New here looking for advice

[Neostarwcc]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

I applaud you guys for wanting to keep the baby. I would advise you to not give it up for adoption and still love that baby as if it was biologically your own. I mean I'm sorry your wife was raped but every baby is a gift from God. It must be really sad for your wife though to have a constant reminder of her rape but if she is okay with keeping and raising this baby you should support her as her husband. As for telling your parents that can be awkward to have to explain to them your wife was raped and conceived a child with another man but I think they will still support you guys and your decision to keep the baby and still be great grandparents to that child. And who knows maybe you will have biological kids of your own someday. You are still very young. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help but that's the only advice I can give you. You will be in my prayers.

 

[Christianpurpose]

I applaud you guys for wanting to keep the baby. I would advise you to not give it up for adoption and still love that baby as if it was biologically your own. I mean I'm sorry your wife was raped but every baby is a gift from God. It must be really sad for your wife though to have a constant reminder of her rape but if she is okay with keeping and raising this baby you should support her as her husband. As for telling your parents that can be awkward to have to explain to them your wife was raped and conceived a child with another man but I think they will still support you guys and your decision to keep the baby and still be great grandparents to that child. And who knows maybe you will have biological kids of your own someday. You are still very young. I'm sorry if I wasn't much help but that's the only advice I can give you. You will be in my prayers.

We will keep it, im look foward to it I just needed to hear it from older people. Im starting to see the blessing in this whole situation. God gave us a family

 

[eleos1954]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

Abortion is off the table .... good! So, the choice is have the baby, keep it or give it up for adoption. This situation is what it is .... proceed in truth. When the baby is born, have a blood test to make double sure. Hearts often change when a baby is born .... decide then.

Even tho the child was conceived in rape God has a plan for the child. Hang on to that no matter what.

May the Lord give you peace and help all through this difficult time. Amen

 

[Neostarwcc]

We will keep it, im look foward to it I just needed to hear it from older people. Im starting to see the blessing in this whole situation. God gave us a family

Yes God gave you the start to your family. You can look at it that way. He took something that was painful and traumatic and turned it into a blessing. When that child is born treat that child like your own. To me it doesn't matter if you're the biological father or not. A dad is still a dad. And sometimes biological dads aren't what they're cracked up to be. My dad physically and verbally abused me when I was a kid so when I was growing up I half wished that I had a step dad to take care of me instead of my biological one. Like I said every baby is a gift from God. Sometimes I forget that that includes me as well. My mom was so happy when I was born and she loves my sister and I so much.

And God loves me so much and he was very happy when I was born too. So yeah. Support your wife and when your child is born treat him or her as if he were your own. That helps a lot.

 

[Christianpurpose]

Abortion is off the table .... good! So, the choice is have the baby, keep it or give it up for adoption. This situation is what it is .... proceed in truth. When the baby is born, have a blood test to make double sure. Hearts often change when a baby is born .... decide then.

Even tho the child was conceived in rape God has a plan for the child. Hang on to that no matter what.

May the Lord give you peace and help all through this difficult time. Amen

She doesn't want adoption and tbh I don't either, I was just giving her options because I can't imagine the horror. We will raise it as our own.

 

[Christianpurpose]

Yes God gave you the start to your family. You can look at it that way. He took something that was painful and traumatic and turned it into a blessing. When that child is born treat that child like your own. To me it doesn't matter if you're the biological father or not. A dad is still a dad. And sometimes biological dads aren't what they're cracked up to be. My dad physically and verbally abused me when I was a kid so when I was growing up I half wished that I had a step dad to take care of me instead of my biological one. Like I said every baby is a gift from God. Sometimes I forget that that includes me as well. My mom was so happy when I was born and she loves my sister and I so much.

And God loves me so much and he was very happy when I was born too. So yeah. Support your wife and when your child is born treat him or her as if he were your own. That helps a lot.

My wife belly is getting bigger now and im im lov that process. Im just scared of the judgement, the kid will most likely be a very diff skin color...so yeah people will just think im some clown with a cheating wife

 

[Neostarwcc]

My wife belly is getting bigger now and im im lov that process. Im just scared of the judgement, the kid will most likely be a very diff skin color...so yeah people will just think im some clown with a cheating wife

Just ignore them. You dont have to explain to them that your wife was raped. Honestly people judge me in public every day because I'm not the best looking person in the world. I just learn to ignore them. It's going to be hard raising this baby I'm not going to lie. But as long as you treat this baby right and provide him with a loving home that's all that matters in the end. It doesn't matter what color he is and what people say. People will say everything in this judgemental sinful world.

Just be the best husband to your wife as you can be and the best father you can be. That's all that should matter.

 

[Willing-heart]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

Please listen to Jennifer & Jeff Christie's story. It is one I am sure you can painfully relate too. Make God give you both the strength to do right by Him. Please remember love conquers hate. Let love win.

Pro-life: why a couple kept baby conceived through rape - Premier Christian Radio

 

[Christianpurpose]

Please listen to Jennifer & Jeff Christie's story. It is one I am sure you can painfully relate too. Make God give you both the strength to do right by Him. Please remember love conquers hate. Let love win.

Pro-life: why a couple kept baby conceived through rape - Premier Christian Radio

Ugh this is so real. Its the most hopeless feeling. Watching my wife who is just 18 and barely being able to breath and the baby does feel like hope. I love her and im happy for our first child

 

[Christianpurpose]

Just ignore them. You dont have to explain to them that your wife was raped. Honestly people judge me in public every day because I'm not the best looking person in the world. I just learn to ignore them. It's going to be hard raising this baby I'm not going to lie. But as long as you treat this baby right and provide him with a loving home that's all that matters in the end. It doesn't matter what color he is and what people say. People will say everything in this judgemental sinful world.

Just be the best husband to your wife as you can be and the best father you can be. That's all that should matter.

Yes. Im glad tho that theres people who would actually not care much, many wouldn't understand

 

[aiki]

God never creates a new life by accident. The Bible says that God opens and shuts the womb. So, no human life ever begins without God intending that it should. So, then, why this baby created through rape? Is it simply insult added to injury? Is the child a cruel and constant reminder of a horrible event? Or, does God perhaps have something altogether different in mind? Maybe He intends the child to be a consolation, a blessing from Him, not a curse. But, you'll have to take His view of human life to see the child this way. God says in the Bible that children are a gift from Him. Each one bears His image and so is enormously precious. God has a particular plan for each life He creates which is true even of children born of rape. The little one gestating in your wife, then, should be received as a kindness from God, and valued very highly - as all human life should be.

 

[Andrew77]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

So... first, just take your time. You are dealing with something big, and you don't need to be running off making rush decisions.

Nothing is on fire. You don't need to have a freak out.

Second, just tell your parents. This is what happened. You are an adult man. You don't need to be overly concerned about what they say. You are not asking for their advice. You are simply telling them what is going on.

Lastly... your wife wants to keep the child. Why not? It's your child now.

Start voting for politicians that will put rapists to death. How these people are still alive in our culture is beyond me.

But you are all messed up in the head, and that is to be expected. Just take your time, and don't do or say anything rash.

 

[Contenders Edge]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

There is simply no way to express the terrible injustice that the two of you suffered. Our hearts go out to you and your wife. Whether you both decide to keep the baby or give it up for adoption is no one’s decision but your own, but it is encouraging to know that abortion is out of the question. One injustice is never corrected by committing another.

I can only pray that God will give both you and your wife the clarity of mind to make to make a sound and reasoned decision about what to do and that He will give you both the wisdom to make the best choice for both yourselves and the child.

But the question that you both need to be asking is this: Are you both capable of raising and caring for this child? One thing that must be made clear is that whatever decision the two of you make, whether it be keeping and raising the child yourselves, or giving it up for adoption, both of you need to make sure that whatever you decide is done for the right reasons and not for the wrong reasons.

If your decision to either keep and raise the child yourselves or to give it up for adoption is based upon all the right reasons and what is best for the child, then you will have nothing to be ashamed of, but if your decision to do either is based on all the wrong reasons, it will be a decision which both of you will find yourselves regretting and which will not be fair to the child.

This is a decision that neither one of you should take lightly either way. Your wife especially needs to understand this and it sounds like her desire to keep the baby rather than giving it up for adoption is based on an emotional one rather than one that has been thoroughly thought through.

The choices you both are faced with are not to be taken lightly or rashly and the questions that both of you need to be asking are this:

If you both decide to keep and raise the child, what are your reasons for coming to that decision?

But if you decide to give the child up for adoption, again, what reasoning is leading you to that decision?

God be with you both and I hope and pray that you both will be given sound counsel in this matter.

 

[PaulCyp1]

If you cannot bring yourselves to love and cherish this child, which would be understandable under the circumstances, you can place him/her for adoption, and allow him/her to be raised in a loving family. Obviously having an innocent child brutally slaughtered could not be the answer. You would have to live with the guilt of such a decision fore the rest of your lives.

 

[Christianpurpose]

So... first, just take your time. You are dealing with something big, and you don't need to be running off making rush decisions.

Nothing is on fire. You don't need to have a freak out.

Second, just tell your parents. This is what happened. You are an adult man. You don't need to be overly concerned about what they say. You are not asking for their advice. You are simply telling them what is going on.

Lastly... your wife wants to keep the child. Why not? It's your child now.

Start voting for politicians that will put rapists to death. How these people are still alive in our culture is beyond me.

But you are all messed up in the head, and that is to be expected. Just take your time, and don't do or say anything rash.

I know what you mean. I do have this feeling of just random life change, I have a good job and in uni, money isnt really the issue. Its more so her and the baby, and being close to her id prefer to keep it as my own, its just that I know is gonna drain me. Work, University- having to win gymnastics to keep scholarship, baby. So I do feel overwhelmed

 

[Christianpurpose]

There is simply no way to express the terrible injustice that the two of you suffered. Our hearts go out to you and your wife. Whether you both decide to keep the baby or give it up for adoption is no one’s decision but your own, but it is encouraging to know that abortion is out of the question. One injustice is never corrected by committing another.

I can only pray that God will give both you and your wife the clarity of mind to make to make a sound and reasoned decision about what to do and that He will give you both the wisdom to make the best choice for both yourselves and the child.

But the question that you both need to be asking is this: Are you both capable of raising and caring for this child? One thing that must be made clear is that whatever decision the two of you make, whether it be keeping and raising the child yourselves, or giving it up for adoption, both of you need to make sure that whatever you decide is done for the right reasons and not for the wrong reasons.

If your decision to either keep and raise the child yourselves or to give it up for adoption is based upon all the right reasons and what is best for the child, then you will have nothing to be ashamed of, but if your decision to do either is based on all the wrong reasons, it will be a decision which both of you will find yourselves regretting and which will not be fair to the child.

This is a decision that neither one of you should take lightly either way. Your wife especially needs to understand this and it sounds like her desire to keep the baby rather than giving it up for adoption is based on an emotional one rather than one that has been thoroughly thought through.

The choices you both are faced with are not to be taken lightly or rashly and the questions that both of you need to be asking are this:

If you both decide to keep and raise the child, what are your reasons for coming to that decision?

But if you decide to give the child up for adoption, again, what reasoning is leading you to that decision?

God be with you both and I hope and pray that you both will be given sound counsel in this matter.

Money isn't an issue. Trust me, i havent selpt since that day well and we have talked about it so much. We have the means, but im aware that the many responsabilities i have and adding this just feels overwhelmed.

 

[The Righterzpen]

You both have far more resolve to keep this child than I would. I'm a 48 year old incest survivor who's spent my fair share of time in hospital psych wards because of what's happened to me.

After having been in the military and in a war; I'm well aware that I'm fully capable of killing someone and on one level; I fear that if I was ever confronted with the situation again, it would be me or him. One of us would meet our Maker in that moment and if I got the opportunity to kill him I would - without hesitation! I still have that much rage. 40 years later.

I know death has the capacity to put closer on things that can not be remedied otherwise. I've seen this with the death of my parents; the death of my husband; and come one day, should Christ not return first, I await the death of my brother. My brother the pedophile, who has at least 9 victims that I'm aware of. There's a very valid reason in Deuteronomy that God commanded rapists to be put to death! "...for as like unto when a man rises and slays his neighbor, so is this matter."

If for some unknown reason to me, that I survived such an ordeal; only to be left with a baby. I know I couldn't keep it. I've read the statistics and of all the women who chose not to have abortions; 100% of them said they were glad they chose to give the child life. That's right. I can see that.

Now they may have regretted other decisions they made. More than one rape victim who chose simply not to abort the child; found themselves dragged through the wringer on the witness stand. Something to be prepared for if the rapist is caught, especially since you intend to keep the child. The defense will argue the sex was consensual and use the fact that you kept the baby as leverage against you. As ugly of a reality as that is; it happens frequently in court.

I would not have the fortudide to keep the child. He/she would be better off with someone else. I already know that about myself. But I'm also looking back on 40 years of dealing with an awful lot of depression and mental illness. I almost gave up the child conceived in my marriage; because I was afraid I couldn't take care of him. I'm glad I kept him. I know I couldn't keep a baby from a rape though.

And I know this is not going to sound like any sort of comparison; but earlier this week I surrendered a dog because I could not take care of both him and my son. My son is now 17 and is facing some serious health problems because his medication is affecting his liver. He may die. The dog had injured himself and required medical care I don't have the resources, or the fortitude to provide. It was a tough decision because I loved the dog too. I have to be humble enough to admit that I have limits though; and that's OK.

So if you and / or your wife come to the place where you conclude the burden is more than you can bear; it's OK to put the child up for adoption. That may be the most heroic thing you can do.

You posted this because you wanted input from the voice of experience.

Well, it's OK to have limits. You're not bad people if you come to the conclusion that you really can't handle this. God's hand is in that too. May He give you wisdom to know what's best for all involved.

 

[JacksBratt]

Its what I was thinking. I type then rip it bcs its hard to tell. But its getting hard to hide and in a way we prayed and feel more comfortable and accept that this is what jesus gave us. What we make of it its what he will judge

Joseph was betrothed to Mary and she was pregnant... She could have been killed back then. Joseph dealt with this in those days.. The child was not his...

You live in a different time... No one is going to question the decision that the two of you have made any more than the people in the days of Jesus.

Stop worrying about what to tell people... what to say... that the baby won't look like you.... WHO CARES.

God allowed this to happen..

Shine the light of God by simply saying:

"Yes, my wife and I were the victims of a heinous crime and as a result, she is pregnant. We believe that this baby is still an innocent life who is also a victim of this crime. We love it as a gift from God and we are going to keep it and raise it as our own as such a gift. The child has done no wrong. Neither have my wife or I... we will not perpetuate evil with evil... We are going to take this negative event and turn it into a positive in our lives"


That... is how you take the desire of Satan.. to break, destroy and cause conflict... and turn it into a huge witness for our God and how great He is.

 

[Ronald]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

God creates life - every life!
The crime was horrible, but your wife is alive and you will live on.
Do not focus on the unjust crime or the genetic code of this fetus. Your wife is the mother and the baby will favor her. You will see your wife in him/her and as you love this innocent child, as he/she looks into your eyes, he/she will see a loving person whom God has assigned to be their Daddy. As you teach this child, as they watch your every move, he/she will begin to resemble your mannerisms and people will someday say, "You're just like your father". The love that you will receive from this child is beyond your comprehension. God is Love and He will always be in this relationship. HE LOVES THIS FETUS, WHOM HE WILL KNIT TOGETHER IN HER WOMB.
It is easy to love any child.
Let me tell you something. My father loved my brother, WHOM was not his biological son. YES, my mother cheated on him while he was in the service. He told me this when I was 44 to set the record straight. My Italian Dad had dark hair and brown eyes and my brother came out with blond hair and blue/ green eyes. My mother also has brown hair and brown eyes. Everyone was shocked and my mother denied it and hid the truth to this day. She explained it away as him looking like her side of the family, but no one looked like my brother. My father knew who the father was, the best man in my uncle's wedding, who lived below my parents apartment with his grandmother. As my brother grew older, he began to look like his real father. It didnt matter, My Dad loved my brother anyways ... and he was an atheist until just before he died.
Love this child, it is your path, a test of faith.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I'm married, im just 20 years old but a few months back while I was representing my university in gymnastics my wife was raped and almost left unconscious. Its been like the hardest moment for me to feel so hopeless while I was so far. But now my life just splat down, <staff edit> shes pregnant and I can't even begin to feel my self. We are pro life, so abortion is off the table. We are thinking of keeping it but cmon how do I even tell my parents this, Im lost and Im young and too dumb to even partake in this. I mentioned adoption and she says she will resent it. I need someone older with experience in this because I really have no idea. My mind isn't here and I cant think straight.

Well, it may be hurting you rather than helping you to keep this from your family. You and your wife need all the support you can get and this is what family is for. But more important than this is the fact that neither you nor your wife can do this without the power of the Holy Spirit. Seek Him for strength.
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”