Narcissistic Abuse?

[Sevensong]

Anyone have any experience with it? I'm just realizing she even was a narcissist, but it explains everything, fits my symptoms to a T. And I can't find anyone who specializes in it. Any idea what kind of therapy works best for this, and hopefully I can educate a good therapist who specializes in that approach at least?

Or just general advice for healing from narcissistic abuse? It's *extremely* hard to get close to anyone because of this, my trust issues are unbelievable, and very susceptible to gas-lighting and blame from anyone to this day. Plus, and this is the worst thing, other narcissists or maybe just malicious people can also consistently identify me as an "easy" target for all kinds of abuse. This is the scariest thing, and the thing that most tempts me to despair. I don't know if better people are just ignoring me most of the time (like I'm invisible because of the unhealthy dynamic I'm unconsciously acting into/expecting), but the few times I meet a kind person, I just don't really know how to be real to them in my own eyes. Like I feel I'm not "fit" for that kind of treatment, even though I don't believe that, I think I act that way. I just don't know how to maintain it or what to say, and it peters out every time. I can't stand it, it crushes me, because these are the people I myself actually like and respect. (Not so with the narcissists and the malicious, they're drawn to me but not the other way around, and I don't know how to get rid of them, or they just basically force themselves into my orbit, know and enjoy that I don't want them there, and keep at it, often poisoning others against me in or out of my presence, and I'm so socially inept, I don't know how to stop it, or even approach those people privately about what's happening.)

My life is an absolute shambles. Trying to...heal.

Thanks for reading this far. God bless.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Unfortunately, in my experience there is at least narcissist in every workplace and some places several.
Four years ago I worked in a very toxic workplace, with some people who were only interested in playing politics. Little or no authenticity. To protect myself, I adopted an "act" which was unconvincing and sometimes got me in more trouble. You have to be very skillful in calling their bluff early on. "sorry I don't understand what you mean" as soon as they make ambiguous comments.
My advice to you is, either find people you can trust as friends who have a "Christian" ethic or develop strategies to deal with these people who are almost "demon possessed".

 

[chandraclaws]

Anyone have any experience with it? I'm just realizing she even was a narcissist, but it explains everything, fits my symptoms to a T. And I can't find anyone who specializes in it. Any idea what kind of therapy works best for this, and hopefully I can educate a good therapist who specializes in that approach at least?

Or just general advice for healing from narcissistic abuse? It's *extremely* hard to get close to anyone because of this, my trust issues are unbelievable, and very susceptible to gas-lighting and blame from anyone to this day. Plus, and this is the worst thing, other narcissists or maybe just malicious people can also consistently identify me as an "easy" target for all kinds of abuse. This is the scariest thing, and the thing that most tempts me to despair. I don't know if better people are just ignoring me most of the time (like I'm invisible because of the unhealthy dynamic I'm unconsciously acting into/expecting), but the few times I meet a kind person, I just don't really know how to be real to them in my own eyes. Like I feel I'm not "fit" for that kind of treatment, even though I don't believe that, I think I act that way. I just don't know how to maintain it or what to say, and it peters out every time. I can't stand it, it crushes me, because these are the people I myself actually like and respect. (Not so with the narcissists and the malicious, they're drawn to me but not the other way around, and I don't know how to get rid of them, or they just basically force themselves into my orbit, know and enjoy that I don't want them there, and keep at it, often poisoning others against me in or out of my presence, and I'm so socially inept, I don't know how to stop it, or even approach those people privately about what's happening.)

My life is an absolute shambles. Trying to...heal.

Thanks for reading this far. God bless.

Hi Sevensong,
I'm sorry you have had to experience this in your life. I've had some damaging experiences with someone who has many of the traits of NPD and those of a sociopath, which are similar in some ways, i.e., lack of empathy, no discernable conscience, etc. You may have already been to this site, but I think it is a good one.
http://outofthefog.website/personality-disorders-1/2015/12/6/narcissistic-personality-disorder-npd
It also has some resources listed with links to online support. I'm not sure where you are living, but I would look for a therapist who has significant experience with treating personality disorders. It is more complicated than treating a mental illness. Prayers you will find the healing God has for you.