Need advice about husband in bondage to sexual addiction

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dallasapple

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Just forget it Faith..you have the "last word'..Your right..I dont believe addicts..myself my mother ..my brother..both my sisters..as well as friends of the family ....'deserve" compassion..not to mention sympathy.

Before I let you drive me to drink..Im out of this conversation ..

Dallas
 
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FaithPrevails

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The difference between the compassion that I HAVE and the kind that YOU have..is that if there was someone that had clinical depression that is standing on the edge of a 10 story building fixign to jump?Is you would tell them..thats COMPLETELY understandable that you want to jump..its part of the depression it can lead to that..I have so much sympathy for YOU that you want to kill your self..you can NOT help that you feel that way..you have a disease..many people can not EASILY over come it and for some its downright impossible..and many many depressed people do in fact committ suicide..I feel SO sorry for you ..I hold NO judgment over you ..I have KNOWN people that were depressed..They tried and tried and just never got better..and that is so sad..I have SO much compassion for that..

Faith..they would NOT put YOU ..as much sympathy and compassion as you have.with your bleeding heart...on a team for suicide prevention..they would NOT send YOU up to negotiate with the potential suicide victim..in fact they woudl tell you "stand back lady"..

^_^ Wow. Just WOW. You have no idea what I believe if this is how you perceive my posts regarding addiction/compassion. I guess you would be shocked and amazed to know that I have been a staff member here on CF in the Recovery area for about 3 years now. That I have not only handled suicidal posts/members, but have also been an integral part in training other staff members to do the same....as well as helped develop protocol for the training. My responses have also been used as examples for other staff members in how to handle the situations.

But, I guess I'm just a bleeding heart that doesn't have a clue how to respond in a crisis situation. :doh:

The people with REAL compassion would listen to them and what their problems are..know the details..pay attention sympathise....and then try and convince them they do not HAVE to do it..people do care and there is help.You can overcome this..OTHER people have had these feelings you are NOT alone..and they have recovered and gone on to feel happy again..but the first step is dont jump..then you MUST..recieve treatment..

Tell me something I don't know. This is EXACTLY how I approach these types of situations.

You seem to be the one that wants to REJECT the part where they have a CHOICE..because for some reason you see that as being UNSYMPATHETIC and lacking compassion and I do NOT agree.I see that as trying to convince the person they are NOT helpless and there is HOPE.Which is a compassionate thing to do ..You do not tell them they dont REALLY have much choice in the matter because thats the "nature of depression".And everybody will understand if they go ahead and kill themselves..

I could tell you that I do believe they have a choice in what their actions are until I'm blue in the face, but you seem intent to disregard it or not acknowledge it for some reason. I'm really not sure why - other than the fact that you can't act all butt-hurt about what I'm saying if you do acknolwedge it. *shrugs*

Just because they have a choice doesn't mean it isn't a struggle for them. That is the only point I make with regards to choices...one you so clearly demonstrated with your own testimony.
 
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Sasha37

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Wow! How did this thread turn into a discussion about alcoholism?? Dallas, you seem to have A LOT of pain in your life. No wonder you are always on the defensive. But you do have a tendency to take 1 remark out of 100 and define a person by it, quoting, requoting, and generally distortiing it to oblivion until it has turned into something entirely different and unrecognizable from the way it was originally intended and used. I think this is why Faith is throwing up her hands, saying...what what???
 
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dallasapple

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Wow! How did this thread turn into a discussion about alcoholism?? Dallas, you seem to have A LOT of pain in your life. No wonder you are always on the defensive. But you do have a tendency to take 1 remark out of 100 and define a person by it, quoting, requoting, and generally distortiing it to oblivion until it has turned into something entirely different and unrecognizable from the way it was originally intended and used. I think this is why Faith is throwing up her hands, saying...what what???

The distortion was I have been REPEATEDLY ACCUSED Sasha..not "one stamement" of having no compassion for addicts or sympathy..Just on this PAGE again ..Faith flat out said that I didnt "seem" to think that addicts "deserved any compassion"..the closest she got to retracting that is but "maybe I'm wrong about that"..

That is not me takign one thing out of 100 and distorting it..that is me defending myself against a blatant wrong that has been REPEATEDLY suggested to me Sasha..

Im not "defining " a person by sayign Im NOT what they are accusign me of..Your thread in fact..isnt the FIRST time she has repeatedly accused me of that..there have been other threads and one in particular dealing with addiction she has said the same thing.

Im not going to argue with her about it..anymore..I to be frank really dont care what she believes about my level of "compassion" for addicts.Becasue its actually so stupid that she would have to believe I have no compassion or sympathy for myslef it that were the truth..

I simply dont care..its not worth my energy anymore.She can believe whatever she wants.Just like I settled it with you ..that you can believe Im bitter..Its not a big deal.

I've said Im not..I know Im not..other people know Im not..I dont need everyones O.K or approval ..or to agree with me..Im moving on.

Dallas
 
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Sasha37

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Dallas, I don't know you, and so I don't know who you are. But you have so much anger. That is obvious to anyone, and you do push that onto others by treating them like your enemies if they don't agree with you. You give the impression (and I say impression because I don't know you personally) that one must walk on eggshells around you or you might blow. That's all. Take it or leave it. As you so rightly said, it's your choice.
 
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FaithPrevails

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The distortion was I have been REPEATEDLY ACCUSED Sasha..not "one stamement" of having no compassion for addicts or sympathy..Just on this PAGE again ..Faith flat out said that I didnt "seem" to think that addicts "deserved any compassion"..the closest she got to retracting that is but "maybe I'm wrong about that"..

I was pointing out where I felt the disconnect was due to how you were wording your posts. I have not accused you of anything. :doh: Sasha's right. There is a defensiveness to your posts b/c you are putting something to my words that is simply not there. Rather than take me at my word for it, you are getting increasingly angry about it.

I'm sorry, dallas. I wasn't accusing you of anything. I was trying to flesh out what the disagreement was between us in hopes of gaining a better understanding on both sides. I can't make you accept the apology or make you see that we apparently are very much aligned in how we think about this stuff even if our words came out very differently. But, for whatever it's worth - it's out there on the table. Take it or leave it.
 
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dallasapple

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Dallas, I don't know you, and so I don't know who you are. But you have so much anger. That is obvious to anyone, and you do push that onto others by treating them like your enemies if they don't agree with you. You give the impression (and I say impression because I don't know you personally) that one must walk on eggshells around you or you might blow. That's all. Take it or leave it. As you so rightly said, it's your choice.

On the one hand..you dont know me..on the other hand you know what I have..??That makes a lot of sense..Also that its obvious to "anyone" I find curious..becasue who is anyone?

I dont believe forcefully not agreeing with someone who repeatedly states that I have no compassion or sympathy for addicts is treating them like an enemy.Nor forcefully disagreeing when Im called bitter and accused of treating my husband in a manner that he must feel like a little boy...No one has to walk on eggshells ...Its like if I said to you ..it seems to me ..that your intent..is to try and control your husband..and I feel sorry for him..I mean no offense..and I dont know for sure but thats the "vibe" Im picking up..

And you said absoultely not..how are you getting that in what I said..I dont wish to control my husband no need to feel sorry for him ..thats completely off the mark..

And I said..well..thats not how I see it..I think that deep down you know what Im talking about..you know what im saying is the truth about how you really feel..you just arent aware of it..

And you said ABSOLUTLELY not..you arent here ..you are wrong how can you even KNOW my feelings..

And I said sheesh..calm down..you seem angry ..are you bitter?..Why so defensive?Its pretty obvious you have some issues..you are absolutley hostile...is this how you talk to your husband?If so I clearly see what the problem is in your marriage..

etc..etc..that is what has happend here ..

Thats why Im done.

Take it or leave it.

Dallas
 
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mkgal1

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I was pointing out where I felt the disconnect was due to how you were wording your posts. I have not accused you of anything. :doh:

You did, FP...and this was AFTER Dallas had already said she IS an addict and had gone into some detail of what she has dealt with with her sister. Not that she needed to, because again...nobody owes anyone here explanations or details, but Dallas gave plenty of reasons for us to know that she IS compassionate.

This is an accusation...IMO...

So, I'm not really seeing what the disconnect is between what I'm saying and what you're saying. Other than I seem to think that addicts deserve compassion and you don't .
 
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dallasapple

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You did, FP...and this was AFTER Dallas had already said she IS an addict and had gone into some detail of what she has dealt with with her sister.

This is an accusation...IMO...

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Thank you MK..

She has stated that..accused me of that..inferred that..over and over and over again.(as well as having no sympathy)Despite repeated objections that is not the truth..and lengthy and personal examples of what cant be described as anything else but hands on in real life deep compassion ..she still says it.

Then Im told people have to "walk on eggsehlls"..blatantly accusing me of havign no compassion for ADDICTS is not "walking on eggshells"..Its harrasement.

But like I said..thats O.K..the people in my life..including the ADDICTS feel my compassion they wouldnt be concerned what Faith thinks.

Dallas
 
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dallasapple

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Leave it alone, mk. I've already apologized and moved on from it. Please don't rehash it just because you feel the need to show me my faults.

I didnt see your apology Faith..I TBH stopped reading your comments about 5 posts ago..

But its O.K..I accept.I dont want to argue about it anymore..

Dallas
 
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dallasapple

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I was pointing out where I felt the disconnect was due to how you were wording your posts. I have not accused you of anything. :doh: Sasha's right. There is a defensiveness to your posts b/c you are putting something to my words that is simply not there. Rather than take me at my word for it, you are getting increasingly angry about it.

I'm sorry, dallas. I wasn't accusing you of anything. I was trying to flesh out what the disagreement was between us in hopes of gaining a better understanding on both sides. I can't make you accept the apology or make you see that we apparently are very much aligned in how we think about this stuff even if our words came out very differently. But, for whatever it's worth - it's out there on the table. Take it or leave it.

I would like to sa one more thing though..You in fact DID accuse me poitn blank..and more than once of having no compassion Faith..

By denying that and then saying Im just defensive I do not need your apology.You said "your sorry and you "weretn" accusing me..So exaclty what are you apologizng for Faith?That I got angry at you and defensive over nothign you did wrong?

I did take you at yoru word Faith..over and over you said I dont have comapssion ..r seem to have commpassion or sympathy for addicts..that is what I was in your words.."defensive and angry"..

Take it or leave it?I leave it Faith..I'm not going to accept an apolgy thats not even an apology for anything you think you did wrong..Or even that you were mistaken about what you kept repeating over and over..

Thats not how I roll..

Dallas
 
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FaithPrevails

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I didnt see your apology Faith..I TBH stopped reading your comments about 5 posts ago..

But its O.K..I accept.I dont want to argue about it anymore..

Dallas

Thank you. Neither do I.
 
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FaithPrevails

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I would like to sa one more thing though..You in fact DID accuse me poitn blank..and more than once of having no compassion Faith..

By denying that and then saying Im just defensive I do not need your apology.You said "your sorry and you "weretn" accusing me..So exaclty what are you apologizng for Faith?That I got angry at you and defensive over nothign you did wrong?

I did take you at yoru word Faith..over and over you said I dont have comapssion ..r seem to have commpassion or sympathy for addicts..that is what I was in your words.."defensive and angry"..

Take it or leave it?I leave it Faith..I'm not going to accept an apolgy thats not even an apology for anything you think you did wrong..Or even that you were mistaken about what you kept repeating over and over..

Thats not how I roll..

Dallas

When I say I wasn't accusing you - I mean I wasn't intentionally accusing you. Do you ever say something meaning it one way and have it received quite differently?

My apology was sincere. But, it's up to you to believe it/accept it. That's what I meant by take it or leave it. I'm not going to defend/justify/explain myself. Trying to do that got us nowhere. I was hoping it could be let go and moved past. Water under the bridge sort of thing. I am doing the same with the things that you said that upset me.
 
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