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Needing some advise and emotional support

Discussion in 'Caregivers Support' started by wife2jeff, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Hi there, I am really in need of some support. My husband has had a lot of medical issues, most recent he had stage 3 colon cancer. Had surgery to remove part of his colon and is now just starting chemo_On top of this, right out of surgery he started developing some type of nerve problem so now we are dealing with this on top of chemo, cancer and everything else.
    My husband is not a believe, well I am not positive he is very angry with God and doesn't understand why God would allow this all to happen to him.
    So that is one area I struggle, the other area I struggle is his up and down emotions. He gets so angry at his issues and says he doesn't want to be here anymore and just gets frustrated with his new adjustments since his surgery. I love him and feel so helpless and I never know what to say or do when he says these things. Has anyone gone through this?
     
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  2. joshua 1 9

    joshua 1 9 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We know that all things work out for the best for them that love God and are called according to His purpose. I think we all have gone though times when our faith is tested to see if we are going to trust that God really does know what He is doing. What He allows to happen in this world. With all of the needs that your husband has why does He not turn to God for help. He wants to blame God but he does not want to accept that he has not made their best of choices in life and there are consequences for that. Our only hope is the Blood of Jesus and to put it all under the Blood and to Trust In HIM that He knows what HE is doing. Then we can be set free from the chains that bind us.
     
  3. ajcarey

    ajcarey Active Member

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    That is tough and must be very uncomfortable for you. I can only say that it's an opportunity to draw closer to God in prayer and don't assume you need to say anything- your patient example and faithfulness in giving him the care he needs speaks louder than any words you can say.

    1 Peter 3:1-6: "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."

    1 Peter 5:6-11: "6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: 7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
    9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world. 10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 11 To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen."
     
  4. Justified Sinner

    Justified Sinner New Member

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    I agree with ajcarey. Don't think you have to have the words to fix everything and make him feel better. You don't. There's nothing you can say to make it better. Just being with him and loving him in his struggle is enough.

    I'm sure you are, but continue to pray for him. Pray that God would heal him and help him see His grace. God is obviously working on Him because he's angry with God. At least he believes God exists. Now perhaps God will change his heart and enable him to embrace Him instead of being angry with him. Btw, God can handle your husband's anger toward Him.
     
  5. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +8,199
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    Just be as loving as you can be no matter what. My husband and my father, his mother, and two of my siblings died of cancer, two of them were younger than we'd expect. Some of them were not Christians.

    God bless you and him.
     
  6. Brenda Blakely

    Brenda Blakely New Member

    17
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    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Dear needing some advice and emotional support,


    What a beautiful testimony you give to the power of love. You and your husband are facing many life changing challenges but God is there and He is with you. I know firsthand (stage 4 breast cancer) that the changes that come with medical issues are sometimes hard to accept. Sometimes you lose your identity to overwhelming changes that you have no control over and it is hard to get it back. But God knows and God cares. Thank you so much for being willing to stand by your man as he works thru these adjustments.


    I suggest that you and he might benefit from support group/s. Here is a number you can call for resources-855 382 5433. The power of prayer is strong so I suggest that you ask for prayer from people who will pray. I suggest that you also try to stay involved with fellowship especially with other believers. God cares, He knows and He has a plan. I am praying for you and your husband. God bless you.
     
  7. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    Thank you everyone for the encouraging words. Sometimes I get so frustrated with God and I feel weak at times in my faith because I feel so alone in my walk with the Lord since my husband isn't. I appreciate the encouragement and I pray daily for his salvation and for his heart to be changed.
     
  8. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    Non-Denom
    Married
    Today I have been feeling a little angry with him, he has been so negative due to some issues after surgery. He doesn't even want to try and help his issues, just sit here and says he cant do anything but stay home. It is so frustrating to sit here and listen to him and know what to do and say. Please pray for strength for me
     
  9. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    Non-Denom
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your husband and family, that must be so difficult especially knowing they weren't believers. That is my biggest prayer for my husband right now.

    It is so difficult every day to see him struggle with the issues from surgery. The frustration with doctors that don't even tell you the issues you can face. I pray constantly for him and his change of heart towards God and for strength for me. I think the hardest thing is to hear him get angry and say he's ready to give up and that he's tired of all of this and it wont ever get better, how do you encourage when it's heartbreaking and you don't know either? I feel like he would give up and then what happens? It's so very hard every day and to see him and know whether or not he will feel well or not. He is struggling with so much right now Its heartbreaking.
     
  10. Olly Vie

    Olly Vie New Member

    7
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    United States
    Christian
    Private
    Hello wife2jeff,

    I know this is a difficult position to be in. Some us Christians turns to ask God in the moment when our health fail and have to deal with a lot of issues. In the moment of pain it’s hard to believe anything and all one might think is why me and why do I have to go through that. The question of if really God loves me then why I go through this pain and He not heal. I have asked God to forgive me a couple of times for my impatience when I get overwhelmed with heart breaking diagnosis and had two major surgeries in a space of 8 months. I felt I didn’t deserve that. I felt I have had enough troubles and health challenges to add another surgery again to my life. My faith made it easier for me

    What he is feeling right now is expected. But faith in God make the difference. Jesus Christ at the point before the cross said, “father if it’s your will let this cup pass by me”. Jesus knew and understood the purpose of the cross. We all sometimes want our challenging cups to pass by us but one thing I know is All things will work together for our good. Apostle Paul wished his burden will be taken away in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

    The faith of the Centurion soldier in Matthew 8:5-13 stood in the gab for his sick servant at home and believed the power of Jesus for him.

    It’s a process your husband is going through so at this point all you can do is to be patience, show him more love and pray more for him.

    I pray that the hand of God will take him so that he will come and experience the saving grace of God.
     
  11. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +8,199
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    I am praying for you, wife2jeff. Please don't be angry with him. My life has been hard, but I have victory in Jesus. You can have that victory, too!

    When I was a child in an ungodly home, I bought a Little Golden Book at the dime store. My mother gave me a dollar each month. Little Golden Books were about $.25 I think.

    There was a prayer poem in the book: GOD make my life a little light. I read it repeatedly. Thank God! It finally sank in that I was to help people!

    Here is the prayer:
    Matilda Barbara Betham-Edwards (1836-1919). I. "God make my life a little light." Alfred H. Miles, ed. 1907. The Sacred Poets of the Nineteenth Century

    Don't try to change your husband's thoughts. Just let him see Christ in you! Shower him with patience and love. This is your opportunity to be a blessing to him.
     
  12. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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  13. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    Non-Denom
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    Thank you, I love that little prayer, what a neat thing to find and hold on to as a child.

    I know what he is going through is hard and I sure don't expect him to act like nothing is going on, he has been through a lot over several years but a whole lot just over these past few months. I think what is hard and this is something I need to work on is my feelings play on what my husband is feeling, if he is angry I get a sense of fear, I do not know why because he's not an angry person like violent or anything but when he gets angry he does start to swear and he is normally not like that so it puts me into a fear mode where I feel like I have to make everything better, if he is happy I am happy, when he is sad it makes me sad. I feel like my emotions play too much on his, and I feel like God has been telling me that I am putting my husband before Him. I am working on it but I do have a hard time when he starts cussing at all of his issues.

    I know anger is a natural response to everything he is going through, it's just not something I am use to. He is getting so discouraged with everything that I am literally waiting for him to say I'm done, I'm not doing chemo anymore and just give up.

    Thank you for your prayers we need them thank you. It's very helpful for me to have a place to be able to talk about it with other believers.
     
  14. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +8,199
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    My husband chose hospice at a certain point because he was told he couldn't be cured.

    I'm really sorry that people have to suffer. They couldn't stop my husband's pain. As for feeling sad, I started crying when my husband cried and he later thanked me. I can't help but cry when someone else does and I can't do anything for him or her.

    Don't feel that you're going through this alone.:hug:God is with you in every moment.

    Christian God of all comfort 1.jpg
     
  15. wife2jeff

    wife2jeff New Member

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    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I'm so sorry about your husband, I can't even imagine.
    I have never felt so hopeless in helping someone. I always feel like I'm suppose to be the fixer of things but I know I"m not God and only He can fix things. I have a hard time knowing how to act when he's so upset and angry and hurting.
     
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