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No More Childbearing

JAM2b

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I'm not sure where to put this. It might be more appropriate in the Parenting section or Terrific Thirties or Fabulous Forties. It won't hurt my feelings if it gets moved.

In the last couple of months I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that most likely I won't be having any more babies. My whole life I had wanted to have a lot of kids. When I was younger I couldn't imagine having less than 3 or 4. My preference was to have 6-8. When I was married my husband and I compromised by agreeing to have 3. I had complications with childbirth and difficulty getting pregnant the second time. We ended up losing one baby to miscarriage, and having two children to raise. Both of my live births have been c-sections because of a birth defect I was born with. The father of my children and I are divorced now. Both of my children I'm raising are boys. I love them very much. However I have also always wanted a daughter in addition to my sons. My boys have always wanted a sister.

I have a boyfriend that I have been in a relationship with for several years, and we are waiting for the right time to get married. I had hoped that he and I would have at least one child together, but it has taken longer for us to be married than we had planned, I feel I'm too old, and I have a uterus full of tumors. I don't know if I am even capable of conceiving another child due to my condition and reproductive health history. I didn't discuss it with my ob/gyn doctor because it's not an option at this point. I'm not married to my boyfriend yet. I have also started birth control for the treatment of the tumors, and there is a very good chance I will have to remain on it until menopause (which might not be too far away). I carry genetic birth defects which have affected my youngest son; I don't want to cause another child to be born with medical problems.

Lately I have been very sad over the likelihood that I will not have any more babies, and I won't experience raising a child with my boyfriend after we marry. I've been trying to tell myself to be thankful for the boys I have, and the fact there is a man in my life who loves me. God has blessed me with great people in my life. I try to focus on the fact that I could have grandchildren to enjoy later, and I could be satisfied with that. Given all the factors involved, it shouldn't be hard to accept, and yet it is. It makes me want to cry.
 
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JAM2b

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I actually have thought about adopting quite a bit. At this point in it is something that I can't do financially and it would need to be a decision agreed upon by my boyfriend if we are to get married. While things are still up in the air for us it doesn't feel like the right time to talk about it in detail together. He is aware that I had wanted more children, and plan to be very involved with any grandchildren I might have some day. I've told him that I would be interested in adoption. He acknowledged it, but we aren't at a place to make serious decisions about that in our relationship yet.
 
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JAM2b

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I started this thread almost two years ago, and forgot about it.

My condition has gotten worse. The tumors are enlarged more than they were. I am scheduled for a complete hysterectomy next week. They might also need to remove ovaries, but the doctor said he will try to leave at least one so that I won't be suddenly thrown into menopause.

I have felt sad over not having more kids, but I also feel very relieved that all the symptoms that I deal with because of my reproductive health are going to be taken away very soon. I have other chronic health problems that make life difficult. Getting this tumor filled uterus out of the way will ease a major part of my physical misery.
 
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JAM2b

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The surgery was successful, and the doctor was able to leave both ovaries because they looked good. After removal, the uterus and tumors were sent to pathology to for a more thorough check for cancer. There were no signs of cancer cells at all.

The recovery has thrown me for a loop. I bounced back so much better and faster after having c-sections, but I'm not in my 20's anymore! I'm really feeling my age. This has kicked my tail.

It took me longer than it should have to wake up after surgery, like hours later. I was unable to handle the strong pain medications after surgery and kept getting sick a lot. I was dehydrated and had a hard time holding down food. My blood sugar was low a lot. This went on for a couple of weeks. Then my incision became infected, and it is better but still trying to heal. I've finished the antibiotic, but the doctor wants to wait and see if it finishes healing without another prescription.

I'm returning to work next week, and I'm not quite sure if I will be ready. It is a desk job, so I am trying to work up to sitting up straight for 8 hours a day at the computer desk. My core muscles are still trying to figure out how to function after all this.
 
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