New Member--Questions about Christian Marriage

Aug 18, 2022
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Re-posted from Introduce Yourself thread:

My name is Michael Nelson (Mike) and my prospective wife is Mary Theresa Fernandez (Terry). We are not members of a specific church but worship at the Upland Church of Christ, in person when able, otherwise by live stream. We go in person when the staff of our assisted living facility is willing to assist me to get out of bed on Sunday morning (there are many times they are not).

We have been residents of two skilled nursing facilities and now an assisted living facility. The church mentioned is next door to the facility. I am 65 and she is 60, we are both severely disabled. The church next door is about the limit of my capability of travel. We have known each other for four and one half years and have been in love for at least four of them. We believe in the Nicene creed and would consider ourselves evangelical Christians.

We are roommates but live chastely. This sometimes troubles my conscience as Christians are advised to "refrain from even the appearance of sin." However, we have learned that this is the only way we can help protect each other from the abuse and neglect both medical and custodial that disabled people who have to depend on Medicaid are often subject to. We are only alive by the grace of God and the diligent advocacy each for the other.

We are both scripturally (to the best or our knowledge and belief) divorced from our respective first spouses. Neither of us we sinless, but have suffered adultery. After much prayerful consideration, we wish to marry.

We would have done so were it not for US Government rules. Terry would lose every cent of her SSI immediately, and could apply for wife's benefits under my Social Security Disability (which would be substantially less) after one year. In the meantime, we would be about $1,000 per month short of the rent here, and could not afford even lesser rent at any place where we could get adequate care.

These facts have been repeatedly confirmed by the Social Security Administration.

I would gladly endure economic hardship to marry the woman I love; but the government would demand economic suicide. I have come to believe that government has cruelly abused their purported power over marriage, and people shouldn't need or want government permission to marry. But for us it is also a matter of survival, definitely economic and perhaps literal survival.

We offer this situation to God for His help and we humbly ask anyone who could help for their assistance. It would be a great blessing if a pastor who believes in Sovereign Christian Marriage could come to Upland.
 

com7fy8

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Well, Michael, welcome to Christian Forums.

And . . . as usual . . . we all have impossible things to handle. And God is the One who guides us and takes care of things.

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

So, it is our Father's basic Christian will for us, how we submit to how He personally rules each of us in our "hearts" . . . very personal guiding, indeed, is in this peace, with His creativity. So, simply obey Him, now, and keep on doling this, and you will discover all He pleases to do with you.

God's word is very clear how this evil world is anti-love. And in the midst of this evil world, we always can do His will . . . every moment . . . right now. So, enjoy discovering what this is, how things will add up and fit together.

My opinion is there is nothing to change. Stay the way you are and grow more in Jesus. And enjoy how God creates.
 
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disciple Clint

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Re-posted from Introduce Yourself thread:

My name is Michael Nelson (Mike) and my prospective wife is Mary Theresa Fernandez (Terry). We are not members of a specific church but worship at the Upland Church of Christ, in person when able, otherwise by live stream. We go in person when the staff of our assisted living facility is willing to assist me to get out of bed on Sunday morning (there are many times they are not).

We have been residents of two skilled nursing facilities and now an assisted living facility. The church mentioned is next door to the facility. I am 65 and she is 60, we are both severely disabled. The church next door is about the limit of my capability of travel. We have known each other for four and one half years and have been in love for at least four of them. We believe in the Nicene creed and would consider ourselves evangelical Christians.

We are roommates but live chastely. This sometimes troubles my conscience as Christians are advised to "refrain from even the appearance of sin." However, we have learned that this is the only way we can help protect each other from the abuse and neglect both medical and custodial that disabled people who have to depend on Medicaid are often subject to. We are only alive by the grace of God and the diligent advocacy each for the other.

We are both scripturally (to the best or our knowledge and belief) divorced from our respective first spouses. Neither of us we sinless, but have suffered adultery. After much prayerful consideration, we wish to marry.

We would have done so were it not for US Government rules. Terry would lose every cent of her SSI immediately, and could apply for wife's benefits under my Social Security Disability (which would be substantially less) after one year. In the meantime, we would be about $1,000 per month short of the rent here, and could not afford even lesser rent at any place where we could get adequate care.

These facts have been repeatedly confirmed by the Social Security Administration.

I would gladly endure economic hardship to marry the woman I love; but the government would demand economic suicide. I have come to believe that government has cruelly abused their purported power over marriage, and people shouldn't need or want government permission to marry. But for us it is also a matter of survival, definitely economic and perhaps literal survival.

We offer this situation to God for His help and we humbly ask anyone who could help for their assistance. It would be a great blessing if a pastor who believes in Sovereign Christian Marriage could come to Upland.
your situation creates a question in my mind. Marriage is between you two and God it is a covenant, so if you exchange vows you are married in the eyes of God, the civil law is an invention of man, so now I am debating with myself what God's view might be if you enter the covenant but fail to comply with the laws of man? I am not making a suggestion here. I am simply opening a question.
 
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timf

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Marriage is an interesting condition. Initially there were only three people involved (Adam, Eve, and God).

Today there can be a host of people from family, friends, a church, photographer, wedding planner, and even the government. Government involvement was initially established to provide a legal basis for property and child custody issues.

Many people forgo government involvement and some states have common law such that even without government involvement a legal basis for "marriage" is established.
 
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public hermit

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Civil law regarding marriage and Christian marriage are two separate institutions. When folks say their vows and the celebration begins, none of it is legal until the one who presides signs the marriage license. Legal marriage can be done by anyone who has been qualified, not just clergy. They are two separate institutions and should be treated such. Y'all do you; God knows your hearts. Let those who judge you wring their hands.
 
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By_the_Book

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Re-posted from Introduce Yourself thread:

My name is Michael Nelson (Mike) and my prospective wife is Mary Theresa Fernandez (Terry). We are not members of a specific church but worship at the Upland Church of Christ, in person when able, otherwise by live stream. We go in person when the staff of our assisted living facility is willing to assist me to get out of bed on Sunday morning (there are many times they are not).

We have been residents of two skilled nursing facilities and now an assisted living facility. The church mentioned is next door to the facility. I am 65 and she is 60, we are both severely disabled. The church next door is about the limit of my capability of travel. We have known each other for four and one half years and have been in love for at least four of them. We believe in the Nicene creed and would consider ourselves evangelical Christians.

We are roommates but live chastely. This sometimes troubles my conscience as Christians are advised to "refrain from even the appearance of sin." However, we have learned that this is the only way we can help protect each other from the abuse and neglect both medical and custodial that disabled people who have to depend on Medicaid are often subject to. We are only alive by the grace of God and the diligent advocacy each for the other.

We are both scripturally (to the best or our knowledge and belief) divorced from our respective first spouses. Neither of us we sinless, but have suffered adultery. After much prayerful consideration, we wish to marry.

We would have done so were it not for US Government rules. Terry would lose every cent of her SSI immediately, and could apply for wife's benefits under my Social Security Disability (which would be substantially less) after one year. In the meantime, we would be about $1,000 per month short of the rent here, and could not afford even lesser rent at any place where we could get adequate care.

These facts have been repeatedly confirmed by the Social Security Administration.

I would gladly endure economic hardship to marry the woman I love; but the government would demand economic suicide. I have come to believe that government has cruelly abused their purported power over marriage, and people shouldn't need or want government permission to marry. But for us it is also a matter of survival, definitely economic and perhaps literal survival.

We offer this situation to God for His help and we humbly ask anyone who could help for their assistance. It would be a great blessing if a pastor who believes in Sovereign Christian Marriage could come to Upland.



My heart goes out to you and truly aches for what you're going through. Even the mere idea that you have to be concerned for your physical well-being is heartbreaking.

Yes it has been a long-term issue that the government seems to penalize trying to do the right thing such as marrying in older age. Marrying when you're younger seems to be a benefit regarding the government, being married when you're older seems not to be a benefit.

This is a very difficult thing because you're concerns financially are very real and quite frankly the way it's set up currently is very unfair. You seem to have a very sincere heart for God and God knows that heart without a doubt, he knows you want to honor him. In these types of situations I have to wonder just how concerned God really is about the piece of paper as long as the covenant of marriage has been entered into with one's whole heart. To me it's equated to the idea of baptism. Let's say a man gets saved on the battlefield and there's no body of water in which to get baptized or a minister to do the baptism, so a small amount of water is poured over his head by a Christian comrade in symbolism of baptism, does God hold it against him that he was TRULY UNABLE to perform baptism by emersion with a minister?
 
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Aug 18, 2022
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Been away for a while. I have come to the conclusion that God has answered my prayers (as He always does), but for His own reasons, the answer is "no". My relationship with God is rather strained at the moment, but I believe, Lord, hep my unbelief.
 
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