Never Beautiful Enough, NEVER Good Enough

[FightTheFlesh]

Hi all. I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin. The thing is, I just don't think I'm enough. I'm never good enough and there's always more that I could have done. I am a perfectionist but I feel like it's in my nature to be this way, like it's ingrained in me. Anyway, I got a family member who is wayyyyyy prettier than me and has everything going for her, she has a job and usually always has a boyfriend and when she posts pictures on social media she always gets plenty of likes (more than I have ever gotten or probably ever will get). Really she doesn't even have to try and people are always mesmerized and wowed by her. Almost all the guys wanna be with her. Me on the other hand, I do see my own beauty but most people just don't see it. I have to try super hard to get noticed it to get acknowledged by others. It's been that way most of my life actually. I got other friends who don't have to try at all to get male attention and they get it so easily. I know it's not good to seek outside validation but not gonna lie validation feels really good especially when you're someone who rarely gets it (like me).

It was always up to me to validate myself because no matter how beautiful I felt or how beautiful I found my own self to be nobody else really noticed it or acknowledged it like they do with other women. I could wear something really nice and have my hair done and it wouldn't really make that much of a difference. I could take a really artistic photo and put a lot of effort into it and it wouldn't really be noticed, but my friends and other girls could take a simple photo and get way more likes than I do when I put a lot of effort into it. Should I quit social media altogether. Also because of dealing with this thing where no matter how hard I try and others just nevern seem to notice me it has lead me to believe that I just simply am not good enough and will never be good enough and it makes me fear that any guy who ends up liking me will stop liking me once they meet my prettier family members and friends. Its like no matter how much I try it will never be enough. It's why I try so hard because if it wasn't for the little i do do, then I definitely would be completely invisible. I will always have to jump through hoops to even be considered while they just get to sit around and do nothing and get a swarm of people acknowledging their beauty. I have to work twice as hard as them. I know I sound terrible but this is just honestly the way I feel. I also have a disability (not a visible one) that stops me from being able to work like everyone else. The disability I have has caused me a lot of pain and sorrow and I have quit trying to be anything in life because of this illness. People ridicule me because of it and mock me and make fun of me. Not to mention these family members have done and said hurtful things to me and about me. I want to fully forgive them and move on but I can't help but feel resentment towards them sometimes. I know it's not right but that's how I feel at times and it is a real struggle. Also none of them really support me either. I know I'm not an angel and I'm not perfect so I'm not gonna try to hold up these high standards for them but basically in life I just feel cheated and very unappreciated. I never felt valued or as if I really mattered.

Thanks for reading (if any of you do) .

 

[joshua 1 9]

no matter how beautiful I felt

The Bible talks about inner beauty: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, 4 but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. 5 For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves". 1Peter3

Proverbs 31 talks about a virtuous woman and how her husband trusts in her. God makes us male and female so we can be united together to become one. So we only have to be beautiful to one person, our partner in life.

People ridicule me because of it and mock me and make fun of me.

If I remember right the book: Hinds feet on high places deals with this sort of thing. Why God allows this to happen and what HE hopes to accomplish in our life.

Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard is a highly allegorical novel that traces the steps of the main character, Much-Afraid, from a frightened, deformed, lost soul to a beautiful, spiritually connected, joyful being.

 

[Job3315]

Hi all. I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin. The thing is, I just don't think I'm enough. I'm never good enough and there's always more that I could have done. I am a perfectionist but I feel like it's in my nature to be this way, like it's ingrained in me. Anyway, I got a family member who is wayyyyyy prettier than me and has everything going for her, she has a job and usually always has a boyfriend and when she posts pictures on social media she always gets plenty of likes (more than I have ever gotten or probably ever will get). Really she doesn't even have to try and people are always mesmerized and wowed by her. Almost all the guys wanna be with her. Me on the other hand, I do see my own beauty but most people just don't see it. I have to try super hard to get noticed it to get acknowledged by others. It's been that way most of my life actually. I got other friends who don't have to try at all to get male attention and they get it so easily. I know it's not good to seek outside validation but not gonna lie validation feels really good especially when you're someone who rarely gets it (like me).

It was always up to me to validate myself because no matter how beautiful I felt or how beautiful I found my own self to be nobody else really noticed it or acknowledged it like they do with other women. I could wear something really nice and have my hair done and it wouldn't really make that much of a difference. I could take a really artistic photo and put a lot of effort into it and it wouldn't really be noticed, but my friends and other girls could take a simple photo and get way more likes than I do when I put a lot of effort into it. Should I quit social media altogether. Also because of dealing with this thing where no matter how hard I try and others just nevern seem to notice me it has lead me to believe that I just simply am not good enough and will never be good enough and it makes me fear that any guy who ends up liking me will stop liking me once they meet my prettier family members and friends. Its like no matter how much I try it will never be enough. It's why I try so hard because if it wasn't for the little i do do, then I definitely would be completely invisible. I will always have to jump through hoops to even be considered while they just get to sit around and do nothing and get a swarm of people acknowledging their beauty. I have to work twice as hard as them. I know I sound terrible but this is just honestly the way I feel. I also have a disability (not a visible one) that stops me from being able to work like everyone else. The disability I have has caused me a lot of pain and sorrow and I have quit trying to be anything in life because of this illness. People ridicule me because of it and mock me and make fun of me. Not to mention these family members have done and said hurtful things to me and about me. I want to fully forgive them and move on but I can't help but feel resentment towards them sometimes. I know it's not right but that's how I feel at times and it is a real struggle. Also none of them really support me either. I know I'm not an angel and I'm not perfect so I'm not gonna try to hold up these high standards for them but basically in life I just feel cheated and very unappreciated. I never felt valued or as if I really mattered.

Thanks for reading (if any of you do) .

I feel you. I was in your shoes years ago and I too struggle with a disability. I keep praying for my restoration. Something that helped me a lot was to learn about my gifts, and how unique and important I am in my physical and spiritual family. Beauty is nothing, what matters is having a pure heart. I even think beauty actually gets in the way of communing with God. I learned that I am not my body, I am my soul, and even though I do feed my body and dress it, I remember its just a custom until I get a heavenly one or until the miracle happens. I make sure my soul stays clean and pure. Theres a book called Without Rival by Lisa Bevere. It helped me a lot to find peace with who I am. This scene helps me remember too:

 

[Job3315]

Hi all. I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin. The thing is, I just don't think I'm enough. I'm never good enough and there's always more that I could have done. I am a perfectionist but I feel like it's in my nature to be this way, like it's ingrained in me. Anyway, I got a family member who is wayyyyyy prettier than me and has everything going for her, she has a job and usually always has a boyfriend and when she posts pictures on social media she always gets plenty of likes (more than I have ever gotten or probably ever will get). Really she doesn't even have to try and people are always mesmerized and wowed by her. Almost all the guys wanna be with her. Me on the other hand, I do see my own beauty but most people just don't see it. I have to try super hard to get noticed it to get acknowledged by others. It's been that way most of my life actually. I got other friends who don't have to try at all to get male attention and they get it so easily. I know it's not good to seek outside validation but not gonna lie validation feels really good especially when you're someone who rarely gets it (like me).

It was always up to me to validate myself because no matter how beautiful I felt or how beautiful I found my own self to be nobody else really noticed it or acknowledged it like they do with other women. I could wear something really nice and have my hair done and it wouldn't really make that much of a difference. I could take a really artistic photo and put a lot of effort into it and it wouldn't really be noticed, but my friends and other girls could take a simple photo and get way more likes than I do when I put a lot of effort into it. Should I quit social media altogether. Also because of dealing with this thing where no matter how hard I try and others just nevern seem to notice me it has lead me to believe that I just simply am not good enough and will never be good enough and it makes me fear that any guy who ends up liking me will stop liking me once they meet my prettier family members and friends. Its like no matter how much I try it will never be enough. It's why I try so hard because if it wasn't for the little i do do, then I definitely would be completely invisible. I will always have to jump through hoops to even be considered while they just get to sit around and do nothing and get a swarm of people acknowledging their beauty. I have to work twice as hard as them. I know I sound terrible but this is just honestly the way I feel. I also have a disability (not a visible one) that stops me from being able to work like everyone else. The disability I have has caused me a lot of pain and sorrow and I have quit trying to be anything in life because of this illness. People ridicule me because of it and mock me and make fun of me. Not to mention these family members have done and said hurtful things to me and about me. I want to fully forgive them and move on but I can't help but feel resentment towards them sometimes. I know it's not right but that's how I feel at times and it is a real struggle. Also none of them really support me either. I know I'm not an angel and I'm not perfect so I'm not gonna try to hold up these high standards for them but basically in life I just feel cheated and very unappreciated. I never felt valued or as if I really mattered.

Thanks for reading (if any of you do) .

Also, sometimes our worst enemy is our own selves. It took my a long time to realize an offense is not given, but taken, it is ok to remove yourself from unhealthy people but you will never be able to escape yourself; wherever you go, there you are. So I learned what God says about His people and reprogrammed my mind to take any thoughts captive that go against what God says and I declare the truth. It took me a while but it gets better and easier.

 

[joshua 1 9]

This scene helps me remember too:

God writes the book of our life before we are even born. Our angel reads out book and they help us to discover God's plan for us. Even at conception we are given all of our gifts, talents and abilities. WE need to learn how to use what God give us for His Praise, Honor and Glory. We should not seek honor for our-self, we should seek to Honor God.

 

[Marilyn C]

Hi all. I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin. ....
Thanks for reading (if any of you do) .

Hi FightTheFlesh,

Quite understand, however you need to realise that all beauty fades, we all grow old. So you have a choice to beat your self up and never be happy, or learn to appreciate yourself and care for yourself. The never ending cycle of trying to be of the prettiest, smartest, most beautiful ones, is very shallow. If any of those had an accident and was marred where would the adulation be then.

You live in your skin and need to appreciate all you do have. I also suggest you learn to appreciate other things of real value, - people who are learning to overcome great difficulties, people who reach out to help others. If you start to help others then you will move your focus to worthwhile things, - people, for they are all that goes into eternity.

Be one that builds for eternity and not the transient things of this world.

Marilyn.

 

[Job3315]

God writes the book of our life before we are even born. Our angel reads out book and they help us to discover God's plan for us. Even at conception we are given all of our gifts, talents and abilities. WE need to learn how to use what God give us for His Praise, Honor and Glory. We should not seek honor for our-self, we should seek to Honor God.

Do you believe everything that happens is because God decided it?

 

[joshua 1 9]

Do you believe everything that happens is because God decided it?

I believe we have free will and God has a permissive will. He allows things to happen when He can cause good to come out of it.

 

[Heavenhome]

In answer to should you get off social media, I would say yes. Don't be worried about all the" likes" others get, it is all a big lie and in no way relates to anyone's true value.

God sees you as fearfully and wonderfully made and He knows you so well, He knows the very number of hairs on your head, that's how important and LOVED you are by Him.

The worldly ways of judging and valuing on appearance are viewed by God as wrong, He sees a persons heart.
You are most precious to God and the beauty He sees in you will never fade away.
Spend time with God and He will give you the peace that passes all understanding.
God bless you dear one.

 

[bèlla]

Hi all. I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin.

You have to find your identity and worth in God. We are told if we’re pleasing men we cannot please God. Man is never satisfied. You’ll be on an endless obstacle course seeking approval and validation. And just because they say it doesn’t mean they’re being honest.

Anyway, I got a family member who is wayyyyyy prettier than me and has everything going for her

Why are you comparing yourself to her or others? You are making yourself sick by doing so and rejecting God’s fashioning. What you’re essentially saying is its not enough or good enough because it doesn’t mirror your neighbor’s. I don’t think you mean that.

The end result of comparison is unhappiness, ingratitude, jealousy, covetousness, envy, bitterness and rejection. By the time you’re done you’ll hate yourself and them as well.

If social media is feeding your insecurity stop using it. You are using it to garner notice and when it fails to occur you’re upset. Having male attention is meaningless. It doesn’t mean they value you and will treat you well.

God is doing you a big favor by keeping them away. You could find yourself in a bad situation. Men can sense insecurity and desperation. And a predator will exploit you in a heartbeat. You want to attract someone in the right way for the right reasons.

I’m going to dispel a few things for you. I don’t know if your friends have done the same. But I think the truth is best. Attractiveness is a double-edged sword. Your external beauty is an asset and a liability. Up until this point you’ve emphasized the positives. But the negatives are plentiful.

It can be difficult to make friends with either sex. Women can become jealous and competitive. They may resent your appearance and refuse to include you if they feel threatened or overshadowed. And gossip is plentiful.

Men will befriend you with ulterior motives. I haven’t had a male friend in 13 years. It never works. Inevitably, they desire more or express an interest from the start. I’ve had close friendships fall to pieces when revelations were made down the road. They kept it secret and used the bond to gain my trust.

And I don’t have a Christian man I can turn to for brotherly support. Many engage with dating and marriage in mind. Few are genuinely interested in my welfare. Some offered to share a burden in prayer (the Lord had given me) and propositioned me while doing so.

Longstanding connections are no different. When I asked an acquaintance for assistance with vetting and accountability. He asked me how that benefited him. I thought I misunderstood him. But he reiterated the comment and held firm. I stopped trying and saved myself a lot of grief.

And there’s dating of course. Men with aesthetic preferences have demands and expectations most aren’t subject to. The more he brings to the table the firmer they are. Some only desire an arm piece. That’s your only purpose. Others will invest in a companion but she is his trophy. And he expects her to look good at all times.

There are men who don’t behave this way. They value their partner’s beauty but don’t make it an idol. Others will have you on a treadmill if the scale begins to climb. Suffice to say there are people who choose someone based on their looks and not who they are.

And you have to sift through the nice words. You have to listen for ego or insecurities he’s trying to cover up through you. Because oftentimes that’s the case. At the end of the day most of us desire a companion who values us for who we are and what we bring to their lives. We want to be loved and respected.

Being physically attractive isn’t a slam dunk. It doesn’t mean you get the pick of the litter. You can end up with far worse. Stop telling yourself it guarantees a better life. It doesn’t. Just different headaches but headaches nonetheless.

Only God can fill our empty space. We can’t put others in the void. They’ll come up short. I think somewhere in your heart you know this. You are enough. Because God said so.

 

[Lost4words]

Social media is a modern evil. Full of negatives and falsities. I never go on any of those sites.

Dont judge yourself by how others look or act. Be yourself. Be proud of who you are.

God made you. He loves you. Ask God to guide you.

God bless you friend

 

[timewerx]

....and when she posts pictures on social media she always gets plenty of likes (more than I have ever gotten or probably ever will get).

That sums up half of the problem - social media.

That thing actually drives a lot of people to become insecure about themselves and even drive them into depression.

I stopped being on facebook, etc and one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

I often explained to friends and relatives that I quit facebook because I got addicted to it and quitting is probably the only thing that would solve the addiction. They seem to accept.

 

[Blade]

Not sure what to say sorry.. next time your just talking to the Father ask Him to show you how He sees you. He WILL! You'll never be the same. Others shared very beautiful things.. praise GOD glory to Jesus

 

[paul1149]

I really would like to know how I could feel good enough and valuable enough in my own skin.

But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. - 2Co 10:12​

I'm sure others have said, the way to do this is to get your eyes off of others and onto God. The enemy of your soul would love to get you comparing yourself to others, because this can breed only envy or pride, both of which are obstacles to the power of God working in you.

Start laboring to get "likes" from Father, not man. Find positive things to do rather than competing with others. The love of God has the power to transform how you perceive yourself, and it will do so permanently because it cannot be taken away. Once you have been affirmed by the Father, the approval of man will be nice when it comes for the right reasons, but you will not be in bondage to it.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Mt 6.33​

 

[com7fy8]

when she posts pictures on social media she always gets plenty of likes (more than I have ever gotten or probably ever will get).

That sums up half of the problem - social media.

That thing actually drives a lot of people to become insecure about themselves and even drive them into depression.

Well, if a sports team is getting a score, people can get very excited and stressed about how their team is doing, for a score.

So, I can see what can be happening on the Net > people can feel the likes they get are a score on themselves. But ones who are wise know those likes don't mean anything, really, except what is true about each person giving the like. Each one is different; because each person is unique with different ways and reasons for giving their likes.

Plus, what you look like is not you, really. How we are in the sight of God is what matters to God . . . and to people who know how to love you. There are people who do not know how to love; so they will go after beautiful looking women and handsome men, with no evaluating of how people really are. Of course, there are ones who want someone to look nice, but they make sure the person is really a kind and caring and honest person.

I used to be in conversations about the attractive girls in our schools. Guys would say how great they looked, but also I would hear about if the girl was conceited . . . "stuck up" . . . and they could make a point about talking about how someone was immoral; and we would talk about if she was a really nice to people.

There are men who do not know how to love. And they can be giving the attention to the nicer looking girls, but not for love. They can want status of being seen with the attractive girls. And certain ones, not all, want immorality. They do not have love satisfying them deeply; so they are desperate for pleasure to make them feel a fake satisfaction. We see, now, how people even build their identity around how they prefer to get their pleasure.

And if a lot of guys were tailgating you and swarming you, how well would you be able to handle it? I think God makes us able to handle what is enough, by the way. No one needs to be good at managing a crowd of men and women, in my opinion. We need to become able to personally share and care with one another > this can be more challenging . . . to learn, discover how to relate in a close relationship . . . and in a family way while in groups, not with you being in control of the group, but sharing as family.

And become able to have compassion for all the ones who are desperate and do not know how to love. You might consider how ones of them would feel if they had been born in your body They possibly are not that different than you are, if they can let outward beauty be that big of a thing for them. So, you need to get wise to this, then have mercy on them, have compassion and forgiveness for them and if people do not know how to love, do not let them have power over you to decide how you see yourself. But you become their example, with Jesus.