Need advice on what to do - Alcoholic christian mother

[Katiedid722]

I have recently been really trying to strengthen my relationship with God and live for him daily, in my decisions, walk, talk, etc. My sisters decided to book a weekend getaway with my mom in a wine country type resort for the weekend for my mom's birthday with us and a couple of her friends. It's pretty much a given that there will be drinking involved. My mom has always struggled with drinking (at one point went to rehab but it it didn't stick) And she's pretty much in denial about the whole thing. She really got the grace message and missed the obedience message I feel like - and it's been that way our whole lives. My whole family basically lives quoting the bible, going to church, etc and kind of doing what they want otherwise. I soooo want to re-write this story for myself and for my little girls. Back to the problem - her drinking has escalated lately, she posts really offensive and political posts on face book that don't make much sense, and I know not to call or talk to her past 6 or she'll be slurring her words. I am not sure I feel comfortable going to this weekend retreat and I know I can't pretend like everything is ok; and in other sense isn't it kind of like condoning the behavior? I am praying about it but no true clarity yet. I guess I'm just looking for some advice since I know christian living will result in having to find other things to do w/ our time, and possibly confronting other's behavior that I'm not comfortable with. Or do I not confront it and just go and be an example? LOL Help!!

 

[Hazelelponi]

I dont drink alcohol but I know Christians who do occasionally and it certainly doesn't offend me to be around them - however, they don't get drunk.

I think if you are uncomfortable and they will be getting actually drunk I'd just say your busy and can't go.

Not much else to do, they are adults.

 

[xaris]

My mom has always struggled with drinking (at one point went to rehab but it it didn't stick) And she's pretty much in denial about the whole thing.

This is good enough reason to explain why you'd rather not go.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

I have recently been really trying to strengthen my relationship with God and live for him daily, in my decisions, walk, talk, etc. My sisters decided to book a weekend getaway with my mom in a wine country type resort for the weekend for my mom's birthday with us and a couple of her friends. It's pretty much a given that there will be drinking involved. My mom has always struggled with drinking (at one point went to rehab but it it didn't stick) And she's pretty much in denial about the whole thing. She really got the grace message and missed the obedience message I feel like - and it's been that way our whole lives. My whole family basically lives quoting the bible, going to church, etc and kind of doing what they want otherwise. I soooo want to re-write this story for myself and for my little girls. Back to the problem - her drinking has escalated lately, she posts really offensive and political posts on face book that don't make much sense, and I know not to call or talk to her past 6 or she'll be slurring her words. I am not sure I feel comfortable going to this weekend retreat and I know I can't pretend like everything is ok; and in other sense isn't it kind of like condoning the behavior? I am praying about it but no true clarity yet. I guess I'm just looking for some advice since I know christian living will result in having to find other things to do w/ our time, and possibly confronting other's behavior that I'm not comfortable with. Or do I not confront it and just go and be an example? LOL Help!!

increased drinking can be a symptom of an underlying problem such as loneliness, boredom, etc. is there someone her age that she respects that you could appeal to that might speak with her about her drinking?

 

[jacks]

Yes, that's a difficult situation. It's too bad your sisters picked a spot that plays to your mom's weakness. Do they not think her drinking is a problem? It's also hard since it is your mom's birthday and that's a bad time to confront her on anything. Maybe you could look up things to do at the resort besides drinking, so she has something to do besides getting drunk. In the longer term, it is important she gets some help with her drinking problem. Though you will probably need other family members on board to help. I wish I had a better solution for you, my mother was an alcoholic and I know how difficult it can be. Praying for you.

 

[mkgal1]

Yes, that's a difficult situation. It's too bad your sisters picked a spot that plays to your mom's weakness. Do they not think her drinking is a problem? It's also hard since it is your mom's birthday and that's a bad time to confront her on anything. Maybe you could look up things to do at the resort besides drinking, so she has something to do besides getting drunk. In the longer term, it is important she gets some help with her drinking problem. Though you will probably need other family members on board to help. I wish I had a better solution for you, my mother was an alcoholic and I know how difficult it can be. Praying for you.

I completely agree with this. If, by "wine country", you're referring to California's Napa Valley.... drinking may not be that much of an issue as most wine tasting is shut down due to Covid restrictions (as are most restaurant indoor dining.....it's mostly restaurant take out and delivery). There are beautiful hikes in the area.....that may be a good thing to do. It's also peak time to whale watch....even from the shore:

Where to Go Whale Watching on the Sonoma Coast

 

[mkgal1]

I know christian living will result in having to find other things to do w/ our time, and possibly confronting other's behavior that I'm not comfortable with

I understand your hesitancy about being involved with this get away due to your mom's drinking......but, if she didn't have a problem with alcohol.....I don't see why this wouldn't be possible for others to enjoy wine? One can be Christian and have a glass of wine (or any cocktail) once in a while.

 

[Brenda Blakely]

Having come from a family where alcohol was a problem I know where you are coming from. Anything out of control is not in the will of God. It is His plan for us to maintain discipline and moderation in all things. This place may work out fine in today’s restrictions. But I believe honesty is required here. Talk with your sisters and be realistic about doing what is best for Mom and the family. I know my family would never address the “elephant poop” in the room.

I think this made me go overboard in the other direction and leave noting uncovered. But the bottom line here is to do what is best and will be enjoyable for your Mom by providing her with an opportunity to enjoy her family. I personally think this is so sweet. I say, “Do not pass on the wonderful opportunity to make beautiful family memories.” Set the goal, discuss it and plan it and carry it out so that it will be as well done as possible to create a lovely time for all.

You will grow in your relationship with God as you trust Him and ask for His help in this. Putting your Mom first and trying to honor and love her will also help you to grow in your relationship with God. This is an important, I mean VERY important part of your life as a Christian. It may be the most important thing you do in your life; to encourage your Mom to find the fullness of all that God created her to be and to help her find ways to enjoy her family and loosen the control of alcohol over her. Pray, pray, pray and act as God leads you. You will grow.

Do not be afraid to “help” mom avoid destructive behaviors. She may be nervous being with her daughters knowing their intentions and expectations, so do all to put her at ease and make the time relaxed and enjoyable. I encourage you with my testimony.

After years of strife and struggle and efforts that just did not work, my Mom told me, “I want what you have.” I got to be the one to lead her to the Lord and find Jesus as her Savior. What a privilege to see the transformation and watch her grow. No regrets. I am praying for you and this time with Mom. “God pour out Your blessings to this family and bring miracles into their midst as they spend time together. Amen.” God bless you.

 

[Joined2krist]

I understand why you are hesitating about going on this get away. It doesn't sound like a wine tasting trip would help your mother handle her problem with alcohol addiction. Is there a reason you weren't involved in suggesting a destination for the trip?

 

[1watchman]

I have recently been really trying to strengthen my relationship with God and live for him daily, in my decisions, walk, talk, etc. My sisters decided to book a weekend getaway with my mom in a wine country type resort for the weekend for my mom's birthday with us and a couple of her friends. It's pretty much a given that there will be drinking involved. My mom has always struggled with drinking (at one point went to rehab but it it didn't stick) And she's pretty much in denial about the whole thing. She really got the grace message and missed the obedience message I feel like - and it's been that way our whole lives. My whole family basically lives quoting the bible, going to church, etc and kind of doing what they want otherwise. I soooo want to re-write this story for myself and for my little girls. Back to the problem - her drinking has escalated lately, she posts really offensive and political posts on face book that don't make much sense, and I know not to call or talk to her past 6 or she'll be slurring her words. I am not sure I feel comfortable going to this weekend retreat and I know I can't pretend like everything is ok; and in other sense isn't it kind of like condoning the behavior? I am praying about it but no true clarity yet. I guess I'm just looking for some advice since I know christian living will result in having to find other things to do w/ our time, and possibly confronting other's behavior that I'm not comfortable with. Or do I not confront it and just go and be an example? LOL Help!!

I can well appreciate your concerns, Katiedid. Addiction of all things that take control of our life is bad news (unless we are talking about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which is good news). You might give a gentle challenge to her as to whether she really wants help or likes the way things are for her ---she NEEDS to address this. If she is vague, tell her to let you know when she is seriously seeking help, for it is all her choice. She MUST make a decision on her own.

Addiction seldom goes away by wishing it. Tell her it is ALL her choice if she wants to continue this way and suffer. If she should honestly say she needs help, then explain that there is in fact a remedy, but like all remedies one MUST embrace it. She needs to know it is not just take a pill, etc. but willingly and sincerely seeing a physician and getting into an approved alcohol treatment program like other alcoholics who see their need. That will set her on the way to recover; otherwise she can choose to suffer (as well trouble and make life difficult and bring end to life). Alcoholism is not just something one can say 'I will just stop it'. It is a disease!

Tell her that a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus will be THE DOOR to peace and blessing in her life (noting John 3:16; John 14; Romans 8; Acts 4:12; Gal. 2:20; etc.) where God speaks to us clearly. He can truly give one the spiritual tools to go forward in His Son --the Lord Jesus. Write me anytime personally at Conversation page. -1watchman