have read many horror stories of the long term effects of that level of suppression.
     
  12. Yngtex

    Yngtex New Member

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    well, that's definitely not me. As I said before, I am more concerned with her pleasure than mine. I enjoy getting her off more than me. I love to touch and provide pleasure. Sure, it's great to get off myself, but I long for that physical and intimate connection. I wake up with a raging erection (sorry if that is too graphic) every single morning, which I can't control and I feel as you said, it's the way God made me.

    Consenting partner of legal age- do you not feel you have to be married?
     
  13. sdmsanjose

    sdmsanjose Regular Member

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    Sounds like you are doing everything, including “emotional Intimacy” to help her with the sexual starvation you are experiencing. RedPonyDriver gave some good advice and is reprinted below. What do you think about following that advice?



    If your wife has “no desire to change” then you are just screwed (no pun intended).

    If that is the case and your wife “…doesn't help with my sexual needs and desires” then she is seriously damaging the relationship with her selfishness and unwilling to sacrifice.


    You will have to make up your mind if you are going to be sexually and emotionally starved for the rest of your marriage or you are going to change things for yourself.

    I myself would change things but everyone is different so if you can stay in the relationship the way that it is now, then I take my hat off to you. Only you can change yourself and you cannot change your wife. If you are loving your wife and she remains selfish then DO NOT blame yourself nor allow your self esteem to be damaged.
     
  14. RedPonyDriver

    RedPonyDriver Professional Pot Stirrer

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    Married in what sense? Legally? Or the covenant made between the couple and God? As I have stated elsewhere in this forum, marriage is not that piece of paper and the magic words in front of the preacher...it's the vow to each other...that SHOULD take place long before the magic words and piece of paper.
     
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