Need help...

[dayzee]

Hi, I'm dayzee, I'm brand new here, and I am hoping for some friends that can help. I subscribed here thinking I just wanted some fellowship, but I realize it's more than that. I am feeling so down
I seem to be in need of some deliverance...from my horrible "potty mouth" and wretched attitude. I am a single mom, and I have 2 little ones, a boy and a girl. And I suspect I have "mother burnout" but whatever, I just have NO PATIENCE and I am SO FRUSTRATED!! I am so tired and weary all the time. When we get home at the end of the day, my babies just want my attention. I just want to withdraw and be alone. My son suffers the most, he's the oldest at 7 years. In the mornings I am so frazzled trying to get everyone out the door that I am quick-tempered and surly. I love my babies dearly, but why can't I show it more?
I yell and cuss and seem angry all the time. I am really hating myself right now.
I love the Lord dearly, and attend church regularly. I have prayed for, been prayed for and still it continues. Don't know what to do. Is there anyone who has had a similar experience? Anyone who can relate?
If nothing else, please just pray for me, and don't think me a horrible person. I am so desperate for victory...
Thanks for listening.

 

[amie]

Hi Dayzee! I know what you are going through, I have a 5 year old and children do require so much patience...an infinate amount at times... I will be praying for you, I know this is a difficult time for you! I will be there for you though, you can private message me or e-mail anytime. Sometimes it is easy to lose our tempers with our children, but just the fact that you WANT to get help speaks volumes of your character and integrity, for it is not everyone who can acknowledge their mistakes and try to change. So you see my friend, you have already taken the first step, the rest will follow...I'll be here for you and I am praying for you and your beautiful children. Much love to you and I hope to hear from you soon! Your friend, Amie

 

[hasbeens2000]

Hi, Dayzee! Welcome to the boards. I'm kind of new around here myself. It's a neat place to be.

I'm sorry, but I don't have any direct experience in this area. But I know several ladies who do. I'll give you my best shot, and you can pray and think about it, okay?

First of all, I think you're absolutely right in thinking you have 'Mother Burnout'. It was never God's intention for any of us to raise children on our own. You need help with those kids. If your church has small groups I'd seriously recommend you get involved in one, especially one for young mothers. A small group can be invaluable for support. That much I have experienced from both sides.

The other thing I would recommend at least looking at is trying to eliminate as much stress from your life as possible. Your bio says you're a full-time student. What kind of course load are you taking? I'd be willing to bet that it's near impossible to study or do homework with the kids around. You might want to re-think your academic career until your kids are a little older, or at least until you can get some help to take care of them. Being a mom is a full-time job with long hours all by itself. If you're taking a full load in college, you can tack on another full-time job in your studies. That's probably 120 hours a week or more you're on the go. Nobody can hold up under that kind of strain for long, and you're already beginning to see the toll it's taking on your relationship with your kids.

Not to be over simplified, but something has to change, or everything will stay the same (or get worse). If God sends you some help, don't be too proud to take it. And remember--God does work in mysterious ways. The help may come in a form you wouldn't expect.

God bless,
Eric

 

[WhitBit]

[GLOW=limegreen]WELCOME!! [/GLOW]



Good advice from both - and prayer on top of that? You're off to a good start. I have found that most of my shortcomings are addressed by God long after I have begun to be troubled by them. You concentrate on walking for Him, He will take care of the rest in incredible ways you might not have even imagined Don't lose heart! Just because YOU cannot change does not mean that He cannot change you!

Whitney

 

[dayzee]

Thank you SO MUCH Everyone!

I needed to hear that so badly! I was so afraid I made a mistake by posting that thread--I figured ya'll would think me a monster. That is how I feel sometimes. Aimie, I WILL PM you, although I don't have time right now (imagine that), gonna be late for church!
And hasbeens2000, thank you for the advice. The reason I have a full class load is because I have no choice--I am on state assistance and they force you to either go to work, or go to school. If you work it has to be 20+ hours a week and if school, then it has to be full-time, in order to keep your benefits. So...I got tired of working piddly jobs, and decided I needed training to get a REAL job and get off the state (they only give you $262 a month + food stamps here!). I am really enjoying school, it makes me feel good that I am doing something positive for us. You are right, I don't have much time to study, and it is nerveracking because I WANT to spend more time on my studies. But I do the best I can, and so far my GPA has been like an A. Anyway, yes, I sure could use some help. No, the Father did not intend for us to do this by ourselves. I got myself into this situation by making 2 very bad choices. But God has been SO gracious to us, and I know He will continue to be. THANK YOU for your edification--sometimes I just need reminding!
Just knowing ya'll are praying for me (and can basicall relate) means volumes to me.
Well, gotta boogie...talk to you later?

 

[amie]

Hows everything going so far Dayzee? still holding you in our thoughts and prayers... school and kids, you sure do have your hands full! God Bless!
your friend,
Amie

 

[VOW]

To Dayzee:

Hon, I sympathize! Although I've never been a single mom, I've been a working mom who tried to go to school at the same time. It's nerve-wracking! I do have a few hints, though.

One: Pre-plan EVERYTHING. Make menus for your meals, pick out clothes for everyone the night before, locate shoes (and shoelaces!), put your books and purse next to the door!

Two: Make life EASY on yourself. What do the kids like to eat? If you can make a balanced meal out of it, then it won't kill anyone to eat spaghetti three nights a week. No time for breakfast? Put Instant Breakfast in a sport bottle, spread some PB on a slice of bread and fold it in half, let the kids eat in the car on the way to daycare.

Three: Avoid the five o'clock crazies. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You get the kids in the door, dump your stuff on the floor, and everyone goes nuts. All of you are hungry, tired, and mean. Cheat. Give the kids baggies of Cheerios or baby carrots, and let them watch TV while you throw together dinner. Then sit around the table and enjoy each other. Dinner doesn't have to be fancy, either. Breakfast is a GREAT, EASY meal for dinner!

Four: Let the kids help you clean off the table. Scrape the dishes, and dump them into a sink of soapy water. Put everything else away, and then OFF TO THE BATHROOM to dump the kids in the tub. Make bathtime fun, with toys, fun soaps, silly sponges. Sing all those goofy songs you remember from your childhood. Play the "Name Game." (you know, "Mama Mama, Bo-Bama, Banana-Fanna, Fo Fama...") Blow bubbles.

Five: Jammies and get clothes ready for morning. Read to them from your textbooks. Maybe they will be bored to sleep, LOL! Read "Green Eggs and Ham"....AGAIN. Read to them from a children's Bible. But spend at least fifteen-twenty minutes on just THEM.

Six: Let them sit at the table and color or play a quiet game while you study. Invest (or borrow!) in some Disney videotapes, too!

Seven: Hugs and kisses and bedtime for babies. Then all you have to do is rinse the dishes that have soaked clean and LET THEM DRAIN. Figure out what's for breakfast, and get it ready. Find out what YOU are going to wear, make sure it has all the buttons and the zipper works.

Eight: Now you can work on your schoolwork, almost guilt-free.



Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[WhitBit]

*in awe*

Egad...*taking notes* VOW, that's AWESOME!! I'm - I'm in awe, what can I say? That has to be the best collection of advice I've ever read...

*still in awe, re-reads*

 

[solo66 man]

Thank You Father for sending guidance to a loved one.
Amen

 

[dayzee]

Hi everyone!
Thanks for asking about me, glad to hear from you. Actually, I am under a little more stress today. More than I can get into right now, but I appreciate your continued prayers. We had a wonderful sermon on Sunday, about rearing kids. As stressed as I am, I keep hearing the worship song we sang, "God's Love," in my head. Helps volumes.
Midterms are tomorrow, I'll let ya' know how they go!
Later,

 

[fieldmouse3]

Hi, Dayzee!
Since it sounds like you've already got tons of good advice, why don't I just pray for you? I know what it's like to have a lot of things (and people) all demanding your attention at once, even though I haven't been a single mom, or a mom at all for that matter. Just remember that God is with you through everything you're facing!

 

[Snor Snor]

I prayed also!

God bless ya

 

[JohnR7]

>>I suspect I have "mother burnout"

That means you need to spend more time in prayer and more time with God. He will fill our cup to overflowing. What is in the cup is for us, what overflows is for others. We just can not give others what we need for ourself.

I know how difficult it is, because I was a single parent for 12 years. It is beyond us. But God will find a way. He is more than able. Just give it to Him, and have faith and trust in Him, and He will find a way for you. He will give you the strength, energy and patience you need.

Get your focus off of the problem and onto the solution. God is not going to abandon us. He did not bring us this far just to leave us now. He is going to go all the way with us. He is going to finish the work He began in our lives. He is going to cause good to come out of even your "mistakes" when we turn it all over to Him.

Jesus came to redeem us. There is nothing past, present or future that He is not able to redeem. But today is the day and now is the time that He is wanting to do an amazing and awesome work in our lives. He has all the power, strength, healing, and all the miracles we will ever need.

He often works in ways we never dreamed of or thought possible, so we know He is the one that did it. Thanks,JohnR7

 

[JohnR7]

>>Actually, I am under a little more stress today.

We need to have confidence in God and turn it over to Him, an know that we can trust Him with it. He does not let us down, He is always there for us.

Oh, He will let us carry the load ourselves, if that is what we are wanting to do. But He is always there for us, everyday, to help us to carry the load for us. Thanks, JohnR7

Exodus 33:14 And He said, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Proverbs 29:17
Correct your son, and he will give you rest;
Yes, he will give delight to your soul.

Matthew 11:28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

 

[soulsisterclaire]

Dayzee - We have so much in common that I PM'd you.

You are in my prayers!

It will be okay.

You have come to the right place!

 

[dayzee]

Hi again, folks!

I only have a moment, but I just wanted to say thank you AGAIN! God is so GOOD> He knew I needed to hear from ya'll today. One of my good friends moved aay today. I felt pretty lonely till I read your replies today. Thank you, JohnR7, you had a real Word for me today! Lifted my spirit tremendously. Thanks for all your prayers. Sistersoulclaire, got your PM, thanks! I will contact you. I am so glad I got on this forum! (Again, God is so GOOD!)

Um, I was using a friend's computer, and it got fried today (my dd spilled water on it! Aack!) So if you don't hear from me, it's because I have to use the computers at the college, and I have limited time for that. So please forgive if i don not respond right away.

Gotta run! p.s...Midterm testwent OK! Hoping for the best!
Later,

 

[soulsisterclaire]

Glad to hear you are doing better.

Still praying!

God is great!

Here is a verse that gives me joy & strength , may it do the same for you:

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" Isaiah 40:31

 

[StogusMaximus]

Praying.