Almost a year ago, I had a sex dream about my wife's sister, with no feelings towards them arising from it at first. But now, almost a year later, I am starting to have a strong attraction towards her, seemingly from out of nowhere. It started out as a sexual desire, but now I am starting to have feelings of wanting something more then just sex. I can't explain all of the jumbled together feelings I am having yet, but what I can say for sure is my fantasies of her have evolved more along the lines of having a life with her, like marriage. I suddenly care and worry about her well being and safety, and I want to protect her and care for her. These feelings that I am having are very intense too. I feel happy and love (I think) thinking about her. The only problem is I also love wife very much too. I have a strong desire to love both of them, and that feeling didn't make sense until the idea of polygamy came into my head, which was also seemingly out of nowhere. And I have absolutely no idea or recollection of what could have ignited these strong feelings. I don't even know how my wife's sister feels towards me, but is it possible to sense what another is feeling about you, or if they are thinking about you, even from far away? I ask because I feel them on and off everyday, and each time they are intense, and I literally can't stop thinking about her. Is it even possible to love two or more people like that? I know God made me a lover, but is it possible that God made some men able to love and care at such a large capacity, like he does? Is there possibly something that God is trying to tell me? Does he want me to be married to both of them? Or is this just the devil/sin putting it in my head? I know it's alot, but I ask for the best you can do with it. Also, no judgement please. I am searching for serious answers to help me through and to understand and bring light to this very, very confusing moment in my life. I don't want answers from people who all they have to say is how bad of a person I am while all the while they do the same or even worse. Only God is perfect enough to judge me.
- Jun 18, 2014
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The devil is messing with your mind bro! He is planting ideas and feelings and telling you they are yours (and not from him.) Of course he is a liar.
I suggest you have a sit-down discussion about this with your pastor (NOT your wife or her sister). A lot of times those kind of things can be de-fused by bringing them into the light so someone else can see them.
The sooner the better.
BTW - welcome to the forums!
I suggest you have a sit-down discussion about this with your pastor (NOT your wife or her sister). A lot of times those kind of things can be de-fused by bringing them into the light so someone else can see them.
The sooner the better.
BTW - welcome to the forums!
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I had a heart to heart with God after I started having these feelings, and I basically asked him to show me more proof that this is what he wants, if it is what wants for me. But until then I would just continue to live my life and not act on these feelings until he shows me enough to the point where I know it is certian. But is this something that the devil could also mess with? Could the devil send me"fake" signs and act like they are from God?
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I'd personally take a holiday alone, for at least two weeks. And as far away as you can afford. Because you have some decisions to make and you can't make them whilst you're in the confusing environment.
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Yes he is.
One of the principles, from Genesis 2, about God’s design for marriage is monogamy. The Hebrew words for “man” and “wife” are singular and do not allow for multiple wives. Even though some people in Scripture did have multiple wives, it is clear from the creation account that God’s design for marriage was one man and one woman. Jesus emphasized this principle when He appealed to the Genesis account to counter the idea of easy divorce (Matthew 19:4—6).
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RaymondG
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Why couldn't God pick a woman outside of your wife family? Would the children be cousins or sisters? God is not the author of confusion. The pain and confusion this would likely cause doesnt seem, to me, to be in line with the works of the Perfect one.
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Look up Ecc 5:3,7. 1Ks 11:1 says Solomon loved many women. Then Nehemiah 13:26 says "Did not King Solomon sin by these things?" which is a rhetorical question, meaning he did sin. Mk 10:7 speaks of cleaving to your wife, not wives. Regarding feelings, Jer 17:9 says "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desparately wicked; who can know it." I can't imagine your wife being comfortable with what you are feeling. I would suggest you endeavor to relate to both of these women in their respective relations, wife, sister of wife. They are not the same kind of relation. Know and follow what God's intentions are in these areas.
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HawgWyld
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I would hope people would refrain from saying how bad you are as not a person here is perfect.
Having said that, I would advise caution as you risk losing both your wife and alienating her sister. Not to mention the familial problems that could result. As someone has said, take a holiday and sort things out. I suspect this is the devil fooling with you.
Good luck -- a lot of us married folks have had similar problems remaining faithful.
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The Bible says to test the spirits to see if it is from God. Jesus would do so with scripture.
I think it's obvious that these desires would not be in line with scripture, and thus fail the test.
Simply put, if your desires are sinful, they are not from God.
Just because you have a feeling, that doesn't mean that God is leading you through that feeling. A huge part of being a Christian is that we are to "take up our cross daily and deny ourselves."
It is routine for a believer to have desires that we deny ourselves. Contrary to the popular culture that tells us to "be true to yourself" and so on, we are to be true to our commitment to Jesus.
That's not to say that every desire a man has is evil... but realistically, man of our desires are. Again... test the spirits. This one fails the test. Not from God.
Draw close to God and your wife.
I think it's obvious that these desires would not be in line with scripture, and thus fail the test.
Simply put, if your desires are sinful, they are not from God.
Just because you have a feeling, that doesn't mean that God is leading you through that feeling. A huge part of being a Christian is that we are to "take up our cross daily and deny ourselves."
It is routine for a believer to have desires that we deny ourselves. Contrary to the popular culture that tells us to "be true to yourself" and so on, we are to be true to our commitment to Jesus.
That's not to say that every desire a man has is evil... but realistically, man of our desires are. Again... test the spirits. This one fails the test. Not from God.
Draw close to God and your wife.
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Is polygamy really considered a sin though? From the research I did on it, it makes more sense to me that it is allowed by God, but not necessarily recommended. Polygamy is multiple marriages, weather it be one man with multiple wives or one woman with multiple husbands. That one person has multiple special connections with the other people through marriage. Isn't that how Gods relationship is with all of us? A special, personalized connection to each and every one of us, where no two are alike? Each one of us is one with God like each of the multiple wives are one with their husband. If God does it that way, how is polygamy different? Plus, does it say that polygamy, or having multiple spouses, is forbidden? If not, then if God didn't allow polygamy, wouldn't he make sure it says so in the Bible so his followers would know for sure not do it? I mean that would be a pretty mean joke right? "I don't want you to do this sin, but I won't put it in the book and just let you figure it out on your own." That doesn't sound like something God would do. And if "Thou shalt not commit polygamy or take multiple wives" is for sure in the Bible, then why is there so much separation on the issue, between the same dedicated followers of the same God, who read the same book with the same words? As long as you treat all of your wives fairly and with the same amount of love, and God is the base of the relationship, is it really a problem? Is it possible this is one of those things where God doesn't recommend it because of the problems it can cause, and prefers it to be one man and one woman, but does overlook or allow it to happen anyway?
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dayhiker
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I'll agree with you Matt that polygamy isn't a sin.
The issue you face if you go forward with this thought that has such a strong emotional hold on you is how are you going to do this without hurting your wife, her sister and probably a bunch of other people that are close to you. I get the impression that now all this is in your head and you have this fantasy of all your emotions being satisfied.
But what are your wife's emotional feelings? Kids? What is your wife's sister's feelings? What are your extended family feelings? People have tried what your thinking about in your head. Its simple in your head I'm sure. But in real life to get from where you actually are and the people around you actually are to where you went everyone else to be is pretty much impossible.
So far your posts haven't shown me you have any idea how to even approach dealing with what your thinking in real life. If you had more wisdom than Solomon you might be able to be poly. But I can guarantee once share this idea with others it wouldn't happen as you envision.
The issue you face if you go forward with this thought that has such a strong emotional hold on you is how are you going to do this without hurting your wife, her sister and probably a bunch of other people that are close to you. I get the impression that now all this is in your head and you have this fantasy of all your emotions being satisfied.
But what are your wife's emotional feelings? Kids? What is your wife's sister's feelings? What are your extended family feelings? People have tried what your thinking about in your head. Its simple in your head I'm sure. But in real life to get from where you actually are and the people around you actually are to where you went everyone else to be is pretty much impossible.
So far your posts haven't shown me you have any idea how to even approach dealing with what your thinking in real life. If you had more wisdom than Solomon you might be able to be poly. But I can guarantee once share this idea with others it wouldn't happen as you envision.
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Oh believe me, I have no intentions of going through with what is in my head. I know that even if polygamy isn't a sin, it still isn't something that God thinks is a good idea either. And why would he tell me to do something he thinks is not smart right? I know it was the devil giving me those thoughts and desires, and that something like that wouldn't work out at all, cause it never seemed to in the Bible. Polygamy is just a really confusing subject when it comes to where God stands with it, because it isn't really touched on in the Bible unless it talks about people actually doing it (atleast not in a prohibition type of way, but more of a warning about what can happen with it) which also makes me think that since He didn't talk about it much, then it isn't really something that is prohibited. I was just compelled to understand more about it is all.
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I told her about the dream I had. And I told her about the sudden desires I have, except the "love feelings" toward her sister or the polygamy thing. I wanted to be honest with her, instead of hiding it from her. Plus I feel like it would have been better for me to get it out you know? I don't know if I'll ever tell her about the polygamy thing or "love feelings" though. That might be better staying between me and God. But what she knows so far doesn't seem to bother her, she even said she would rather me have told her then not have told her so I guess she appreciates my honesty about it, but then again I don't know what she is thinking or feeling. It has almost turned into something she teases me about every now and then if we are around her sister. Her sister doesn't know about the dream I had yet though, but I can't decide wether she should know or if she shouldn't. Does she have a right to know since it was about her?
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dayhiker
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Dreams are funny things that we don't have much control over .... so don't think I'd tell her either. Well, anyways, you going to have to figure out how to handle your feelings. They can have a way of moving us in ways we didn't expect over time. Guessing your feeling some of that already.
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Got that right. When being married for long enough I guess you sometimes sorta start to forget about what it feels like to "fall in love" and the excitement it brings. So maybe that is why the feelings I'm having are so intense. And her and her sister look very much alike, so if not the devil, then maybe my brain is just having a "flashback" to when me and my wife first met. I don't know. I guess I'll just stay on the sidelines, control myself and watch to see how this plays out.
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