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thanks for advice, regret my hastiness in putting up my personal problems.
thanks for advice, regret my hastiness in putting up my personal problems.
need advice
- Thread starter Kiwi
- Start date
My husband and I have been married for 8 years, we have two young children. We met while working in full time christian ministry and are a cross-cultural couple. After three years of being married we were unable to keep going in ministry work and moved to my country. Since then my husband has been unable to hold down any job for any length of time. Either he hurts himself or he quits because he feels he is being disrepected (an important cultural value for him). I have been working to keep the family going. Last month he got a job, a really good one. I left my job thinking 'yes, this is it, I can finally stay home with the kids'. He quit yesterday because he was 'being disrepected'. I want to be the good wife and support him but I really feel like I can't take this anymore. I do love him but he just can't fit into the work environment here. We have no money to go to his country or money for visas so that is not an option for us. My parents have been financially supporting us over this past 5 years but I feel so embarrassed about it. I am starting to consider seperation but I know this would tear the kids up. Our pastor is also getting rather sick of the situation. What should I do?
Get on your face and pray. Cry out to God and trust Him to deal with your husband. No disrespect towards your husband but there seems to be an issue of pride and immaturity.
Whatever it is, God can deal with his heart - all you have to do is keep giving it to God and be obedient to what He tells you to do.
God Bless!
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How did your husband who evidently doesn't have a clue about different cultures nor the ability to deal with them ever get into missionary work? I'm not surprised that did not work out, he seems tempermentally unable to deal with different cultures.
What I've known of people from your country, saying some things to your work buddies that would be taken as disrespectful outside that environment actually means they like you and you are bonding. Isn't that true?
I mean how much real respect as the last hire is due him? A guy going into basic training in the military doesn't command respect from his instructors, it's the other way around. And those that he is going through training with say things to each other that if someone else said it they would all start fighting against that person, but in the context it is bonding, being brothers. Really very much a complement.
I'm afraid he is unlikely to change, he either needs a job with just him and machines or it's going to keep happening.
My suggestion to him would be to crawl back, spend some time kissing the boots of the people in charge of his last job, beat his forehead bloody on the ground and beg, absolutely beg for that job back. But I'm sorry that I doubt he is man enough to do it. He wants to be a big respected man but he is unwilling to pay the price. I'm sorry that you are stuck with him.
I don't suppose he sees that he is disrespecting your pastor in this either? Not to mention disrespecting you and even himself, and should we mention his superiors at those jobs.
The christian man's life is one of submission, not one of demanding respect. We submit to authority, God, the Bible, those in positions of responsibility over us in the church and in our professions, and indeed to our families and wives. We don't toot our own horns and demand that everyone respect us. After all what are we but sinners condemned rightly to eternity in the lake of fire, rescued through no goodness of our own by the self sacrifice of our Lord. Jesus didn't walk away from the cross and say if the people weren't going to respect him he was going away! He humbled himself, he made himself sin for our sakes. I don't see how we get the right to walk around with our noses in the air demanding respect or we are walking.
Your pastor is tired of it, I would hope there would be maybe a half dozen godly men that he could call that would all get together and come over and do a bit of intervention with your husband to set him straight. That's the only thing I can think of, once people get stiff necked it's pretty hard to losen them up and it's going to take everything the church can muster to help you both.
Marv
What I've known of people from your country, saying some things to your work buddies that would be taken as disrespectful outside that environment actually means they like you and you are bonding. Isn't that true?
I mean how much real respect as the last hire is due him? A guy going into basic training in the military doesn't command respect from his instructors, it's the other way around. And those that he is going through training with say things to each other that if someone else said it they would all start fighting against that person, but in the context it is bonding, being brothers. Really very much a complement.
I'm afraid he is unlikely to change, he either needs a job with just him and machines or it's going to keep happening.
My suggestion to him would be to crawl back, spend some time kissing the boots of the people in charge of his last job, beat his forehead bloody on the ground and beg, absolutely beg for that job back. But I'm sorry that I doubt he is man enough to do it. He wants to be a big respected man but he is unwilling to pay the price. I'm sorry that you are stuck with him.
I don't suppose he sees that he is disrespecting your pastor in this either? Not to mention disrespecting you and even himself, and should we mention his superiors at those jobs.
The christian man's life is one of submission, not one of demanding respect. We submit to authority, God, the Bible, those in positions of responsibility over us in the church and in our professions, and indeed to our families and wives. We don't toot our own horns and demand that everyone respect us. After all what are we but sinners condemned rightly to eternity in the lake of fire, rescued through no goodness of our own by the self sacrifice of our Lord. Jesus didn't walk away from the cross and say if the people weren't going to respect him he was going away! He humbled himself, he made himself sin for our sakes. I don't see how we get the right to walk around with our noses in the air demanding respect or we are walking.
Your pastor is tired of it, I would hope there would be maybe a half dozen godly men that he could call that would all get together and come over and do a bit of intervention with your husband to set him straight. That's the only thing I can think of, once people get stiff necked it's pretty hard to losen them up and it's going to take everything the church can muster to help you both.
Marv
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And the doing nothing could work too. The only limit I would put on it is the kids.
Don't accept a dime of charity, charity is for those who are unfortunate not those who walk away from good jobs. People disrespect your husband when they think he cannot provide for his own family.
Don't go to work yourself. He had a good job to support the family. He is responsible to carry through with it. You working would disrespect his role in the family and his decision not to work.
If it gets too ugly, send the kids to their grandparents. But you should be down to beans and rice before you take that step.
But you stay. And whatever you do, don't complain. If the kids complain tell them that daddy is doing his best and it will work out. Thank him daily for being your husband. Let him know that if it's going to mean starving, you are going to stay. You made commitments and you aren't willing to give up just because it isn't convenient. Your respect him too much to ever do without him, you love him and will do whatever it takes to stay with him.
I would think a couple of weeks of that and he will never quit a job again.
Marv
Don't accept a dime of charity, charity is for those who are unfortunate not those who walk away from good jobs. People disrespect your husband when they think he cannot provide for his own family.
Don't go to work yourself. He had a good job to support the family. He is responsible to carry through with it. You working would disrespect his role in the family and his decision not to work.
If it gets too ugly, send the kids to their grandparents. But you should be down to beans and rice before you take that step.
But you stay. And whatever you do, don't complain. If the kids complain tell them that daddy is doing his best and it will work out. Thank him daily for being your husband. Let him know that if it's going to mean starving, you are going to stay. You made commitments and you aren't willing to give up just because it isn't convenient. Your respect him too much to ever do without him, you love him and will do whatever it takes to stay with him.
I would think a couple of weeks of that and he will never quit a job again.
Marv
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