I'm not sure where to put this. It might be more appropriate in the Parenting section or Terrific Thirties or Fabulous Forties. It won't hurt my feelings if it gets moved.
In the last couple of months I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that most likely I won't be having any more babies. My whole life I had wanted to have a lot of kids. When I was younger I couldn't imagine having less than 3 or 4. My preference was to have 6-8. When I was married my husband and I compromised by agreeing to have 3. I had complications with childbirth and difficulty getting pregnant the second time. We ended up losing one baby to miscarriage, and having two children to raise. Both of my live births have been c-sections because of a birth defect I was born with. The father of my children and I are divorced now. Both of my children I'm raising are boys. I love them very much. However I have also always wanted a daughter in addition to my sons. My boys have always wanted a sister.
I have a boyfriend that I have been in a relationship with for several years, and we are waiting for the right time to get married. I had hoped that he and I would have at least one child together, but it has taken longer for us to be married than we had planned, I feel I'm too old, and I have a uterus full of tumors. I don't know if I am even capable of conceiving another child due to my condition and reproductive health history. I didn't discuss it with my ob/gyn doctor because it's not an option at this point. I'm not married to my boyfriend yet. I have also started birth control for the treatment of the tumors, and there is a very good chance I will have to remain on it until menopause (which might not be too far away). I carry genetic birth defects which have affected my youngest son; I don't want to cause another child to be born with medical problems.
Lately I have been very sad over the likelihood that I will not have any more babies, and I won't experience raising a child with my boyfriend after we marry. I've been trying to tell myself to be thankful for the boys I have, and the fact there is a man in my life who loves me. God has blessed me with great people in my life. I try to focus on the fact that I could have grandchildren to enjoy later, and I could be satisfied with that. Given all the factors involved, it shouldn't be hard to accept, and yet it is. It makes me want to cry.
In the last couple of months I have been trying to come to terms with the fact that most likely I won't be having any more babies. My whole life I had wanted to have a lot of kids. When I was younger I couldn't imagine having less than 3 or 4. My preference was to have 6-8. When I was married my husband and I compromised by agreeing to have 3. I had complications with childbirth and difficulty getting pregnant the second time. We ended up losing one baby to miscarriage, and having two children to raise. Both of my live births have been c-sections because of a birth defect I was born with. The father of my children and I are divorced now. Both of my children I'm raising are boys. I love them very much. However I have also always wanted a daughter in addition to my sons. My boys have always wanted a sister.
I have a boyfriend that I have been in a relationship with for several years, and we are waiting for the right time to get married. I had hoped that he and I would have at least one child together, but it has taken longer for us to be married than we had planned, I feel I'm too old, and I have a uterus full of tumors. I don't know if I am even capable of conceiving another child due to my condition and reproductive health history. I didn't discuss it with my ob/gyn doctor because it's not an option at this point. I'm not married to my boyfriend yet. I have also started birth control for the treatment of the tumors, and there is a very good chance I will have to remain on it until menopause (which might not be too far away). I carry genetic birth defects which have affected my youngest son; I don't want to cause another child to be born with medical problems.
Lately I have been very sad over the likelihood that I will not have any more babies, and I won't experience raising a child with my boyfriend after we marry. I've been trying to tell myself to be thankful for the boys I have, and the fact there is a man in my life who loves me. God has blessed me with great people in my life. I try to focus on the fact that I could have grandchildren to enjoy later, and I could be satisfied with that. Given all the factors involved, it shouldn't be hard to accept, and yet it is. It makes me want to cry.
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