My wife thinks she can't be happy with me

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Romanseight2005

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I am going to try to be the voice of reason, and you can scoff if you want, I won't mind. First of all, I don't know any woman who would rather be with undependable multiple men, simply because they don't know how to love. I am sure they are out there as well, but I don't know them. I believe that if your wife doesn't come to her senses, you will find someone who knows how to love you back, but yes, you do have to trust God to bring that person to you, rather than seeking someone out.
 
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Autumnleaf

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Ok, I know that not everyone is like her, and I know that I've let people down before too. I know that she did it because she was buying into a lie and that ultimately I should pity her, not feel defeated by her. I'm just having a bad day. One of those days when it feels like nobody cares and I'll feel like this forever, regardless of what I know in my head. On days like this God seems like a coach or a drill sergeant pushing you on when you don't want to keep going. You just want something nice or good to happen for you, but it won't, either because you are being taught to wait and trust in God, or because there's just nothing good waiting for you.

Don't concentrate on the finger...

YouTube - Finger Pointing to the Moon - Bruce Lee
 
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hisbloodformysins

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Sit down and listen to her.. when she tells you what she is feeling or wants, or has a complaint, repeat back to her what you think she is trying to say.. and if she gets frustrated or just acts like she wants to give up because you don't "get it" then keep trying to understand by asking her questions until she finally feels you understand.. that might take several attempts before you get it.. but remember that the point of this is that she feels understood and like you received what she had to say. Your guy's problem is probably communication.

That has always been the core of problems in my marraige, but my husband has no desire to take responsibility in his part in it anymore. Takes two people to make a marraige work.

HB
 
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Digit

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My wife and I...
It's funny how the situation never seems to change, only the people do.

To elaborate my wife has also said she is not happy with me, and never really loved me and etc etc. In addition she is participating in online sex chat rooms and recently I found out she was planning to meet a guy that she met in one of these rooms. It's just an affair in the making I feel, but it seems nothing much can reach her. I don't really know what to suggest, I guess I'm just posting because I empathize with you and just really wanted to say you are not alone, even though it feels like you are.

I've been every emotion I think a human being can be, and then some. We've been having problems, at least problems I've known about for the last 6 months. I'm still trying as best as able, but she isn't - or at least not that I notice/can see. We are seeing a counselor, and I would suggest the same for you guys, especially doing a personality profile, as it will show you both how the other person ticks, and at the moment - if you are like me anyhow - I bet you often wonder what is going through her mind. That has been one thing which has really helped me, and helped me understand my wife better. Other than that, try and love her. Love her not because she is your wife, but because you can see her value as a person. Make your love not relative to her, or her actions. It's by far easier to type that than to do, but it can be done, not all the time, as we are only human after all, but it can certainly be done and then it's up to God to do the rest. Additionally, make sure she respects your boundaries, do not let her entertain the idea of an affair, or an emotional affair.

I can also recommend Love Must Be Tough by Dr James Dobson.
 
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Wirraway

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all this sounds like the kid with divorced parents who wants to live with the noncustodial one because its "better" there. the kid will learn soon enough.

but with a wife? that marriage is totally ruptured and while the OP might be willing to go through the lots of work needed to repair it, the wife clearly isn't, so.....

c ya
 
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jmsclayton

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Have you thought about asking her about going with her-Or just going with her. I dont know if you are in the US or not. But I dont know if you watch movies or not. But the classic with CAry Grant in it. Shows how what he did to bring his wife to her senses when she was interested in a another man. You might be able to get some ideas from it. The He chose to let her go with the guy and to get it out of her system -but I can understand her searching about her spiritual life. Talk to her to find out what is her struggle and why she thinks she doens't know waht she believes. Have you?

Hosea in the Bible fought for his wife to keep her-and to show her that he loved her etc. Forcing her is not going to work.

Do you think that you coujld ask her why she thinks that she needs to go see the guy and if that would affect her in what she chooses to believe? That could give you an response in regarding where she is at in her head.

Do you think she woujld be open to -ask her-I would prefer that we still seek counseling when you come back to see about our relationship after have gone to FL

Does she have her own hobby, does she exercise, does she meet with some moms at all? Does she have alone time at home at all? HAve you ask her what you could do for her to make her life better with you etc.

Have you ask her about dating once a week with or without money to start over to see if she is willing to rekindle the relationship. ? Kind of like pursue her like you did before you married?

Your thoughts?

Jmsclayton
 
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I could be wrong on this but it sounds like she is only second guessing your marriage because she met this guy online. She turned to this other guy when she wasn't getting what she needed from you. A woman needs a deep meaningful talk with her spouse and I think that is what she meant by saying "you never really talked." She wants a conversation about more than just the weather. She wants to talk about things that you do not share with the neighbor. I know guys do not always understand this. If she is open to marriage counseling, then she is still willing to try to work things out. To me, that sounds like a part of her still wants to be with you.

Try this. There is a book called the Love Dare. It strengthened my marriage and highly recommend it to everyone who is going through a rough spot or is thinking about divorce as an option. It is only $10. Now you can do this book by yourself or you can do it with her. It works better if you do it by yourself but me and my husband chose to do it together. The Love Dare is a 40 day dare. Each day has a dare for you to do and each day is about 1-2 pages long. You need to complete the book to benefit from it. It's only 40 days, if you do not like it. You have only lost $10.

You both need to rekindle your love. It obviously has died down and she wants to feel that spark. Find a babysitter for all the kids. Preferably for a whole weekend. I'm not sure what she likes but make plans for the whole weekend for both of you to get some time together alone. No cell phones, computers, work, friends, or family. Just the two of you. Your plans need to be based on her interests not yours. This means do NOT take her to a ball game is she doesn't like sports. This makes a woman feel special. If she likes shopping, take her shopping. If she likes spa services, take her to the spa and get a couples massage. Take her to her favorite restaurant or somewhere sentimental like where you had your first date. When planning this, think of how you would have waited on her hand and foot when you first got together. Remember to take in account for all the little things such as bringing her flowers before you take her out on a date and opening doors for her. And remember listen to her.

I hope this helps. If you would like any more ideas feel free to message me.
 
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I forgot to add. You need to plan arrangements for the kids, not her. If at all possible suprise her with the weekend get away. Just tell her you are taking her somewhere special so she needs to pack her things. Give her enough information so she knows if she needs to pack for an elegant evening or just a stroll in the park.
 
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