Need some advice

[Cierra Nicole Partain]

Hello;
I have been married for about 6months and I have just recently had a dispute with my husband regarding having more children. Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. We both have one from previous marriages but no time one together. About 3weeks after being married and my daughter and I moving our lives from CO to MI my husband tells me he does not and will not have anymore kids.
I am speechless, not only am I mad I am so hurt. I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

 

[DavidFirth]

Hello;
I have been married for about 6months and I have just recently had a dispute with my husband regarding having more children. Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. We both have one from previous marriages but no time one together. About 3weeks after being married and my daughter and I moving our lives from CO to MI my husband tells me he does not and will not have anymore kids.
I am speechless, not only am I mad I am so hurt. I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

No, you're not wrong to be frustrated and upset. That's normal in your predicament.

Talk to him. Tell him how important this is to you. If it is paramount to making your relationship work, then tell him that, too.

And pray. A lot.

 

[tall73]

If I am understanding correctly you both indicated you would be open to further discussion. During the time you came to that agreement was it clear that meant you would not make any immediate decision and this further discussion would happen years down the road?

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

Hello;
I have been married for about 6months and I have just recently had a dispute with my husband regarding having more children. Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. We both have one from previous marriages but no time one together. About 3weeks after being married and my daughter and I moving our lives from CO to MI my husband tells me he does not and will not have anymore kids.
I am speechless, not only am I mad I am so hurt. I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

Pray and ask God to change your husband's heart, if it is His will for you to have more.

 

[MyLordYeshuaTheMessiah]

Hello;
I have been married for about 6months and I have just recently had a dispute with my husband regarding having more children. Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. We both have one from previous marriages but no time one together. About 3weeks after being married and my daughter and I moving our lives from CO to MI my husband tells me he does not and will not have anymore kids.
I am speechless, not only am I mad I am so hurt. I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

He broke his promise indeed, and that was not right. But he has free will to change his mind, as you do.

But to have a child takes 2. Unless both agree, then you can't have a child. Unless it's God's will that you do.
Talk to him about his reasons for not wanting one. Tell him your reasons for wanting one.
Communication is necessary. If something is sitting on your mind. Always immediately talk to him.
Lest your silence turns to grief and stress, then anger, then strife, then rage.

 

[Humble me Lord]

There are so many things we don't know to give great advice. Being married for 6 months, how's the communication? Ages of the other children? Financial situation?
Is your husband a solid Christian?
Based on what you said, I would say pray about it. Give it time. Work on communication with your husband. Make sure God is the head of your life and the household.
God bless your family

 

[maintenance man]

I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

I don't have enough information to say your husband was deceptive. He did tell you he was against having more children. Apparently you had a brief discussion and his mind has not changed. Even though he seems to be firm in his position now, that does not mean he won't change his mind later.

I think 6 months was too soon to bring this up again. For most men, when you first get married it's nice to have your wife all to yourself, and a baby completely disrupts that ideal. I think you should have waited a full year. I would suggest you wait another six months before you bring it up again.

In that time, consider how you might resolve his objections. I assume he's told you why he doesn't want another child? Is it possible to get beyond his concerns?

 

[Dave-W]

No - you are not wrong to be upset.

I agree with Humble. We need more info to be able to give advice.

Was this something you guys discussed BEFORE you got married?
Did you go thru pre-marital counseling?

When DW and I got married (41 years ago in Lansing) we had a disagreement on how many children we wanted. She wanted 6, and I wanted 2. She had come from a much larger family than I did. God worked it out that we had 4. The 2nd pregnancy was twins, so my number of 2 was off the table.

All that to say that if you stay in prayer, God has His own ways of working things out.

 

[snoochface]

I don't think you're wrong to be upset.

However, you both agreed to discuss it down the road. You didn't agree to have more kids down the road. Presumably, the result of the promised discussion could go either way. This decision may have been the end result anyway, only two or five or ten years down the road. Were you prepared for that outcome when you agreed to go forward in the marriage without having the decision nailed down first?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hello;
I have been married for about 6months and I have just recently had a dispute with my husband regarding having more children. Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. We both have one from previous marriages but no time one together. About 3weeks after being married and my daughter and I moving our lives from CO to MI my husband tells me he does not and will not have anymore kids.
I am speechless, not only am I mad I am so hurt. I feel like he ha so betrade me and my trust, I have no idea what to do. I am so heart broken. Am I wrong to be so upset?

I don't think you're wrong to be upset, but for me to even consider offering some advice as one married person to another, I'd kind'a have to know why he thinks he doesn't want more children. Any idea "why" he's against this, Cierra?

 

[akmom]

Children is one of those things that is kind of crucial to discuss before marriage.

If you definitely want kids, then you should tell your future spouse that, and there should be an understanding that you are going to try for kids. A potential spouse that doesn't agree, or gives you a non-committal answer like "maybe," is not a good choice for someone who wants kids.

A "maybe" answer might make a good spouse for someone who could go either way. Someone who is themselves undecided, or at least sure they will be content with or without kids. It sounds like you were not that person. You're the person who needs a spouse that will agree to have kids. The only flexibility, it sounds like, is how long you are willing to wait before having them. It's not clear whether you were upfront about that with him, or whether you thought that agreeing to discuss it later would somehow reserve your option even though he plainly said no.

It sounds like he definitely does not want more kids. A good spouse for him would be someone who also doesn't want more kids, can't have kids, or who has definitely said they can be happy without them. You didn't fall into that category. Telling you "maybe" in order to stave off your concerns, and then declaring his final decision to be "no" once the marriage is finalized, is not genuine or honest. It's taking someone whom you know wants more kids, baiting them with the possibility, and then getting exactly what you wanted in the first place.

It would be a different matter if he was genuinely open to having more kids, but then a few years later you guys run into difficult times and the last thing either of you need is another baby, so you decide to take that off the table. But it's been six months, so he had this plan all along. But honestly, so did you. It was never a "maybe" for either of you. Agreeing to discuss it later was just putting off the inevitable decision which really needed to be made before marriage.

 

[pam4him]

I can see why you would feel betrayed. I wonder if something has changed his mind since you last discussed it. Or could it be he just needs more time to adjust to the doubled family. Perhaps in a calm moment you could gently bring it up, asking if he can help you understand the change of heart or something similar. Listen carefully to his side and truly try to see his point(s). He may change his mind again in the future, but this needs to be something the two of you work out. Prayers for peace and wisdom in this difficult situation.

 

[Odetta]

" Before getting married or even getting to far into my relationships I made it clear that I wanted another child and we agreed we would both be open do talking about it because he did not see ever wanting anymore children. "

The last 9 words of this quote from your post tells me that he told you in the beginning that he did not want more children ever. If you felt so strongly about having a child together, this should have been a red flag for you. Maybe he led you to feel his mind might be changable down the road so that he wouldn't lose you. Or maybe you heard what you wanted to hear because you didn't want to lose him, but not what he was really saying. Open to talking doesn't mean yes, and assuming that it did has opened you up for some hurt.

Honestly, it sounds like he did what I do with my kids sometimes. When they want something I'm definitely not willing to do, in order to avoid an argument I'm not prepared to have at that point in time, I'll sometimes say something like "we'll see" or "we'll talk about it later". Sometimes they can see through it and know I mean no. Sometimes they want what they want so badly they think I mean yes. I've learned I have to be very clear and specific to avoid hurt feelings later. So I can understand why you would feel hurt and a little betrayed, but you played a part in this by not listening closely, not delving deeper with him for complete honesty, and making assumptions that he'll change his mind in order to move forward with a relationship you wanted.

 

[Swan7]

I would take this matter to God and allow Him to direct you. Spend some time talking to Him about this. Thank you for sharing as there are some already in prayer about this matter to help you.