New Study Online Dating

[Ana the Ist]

So this happened....

Most Of Us Are Trying To Date 'Out Of Our League,' New Study Suggests

Turns out everyone, more or less, tries to date someone roughly 25% more desirable than they are themselves.

Here's an interesting finding though....

Some of the findings from the study were more depressing: Bruch and her team determined that, although men’s sexual desirability peaks at age 50, women’s starts high at 18 and drops from there.

“The steepness of the desirability curve by age for women definitely surprised me, as did the fact that it declined steadily between ages 18 and 65,” Bruch told HuffPost. “Other studies have shown that men prefer younger women, but our study laid out starkly the implications of these preferences for market position.”

Women reach peak desirability at 18....then it's all downhill. Men on the other hand, peak around 50.

I suspect that it has a lot to do with their formula for determining desirability....but still pretty interesting. Thoughts?

 

[Freodin]

I feel flattered that I am at the peak of my desirablity. But I still don't have any desire to date an 18 year old.

 

[tall73]

“Our study suggests that people are pursuing partners who are a little more desirable than they are. Women are a bit less aspirational than men,” said Elizabeth Bruch, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Michigan and an author of the study.

This notion that men tend to be more aspirational matches up with the data from OK cupid (they initially posted it on their blog and I think later removed it, but this story discusses it).

Women Find 80% Of Men Unattractive, Says Crazy Study

They actually found women find only the top 20 percent of men as medium attractive or higher, but tended to be slightly more realistic as to who they might attract when actually reaching out.

I think the original article may have mentioned the theory that higher testosterone levels often drive higher risk taking, so men tend to aim high when messaging.

 

[Not David]

Well, a 20-year-old man like me would not have a lot to offer like someone who is in his 40s or 50s.

 

[Tanj]

If most of us are trying to date out of our league then 50% of us end up disappointed.

 

[tall73]

If most of us are trying to date out of our league then 50% of us end up disappointed.

Yes, online dating is probably not that helpful for those in the bottom 50 percent of attractiveness.

And then there are the questions of how this plays out for people looking for longer-term commitments. Those who are at the upper end of attractiveness know they are in demand. I seem to recall some discussion, have to remember where, that the top level of men tend to date larger numbers of women(not surprising), but tend to take their time to settle down. Since their stock continues going up, as this study also alluded to, they have less incentive to commit.

On the other hand, women may be aiming for top-tier men, but if their stock goes down more quickly, as this study suggests, they cannot afford to be picky for long. If they do not convince a top-tier candidate to settle down soon, then they will find their own stock declining, and have fewer realistic choices then they might have if they had started a bit lower to begin with.

Also, as more women now than men graduate with degrees, some also delay settling down until they have finished school. This could be good for establishing their career, but may hurt their chanced if attractiveness to mates declines.

So the dynamics mentioned regarding attractiveness, if they hold true in larger samples, may play out very well for the few top tier men who wish to settle down, very poorly for bottom tier men and women in attractiveness, and not all that great for attractive women if they are looking for commitment. If the most attractive men want to they can play the field a long time. And while some might consider that a "good" outcome, I am not sure it is for society or morality.

 

[Tanj]

Yes, online dating is probably not that helpful for those in the bottom 50 percent of attractiveness.

On the contrary, they're the most hopeful, given that just about anyone is going to be "out of their league".

It's the top 50% I feel sorry for!

[snip]

Sorry, you appear to want to have a serious conversation about this, you'll have to find someone else.

 

[Ana the Ist]

I feel flattered that I am at the peak of my desirablity. But I still don't have any desire to date an 18 year old.

I forget all the details but "desirability" was rated by number of messages one gets in relation to the desirability of those sending the messages.

Obviously not a perfect system.

 

[tall73]

Some further info from the study itself (not a new study by the way, about a year old)

https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/advances/4/8/eaap9815.full.pdf

Of the cities studied, Seattle presents themost unfavorable dating climate formen, with as many as two men for every woman in some segments of the user population.


Here, we see an interesting difference between women and men: The women show an increase in their use of positive words when communicating with more desirable partners, while the men show a decrease.The effect size is modest but is consistent across all four cities and statistically significant

For example, in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages. Although our analysis cannot reveal the underlying process that gives rise to these behaviors (for example, reinforcement learning),this result may offer a hint about why men tend to write somewhat less positive messages to more desirable partners. Similarly, only Seattle men experience a payoff to writing longer messages—and Seattle is the only city where men write longer messages to more desirable mates. Overall,however, the variation in payoff for different strategies is fairly small, suggesting that, all else being equal, effort put into writing longer or more positive messages may be wasted.

By 2013, the Pew Research Center (28)found that 11% of all American adults, and 38% of those who were currently single and searching for a partner, had used online dating sites or mobile apps. Two-thirds of online daters had gone on a date with some-one they met through a site, and almost a quarter (23%) had entered into a marriage or a long-term relationship with someone they met through a site. Thus, online dating now plays a substantial role in the organization of sexual and romantic relationships in the United States—it is currently the third most common way partners meet after meeting through friends or in bars

On the other hand, women reply very selectively to the messages they receive from men—their average reply rate is less than 20%—so women’s replies (along with the small fraction of first messages sent by women) can give us significant insight about who they are interested in.

 

[Trogdor the Burninator]

If most of us are trying to date out of our league then 50% of us end up disappointed.

 

[bèlla]

There are too many variables. You can weed out a lot of the problems through a well written profile that’s candid and personable. You’re not trying to attract everyone but the right some one. I include key things my prospects are seeking and let the calling card do its work.

 

[iluvatar5150]

Turns out everyone, more or less, tries to date someone roughly 25% more desirable than they are themselves.

tbh, I'm surprised it's that low.

Women reach peak desirability at 18....then it's all downhill. Men on the other hand, peak around 50.

A little more extreme than I assumed, but

Some further info from the study itself (not a new study by the way, about a year old)

https://advances.sciencemag.org/content/advances/4/8/eaap9815.full.pdf

Of the cities studied, Seattle presents themost unfavorable dating climate formen, with as many as two men for every woman in some segments of the user population.


Here, we see an interesting difference between women and men: The women show an increase in their use of positive words when communicating with more desirable partners, while the men show a decrease.The effect size is modest but is consistent across all four cities and statistically significant

For example, in all four cities, men experience slightly lower reply rates when they write more positively worded messages. Although our analysis cannot reveal the underlying process that gives rise to these behaviors (for example, reinforcement learning),this result may offer a hint about why men tend to write somewhat less positive messages to more desirable partners. Similarly, only Seattle men experience a payoff to writing longer messages—and Seattle is the only city where men write longer messages to more desirable mates. Overall,however, the variation in payoff for different strategies is fairly small, suggesting that, all else being equal, effort put into writing longer or more positive messages may be wasted.

By 2013, the Pew Research Center (28)found that 11% of all American adults, and 38% of those who were currently single and searching for a partner, had used online dating sites or mobile apps. Two-thirds of online daters had gone on a date with some-one they met through a site, and almost a quarter (23%) had entered into a marriage or a long-term relationship with someone they met through a site. Thus, online dating now plays a substantial role in the organization of sexual and romantic relationships in the United States—it is currently the third most common way partners meet after meeting through friends or in bars

On the other hand, women reply very selectively to the messages they receive from men—their average reply rate is less than 20%—so women’s replies (along with the small fraction of first messages sent by women) can give us significant insight about who they are interested in.

This is because women get bombarded with terrible and horrific stuff all the time (including guys who are effusive) and they don't want to deal with all of that. I had my best luck with 1-2 sentence replies, usually making a brief joke about something in their profile.

 

[tall73]

This is because women get bombarded with terrible and horrific stuff all the time (including guys who are effusive) and they don't want to deal with all of that. I had my best luck with 1-2 sentence replies, usually making a brief joke about something in their profile.

I imagine they do. In another study I read some time ago it indicated that one of the reasons women have a better idea of where they fit on the attractiveness scale comparatively is because they are often solicited. Therefore they know who they could realistically attract (not that the would necessarily want to in many cases). But they have more information over time.

On the other hand men often have to go on less information, and the only way to find out is often rejection.

 

[MehGuy]

Hmm interesting.. I already knew this but whatever.. lol.

I do attract a lot more interest from women compared to 10 years ago. Especially the last few years. Although this probably also has to do with maturing more slowly compared to other men thanks to coming from a highly neotenous family despite having European origin.

I think if a man keeps in shape and works on his finances and finds comfort in who he is, he should more than likely have a bright dating future.

 

[bèlla]

Overall, however, the variation in payoff for different strategies is fairly small, suggesting that, all else being equal, effort put into writing longer or more positive messages may be wasted.

Unless he’s a good conversationalist, short and to the point is best. Lengthy messages from a prospect make my eyes cross. And they’re usually the type that writes every day. Shorter messages are generally more interesting. The length builds up over time.

On the other hand, women reply very selectively to the messages they receive from men—their average reply rate is less than 20%—so women’s replies (along with the small fraction of first messages sent by women) can give us significant insight about who they are interested in.

I never send the first message. I will thank someone for writing and wish them well in their search if I’m not interested. I’ve had positive feedback from many for my courtesy and politeness.

 

[JCFantasy23]

Women reach peak desirability at 18....then it's all downhill. Men on the other hand, peak around 50.

A lot of reports say women peak in their late 20's, and some 30's. 18 is a new one.


I have two friends who have gone on a lot of dates from the service. One friend in particular and the men she meets, most seem pretty lazy with relationship and effort.

 

[iluvatar5150]

Re: men peaking @ 50

That's probably about the goldilocks zone for physical appearance, financial stability, and willingness to date a divorcee with 1-3 kids.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I guess it must work for some people
Meeting online has become the most popular way U.S. couples connect, Stanford sociologist finds