Need Help! Single and facing sexual sin

[sadnessdrifts]

Hello,

I am 28 years old and single. I previously was engaged to a man I was with for 5 years. I was not living right at all and after a hard lesson, I decided to wait until marriage for sex. I have not had sex now for 5 years, however, about a year and a half ago I fell into temptation with a close friend of mine. Although it did not go beyond to sex, it did escalate to more than kissing. I’m not proud of it at all. A couple months after that happened I ended up in a new relationship, we had similar encounters and came very close. Now, that has continued with the next boyfriend I had and now with a guy who I am not dating. I just feel like I can’t control myself. It’s scary to me and frustrating. I don’t want to cross the line and I know that I’m doing wrong. It has made my relationship with God slowly dwindle to nothing. My prayer life — gone. My church life — gone. My Bible reading — gone. I feel so ashamed. I hate it. I truly desire to be with a man so much in the way God designed it by marriage but at the same time I have this intense sexual cravings. I don’t know what to do and I feel horrible constantly. I was sexually abused at the young age of 3 and for years I struggled with touching yourself. I have been able to cut back with that as well but as soon as I sin with messing around with guys I date, those temptations come back as well. I don’t feel saved and I don’t ever see how I will get over this struggle. Please help. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and that I will be in Hell forever.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

MOD HAT ON!

Closed for review!

MOD HAT OFF!

 

[Truthfrees]

mod hat

moving to struggles with sexuality

only peer support is allowed

 

[Dave-W]

Now, that has continued with the next boyfriend I had and now with a guy who I am not dating. I just feel like I can’t control myself. It’s scary to me and frustrating. I don’t want to cross the line and I know that I’m doing wrong. It has made my relationship with God slowly dwindle to nothing. My prayer life — gone. My church life — gone. My Bible reading — gone. I feel so ashamed. I hate it.

You have been duped into going the wrong direction.

Rather that hiding away from God, the bible and church, you need to pull closer. Pray MORE, read more, worship in the congregation more. Hebrews says we should come BOLDLY to the throne of Grace. Do not let yourself be divided from the sheepfold.

I was sexually abused at the young age of 3

You need to find a good christian counselor to aid your healing from that. As a guy who married a woman who was abused as a child, I can tell you it made for some very rough years. PLEASE get counseling on that.

I truly desire to be with a man so much in the way God designed it by marriage but at the same time I have this intense sexual cravings.

Of course you do. God made us to be that way.

I don’t feel saved and I don’t ever see how I will get over this struggle. Please help. I’m afraid I’m too far gone and that I will be in Hell forever.

Every single word of that statement (and your feelings behind it) are all lies.

You ARE saved. The fact that you still struggle PROVES you are not "too far gone."

 

[blogmehameha]

First off, it is great to see that you understand what the struggle is and that you want to do the right thing. That is a huge part of the battle. Continue to try to follow the Lord's will.

I can understand feeling discouraged after many struggles. And I am glad that you take seriously the effects of sin on our lives, but please also remember that our God is merciful and loving. He is with you and desires to help you overcome the difficulties you face. Yes, God is our judge, but He is much more than that. He is a loving father who will always love us and accept us if we return to Him when we fall. So, like for all sins, not just this one, repent if you falter and continue to reside in His loving arms.

So, what should you do? I would advise a few things. First, I would seek Christian counseling to help you work through experiences that have wounded you. The sexual abuse as a child sticks out to me as something you can work through and pray about with someone. We all have wounds and are all in need of healing. There is no shame in that.

You can also use the counseling to help deal with the extreme sexual desires you are having. They are not uncommon. Many people struggle with them, but it is great that you realize you need to control them.

Next (but also do this asap!) get back into a church community. Being around others who strive to be holy and seek to further enter into God's loving embrace is always very encouraging and is helpful on our journey. And return to prayer and Bible reading as well. You already recognize that you need to do it, so do it! I know you can. When I struggled with sexual sins in the past I found myself doing the same thing. I would avoid prayer, sometimes unconsciously, because I knew I would have to face the reality of what I was doing. But it seems like you already know what you need to do, so seek encouragement and strength in the Scriptures and in prayer.

My last piece of advice is more for further down the road when you have your next boyfriend. Make sure your next one is a really good Christian man. Ask the Lord for discernment in choosing the next one. Then, be upfront with him (when the time is right) and tell him what your struggles are and ask him to be sensitive to those. Be proactive together in avoiding situations that might be tempting for both of you.

You can overcome this! God's grace is enough. He loves you more than you know. I will pray for you. If you want to chat more, let me know.

 

[Guy Incognito]

Hey friend – I hope and pray this post this helpful. I’d like to encourage you firstly to pray, pray, and pray some more (pray without ceasing). Sexual sin is not the be-all end-all (yes, sin separates - but we seem to make this one the biggest issue), but the Lord still loves you and is there for you. Force yourself to find a group of Christians who you can grow with, fellowship with, and who can hold you accountable – which is scary – but beautiful and necessary. Pray that the Lord will deliver you through this season – and that you will find a husband in the Lords time. Hand this issue over to God – over and over as you need to, and trust in his well. If you ever need to chat feel free to message me. I hope this is helpful.

 

[sadnessdrifts]

All you for all the love, support and prayers! I appreciate it everyone’s input and encouragement! Much love!

 

[Saucy]

I think you should first decide to get back right with God. Become reborn. Ask for forgiveness, get back in church, etc.

Then, tackle your choice of men. If they're willing to push so quickly to get you into bed, my guess is, they aren't upstanding Christian men you're choosing. Be more picky. It's easier to wait if you're with someone who has made the same commitment and are close with God.

Then, do whatever you can to avoid temptation. Don't find yourselves alone in each other's homes. Don't take kissing to the next level. Add on a bit of accountability. Double-date with friends.