Need a Church to feel loved

[Over thinker]

My struggle to stay in my current church or find another one is pulling me apart and steering me away from God, amongst other struggles correlated to this struggle for a place to call home and feel welcomed.

My current church, an Anglician one has been instrumental in my growth in God, but I now feel after many months im still not fitting into the community, have strong relationships with people outside of church. One person keeps me comming back though, that person welcomed me on my first visit in Feburary to a connect group which is what I needed at the time and God defintely provided for me. This church ticked all the boxes which brought me back to God at the begining of the year. I only go to that Church now because of his connect group. I dreed the socializing at the begining of the sunday service because I only know people from my connect group and I still dont know them well. Im Always introducing myself to people, forgetting people names and not forming strong relationships outside of church. The service starts half an hour after another service so im like a lost sheep and head straight for my chair at church. I love the sermons and teaching, the anglican style.

Im from a Pentecostal up bring where all but my brother is a committed christian. I turned away when I was 18 from God for the same reason I am struggling to stay a committed christian now - feel connected, included and sin dragged me away. My family moved a lot and forming relationships anyway in life had a massive impact on my confidence.

I love meeting new people though, I love coffee stands at churches. I'm comfortable starting random conversations. I even work in hospitality, but I'm really bad at creating relationships and this is what is making me what to change church.

Ive been jumping between churches for months now and am so confused.
Im trying out pentcostal church now which a lot smaller than my Anglican one, starts earlier at 5 instead of 7pm (can only do sunday nights cause of my work). Weirdly I was welcomed on after church outing, something Ive always wanted for like-ever. (or I just a lot of confidence to invite myself). Im single, in my mid 30s. Its really hard to meet people when Im a new-ish christian and in my mid 30s.

Im off tonight to a hillsong church because its my comfort church - got a great music and an awesome coffee and food stand.

Well atleast Im going to a church tonight considering Ive have a really bad week-Anger is building up in me.

Its a great community here. Thanks for your advice.

 

[salt-n-light]

My struggle to stay in my current church or find another one is pulling me apart and steering me away from God, amongst other struggles correlated to this struggle for a place to call home and feel welcomed.

My current church, an Anglician one has been instrumental in my growth in God, but I now feel after many months im still not fitting into the community, have strong relationships with people outside of church. One person keeps me comming back though, that person welcomed me on my first visit in Feburary to a connect group which is what I needed at the time and God defintely provided for me. This church ticked all the boxes which brought me back to God at the begining of the year. I only go to that Church now because of his connect group. I dreed the socializing at the begining of the sunday service because I only know people from my connect group and I still dont know them well. Im Always introducing myself to people, forgetting people names and not forming strong relationships outside of church. The service starts half an hour after another service so im like a lost sheep and head straight for my chair at church. I love the sermons and teaching, the anglican style.

Im from a Pentecostal up bring where all but my brother is a committed christian. I turned away when I was 18 from God for the same reason I am struggling to stay a committed christian now - feel connected, included and sin dragged me away. My family moved a lot and forming relationships anyway in life had a massive impact on my confidence.

I love meeting new people though, I love coffee stands at churches. I'm comfortable starting random conversations. I even work in hospitality, but I'm really bad at creating relationships and this is what is making me what to change church.

Ive been jumping between churches for months now and am so confused.
Im trying out pentcostal church now which a lot smaller than my Anglican one, starts earlier at 5 instead of 7pm (can only do sunday nights cause of my work). Weirdly I was welcomed on after church outing, something Ive always wanted for like-ever. (or I just a lot of confidence to invite myself). Im single, in my mid 30s. Its really hard to meet people when Im a new-ish christian and in my mid 30s.

Im off tonight to a hillsong church because its my comfort church - got a great music and an awesome coffee and food stand.

Well atleast Im going to a church tonight considering Ive have a really bad week-Anger is building up in me.

Its a great community here. Thanks for your advice.

I'm hearing you, and im glad that you found some sort of community of believers that you feel safe with (although Hillsong's doctrine as of recent leadership wise is questionable), but I have a question for you:

How is your relationship with God?

Not a generic " Oh He's swell I love Him! He's always blessing me, and He gives me cool friends and stuff", but how close are you with Him?

 

[test]

My struggle to stay in my current church or find another one is pulling me apart and steering me away from God, amongst other struggles correlated to this struggle for a place to call home and feel welcomed.

My current church, an Anglician one has been instrumental in my growth in God, but I now feel after many months im still not fitting into the community, have strong relationships with people outside of church. One person keeps me comming back though, that person welcomed me on my first visit in Feburary to a connect group which is what I needed at the time and God defintely provided for me. This church ticked all the boxes which brought me back to God at the begining of the year. I only go to that Church now because of his connect group. I dreed the socializing at the begining of the sunday service because I only know people from my connect group and I still dont know them well. Im Always introducing myself to people, forgetting people names and not forming strong relationships outside of church. The service starts half an hour after another service so im like a lost sheep and head straight for my chair at church. I love the sermons and teaching, the anglican style.

Im from a Pentecostal up bring where all but my brother is a committed christian. I turned away when I was 18 from God for the same reason I am struggling to stay a committed christian now - feel connected, included and sin dragged me away. My family moved a lot and forming relationships anyway in life had a massive impact on my confidence.

I love meeting new people though, I love coffee stands at churches. I'm comfortable starting random conversations. I even work in hospitality, but I'm really bad at creating relationships and this is what is making me what to change church.

Ive been jumping between churches for months now and am so confused.
Im trying out pentcostal church now which a lot smaller than my Anglican one, starts earlier at 5 instead of 7pm (can only do sunday nights cause of my work). Weirdly I was welcomed on after church outing, something Ive always wanted for like-ever. (or I just a lot of confidence to invite myself). Im single, in my mid 30s. Its really hard to meet people when Im a new-ish christian and in my mid 30s.

Im off tonight to a hillsong church because its my comfort church - got a great music and an awesome coffee and food stand.

Well atleast Im going to a church tonight considering Ive have a really bad week-Anger is building up in me.

Its a great community here. Thanks for your advice.

You don't say nothing for the first chuch - orthodox church.
You can try it. Forget about Sunday night service.

 

[test]

I'm hearing you, and im glad that you found some sort of community of believers that you feel safe with (although Hillsong's doctrine as of recent leadership wise is questionable), but I have a question for you:

How is your relationship with God?

Not a generic " Oh He's swell I love Him! He's always blessing me, and He gives me cool friends and stuff", but how close are you with Him?

How can man have personal releationship with God who never met? I always seems this extreme protestantism.

 

[Over thinker]

I'm hearing you, and im glad that you found some sort of community of believers that you feel safe with (although Hillsong's doctrine as of recent leadership wise is questionable), but I have a question for you:

How is your relationship with God?

Not a generic " Oh He's swell I love Him! He's always blessing me, and He gives me cool friends and stuff", but how close are you with Him?

Umm...
That question is subjective to the person. I'm not 100% committed - without doubts, sin free.

I don't think I have a good relationship but I want one. Yes I struggle with applying gods teaching. I want to change, I think I do. I'm indecisive about everything.

This is dependent on ones own circumstance and if you have a support network. Being a single guy without close support (christian and non Christian) makes my Christian journey harder. I procrastinate, doubt my faith, my life, my career. Consistency is hard. When life is tough and you become isolated (depressed) because youve tried many times it's eats you up.

I have this mess in everyday life and not fitting into a church makes it all harder.

In summary don't know.

 

[Over thinker]

You don't say nothing for the first chuch - orthodox church.
You can try it. Forget about Sunday night service.

You don't say nothing for the first chuch - orthodox church.
You can try it. Forget about Sunday night service.

I prefer pentecostal, evangelical churches but thanks for comment.

 

[Dave G.]

Umm...
That question is subjective to the person. I'm not 100% committed - without doubts, sin free.

I don't think I have a good relationship but I want one. Yes I struggle with applying gods teaching. I want to change, I think I do. I'm indecisive about everything.

This is dependent on ones own circumstance and if you have a support network. Being a single guy without close support (christian and non Christian) makes my Christian journey harder. I procrastinate, doubt my faith, my life, my career. Consistency is hard. When life is tough and you become isolated (depressed) because youve tried many times it's eats you up.

I have this mess in everyday life and not fitting into a church makes it all harder.

In summary don't know.

Our relationship is to be with Jesus, all in. He is in every detail of our lives, He lights our pathway when we walk alone and we don't feel alone. our goal is to embrace the relationship with Him first. Going to church is about strengthening that relationship with God, it is only a tool. The rest about church is secondary and most of what you mentioned wanting from a church is at least secondary if not even further back ( coffee shop, musical entertainment etc), although those things too can help God speak to you in that it fleshes out the experience, it's not to the depth you need. I submit to you that if or when you seriously secure yourself in Jesus Christ in a personal way and know you are God's person forever, the church life will fall in place and if it doesn't it won't bother you so much.. Stop seeking churches and certain kinds of people that meet your minds eye, but trade that for the Love of God through Jesus Christ. And then He will provide, unless something is seriously wrong in the church you are in and then He will move you ( place it on your heart to move on).. You can skip around from church to church for the rest of your life and never be satisfied, you need that personal relationship with God, then he will move you if that is needed. Everything we do starts with Jesus at the top of our pyramid of life even if there is no church for you to attend.

Prayer life. Answer to yourself honestly. Is there one ? If so, in it do you know to bring the Glory to God within it, to praise Him, to raise Him above yourself, to ask in submission ? I've recently learned a new tool in prayer and it's been a powerful tool for me and I've suggested it to some other people around the forum here. That is to ask the Holy Spirit to see others through His eyes rather than my own. It can go to events in your life or even to a church as well and of course people.. It's an amazing prayer tool and I've found love for others more than any other time in my life. It's not something that happens like BAHM, there it is. But over time my view of things changes in surprising ways. It's brought me patience with others, it's allowed me to embrace someones weakness but it's also brought separation where it was needed but rather than out of emotion, instead truth and within the will of God without anxiety.. For instance my wife has a couple of little habits that have bugged me to know end, I now smile at them. My wife too is using this tool and I notice she is much more patient with me. We are seeing the love of God in each other I believe and that is pretty awesome in our upper 60's.. By contrast it's showed me that a certain churches teachings are not fully correct.

 

[salt-n-light]

How can man have personal releationship with God who never met? I always seems this extreme protestantism.

Its suppose to be personal. When we call God "Father", thats addressing the relationship between Him and the individual. How do we expect to be with Him forever and not seek to know Him, communicate with Him, and be able to recognize Him? I'm not seeing how this is something extreme.

 

[salt-n-light]

Umm...
That question is subjective to the person. I'm not 100% committed - without doubts, sin free.

I don't think I have a good relationship but I want one. Yes I struggle with applying gods teaching. I want to change, I think I do. I'm indecisive about everything.

This is dependent on ones own circumstance and if you have a support network. Being a single guy without close support (christian and non Christian) makes my Christian journey harder. I procrastinate, doubt my faith, my life, my career. Consistency is hard. When life is tough and you become isolated (depressed) because youve tried many times it's eats you up.

I have this mess in everyday life and not fitting into a church makes it all harder.

In summary don't know.

If you don't even know your relationship with God, how can the church truly help with that? It will only mask the fact that you haven't establish it for yourself.

Its a subjective question, yes that's why I'm asking about you, personally. And its something every single believer struggle with. But alot of times we kinda DIY things, like if only I have the perfect life: set of friends, a great church, a career, the wife and kids, picket fence, then it would be easier to have a relationship with God. And we put all efforts in that first, instead of actually seeking God. When things crumble, it ends up being a situation where its like we are isolated and confused.

There will be times where it will not be a perfect situation. The christian life is a life of persecution and crucifying of flesh every day. It is not an auto-pilot life. That's why its important to have that relationship with God personally, so that you're able to overcome.

Support play a part to strengthen, but if there's no personal relationship with God to strengthen, then even the best of church gathering is not going to satisfy. You will end up chasing, and never finding peace.

So the question is meant for reflection, and to just pause chasing. And just talk to God one-on-one. Seek Him out, ask Him questions and see how the Word addresses it. Our Father is such a wise and loving God, and so much of the worries that we have now, He already conquered it for us. And when we stray or feel weak in faith, the Holy Spirit convicts us with patience and in love. Its one thing to have head knowledge of that, and another to be a witness of it.

That should also get you being more involved in church gatherings, use the leaders as resources, and ask questions.Pastors and evangelists are suppose to be there to help edify the church. Reach out to someone who may be feeling as alone as you and edify your brother and sister. Test out these churches, are they even in alignment to the Word? Are they helping you spiritually or just in the flesh.

 

[Dave G.]

How can man have personal releationship with God who never met? I always seems this extreme protestantism.

Actually He wants that relationship with us and just wants us to turn in alignment with Him. When we agree with God, that is we also live in agreement, He is just to meet us in that. If we seek Him with all our minds and heart, He reveals things to us all the more, that can not be revealed any other way. Often after prayer and in reading scripture He speaks to us profoundly through His Word. He is also not beyond showing us physical events . It's up to us to keep it fresh though. We can't very well do that with one foot living in the sins of the world and loving it and to then say we are loving Him too.

This is not extreme thinking at all and it's not about denominations at all, it isn't even really about doctrine though we want to be careful about that.. God started showing me things as soon as I turned to Jesus and I was basically in no church at the time, not even a bible reader, though had been raised Catholic. it wasn't about a church organization it was about a personal choice to turn to the very person of Jesus Christ in the very lowest time of my life. That act changed my whole world in very personal ways. He is a very personal God !

 

[Vitari]

How can man have personal releationship with God who never met? I always seems this extreme protestantism.

Test, in my own experience, I asked Jesus into my life about 50 years ago, entirely by faith. It took years for me to actually get to know Jesus. It is like any relationship really. For example, you may be attracted to a member of the opposite sex and you start going out with them. That is actually a kind of leap of faith in itself because you don't know them at that stage. Over the months and years, you begin to know that person.
When the relationship is with Jesus, you have the advantage of knowing that He loves you and wants a close relationship with you, so He helps you by the Holy Spirit, who may be operating "out of sight" but after a while, you really do get to know Him. He becomes the person you know best over a period of years.

 

[Vitari]

Over thinker - you probably are "over thinking" this! Your primary relationship and intimacy should be with Jesus. That is the best base to work from. You can bring all these worries to Him in private and He will understand and help.
You seem to be doing quite well at coffee stands - maybe you have some kind of a ministry talking and meeting people who come to the church and don't know how to start conversations or are very shy?
The quality of proper relationships both in and out of church is, in my opinion, pretty low these days. One thing that can make relationships even worse in churches is that Christians are afraid to be themselves because they think they will be condemned or rejected by other Christians. I think you need to be patient, but also be who you are. Have the courage to be the Christian who has a weakness because of lack of stability - moving around at lot - as a child. Have the courage to be the Christian who finds relationship difficult. You may find you eventually attract one or two other Christians who also find it hard to belong or to form relationships.
Another thing you can do is to invite another single Christian round to your home for a cup of tea or something. Find people who have similar interests which would give you common ground. It can be very hard to be single in a church.
I don't personally understand why this issue should be leading you away from God though? There are times when God wants on your own so He can have you to Himself. Read Hoseah 2:14. Hoseah uses the language of a man who wants to lure a girl away from other people so he can seduce her in the desert! He may want you all to Himself for a while, get your attention so He can speak words of love in your ear, in private! In other words, consider whether Jesus is also wishing He could have a relationship with you, and not just talk with you at the "coffee stand" of your prayer times. Perhaps He also wants something more with you?

 

[Over thinker]

Our relationship is to be with Jesus, all in. He is in every detail of our lives, He lights our pathway when we walk alone and we don't feel alone. our goal is to embrace the relationship with Him first. Going to church is about strengthening that relationship with God, it is only a tool. The rest about church is secondary and most of what you mentioned wanting from a church is at least secondary if not even further back ( coffee shop, musical entertainment etc), although those things too can help God speak to you in that it fleshes out the experience, it's not to the depth you need. I submit to you that if or when you seriously secure yourself in Jesus Christ in a personal way and know you are God's person forever, the church life will fall in place and if it doesn't it won't bother you so much.. Stop seeking churches and certain kinds of people that meet your minds eye, but trade that for the Love of God through Jesus Christ. And then He will provide, unless something is seriously wrong in the church you are in and then He will move you ( place it on your heart to move on).. You can skip around from church to church for the rest of your life and never be satisfied, you need that personal relationship with God, then he will move you if that is needed. Everything we do starts with Jesus at the top of our pyramid of life even if there is no church for you to attend.

Prayer life. Answer to yourself honestly. Is there one ? If so, in it do you know to bring the Glory to God within it, to praise Him, to raise Him above yourself, to ask in submission ? I've recently learned a new tool in prayer and it's been a powerful tool for me and I've suggested it to some other people around the forum here. That is to ask the Holy Spirit to see others through His eyes rather than my own. It can go to events in your life or even to a church as well and of course people.. It's an amazing prayer tool and I've found love for others more than any other time in my life. It's not something that happens like BAHM, there it is. But over time my view of things changes in surprising ways. It's brought me patience with others, it's allowed me to embrace someones weakness but it's also brought separation where it was needed but rather than out of emotion, instead truth and within the will of God without anxiety.. For instance my wife has a couple of little habits that have bugged me to know end, I now smile at them. My wife too is using this tool and I notice she is much more patient with me. We are seeing the love of God in each other I believe and that is pretty awesome in our upper 60's.. By contrast it's showed me that a certain churches teachings are not fully correct.

Thanks for comments.
So true about church. It's where we come to grow, be in unity with fellow Christians, strengthen each other.

The church is just a shell, like our flesh. It's what's in the inside that's important. The spirit.

I've got to feed it positivetive energy as it's extremely negative at the moment. Not at all where I was a month ago. Need to read his scriptures or God breathed Authors. Will do now before I sleep.

Thanks.

 

[Albion]

Thanks for comments.
So true about church. It's where we come to grow, be in unity with fellow Christians, strengthen each other.

The church is just a shell, like our flesh. It's what's in the inside that's important. The spirit.

I've got to feed it positivetive energy as it's extremely negative at the moment. Not at all where I was a month ago. Need to read his scriptures or God breathed Authors. Will do now before I sleep.

Thanks.

Hi, Over thinker.

Your problem is a tough one to solve, as many other people who feel as you do would attest. My word of caution is this--don't choose a church strictly or even mainly on the basis of how welcoming the people are or how in love with God they appear to be.

Your comments above indicate that you have seen or considered churches that are way apart from each other on the Christian spectrum of belief and practice. Shop around and visit different churches, if you feel the need, but do not make a commitment on a church to be your "home church" without being comfortable also that its teachings are right.

 

[Over thinker]

Hi all. Many thanks for your comments. Its good to share and get feedback. Will definitely be using this forum more.

I just wanted to respond to a few of your replies and clarify some.

"I don't personally understand why this issue should be leading you away from God though?"

Coming from a life last year where I had hit rock bottom and didn't see a value in my life - a purpose, my new rediscover of God became my whole world. Church life, connect, reading christian books like Tim Kellor, Lee Stroble, listening to only christian music, seeing mostly christian church/connect people Church is a vital tool in my walk with god, it puts in back into reality away from my own thoughts-questioning. My whole sense of purpose, social outing comes from going to church and trying to fit in because I struggle in ordinary life. Im quite reserved and quite often dash out of church as I find it uncomfortable talking with people. I find it easier to speak to strangers at new churches because I'm in control. (See below) I got to the point where I sought God to much, doubting whether anything was coming of this search and finding going to church uncomfortable - this is has made my spiritual energy low.

"In other words, consider whether Jesus is also wishing He could have a relationship with you, and not just talk with you at the "coffee stand"

'My coffee stand' thing is an important one for my comfort but also when I in a loving state and want others to feel welcome, a form of outreach. What is better standing in four walled building with just people and chairs and feeling lost and awawked or finding a safety net and trying to stay a little longer in church. I would love to be the last one there. Sunday is church day. I dont have any other plans.. Half the time I dont want coffee. I meet so many nice people who quenue up for a coffee. Some are not keen for a chat but others are. I find it rewarding speaking to people and they appreciate a chat. A lot of churches, church goers are zombies with sad faces in the quenue. I try and spark a conversation and get that frown upside down. Basically I dont like being left out, love to seek out the single ones, its a challenge. I cant jump into group and start talking. I defintely feel I would be good in pastrol care, welcoming party.

I would love to invite people out for a coffee. My invites are usually shugged off. I can only ask so many times. Its takes courage to do this. You got to find the right people who want to connect with new people. Most of church goers want to see friends and catchup. Church services don't last long. I know its hard and weighs me down especially when I am too persistent and they are too busy for a '30min chat' Any tips?

One thing to note as I read your comments, is I should have faith more, know I am not perfect and trust God will lead me in the direction he wants. I don't believe in fate but know God has a plan for me. Just gotta stop doubting.

Thanks all for your kind words and wisdom. I do need to get back to my intimacy with God. I feel and know God speaks to me through the books I read and Audio books I listen to. Sometimes one book I read matches up well with a sermon, a thought. Its amazing. My current book Prayer, by Tim Kellor has revealed so many questions I have about intimacy with God. Ive put it down because of my doubts. I will start reading it again. Whats also amazing is I struggle to finish books and loose interest but my thirst for christiany and God continues finished many books. I definitely recommend Christian Audio books in these modern times, especially for new Christians.

Ok Finished my novel Thanks again.