Need help

[swampconcept]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

 

[tturt]

Welcome to CF. Glad you're a believer! We all have areas we need to let the Lord take care of. Encourage you to get in touch with John Eckhardt Ministries. He has been doing deliverance ministry for decades. You'll only want to do that if you will ramp up reading and meditating - just means focusing - on God and His Word. God is our Deliverer (II Sam 22:2, Psa 70:5,)!

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

I just prayed for you Brandon. This is quite a burden to bare. Your faith has given you the strength to not act. That being said, you need the power of the Holy Spirit to remove this burden. Ask to be regenerated through the power of His Holy Spirit. When you pray in all humility, honesty and truth, He will remove this burden. Walk in His Holy Spirit daily. Be blessed.

 

[tdidymas]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

I sympathize with you, because I also feel attracted to girls of teenage years, although I'm in my 60's. I consider it a natural temptation, and use 2 Cor. 10 as God's promise that He will protect me from falling therein. It is natural to be attracted to beauty and youth. It is not sinful, unless the attraction starts to become an obsession or addiction. I often must ask for God's forgiveness about my mental condition and thoughts, and to help me to overcome it and stop thinking that way. Everyone has particular areas of sinfulness that they must constantly seek God's help with. It's the nature of the Christian walk.

So if you feel that your attraction is out of order because of the age range by which your attraction and temptation is sexual in nature, then you should seek help. It's not wrong to question if you are a paedophile, but it would be wrong to yield to fear and try to keep it a secret just because you don't want the general public to know, for fear they will ostracize you. After all, in James it says whoever wants to be friends of the world makes himself an enemy of God, and there is strong indication that confession leads to healing. However, confession must also be discretionary, since many people can't handle knowing the sins of others. So, confess to a therapist, not to the public. And psychologists have a confidentiality ethic, so there shouldn't be any worry in that regard. In any event, keeping sinful secrets is psychologically destructive.
TD

 

[FutureAndAHope]

When we have thoughts that we don't want, they normally originate from satan. It does not mean you are a bad Christian, just that he wants to cause harm to us and others. Resistance is the key, continuing to push those thoughts out of your mind. You should never dwell on the attraction, always never allow it a second to breed. I would also suggest that you continue to pray that God removes this attraction altogether, He can do that.

I would also recommend that you try to find a marriage partner, that will take some of the stress away.

Also, maintain a strong prayer life, and focus on God's word. For Jesus said to His disciples "Pray that you enter not into temptation for the spirit is willing but the flesh weak".

If we have a very weak prayer life, our natural desires can get the better of us, but as we spend time with God, His spirit strengthens us against sin.

To reduce the guilt, know that these thoughts are not you own, you are not evil, you just need to continually fight them off, until God releases you from it altogether.

 

[St. Helens]

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[Elfkind]

I sure am glad there's people like you around, since I was pretty badly damaged as a child by someone using me, and when I recently tried to confront the person that did this, and I had found out he also was part owner of over 10 kindergartens in the city I live in and have 3 children of his own, it haunted me that my lack of action to do anything about this could be harming children, and I'm not sure, but I seem to had been right to have worried, since when I tried to contact his wife all I got was him pretending as nothing and trying to provoke me, and threatening me with police. He could have just said that it was something he did as a teenager and me a child, and that he was a changed man now, and I would have accepted this and even admired him for such a change. But now it is out of my hands, he have to continue with his lies and at least he deleted my son from his Facebook, as this was more then I could take, and I would have lost my self-control if I had thought my son were in danger somehow.

I've met a few people like yourself, but nobody that live completely free from having done anything they regret. One friend at a school I went to, that I noticed was bothered with something, and when I tried to question him he admitted to having abused his two little sisters, and his father had moved away from their home along with him, and even his mother it seemed looked at this boy as nothing else then some kind of monster. And another friend that I've also lost contact with now, had kept it a secret from me that he had been discovered with a lot of child-inappropriate content on his computer as a youth, something another friend of him told me, and he lived at home in an age of 40 or so, with overprotective parents.

I'm just telling about this, as I don't think it's such an uncommon thing as most would want to make it out to be. What is uncommon is that you haven't done something you regret. So I just want to repeat how glad I am that there's such as you around. I don't believe in any world that's divided into bad people and good people personally and neither should you believe anyone that claim to live in such a world. It's clear in the bible that none of us are good people, Jesus said himself that not even He was a good person and that only God is good. I take these worlds literally, and think rather that everyone is living in a life where we are somehow victim of our own lies. Everyone try to present an image to the world where we do our best to be better then what our own experience tell about us. Nobody dare talk straight out and tell how weak we are and how horribly we have sinned, but then again, if someone did then someone else would only use this to their own advantage, stepping on other people to try to look better.

I doubt it very much that there's anything to worry about if you would contact mental health services and try to get someone to talk to. I don't think there's anyone that can "heal" you (except Jesus), but just to sit down and notice how you don't deserve condemnation and how a learned individual would certainly not judge you for having lived a life with such challenges as you have, and still done your best and not lost patience with the world around. I do think though that you can live in purity if you want this. I'm only 40, but I don't feel temptations anymore and God is with me, I'm so sick of turning women into and myself be turned into something to be lusted for, that I rather live out my life alone and in purity, and I think this is the best way to live as well. Even if I know I could find someone to live with if I could, I know I would never be satisfied with such a life, and as long as I pray to God - this is also written in the bible - to be given the Holy Spirit, then God will always answer this prayer. In myself I'm only able to live a life where I weave a web to be come even more and more stuck into, but through the Spirit of Christ I can do anything through Him, and I think this is the same for you, as I don't think you would find any satisfaction in another way of life either.

Sorry for such a long post. I wish I had some wiser words to share. But I don't judge you, no true Christian would. Neither do God judge you, but you are exactly what Jesus are looking for, someone that don't love this world, nor themselves, but are able to take their eyes away from all of that, and instead look toward eternal life. I hope to meet you there brother.

 

[SANTOSO]

Ok, here goes.

Always wanted to talk about this in my real life, face to face, but I'm scared to do so, hence why I am here.

So I have been struggling with this for quite some time, about 15 years now. I am still living at home with my mom, step-father passed a few years ago, so I am very close to the former. Got a few best friends in my life, however I have never discussed this with them as I am afraid of how they will react. It started when I was in my teenage years and continued from there. When I was around 13, 14 I developed a minor attraction to children. At the beginning I didn't think much of it, thinking it would go away, but as the years went by, these urges became much more. I initially repressed the feelings and asked god to take away, and I thought he had. When I grew older, the people I was attracted to stayed the same age. I always wanted to find a group for support, but there aren't any, and I can understand why. We are the most hated in all of society. I have never acted upon my attraction, nor will I ever. And I have never done anything illegal and don't plan to. Am I a peadophile? I obey the laws and respect and agree with society's position on it, and those sort of people. I was meant to go to a therapist about this, but in the end I backed out and never went due to the fear of being reported. Is there any way for this to go away? I am not afraid of commiting any crime, as I have controlled myself for so long. I consider myself a good Christian, and regulary go to church. Why is this happening to me? If there is hate replies, I understand why. Is there any type of counseling that one can go to where I remain anonymous, and I can get treated for this mental disorder?

Those urges are from the enemy. Don’t give in to those urges. If those urges are getting stronger, you have to pray more often.

I understand why you have prayed to no avail. You must understand why your prayer have not been heard; consider this:

Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot SAVE, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; -Isaiah 59:1
but your INIQUITIES have made a separation between you and your God, and your SINS have hidden his face from you so that he DOES NOT HEAR. -Isaiah 59:2

If you want God to hear your prayer, come humbly before and confess your sins and repent. Then God will hear your prayer for deliverance of those urges.

pray a short prayer :
I submit myself to Christ. I resist all sinful passions, desires and covetousness in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen

Pray again and again when those temptations thoughts or feelings arise. The devil and its cohorts will flee in the name of Jesus Christ.

In regard to repentance, repentance is not just sorry, God ! and having a feeling of remorse and regret. No ! Repentance means you have to change the way you think and the way you live; you have to live according to God’s words, as we have heard :

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? -Micah 6:8

Remember the loving kindness of the Lord,
as we have heard:

Consequently, He is ABLE TO SAVE to THE UTTERMOST those who DRAW NEAR to God through Him, since He ALWAYS LIVES TO MAKE INTERCESSION for them. -Hebrews 7:25

Even when our Lord is in heavens, He never stops to pray or make intercession for us, the sinners and offenders and including those who hold lustful thoughts. Why? He wants to save us but we must draw near God through Christ.

That is why we have been admonished:
For those who live according to the flesh SET THEIR MINDS on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit SET THEIR MINDS on the things of the Spirit. -Romans 8:5
For to set the MIND on the flesh is DEATH, but to set the MIND on the Spirit is LIFE and PEACE. -Romans 8:6

Though those urges existed only in your mind, it set on the things of the flesh. You have to resist all those temptations, sinful passions, desires and covetousness.

Consider David when he met many enemies or foes, what he said to God or pray to God:

Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me.
Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in You.
May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for You. Amen -Psalm 25:19-21

So when many enemies are tempting you with those urges, it is because the enemies hate you. Their intent is to shame you. Therefore, you have to take refuge in God and ask the Lord Jesus Christ to deliver you.
And may the Lord’s integrity and uprightness preserve you, as You wait for the Lord.