• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Newbie and have lots of questions

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by seekingmuch, Mar 14, 2018.

  1. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    281
    +177
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Hi, how are you? I really do have lots of questions.

    Growing up, first of all, I was emotionally abused daily. I was called stupid, loser, sob, worthless and dealt with my "father's" scorn daily. At 7 years old, after being blamed for pipes that were bad, I actually fantasized about hurting myself to appease my "father". My needs were never met. My family took my to fire and brimstone churches where God was seen as this jerk who seemed to enjoy frying people for sin. Love was taught as something you got if you behaved and were a robot. Feelings weren't allowed and if you got them, you were yelled at for having them. Get saved or go to hell was the refrain. I never hurt myself, but found out in my teens I had three ulcers when I was younger (scar tissue on my stomach). Mom loved me, but dad hated me. I was a sensitive child so it hurt even worse. My dad also kept my from friends at a young age (so he wouldn't be found out). I was beat a few times for no reason.

    I learned to totally stuff my emotions with food then sex. I was suicidally depressed from 16-18 and generally depressed afterwards. I'm Bipolar and remember my first stone high from it at 13-14. Sex just made Bipolar better. Never got married. I had no trust. No, I didn't sleep with everyone in the neighborhood. AIDS was why.

    Got saved at 24. God wouldn't leave me alone. I actually got saved way younger at 6 because the one church taught God had a plan and I figured her would rescue me from my nightmare. He didn't. It didn't stick. The first six months of being saved was great. I actually felt loved for the first time in life. I had no idea what it was and it felt good. Got the Holy Spirit and it was okay for a season then became a nightmare. Nothing I ever did was good enough for God. He nitpicked and made my life miserable. Finally, at 42, I said, "God all you do is make me feel bad about myself so get lost." He actually left. The heaviness lifted.

    Finally, at 46, I got the right medication and all the questions. Got saved again at 45. But, the nightmare that was Christianity haunted me. God loves everybody, big deal. But, about six months ago, I was asked a question: Does God like me? No, it doesn't seem like it at all. I really don't know if God likes me, and if he did or does, why the nightmare? I told him, "You're my refuge? When exactly were you a refuge? Really, when? I was scared of you for 25 years. So, where was this refuge? I actually put up with you for 24 years too long. I hear this loving God and it was constant nitpicking of me."

    I have simply collapsed under the weight of it all. Perfection, which I no longer care about (God, you saved me, deal with all my faults, or simply get lost, pal). I haven't felt God's love since being saved at 24. I told him, "why don't I get it like others do? Your preachers preached all that fire and brimstone crap. You seemed to be fine with it. You never said anything different."

    Does he like me? Why don't I ever feel any love from him?
     
    • Prayers Prayers x 5
    • Like Like x 1
    • List
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Yeshua HaDerekh

    Yeshua HaDerekh Men can dream of truth, but then cant live with it

    +1,332
    Eastern Orthodox
    Private
    He loves you so much, He sent His Son, His ONLY Son, to die for you so YOU can have eternal life! We live in a fallen world so there will be pain and sorrow. We were also made with free will so our own choice as well as the choices of others will effect our lives...
     
  3. discipler7

    discipler7 Well-Known Member

    +315
    Heard Island And Mcdonald Islands
    Christian
    Single
    Why did he hate you.? Is he your stepfather.? If so, then most of the blame should lie with your biological father - ancestral sins.?

    USA has forsaken God, eg abolished laws against adultery and sodomy during the 1960s, beginning in the liberal Blue States. So, in return God has forsaken immoral USA, except for the faithful and conservative Christians.
    ....... The vote-pandering liberal Blue State governments have even begun to prosecute/persecute Christian bakers, florists, wedding planners, bridal shop owners, wedding photographers, etc, on behalf of the immoral LGBTQ minority.
    .

    As per DEUT.28:, PROVERBS.1, 1COR.5:5 & 11:30, 1JOHN.5:16-19, HEBREWS.10:26-31, the blessings and curses of God come according to His Law. Eg law-abiding US citizens have nothing to fear from the police or FBI. Only law-breakers/evildoers/sinners need to fear the police/FBI and God. Wanton fornicators are law-breakers.

    Keep in mind that ACTS.15:24-29 permits Gentile Christians to only keep those laws of Moses which are not a burden, especially morality laws, eg the Ten Commandments(EXODUS.20), DEUT.18:9-14, etc. They can exempt themselves from circumcision, kosher food laws, making animal sacrifices, etc.
     
  4. Monna

    Monna Well-Known Member

    +815
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Welcome, seeker. I hope you find answers to the questions that really matter.

    My Dad used to say to me "You'll never get the right answers if you don't ask the right question."

    I have no idea what your "right" question is. But according to what you wrote you seem to be getting the same unsatisfactory "answer" all the time. Could it possibly be that there are other questions that would take you to better inner places? You share one experience, it seems, with me. Throughout your life, even when you've tried to "lose" him, God won't let you go. He didn't let me go either. I finally realised that that in itself is a sign of love.

    He won't let go, because he won't give up on you. I hope and pray that you will find Jesus somewhere in the shadows ... he's the one with nail prints in his hands. He will show you the Father.

    And yes, believe it not, he really really likes you.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  5. archer75

    archer75 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,252
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Married
    First, let me say I know the feeling.

    A lot of people who claim to represent or speak for God really speak for no one but themselves. This happens all the time.

    I believe that God does love you. My only guess as to why you don't feel love is that people in your life behaved so poorly towards you that they numbed your openness to love.

    You still have time to let God heal what these abusive people have done.
     
  6. Emli

    Emli Growing daughter of God Supporter

    +3,040
    Sweden
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Many times in my walk with God have I yelled at Him "God I hate you, you are oppressive, I feel hurt and angry, I quit, I quit, I quit!"

    Only to have God answering me "Good! Because that isn't me that you are quitting!" And then He opened my eyes on who He really is. Love and grace, mercy and healing. I was committing idolatry by listening to lies of who God really is.

    It is so easy to to have a false view of who God is, because the enemy oppresses us and lies to us. Ask the Lord to lead you and show you who He really is. He loves you incredibly much. And much more than you will ever understand. Any feeling or voice that makes you feel like He doesn't, any church or pastor that claims he doesn't, that doesn't come from Jesus Christ but from the enemy who is constantly condemning us.

    Believe in Christ and seek Him from His Word and in prayer, and He is going to fix this. All of it. Invite Him in again and this time let no lies stand between you and God.
     
  7. JacksBratt

    JacksBratt Searching for Truth

    +2,528
    Canada
    Protestant
    Married
    Firstly, who told you God demands perfection?

    If that were the case, I would be toast.

    God only expects us to be us..... Us with a desire to be more like Him.

    Start slow....know that God loves you. He won't demand perfection. Be you.

    If someone or some thing is demanding perfection from you.... it is not of God. Rebuke it in the name of Jesus.
    For some... a good day is going to a shelter and sorting food for the needy, cleaning a home of an elder person, going to church prayer meeting and home to their house.

    For others..... a good day is being able to get out of bed and thank God they are alive and will have the basics of what they need.

    Salvation is never and will never be what we do or don't do... It's what Christ did.

    Now, go and take baby steps. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
     
  8. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

    +5,540
    United States
    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Republican
    This preacher pulls no punches.
    M-Bob

     
  9. Southernscotty

    Southernscotty Well-Known Member Supporter Angels Team

    +7,523
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    Praying for you seeker, May God open your eyes to the fact that He is all love and He never tempts us. satan and fallen demons are who tempts us and they will many times act as an angel of light to deceive many.
    But If anyone is making you miserable in anyway, it is not God, that I can assure you. He is not a God that "frys people" as you said. :]
    He is a loving Father that hopes everyone chooses His Son Jesus Christ. The people who will be fried as you put it, are the people who reject God so in all actuality they fry themselves. Please don't consider your relationship with your earthly Father to be anything like your Father in heaven, Because your heavenly Father will never fail you. God bless you and I am praying for you :]
     
  10. miamited

    miamited Ted Supporter

    +2,533
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Hi seekingmuch,

    Welcome to CF. I hope that you can find some comfort here.

    We so often have a misunderstanding of what it means when the Scriptures tell us that God loves us. I think that as we read through the Scriptures, we find that this idea that nothing bad is going to happen to us because God loves us, isn't the proper understanding. After all, I can't imagine that anyone would doubt that God loves His one and only Son, but Jesus endured some pretty nasty stuff. Nearly every one of the first apostles died a martyr's death. Jesus, from his own mouth, practically guaranteed those who believe in him, persecution.

    The Scriptures declare that God's love is exampled to us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. God's love isn't always going to be some divine protection from the evils of the world, although it can be. God's love for us is that He cares.

    Paul endured hardships and at least three times in his life was whipped and a couple more times imprisoned for his faith. But I don't think that Paul ever considered, while enduring these hardships, that God didn't love him. He knew that God was there with him and He knew that no matter what might happen to him at the hands of wicked and unbelieving men, that God was there and cared about him.

    You can have that same respect for God's love. That no matter the pain and suffering you endure as you live your life, God is there and you know the truth, and He loves you. According to the Scriptures, there will come a day that we all will face God's judgment. It will be that day, that those who are born of God's Spirit, will find the true depth and measure of God's love.

    The Scriptures encourage us to have a stout heart and to endure through persecution. To persevere in our faith. To stand with God and understand that He is with us, no matter our struggles on this earth in this life. Justin Martyr is a pretty good example to us of a stalwart faith. As the flames licked at his feet and then his calves and on up his body, he fully understood that God loved him and He loved God.

    Although those who don't believe aren't able to find the truth even though they constantly search, God is there. He doesn't change nor grow weary. Whether we individually believe in Him or not...He is there.

    God bless you,
    In Christ, ted
     
  11. Floof

    Floof For God so loved the world

    80
    +85
    United States
    Protestant
    Single
    US-Others
    Hi there, and welcome.
    God loves you, God loves you so so much. I used to struggle with being abused too, I wondered "if God loves me then why am I here?" but as time goes on I've felt how much He loves me and I'll tell you He loves you just as much. It may not feel that way now, but He does.
     
  12. Original Happy Camper

    Original Happy Camper One of GODS Children I am a historicist

    +757
    United States
    SDA
    Married
    This is a good read that will help you understand the Love of God

    God made man perfectly holy and happy; and the fair earth, as it came from the Creator's hand, bore no blight of decay or shadow of the curse. It is transgression of God's law--the law of love--that has brought woe and death. Yet even amid the suffering that results from sin, God's love is revealed. It is written that God cursed the ground for man's sake. Genesis 3:17. The thorn and the thistle--the difficulties and trials that make his life one of toil and care--were appointed for his good as a part of the training needful in God's plan for his uplifting from the ruin and degradation that sin has wrought. The 10 world, though fallen, is not all sorrow and misery. In nature itself are messages of hope and comfort. There are flowers upon the thistles, and the thorns are covered with roses. {SC 9.2} "God is love" is written upon every opening bud, upon every spire of springing grass. The lovely birds making the air vocal with their happy songs, the delicately tinted flowers in their perfection perfuming the air, the lofty trees of the forest with their rich foliage of living green -- all testify to the tender, fatherly care of our God and to His desire to make His children happy.

    Read more here
    http://pdf.amazingdiscoveries.org/eBooks/EGWhite/StepsToChrist.pdf
     
  13. The_Believer7

    The_Believer7 New Member Supporter

    37
    +22
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    It has only recently become clear to me ... that God desires a loving relationship with us ... more than He desires our perfection.

    "But God proves His love for us in this: That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

    Now ... coming into relationship with Him does mean ... that, on occasion, He will ask that we make some change in our lives ... so that our lives, or the lives of the people around us, will be better.

    God is committed to making our lives better.

    "I have come that you might have life, and that you might have it more abundantly." John 10:10b

    He'll want us to be committed to that, as well ...
     
  14. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    281
    +177
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Trust me, I've told God where to go, how to get there. The problem is I've heard preachers say how "loving" God is and made it seem like he was some jerk at the same time. So, I told God, "I'm me, deal with it, you claim Grace, right? Well, I will use every (cursing) bit of it." Too many preachers have preached God loves you BUT this and that. Sin used to torment me. I finally said, "You preach Grace, right there, God? Guess what. I no longer care. You either have grace or you don't. I don't want to hear griping (not the word I used) when I cuss, or anything else. I'll repent once a day or when I feel like it and that's that. Don't like it? Kick me out."

    Honestly, I have no idea who God is. I saw Jesus once and he scared me half to death. I regard him as distant, a King or something that is unapproachable. I have no idea how to relate to him.

    No, my real dad was the one that hated me. He was the black sheep of his family. He was emotional cruel to me my whole childhood. I'm sure some of my dad has been imposed on my vision (whatever it is) of God. Along with quite a few useless preachers who talked out of both sides of their mouths. "God loves you BUT...." Always a but in there with them.

    Someone said, maybe you're not open to love. Maybe not. I really don't know. I told God, "others say they feel your love all the time. Why am I the exception?" Then, I stumbled across a preacher online who asked, "So, God loves everybody.... But, do you think God likes you?" I replied, "hell no."

    God is supposed to be my friend, right? I've written almost 10 novels and never once has God said a word. I told God, after it popping into my head--wrote my first novel and God never said a word, "what kind of friend are you? I bet you bored the (curse) out of (another writer), but never said one word to me. (Curse) you!"

    I asked God, "when I've been upset, you never consoled me one bloody time." I had two nervous breakdowns over Christianity, and, frankly, I finally said, "heck with it." Joseph Prince is the only preacher I'll listen to. All he preaches is Grace. He explains things, and really ticks me off at the preachers who came before him who either were stupid or didn't have a clue what they were talking about. I would not sit in a Baptist or Pentecostel church again if you paid me a million dollars a minute.

    Thank you for your prayers and replies. :)
     
  15. Emli

    Emli Growing daughter of God Supporter

    +3,040
    Sweden
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    Do you expect God to be the God of the Bible or the God that you decide He should be?
    And do you think expect Him to lead you in life while you are telling Him what to do? Are you seeking His will at all?

    God's love is different from our love. Grace means that He forgives our rebellion once we repent from it, and He gives us everything we need to do so. He then gives us a new and abundant life. He died so this could happen, that is how He loves us. Yet you seem to want Him to be there for you while still living life according to your own rules.

    Am I understanding this correctly?
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2018
  16. discipler7

    discipler7 Well-Known Member

    +315
    Heard Island And Mcdonald Islands
    Christian
    Single
    His parents hated him. So, your father hated his children also.
    ....... Maybe, your grandparents hated your father because he was a rebellious law-breaker/evildoer/sinner. Is your father a good-doing and law-abiding person like Job(JOB.1:8).?
    .
    Grace means the free gift of salvation(= saved from hell when the believer dies) through faith in Jesus Christ, and not through the works of keeping the Law.
    ....... Nevertheless, the keeping of the Law will bring the blessings of God while the believer is still living on this rotten earth or has yet to die and be actually saved. Conversely, the breaking of the Law will bring the curses of God upon the unfaithful believer.
     
  17. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    281
    +177
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    My father is nothing like Job. He's a hateful jerk. He was a control freak. I thought God was nothing but a control freak, too. Is he?

    I'm not a bad person, but after living with a control freak my whole childhood were my needs were never met and I was told to shut up and endure it, I'm not living with another one. Maybe God really is a control freak who only loves you if you sit there and be quiet, do nothing. Living with a control freak leads to no self-esteem and no self-worth. I have neither. I asked God, "what does self-esteem feel like?"

    Discipler, I may be one screwed up person, but we no longer live under the law. When I say I'm using every bit of Grace, I mean living everyday life not be an amoral person. I cuss. Oh, I'm a bad person. I treat everyone like human beings and that's it.

    Emli, is God the God of the OT--ready to judge at a moment's notice? Or, is he the loving God of the NT? It's one or the other. It can't be both.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  18. JacksBratt

    JacksBratt Searching for Truth

    +2,528
    Canada
    Protestant
    Married
    Hello "seekingmuch"

    I am sorry for your difficult situation and the awful conditions you have had to face in your life.

    However, God is a loving God. He accepts you as you are.

    The old saying that to those who receive much... much will be expected holds true here.

    You are in a place where just day to day living is a struggle. More of a struggle than most experience in their lives.

    God is not expecting you to be perfect... He is offering salvation to you if you believe in Him.. It's free, nothing is expected from you.

    Nobody is expecting you to be perfect. Nobody is responsible for the actions of others. Treating others as a human is a great place to start.

    Stop worrying about theological questions about things like the God of the OT or NT... you need the milk of the gospel.... not chunks of meat that you cannot chew right now..

    Start with baby steps.... God is love, God loves you, God died for you, God has saved you... The rest of the world and what they think don't matter....

    Live your life one day at a time... Thanking Christ for each and every day that you make it through.
     
  19. Monna

    Monna Well-Known Member

    +815
    Non-Denom
    Married
    No, not in the way I think you mean. I love 1 Corinthians 13, and read it as if God is telling me (us) how he wants to be known. We often think of God as all-knowing (omniscient), and all powerful (omnipotent). All of our knowledge exists in words, in language. Every language has concepts that do not exist in other languages. In the first verse, he says know all the languages on earth and heaven, is nothing more than a clanging potlid if it is not accompanied or used in love. Love is better. He deals with the almighty part next - his confidence (faith) can move mountains (in fact he created the universe by his command) yet he doesn't see that as of any merit if his power is not exercised in love. And generous? - sure - every single good thing we have, from our living bodies, to the sunshine and rain, has been given us by God. He even gives to the worst type of characters. But if generosity is not shown with love, then it has no merit. Then He says

    " Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

    He will not force himself on you. His love respects your right to decide your own path. His love is not self-seeking. In other words, he doesn't use love to manipulate. But the thing that blew me away when I understood it was that "He always trusts me!" or "He has always believed in me!" Throughout my life I have heard preachers tell me that I must believe in Him, I must trust Him. But when I found out that love wishes to have a reciprocal relationship, it shook me to realise that "He believes in me!" Not like I can do anything significant for him, But he really believes that in me there is something worth while, something that can grow to be fully human, something that will ultimately reveal that yes, He made me in His Likeness. Before I believed in him, he already believed in some potential or other in me. And he was/is willing to invest in me. And he has never stopped - in spite of my frequent frustration over him not doing what I'd like, my annoyance when he doesn't do things in my time frame, my frequent refusal to consider what he is suggesting or prodding me to do in an awkard situation.

    If words like Father, or Lord conjure up images that cause painful memories, or overbearing, controlling characteristics, use other words, like mentor, counsellor, partner or other equivalents that don't have negative connotations. Maybe that will help. He knows your pain, he knows your history, your emotional distress ... and he wants to heal.
     
  20. Monna

    Monna Well-Known Member

    +815
    Non-Denom
    Married
    If we want to know what God is like the best model is Jesus.
    Jesus was divine - he had all the qualities of God. If you think of God as a control freak, think of this: Jesus came into this world as a baby! God put him in the hands of a couple of teenagers! And in a country where the puppet King was so jealous of his Kingship that he was willing to massacre two thousand baby boys just to get rid of Jesus who he considered to be a threat. God warned Joseph and Mary, and they fled. Do you know anything in your country that is so vulnerable as a refugee? Jesus was a child refugee. (In Africa of all places!) He grew up as a tradesman, not a university academic. Does this sound like a control-freak God? Or one who was willing to find out what the most vulnerable people on this earth go through? So that He can whisper to us "I know what it's like. I'm with you in what you're going through."
     
Loading...