- Dec 25, 2004
- 33,794
- 203
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- Faith
- Presbyterian
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- US-Republican
Summary
A nativity scene is disgusted to find that people have forgotten Jesus in their Christmas celebration. (3 pages, humorous)
Cast
SHEPHERD, JOSEPH, MARY, WISE MAN, ANGEL, GIRAFFE [Two people], SHEEP [People on all fours]
The set is a nativity scene with ornaments as characters. They are in a house and occasionally look off-stage at some of the other ornaments like Santa and Rudolf that are around the room.
The curtains open, there is a typical nativity scene on stage, Joseph and Mary next to manger, angel, shepherd, animals etc. The stage is frozen for a few seconds and then unfreezes with all the characters coughing, sneezing or wheezing. Players hit their clothing to remove dust (e.g. Baby powder).
SHEPHERD It must be Christmas again.
JOSEPH Let's just be grateful we're out of that box.
MARY We could all do with a good vacuuming.
SHEPHERD Don't even joke about that, I've lost three sheep that way.
JOSEPH Oh, you've got some .. (tinsel)
[Mary brushing tinsel off]
MARY Oh! You just can't get rid of this stuff.
[Enter wise man with plastic wrap around his arm. He keeps looking up at someone and looks like he's being pushed into position.]
WISE MAN Alright, quit shoving, quit shoving! You got an injured man here! I don't believe this.
JOSEPH What's wrong with you?
WISE MAN They broke me!
SHEPHERD Not again.
ANGEL Join the club. [Angel turns front-on to reveal one wing missing.]
JOSEPH Well you don't have to complain so loudly about it.
WISE MAN I'm as human as the next ornament.
MARY That doesn't even make sense.
WISE MAN Hey, who's the wise man around here?
JOSEPH OK listen guys, the set may not be as complete as when it was new, and a few of us have been dropped or stepped on or vacuumed up over the years. But we all have to make certain sacrifices in the name of Christmas, regardless of what oversights and minor inadequacies the humans might subject us to.
SHEPHERD Minor inadequacies! Take a look at this!
[Lifts up a wad of cotton wool with pipe-cleaner legs.]
Does that look like a sheep to anyone else? Because I've only been a shepherd for 18 years, so I can't tell a sheep from a piece of cotton wool glued to a couple of pipe-cleaners!
ANGEL If you ask me someone out there's got a few sheep loose in the top paddock, if you know what I mean.
WISE MAN You think that's bad? Look at what I have to put up with.
[Blows a whistle]
Marines!
[Two green plastic soldiers with rifles enter. Stuck on the bayonet of each rifle is a gift box.]
SOLDIERS Frankincense and Myrrh reporting as ordered, sir!
JOSEPH They've gotta be kidding.
MARY What happened to the other wise men?
SOLDIER 1 They bought it at the battle of Clementine mam.
MARY Clementine?
SOLDIER 2 Golden Retriever mam. It wasn't a pretty sight.
JOSEPH So you're the wise man replacements?
SOLDIERS Affirmative sir.
JOSEPH Well you should stand here, and you over here next to him. Try to look inconspicuous.
ANGEL Heads up.
[All characters watch into space as an imaginary arm brings in more sheep and a giraffe.]
JOSEPH OK wise men times three, Mary and Joseph - that's me, angel, shepherd, barn animals aren't we forgetting someone here?
[Everyone looks around]
WISE MAN Nope.
ANGEL Don't think so.
SHEPHERD This mule looks like a giraffe.
MARY At least there's no lego this year.
ANGEL I'm surprised Ken and Barbie couldn't make it.
JOSEPH [Pointing off-stage at a Santa ornament] Speaking of weird ornaments, what do you make of him?
[Everyone starts laughing]
SHEPHERD Oh yeah, I can see occasion for a three hundred pound guy in a red fur coat to be scooting around the Judean dessert in a chariot with no wheels. I think THAT's gonna happen.
MARY They're really reaching with this one.
ANGEL (Pointing at something else off-stage and reading) Rudolf the red nosed reindeer? What's a reindeer?
SHEPHERD [Pointing to Giraffe] Maybe that's one.
[Everyone shakes their heads]
MARY You know, I hardly even recognise Christmas anymore.
OTHERS Yeah.
[Silent pause]
WISE MAN We three kings of orient are, bearing gifts we [continues singing]
ANGEL Angels we have heard, on high [continues]
SHEPHERD While shepherds watch their flocks by night [continues]
SOLDIERS [Marching] Oh when the saints, go marching in [continue]
JOSEPH Of for Pete's sake.
MARY Mary's boy child,
JOSEPH Not you too.
MARY Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas [Mary looks at manger] Ahhh!
OTHERS What?
MARY [Pointing] Ahhh!
[Others take a deep breath]
A nativity scene is disgusted to find that people have forgotten Jesus in their Christmas celebration. (3 pages, humorous)
Cast
SHEPHERD, JOSEPH, MARY, WISE MAN, ANGEL, GIRAFFE [Two people], SHEEP [People on all fours]
The set is a nativity scene with ornaments as characters. They are in a house and occasionally look off-stage at some of the other ornaments like Santa and Rudolf that are around the room.
The curtains open, there is a typical nativity scene on stage, Joseph and Mary next to manger, angel, shepherd, animals etc. The stage is frozen for a few seconds and then unfreezes with all the characters coughing, sneezing or wheezing. Players hit their clothing to remove dust (e.g. Baby powder).
SHEPHERD It must be Christmas again.
JOSEPH Let's just be grateful we're out of that box.
MARY We could all do with a good vacuuming.
SHEPHERD Don't even joke about that, I've lost three sheep that way.
JOSEPH Oh, you've got some .. (tinsel)
[Mary brushing tinsel off]
MARY Oh! You just can't get rid of this stuff.
[Enter wise man with plastic wrap around his arm. He keeps looking up at someone and looks like he's being pushed into position.]
WISE MAN Alright, quit shoving, quit shoving! You got an injured man here! I don't believe this.
JOSEPH What's wrong with you?
WISE MAN They broke me!
SHEPHERD Not again.
ANGEL Join the club. [Angel turns front-on to reveal one wing missing.]
JOSEPH Well you don't have to complain so loudly about it.
WISE MAN I'm as human as the next ornament.
MARY That doesn't even make sense.
WISE MAN Hey, who's the wise man around here?
JOSEPH OK listen guys, the set may not be as complete as when it was new, and a few of us have been dropped or stepped on or vacuumed up over the years. But we all have to make certain sacrifices in the name of Christmas, regardless of what oversights and minor inadequacies the humans might subject us to.
SHEPHERD Minor inadequacies! Take a look at this!
[Lifts up a wad of cotton wool with pipe-cleaner legs.]
Does that look like a sheep to anyone else? Because I've only been a shepherd for 18 years, so I can't tell a sheep from a piece of cotton wool glued to a couple of pipe-cleaners!
ANGEL If you ask me someone out there's got a few sheep loose in the top paddock, if you know what I mean.
WISE MAN You think that's bad? Look at what I have to put up with.
[Blows a whistle]
Marines!
[Two green plastic soldiers with rifles enter. Stuck on the bayonet of each rifle is a gift box.]
SOLDIERS Frankincense and Myrrh reporting as ordered, sir!
JOSEPH They've gotta be kidding.
MARY What happened to the other wise men?
SOLDIER 1 They bought it at the battle of Clementine mam.
MARY Clementine?
SOLDIER 2 Golden Retriever mam. It wasn't a pretty sight.
JOSEPH So you're the wise man replacements?
SOLDIERS Affirmative sir.
JOSEPH Well you should stand here, and you over here next to him. Try to look inconspicuous.
ANGEL Heads up.
[All characters watch into space as an imaginary arm brings in more sheep and a giraffe.]
JOSEPH OK wise men times three, Mary and Joseph - that's me, angel, shepherd, barn animals aren't we forgetting someone here?
[Everyone looks around]
WISE MAN Nope.
ANGEL Don't think so.
SHEPHERD This mule looks like a giraffe.
MARY At least there's no lego this year.
ANGEL I'm surprised Ken and Barbie couldn't make it.
JOSEPH [Pointing off-stage at a Santa ornament] Speaking of weird ornaments, what do you make of him?
[Everyone starts laughing]
SHEPHERD Oh yeah, I can see occasion for a three hundred pound guy in a red fur coat to be scooting around the Judean dessert in a chariot with no wheels. I think THAT's gonna happen.
MARY They're really reaching with this one.
ANGEL (Pointing at something else off-stage and reading) Rudolf the red nosed reindeer? What's a reindeer?
SHEPHERD [Pointing to Giraffe] Maybe that's one.
[Everyone shakes their heads]
MARY You know, I hardly even recognise Christmas anymore.
OTHERS Yeah.
[Silent pause]
WISE MAN We three kings of orient are, bearing gifts we [continues singing]
ANGEL Angels we have heard, on high [continues]
SHEPHERD While shepherds watch their flocks by night [continues]
SOLDIERS [Marching] Oh when the saints, go marching in [continue]
JOSEPH Of for Pete's sake.
MARY Mary's boy child,
JOSEPH Not you too.
MARY Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas [Mary looks at manger] Ahhh!
OTHERS What?
MARY [Pointing] Ahhh!
[Others take a deep breath]
