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nearing the end of my rope

Discussion in 'Ministry Spouses' started by Zethra, Apr 9, 2014.

  1. Zethra

    Zethra Newbie

    I need support, advice, and prayer from my brothers and sisters in Christ. Life has driven me to my knees and I don't know where to go from here. [bless and do not curse] I'm at a loss as to what to do right now.

    I'm supposed to be getting married on the 26th of this month, but while things are supposed to be wonderful and happy, everything about life is taking a dramatic turn for the worst. The most noticible being family relations. My fiancée has decided that once the wedding is over, she never wants a relationship with my mother ever and refuses to ever communicate with her again. This isn't unfounded as I can't say I blame her, but I still can't help but be depressed about it. My mother is impatient, passive aggressive, and controlling. She was raised in the church like myself, but doesn't seem to walk in the light. That or her view of what it means to be a Christian is skewed. Gossip is her fortay. Even about private family matters. Her employees at work know just about all my dirty little secrets (save the ones that would make her look like a "bad mother"). She passively shuns me when I "act up" and pushes me to share information with her that I dont feel comfortable sharing with anyone but my fiancee. She has taken credit for the wedding on multiple occasions and boasts about how none of it would have happened if it wasn't for her and my father being well known in the church (on that topic, they are so well known -in church and in the city- that I am referred to as "Joe and Kara's oldest son", not "Josh"). [bless and do not curse]

    My fiancée is another issue. I'm not exactly sure what to say to be honest. She was raised in tbs church as well, but not the same way as myself. During the time we have been together she has maybe gone to service with me maybe a dozen times. Just recently she informed me that service bores her and she can never pay attention, though our current church she has no trouble paying attention. The only problem is that my parents go there too. She is so adamant about cutting communication with my mother that she refuses to go to the same church regardless of the circumstances. This scares me that we will never find one in the area that she enjoys. Honestly, I could care less what church I go to, as long a I can hear God's Word and be uplifted and nothing thats cannonically questionable is going on. I work a very irregular schedule and am unable to attend every so often. 90% of the time she won't go without me. When she does, we're late. In fact, we have maybe been on time twice since being together. It's always the same reason too: she won't get up when the alarm goes off. This is just one of many problems that have been popping up over the last few months. I keep wondering is this a sign, or is satan putting doubt in my mind. If anyone feels like listening and helping further just shoot me a PM. I'd love an encouraging shoulder to lean on right now.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. friendlysusan

    friendlysusan Newbie

    First, I am surprised why nobody bothered to reply to this post. Anyways, I understand what you are going through and it is painful but in my opinion not getting up on time to go to church is not the rootcause of the problem. It may not be even going to the same church as your mom does. The problem is a stressful relationship between your fiancee and your mother. Until, this thing is clear other problems will creep up, (which might not even be directly related to the original rootcause)

    I suggest you and your fiancee to talk it out and be truthful about everything that might pose a problem in your relationship. Better clear the air now. Pray for your wedding, pray to God to bless your fiancee to be understanding and tolerant. Prayer is miraculous tool which will eventually win the spiritual warfare.

    Good luck brother. Let me know if this was of any help to you. I will pray for you.:prayer:
  3. HOPEOF9

    HOPEOF9 Regular Member

    You've got to talk to her now. These problems won't magically go away after the "I do's" are said. They will compound and get worse. The fact that she can't stand your Mom, although somewhat justified by your own statement, isn't a good sign. Threats before the wedding of what will happen after the wedding is just plain ugly. You can't start your wedding on a blessed foot the way you are making it sound.
    Jesus loved us anyway. You are loving your fiancé by confronting this behavior. You may not be able to control what your Mother does, but you can nip the bad attitude in your marriage before it happens. Seriously, do it now. It will only get worse if you ignore, or give in to your fiancé's every whim. If these demands are met, it means that there will be no grace shown to your Mom and it seems that she needs a DIL that loves her unconditionally(and I don't mean be a doormat,) not one that is going to marry her son, take him away and despise ever being around her. That isn't Christ-like, and it won't bring any kind of blessing to the family as a whole.
    If you feel that you've done what you can to help your Mom and getting married and getting away is the answer, then let your fiancé alone.
    I think you will all benefit from putting Christ first and laying down selfish desires during this time.
    Remember, as Christ as the head of your marriage and family, you are the leader and you must set a standard NOW, even before it's legal. If you don't, she will resent it and it will take a lot longer to heal, or will be a thorn forever.
  4. Follower212

    Follower212 Member

    I see this blog is from awhile ago. I hope all is well in your marriage and with your family.
  5. Si_monfaith

    Si_monfaith Let God alone answer through us

    Word of Faith
    Love between humans does not exist. Jesus is the source of all love. Just acknowledge this truth to Jesus & others rather than expect love from fellow humans & feel disappointed. You will experience Jesus' love flowing thru mom, fiancee & you.