Need advice

[burns7272]

Here lately I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband keeps leaving earlier and earlier for work when his job is right at 10 minutes away. He is currently leaving 40 minutes before he has to be there and he doesnt stop and easy breakfaat or anything. He swears he goes straight to work except occasionally stopping at the gas station that is on his way. When I ask him about it he blows up. Here lately his entire demeanor towards me has changed he is constantly cold towards me, upset with me, yelling at me, or just ignores me. If i point out how he is treating me he denies he is treating me that way or making me feel that way. He even when he goes to the bathroom to use the bathroom goes to the upper floor that way her can hear me coming or as he says can get some peace while spending 30 minutes to an hour using the bathroom entry single time sometimes multiple times a day. I've asked him if there is anything I should know or if there is any chance he is cheating and he vehemently denies it but the last time he acted this way was when a young secretary was constantly texting him and even one time when he took the day off she even tracked me down and messaged me on fb asking where he was and she was worried about him when she has never even met me. He never admitted to any wrong doing then and he has already had a similar situation with another female employee at his new job that he swears he has done nothing wrong and did nothing to encourage her. Here lately it's become a habit to cry my heart out when he is at work because everything in me is saying something is wrong but he won't tell me which he did used to have a bad history of lying to me so there is a chance he wouldn't tell me. Am I losing my mind or jumping to conclusions because this is tearing me apart.

 

[burns7272]

A good example is this morning he started to leave another 10 minutes earlier shop I tried to ask him about it. He immediately blew up yelling at me and being sarcastic. A few minutes after he left I called him to actually apologize if I upset him but before I even said hello he was yelling at me again so I blew up pointing out what I was trying to tell him at the house. 30 minutes later he sent me 3 nasty text messages, yelling at me in the texts and all of this because I asked him if there wad anything I needed to know because he was leaving earlier and earlier. Here lately all I get is yelling or disrespect and he always has an excuse to justify his treatment of me and make his treatment of me ok. Just like part of his texts he sent that were pretty much yelling at me made everything he has done this morning ok because I was nagging in his mind.

 

[akaDaScribe]

Is he Christian?

 

[burns7272]

Yes.

 

[GodsGrace101]

Is he Christian?

Why does this make a difference??

 

[akaDaScribe]

Why does this make a difference??

It impacts who he may respect as an arbitrator or what rules he submits himself to.

 

[akaDaScribe]

A good example is this morning he started to leave another 10 minutes earlier shop I tried to ask him about it. He immediately blew up yelling at me and being sarcastic. A few minutes after he left I called him to actually apologize if I upset him but before I even said hello he was yelling at me again so I blew up pointing out what I was trying to tell him at the house. 30 minutes later he sent me 3 nasty text messages, yelling at me in the texts and all of this because I asked him if there wad anything I needed to know because he was leaving earlier and earlier. Here lately all I get is yelling or disrespect and he always has an excuse to justify his treatment of me and make his treatment of me ok. Just like part of his texts he sent that were pretty much yelling at me made everything he has done this morning ok because I was nagging in his mind.

Has he always been this way in terms of the way he interacts with you or did something change?

 

[GodsGrace101]

It impacts who he may respect as an arbitrator or what rules he submits himself to.

OK. But I think this could apply to anyone.
Non-Christian men should also treat their wives well.
Do men these days have such different rules from Christian men?
This is off-topic; no need to reply.
I do understand your point.

 

[PeachieKeen]

Yeah, really not ok for him to shut down a topic and yell at you. I would tell him straight up that you will not tolerate him treating you that way and let him know if he is unwilling to communicate respectfully you are going to have to escalate things.

You could always follow him to figure out why he's leaving early, but honestly it doesn't even matter what he's doing if his behavior towards you is already this inappropriate.

 

[GodsGrace101]

Yeah, really not ok for him to shut down a topic and yell at you. I would tell him straight up that you will not tolerate him treating you that way and let him know if he is unwilling to communicate respectfully you are going to have to escalate things.

You could always follow him to figure out why he's leaving early, but honestly it doesn't even matter what he's doing if his behavior towards you is already this inappropriate.

LOL
You must be young still.

1. Don't shut down a topic with a man??!!!!
LOL That's what they do best!

2. A guy yells at you.... I'D shut down the conversation!

3. Won't tolerate the treatment? If this is how HE IS, you might as well divorce him right now...! He ain't a changin'.

4. Escalate things.... What does that mean?
How do you escalate? Are you in a war?
LOL

Sorry. I just needed a laugh.
Thanks for obliging me.

 

[snoochface]

It doesn't matter if he's cheating or not. Regardless of whether he is or isn't, would you like his behavior and attitude toward you any more or less?

It's time to stop crying and trying to reason with a man who is secretive, demeaning, and sarcastic. It won't get you anywhere. You don't trust him, and there seems to be good reason for it. I would strongly suggest seeing a counselor, by yourself and, separately if he is willing, with him. Figure out if you are willing to live the rest of your life like this, and what you're willing to do to change it. Ask him to participate in this process, but don't let him stop you from going on your own. If he refuses to acknowledge a problem, even based solely on the fact that you are quite unhappy, then you already have part of the answers you'll need for going forward.

 

[burns7272]

Has he always been this way in terms of the way he interacts with you or did something change?

No he hasn't always been this way. Don't get me wrong there have been times he acted like this when we were dating and he was very cruel but since we got married a year and a half ago its been rare.

 

[burns7272]

Until the last several weeks I have been so very happy and I felt loved. Now I just feel like he hates me or just tolerates me due to his actions the last several weeks. Don't get me wrong there have been times in the last several weeks he was loving and sweet again but it's getting rarer and rarer like he just doesn't care to be sweet and loving and doesn't care if it hurts me. In his mind it's all my fault any way and regardless of how badly he hurts me or how bad something he does is he justifies it because somehow it my fault. Like leaving me at the restaurant when I went to smoke when we got done eating. I apparently deserved it and it didn't matter if it was wrong to leave me there without telling me he was going to the store next door because according to him I was smoking every 30 seconds even though since he had arrived at the restaurant I had only went to smoke twice. It's what he does he justifies his actions by blaming his hurting me on something I did which of course just hurts me even more.

 

[snoochface]

Are you willing to continue putting up with being treated that way?

 

[Hazelelponi]

Here lately I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband keeps leaving earlier and earlier for work when his job is right at 10 minutes away. He is currently leaving 40 minutes before he has to be there and he doesnt stop and easy breakfaat or anything. He swears he goes straight to work except occasionally stopping at the gas station that is on his way. When I ask him about it he blows up. Here lately his entire demeanor towards me has changed he is constantly cold towards me, upset with me, yelling at me, or just ignores me. If i point out how he is treating me he denies he is treating me that way or making me feel that way. He even when he goes to the bathroom to use the bathroom goes to the upper floor that way her can hear me coming or as he says can get some peace while spending 30 minutes to an hour using the bathroom entry single time sometimes multiple times a day. I've asked him if there is anything I should know or if there is any chance he is cheating and he vehemently denies it but the last time he acted this way was when a young secretary was constantly texting him and even one time when he took the day off she even tracked me down and messaged me on fb asking where he was and she was worried about him when she has never even met me. He never admitted to any wrong doing then and he has already had a similar situation with another female employee at his new job that he swears he has done nothing wrong and did nothing to encourage her. Here lately it's become a habit to cry my heart out when he is at work because everything in me is saying something is wrong but he won't tell me which he did used to have a bad history of lying to me so there is a chance he wouldn't tell me. Am I losing my mind or jumping to conclusions because this is tearing me apart.

what I've noticed in life is when one party is sitting around accusing another party of something, such as cheating or being attracted to a co-worker, it's because the accuser is guilty of the same thing.

People in most cases put their own personalities onto others, because they cannot imagine anyone else thinking or being another way then they think or act. Its common enough seeming to have gotten a name, it's called Psychological Projection.

Therefore, I'd first check myself, are you having fantasies about someone else? Do you fantasize about having a better life? About your husband being just a little more perfect?

If so, I'd work on the log in my own eye.

Usually if a spouse is cheating they get insanely jealous if another man so much as looks your way, start accusing you of cheating if your a few minute late from the grocery store. Thats the biggest clue you have to a cheating spouse.

Not them runnin off to work a half hour earlier than normal. its likely his work load is piling up on him and there is extra stress at work which would explain his short temper.

All men take a magazine with them into the restroom while they go #2.. Once every day if you feed them right.

If you want your husband to stop being so distant, then give him room to breathe. With enough breathing room and a complaint- free wife, he's likely to sit down at some point and tell you what's going on.

 

[burns7272]

Which I didn't know it until a few seconds ago but apparently with the text messages my husband sent me this morning he also sent a video of him pulling into work being very sarcastic about him only being 15 minutes early and cussing me out. Every other word was f this and f'ing that while he is yelling. I can't believe he actually made and sent a special video just to bless and cuss me out in it but of course he sees nothing wrong with him doing that because I "nagged" him this morning when I tried to voice my concerns so I deserved it.

 

[burns7272]

what I've noticed in life is when one party is sitting around accusing another party of something, such as cheating or being attracted to a co-worker, it's because the accuser is guilty of the same thing.

People in most cases put their own personalities onto others, because they cannot imagine anyone else thinking or being another way then they think or act. Its common enough seeming to have gotten a name, it's called Psychological Projection.

Therefore, I'd first check myself, are you having fantasies about someone else? Do you fantasize about having a better life? About your husband being just a little more perfect?

If so, I'd work on the log in my own eye.

Usually if a spouse is cheating they get insanely jealous if another man so much as looks your way, start accusing you of cheating if your a few minute late from the grocery store. Thats the biggest clue you have to a cheating spouse.

Not them runnin off to work a half hour earlier than normal. its likely his work load is piling up on him and there is extra stress at work which would explain his short temper.

All men take a magazine with them into the restroom while they go #2.. Once every day if you feed them right.

If you want your husband to stop being so distant, then give him room to breathe. With enough breathing room and a complaint- free wife, he's likely to sit down at some point and tell you what's going on.

 

[burns7272]

And no I definitely don't fantasize about other men or of a better life. I adore my husband. Now my husband I've caught watching inappropriate content several times, every job he has gotten there has always been in his words a crazy female that just falls in love with him for no reason. I've seen women put stuff on his vehicle at work, flirt with him at work in front of me going as far as talking about fixing his hair in front of me, and I've even had a secretary from another of his jobs when he was working there who has never met me track me down on Facebook and message me when he took a day off asking where he was, that she was worried about him, and missed him. So yeah these doubts are not from any secret thoughts I have or anything I've done.

 

[Hazelelponi]

And no I definitely don't fantasize about other men or of a better life. I adore my husband. Now my husband I've caught watching inappropriate content several times, every job he has gotten there has always been in his words a crazy female that just falls in love with him for no reason. I've seen women put stuff on his vehicle at work and I've even had a secretary from another of his jobs when he was working there who has never met me track me down on Facebook and message me when he took a day off asking where he was, that she was worried about him, and missed him. So yeah these doubts are not from any secret thoughts I have or anything I've done.

married men have always been more attractive to women. Especially if they appear to make good husbands.

The saying "All the good ones are taken", as a single woman is very real. The better the man the more likely he is to be married or otherwise with someone.

And if your husband is good looking your going to have women try...

But here's the thing - so what? Don't you have a good self image? If your a good wife and a good match to your husband why would he want anything different?

Have some confidence in yourself.. decide whether or not YOUR good enough to KEEP him by your own good actions. And then act on it..

because what your doing right now is absolutely self destructive and you WILL drive him away if you keep it up...

 

[burns7272]

Yeah I can understand a woman appreciating him occasionally or maybe even a crazy woman once or twice but 3 different crazy women at every job he has been at doimg extremely innapropriate things with absolutely no encouragement from him? The odds of that are astronomical.