Kaleidoscope29

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Hi everyone. I've been a believer for almost 7 months now. I believe in God, Christ, and objective right and wrong.

I struggle deeply with mental illness. I had been seeking treatment for 7 years before coming to God, but I did not begin to heal until I accepted Christ because secular therapists make up their own rules (e.g. don't cut yourself but you can have random sex whenever you want).

I am so happy to know our living Creator and His Son I am so deeply happy that He is real.

But I also struggle with anger, and mood swings. My illness attacks me with scripture. If I read the Bible too much, I lose touch with reality. I have not been able to find a church here because of my illness, the virus, and because I am not socially skilled at tolerating different views. A lot of the Christians around me are anti-maskers and anti-vax, some are against modern medicine (which I need to stay lucid), they believed I had demons inside me and didn't believe in mental illness, and that made me go into psychosis for months - because I am sick and impressionable, not possessed.

God even removed Satan's presence from me completely, after I asked Him to. I am not joking. Satan literally never bothers me. I feel desire, but not temptation. I think He did it to show me I am not possessed, but rather I am simply sick with a very serious illness.

I feel so alone. And I feel so angry that people who claim to know God were so ignorant about what I struggle with most. And well, I want to talk about it with other believers.

I have 3 friends locally, all believers. One has similar issues to mine, one is beginning to patiently teach me about God (we have decided that I start with the children's Bible, so I can understand it better), and the other is my grandmother.

I feel lost and confused and deeply frustrated. I almost destroyed my life within the first few months of having a relationship with God, because I listened to well-meaning, but ignorant people. I want to get my story out there, help others who struggle like I do. I don't want to just wait to die, alone.

So here I am. I am very skilled and talented musician, and I am pretty good at drawing. I am hoping and praying that I will eventually be able to spread God through my music and reach the lost.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. Any words of compassion and encouragement would be deeply, deeply appreciated.
 

Maria Billingsley

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Hi everyone. I've been a believer for almost 7 months now. I believe in God, Christ, and objective right and wrong.

I struggle deeply with mental illness. I had been seeking treatment for 7 years before coming to God, but I did not begin to heal until I accepted Christ because secular therapists make up their own rules (e.g. don't cut yourself but you can have random sex whenever you want).

I am so happy to know our living Creator and His Son I am so deeply happy that He is real.

But I also struggle with anger, and mood swings. My illness attacks me with scripture. If I read the Bible too much, I lose touch with reality. I have not been able to find a church here because of my illness, the virus, and because I am not socially skilled at tolerating different views. A lot of the Christians around me are anti-maskers and anti-vax, some are against modern medicine (which I need to stay lucid), they believed I had demons inside me and didn't believe in mental illness, and that made me go into psychosis for months - because I am sick and impressionable, not possessed.

God even removed Satan's presence from me completely, after I asked Him to. I am not joking. Satan literally never bothers me. I feel desire, but not temptation. I think He did it to show me I am not possessed, but rather I am simply sick with a very serious illness.

I feel so alone. And I feel so angry that people who claim to know God were so ignorant about what I struggle with most. And well, I want to talk about it with other believers.

I have 3 friends locally, all believers. One has similar issues to mine, one is beginning to patiently teach me about God (we have decided that I start with the children's Bible, so I can understand it better), and the other is my grandmother.

I feel lost and confused and deeply frustrated. I almost destroyed my life within the first few months of having a relationship with God, because I listened to well-meaning, but ignorant people. I want to get my story out there, help others who struggle like I do. I don't want to just wait to die, alone.

So here I am. I am very skilled and talented musician, and I am pretty good at drawing. I am hoping and praying that I will eventually be able to spread God through my music and reach the lost.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. Any words of compassion and encouragement would be deeply, deeply appreciated.
Welcome !
 
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Kaleidoscope29

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Hey brother . I encourage you to keep reading the word of God and stay in prayer and worship. Maybe consult a doctor if needed . Welcome and God bless you .Jesus loves you ❤️

Thank you. Honestly, I have to limit the amount I pray and read or else I literally lose touch with reality. But I still seek God and pray sometimes. Currently I can tolerate one page of the Bible and prayer as needed.
 
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Pop D.

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I have a brother with mental illness who also found Christ a few years ago, so your story is a familiar one to me. I know it's a struggle, but maybe you can take some solace in the fact that your persistence through it is inspirational.
 
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Kaleidoscope29

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I have a brother with mental illness who also found Christ a few years ago, so your story is a familiar one to me. I know it's a struggle, but maybe you can take some solace in the fact that your persistence through it is inspirational.
Thank you. I appreciate that. Makes me happy that I can be inspirational. I've definitely been seeking good for a long time. Nothing truly made sense before God, though.
 
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David Hunter

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Welcome!!! I'll be praying for you.

That's definitely a great idea to start with a children's Bible. If you like comics, I'd also suggest getting The Action Bible. It's a comic style which also helps with memorizing stories since you can see pictures.

Also, put up some mental blocks, so when you get angry you'll be conscious of the anger and then re-direct your thoughts towards the Lord and His kingdom.
 
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Kaleidoscope29

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Welcome!!! I'll be praying for you.

That's definitely a great idea to start with a children's Bible. If you like comics, I'd also suggest getting The Action Bible. It's a comic style which also helps with memorizing stories since you can see pictures.

Also, put up some mental blocks, so when you get angry you'll be conscious of the anger and then re-direct your thoughts towards the Lord and His kingdom.
Thank you. And I appreciate that recommendation! I will try to keep that in mind, if the children's Bible doesn't work. Sometimes I watch videos from the Bible Project, too, which are great.
 
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LastAcorn99

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Hi everyone. I've been a believer for almost 7 months now. I believe in God, Christ, and objective right and wrong.

I struggle deeply with mental illness. I had been seeking treatment for 7 years before coming to God, but I did not begin to heal until I accepted Christ because secular therapists make up their own rules (e.g. don't cut yourself but you can have random sex whenever you want).

I am so happy to know our living Creator and His Son I am so deeply happy that He is real.

But I also struggle with anger, and mood swings. My illness attacks me with scripture. If I read the Bible too much, I lose touch with reality. I have not been able to find a church here because of my illness, the virus, and because I am not socially skilled at tolerating different views. A lot of the Christians around me are anti-maskers and anti-vax, some are against modern medicine (which I need to stay lucid), they believed I had demons inside me and didn't believe in mental illness, and that made me go into psychosis for months - because I am sick and impressionable, not possessed.

God even removed Satan's presence from me completely, after I asked Him to. I am not joking. Satan literally never bothers me. I feel desire, but not temptation. I think He did it to show me I am not possessed, but rather I am simply sick with a very serious illness.

I feel so alone. And I feel so angry that people who claim to know God were so ignorant about what I struggle with most. And well, I want to talk about it with other believers.

I have 3 friends locally, all believers. One has similar issues to mine, one is beginning to patiently teach me about God (we have decided that I start with the children's Bible, so I can understand it better), and the other is my grandmother.

I feel lost and confused and deeply frustrated. I almost destroyed my life within the first few months of having a relationship with God, because I listened to well-meaning, but ignorant people. I want to get my story out there, help others who struggle like I do. I don't want to just wait to die, alone.

So here I am. I am very skilled and talented musician, and I am pretty good at drawing. I am hoping and praying that I will eventually be able to spread God through my music and reach the lost.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. Any words of compassion and encouragement would be deeply, deeply appreciated.
Thanks for sharing your story so openly, friend. Welcome to the group! Sending prayers for you, that God will reveal His healing presence to you in a special and powerful way, filling you with His love, peace, and strength in the days ahead. Blessings!
 
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Deade

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Hello Kaledioscope,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.


344365_10e2a1f7a84c759008fd505dcca0b105.gif


342373_4e16b051a519b7a7b764183bba0f8cee.gif
 
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kepp

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Hi everyone. I've been a believer for almost 7 months now. I believe in God, Christ, and objective right and wrong.

I struggle deeply with mental illness. I had been seeking treatment for 7 years before coming to God, but I did not begin to heal until I accepted Christ because secular therapists make up their own rules (e.g. don't cut yourself but you can have random sex whenever you want).

I am so happy to know our living Creator and His Son I am so deeply happy that He is real.

But I also struggle with anger, and mood swings. My illness attacks me with scripture. If I read the Bible too much, I lose touch with reality. I have not been able to find a church here because of my illness, the virus, and because I am not socially skilled at tolerating different views. A lot of the Christians around me are anti-maskers and anti-vax, some are against modern medicine (which I need to stay lucid), they believed I had demons inside me and didn't believe in mental illness, and that made me go into psychosis for months - because I am sick and impressionable, not possessed.

God even removed Satan's presence from me completely, after I asked Him to. I am not joking. Satan literally never bothers me. I feel desire, but not temptation. I think He did it to show me I am not possessed, but rather I am simply sick with a very serious illness.

I feel so alone. And I feel so angry that people who claim to know God were so ignorant about what I struggle with most. And well, I want to talk about it with other believers.

I have 3 friends locally, all believers. One has similar issues to mine, one is beginning to patiently teach me about God (we have decided that I start with the children's Bible, so I can understand it better), and the other is my grandmother.

I feel lost and confused and deeply frustrated. I almost destroyed my life within the first few months of having a relationship with God, because I listened to well-meaning, but ignorant people. I want to get my story out there, help others who struggle like I do. I don't want to just wait to die, alone.

So here I am. I am very skilled and talented musician, and I am pretty good at drawing. I am hoping and praying that I will eventually be able to spread God through my music and reach the lost.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. Any words of compassion and encouragement would be deeply, deeply appreciated.

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing. I know that probably wasn't easy to hit the "Post" button.

If you don't mind me asking, what do you mean by saying that you lose touch with reality if you read the Bible too long? That must be frustrating. Thank you for telling me. It says a lot about how much you want to be near God.
 
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Zion Princess

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Hi everyone. I've been a believer for almost 7 months now. I believe in God, Christ, and objective right and wrong.

I struggle deeply with mental illness. I had been seeking treatment for 7 years before coming to God, but I did not begin to heal until I accepted Christ because secular therapists make up their own rules (e.g. don't cut yourself but you can have random sex whenever you want).

I am so happy to know our living Creator and His Son I am so deeply happy that He is real.

But I also struggle with anger, and mood swings. My illness attacks me with scripture. If I read the Bible too much, I lose touch with reality. I have not been able to find a church here because of my illness, the virus, and because I am not socially skilled at tolerating different views. A lot of the Christians around me are anti-maskers and anti-vax, some are against modern medicine (which I need to stay lucid), they believed I had demons inside me and didn't believe in mental illness, and that made me go into psychosis for months - because I am sick and impressionable, not possessed.

God even removed Satan's presence from me completely, after I asked Him to. I am not joking. Satan literally never bothers me. I feel desire, but not temptation. I think He did it to show me I am not possessed, but rather I am simply sick with a very serious illness.

I feel so alone. And I feel so angry that people who claim to know God were so ignorant about what I struggle with most. And well, I want to talk about it with other believers.

I have 3 friends locally, all believers. One has similar issues to mine, one is beginning to patiently teach me about God (we have decided that I start with the children's Bible, so I can understand it better), and the other is my grandmother.

I feel lost and confused and deeply frustrated. I almost destroyed my life within the first few months of having a relationship with God, because I listened to well-meaning, but ignorant people. I want to get my story out there, help others who struggle like I do. I don't want to just wait to die, alone.

So here I am. I am very skilled and talented musician, and I am pretty good at drawing. I am hoping and praying that I will eventually be able to spread God through my music and reach the lost.

So yeah. Thanks for reading. Any words of compassion and encouragement would be deeply, deeply appreciated.

Hello, reading your post made me think back in time when I had experienced similar horrors being newly saved. There were times that were very, very difficult. I too suffer with a mental illness and had Christian people insinuate I had demons more than a couple times. This is so unfortunate and so ignorant when the leaders of churches are so ill informed and unable to help the mentally ill of their flock. I felt very lost in the church and that God was my only real shepherd. I saw firsthand just how lacking humans can be. Don’t put your faith in others. Keep your faith in God completely. There will be times where you cannot attend a church. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian. Church can be where 2 or more are gathered. If you worship with one or 2 friends the Lord is there. Do not be concerned with what others think or say about you, only God. You know you have a calling and do not need others to confirm. God will open the doors at the right time. Trust in God from beginning to end with all your heart. I know it’s difficult to know God could heal your illness but doesn’t. I’ve struggled with that. But just keep in mind God doesn’t like aimless suffering that doesn’t have a purpose or a reason. We have to trust there is a reason for it and God can take the most horrible things in the world and change them into things of such beauty they can take our breath away. Love in Christ. Keep fighting the good fight! God always answers our prayers. It’s just a matter of time.
 
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