My wife says she doesn't love me anymore

Jesus Freak62

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Continue to pray and be a godly husband no matter what..and if you haven't seen it, watch Fireproof..Also get the Love Dare book and follow it...Even if she refuses to pay attention to anything you are trying to do.

Thanks for the encouragement!:wave: Yes, I have seen fireproof. My neighbor has the Love Dare Book.........I need to try that. Some of the book I have done, not all though.
 
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Jesus Freak62

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I spoke w/ my wife last night, and she layed it on me how I do not love her for who she is. She started w/ her weight gains after the children were born. and then said I do not love our children, because my son came to her saying, "I do not want to throw the ball w/ Daddy because all he does is fuss @ me."

I spoke w/ my son about this, and he knows why I fussed @ him. He wants to be a high school/college pitcher, but doesn't want to practice. I told him before/during the fussing, that if he has that desire he will have to practice about 30 minutes a couple of days a week. Well, he is not willing to do that, and I told him that I'm OK w/ that or anything he wants to do down the road, but that if you want something you are going to have to work @ it. I asked him if he thought I loved him, and he said yes, and that he didn't know why his mother felt that way (I know, he is only 12).

I have said her physical appearance does turn me off sometimes (t-shirt and gym shorts, most of the time), but also the watching of "The Batchelor", her recent drinking of Daquiri's, time spent texting(even when driving), Facebooking, not desiring to read the Bible or participate in any Bible study, all play a part in my trying to love her.

I tried early in our marriage to arrange my life so we could have one-on-one time together, unfortunately we have not done any of that in over a year, other than have sex. The last time we had sex was probably before last Thanksgiving, and I still remember, we both enjoyed it and said we should have sex @ least once a week.

I hope this helps to help us.
 
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jham123

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.and if you haven't seen it, watch Fireproof..Also get the Love Dare book and follow it..
Wrong....

If you were speaking with the wife....and after Jesus Freak decides to give up on her....your recommendation for those two things MIGHT be accurate advice for HER.

JF, look into a christian based book "when love must be tough"

In it, you'll find in Chapter 13 "The new woman" a description of how your wife feels right now at 38.

The rest of the book. may....just may help you....but remember, she is half the equation.

And I feel for what you are going through.
 
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mkgal1

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I spoke w/ my wife last night, and she layed it on me how I do not love her for who she is. She started w/ her weight gains after the children were born. and then said I do not love our children, because my son came to her saying, "I do not want to throw the ball w/ Daddy because all he does is fuss @ me."

I spoke w/ my son about this, and he knows why I fussed @ him. He wants to be a high school/college pitcher, but doesn't want to practice. I told him before/during the fussing, that if he has that desire he will have to practice about 30 minutes a couple of days a week. Well, he is not willing to do that, and I told him that I'm OK w/ that or anything he wants to do down the road, but that if you want something you are going to have to work @ it. I asked him if he thought I loved him, and he said yes, and that he didn't know why his mother felt that way (I know, he is only 12).

I have said her physical appearance does turn me off sometimes (t-shirt and gym shorts, most of the time), but also the watching of "The Batchelor", her recent drinking of Daquiri's, time spent texting(even when driving), Facebooking, not desiring to read the Bible or participate in any Bible study, all play a part in my trying to love her.

I tried early in our marriage to arrange my life so we could have one-on-one time together, unfortunately we have not done any of that in over a year, other than have sex. The last time we had sex was probably before last Thanksgiving, and I still remember, we both enjoyed it and said we should have sex @ least once a week.

I hope this helps to help us.

Do you honestly want your marriage to succeed or do you just want your wife to "shape up" and get it all right for you?

Maybe your son isn't interested in practicing his throwing because he doesn't look forward to the time spent with you (because of the criticism)? You are missing an excellent opportunity there, and it seems to me you are ignoring what is being said. To me, it sounds as if your son gave the answers he knew you wanted to hear...not the truth.
 
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Mandy_S

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Wrong....

If you were speaking with the wife....and after Jesus Freak decides to give up on her....your recommendation for those two things MIGHT be accurate advice for HER.

JF, look into a christian based book "when love must be tough"

In it, you'll find in Chapter 13 "The new woman" a description of how your wife feels right now at 38.

The rest of the book. may....just may help you....but remember, she is half the equation.

And I feel for what you are going through.

It can work both ways...if he follows the advice of this book and treats her as he should as a biblical husband..it just might do something for her..He is instructed as a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...He needs to love her unconditionally and show her so.
 
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Autumnleaf

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I spoke w/ my wife last night, and she layed it on me how I do not love her for who she is. She started w/ her weight gains after the children were born. and then said I do not love our children, because my son came to her saying, "I do not want to throw the ball w/ Daddy because all he does is fuss @ me."

I spoke w/ my son about this, and he knows why I fussed @ him. He wants to be a high school/college pitcher, but doesn't want to practice. I told him before/during the fussing, that if he has that desire he will have to practice about 30 minutes a couple of days a week. Well, he is not willing to do that, and I told him that I'm OK w/ that or anything he wants to do down the road, but that if you want something you are going to have to work @ it. I asked him if he thought I loved him, and he said yes, and that he didn't know why his mother felt that way (I know, he is only 12).

I have said her physical appearance does turn me off sometimes (t-shirt and gym shorts, most of the time), but also the watching of "The Batchelor", her recent drinking of Daquiri's, time spent texting(even when driving), Facebooking, not desiring to read the Bible or participate in any Bible study, all play a part in my trying to love her.

I tried early in our marriage to arrange my life so we could have one-on-one time together, unfortunately we have not done any of that in over a year, other than have sex. The last time we had sex was probably before last Thanksgiving, and I still remember, we both enjoyed it and said we should have sex @ least once a week.

I hope this helps to help us.

She wants you to pander to your son?

Stick to your guns and stop apologizing. If she looks bad in her shorts tell her she's let herself go. If your son is being lazy tell it like it is. Don't waver or you validate her criticisms of you. You probably want to agree with everything she says but right now that is one of the most self destructive things you can do to your marriage.

She can't respect you if you act like a wet noodle.
 
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Mandy_S

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From where I sit, it is not him that is leaving his partner in a fire......So tell me exactly....how does "the love dare" address JF? His wife is the one leaving her partner in a fire


Have you seen the movie?? His wife is about to divorce Him and wants nothing to do with him...Therefore he starts the Love Dare on her whether she likes it or not, he follows the days according to how he is suppose to. Now I can't say it will work for sure, but it definitely could. This is showing her that he is willing and loves her and is showing her that he will love her as Christ loved the church.
 
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mkgal1

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It can work both ways...if he follows the advice of this book and treats her as he should as a biblical husband..it just might do something for her..He is instructed as a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her...He needs to love her unconditionally and show her so.
Exactly. When a man is called to "love as Christ' loves us....we have to remember that Christ didn't wait for us to "shape up" in order for HIM to die on the cross for us and show HIS love....That plan was in place long before we were created. He loved us first. God's love isn't the type of love that says, "I will love you when_____".
 
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Autumnleaf

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Have you seen the movie?? His wife is about to divorce Him and wants nothing to do with him...Therefore he starts the Love Dare on her whether she likes it or not, he follows the days according to how he is suppose to. Now I can't say it will work for sure, but it definitely could. This is showing her that he is willing and loves her and is showing her that he will love her as Christ loved the church.

So if a guy follows a made up list of things to do according to a movie he can save his marriage. Why bother looking to the word of God for answers when we have Kirk Cameron's easy to follow love dare to lead the way.:doh:
 
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Mandy_S

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So if a guy follows a made up list of things to do according to a movie he can save his marriage. Why bother looking to the word of God for answers when we have Kirk Cameron's easy to follow love dare to lead the way.:doh:

This book is made on Biblical principals of a christian marriage. On every single day of the instructions of the book there is a Bible verse speaking of the instructions of marriage. The books simply makes suggestions of what you can do to carry out that particular instruction. Kirk Cameron did not come up with these instructions to a christian marriage..God did. This book is full of the Word of God. Why is this wrong?
 
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Tommy_S

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We've been married 13 years, and have a 12 year old son and 9 yr old daughter. We both said we would not marry unless it was of God. Well God saved me (she was already saved) and a year later we were married. I have always tried to let God take control over my life. I love the Lord more than anything, even my wife. Back in December, she told me that she didn't love me anymore, and that I didn't love her unconditionally. I asked how she came to that conclusion, and would she like to go with me to christian counselling. She said no to counselling. I asked her for forgiveness, but she has yet to forgive me. Since then, she has been keeping company w/ a couple of divorced female friends. At least one of them, she has begun drinking alcoholic drinks with(she never drank alcohol w/ me). I am 47, and she is 38. I have told her that divorce is not an option for me, but I believe she is seriously considering it(she has threatened to take the children and leave a couple of times). My allegiance is to God, and I feel as though I have been putting him first in my life. I have tried to put my wife second, but over the years she has avoided intimacy w/ me. At the present, she is still living w/ me, but that is about all. She only speaks to me when she has to. I am at a loss of what to do. I have read books on marriage,and love languages, but if she is not willing to do anything to save the marriage, what am I left to do, other than pray?

I will be going to counselling myself, this Thursday.

Brother, I feel terrible about your situation and can understand your frustration. I know my wife Mandy_S definately knows what you are going through because I did not love her as I should for the first four years of our marriage. In that time I had multiple affairs and definately did not treat her as I should. At this point you have to consider the fact that your wife may not be saved. The only thing you can do is continue to love her as Christ loves the church, despite how she treated Him. I know it will be difficult but it's all you can do. If you follow the advise of some others you will find on this thread you will only imbitter her further. My wife and I did not follow the Love Dare, because it wasn't around during our problems, but we do both agree that it would have been affective. My wife knew that I was unfaithful and often questioned me about it, and I always lied. However, the last time she confronted me I seen the look in her eyes and knew that she knew. This whole time I thought I was a Christian and wasn't. Her unfailing love for me even through the pain ultimately lead to my salvation. So I will be praying for you and hope you will consider my wife's wisdom on this issue.
 
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Tommy_S

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She wants you to pander to your son?

Stick to your guns and stop apologizing. If she looks bad in her shorts tell her she's let herself go. If your son is being lazy tell it like it is. Don't waver or you validate her criticisms of you. You probably want to agree with everything she says but right now that is one of the most self destructive things you can do to your marriage.

She can't respect you if you act like a wet noodle.

I actually have known of a pastor that attempted your advice and it ultimately lead to his divorce. He concluded that he was justified in his divorce because she did not stand behind him in his ministry. He to this day does not understand that his family is his first ministry. JF isn't acting as a wet noodle by loving his wife as Christ loves the church. After all look how the church treated Christ and he was still willing to die for her. She cannot respect him if he doesn't love her.
 
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Jesus Freak62

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This is not just about how she looks, although I feel she harbors a lot of anger, hate and bitterness towards me. This all came out of a conversation I had w/ one of her girlfriends. We were both talking about our spouses struggles to lose weight. My wife has joined Weight Watchers several times, and once she lost weight. She quit and regained the weight again. She is never going to lose the weight, until she decides she wants to lose the weight.......I know that. I told this girlfriend all of this, and she agreed w/ me. I left it at that, and let it go. But the girlfriend brought it back up to my wife, and she has hated me ever since. All I am looking for is a little forgiveness. Isn't that what a christian should do?

She scratched the hell out of my son the other day, for disrepecting her. So bad, that it formed scabs on his shoulder and arm. My reaction could have been, and her's would've have been if I did it, to take the kids and leave. I let it go, and didn't say a word about it to my wife. I did speak to my son about disrespect. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt him, and regretted what she had done, so what good would it have done for me to harbor anger or bitterness towards her. I know I am not supposed to harbor any of those negative feelings, because it will only damage my relationship to Christ. Therefore, I chose to let it go, and not let that stop me from loving her.
 
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Jesus Freak62

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Do you honestly want your marriage to succeed or do you just want your wife to "shape up" and get it all right for you?

Maybe your son isn't interested in practicing his throwing because he doesn't look forward to the time spent with you (because of the criticism)? You are missing an excellent opportunity there, and it seems to me you are ignoring what is being said. To me, it sounds as if your son gave the answers he knew you wanted to hear...not the truth.

It's really hard to put into words on this forum about what is going on . A few days after the ball throwing incident, he asked me to throw w/ him again. I want him to have a want to do this. His ball playing should be about his desire. He very much looks forward to spending time w/ me. We(me, my daughter and son) read devotionals almost every night( my wife chooses not to participate), I have to tell him, "No, you can't sleep w/ me tonight, it's Caroline's turn." He can't go to bed @ night w/o kissing me good night(he's 12). He begs me to play gamecube(baseball) all the time. He lays on my lap on the couch, anytime he gets the chance. So, I think he loves me.
 
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Autumnleaf

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I actually have known of a pastor that attempted your advice and it ultimately lead to his divorce. He concluded that he was justified in his divorce because she did not stand behind him in his ministry. He to this day does not understand that his family is his first ministry. JF isn't acting as a wet noodle by loving his wife as Christ loves the church. After all look how the church treated Christ and he was still willing to die for her. She cannot respect him if he doesn't love her.

Christ is going to throw a lot of people into Hell if the Bible is to be believed. Jesus isn't the boyfriend/doormat he is made out to be. Even in scripture, put aside all the modern Christian music for a moment, Jesus had no problem setting people who should have known better straight. Yeah, he was kind to people who were ignornat but when it came to the hypocrites he was downright hostile.

Especially a Pastor, but men in general too need to follow Biblical counsel. That doesn't mean going out and buying the flavor of the week at your local Christian book store. That means cracking open the Bible and reading. How should you deal with rebelliousness? What is a man supposed to do in marriage? What is a woman to do in marriage? What does Christ expect from his Church? What should a man expect from his bride? Its tough medicine but its good for the soul.
 
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Tommy_S

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Christ is going to throw a lot of people into Hell if the Bible is to be believed. Jesus isn't the boyfriend/doormat he is made out to be. Even in scripture, put aside all the modern Christian music for a moment, Jesus had no problem setting people who should have known better straight. Yeah, he was kind to people who were ignornat but when it came to the hypocrites he was downright hostile.

Especially a Pastor, but men in general too need to follow Biblical counsel. That doesn't mean going out and buying the flavor of the week at your local Christian book store. That means cracking open the Bible and reading. How should you deal with rebelliousness? What is a man supposed to do in marriage? What is a woman to do in marriage? What does Christ expect from his Church? What should a man expect from his bride? Its tough medicine but its good for the soul.
I know that Christ is going to send many to Hell, many of whom believe that they will be going to Heaven. I know that Jesus isn't a boyfriend/doormat nor did I refer to Him as such. It was Christ who commanded husbands to love their wives. He also commanded wives to respect their husbands. I do agree that we should discern the books we choose to read and this book mentioned is biblically sound. The advice from the book is based on scripture. Christ is justified in sending people to Hell but it is also commanded in Colossians 3:19 "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." So please if you can contribute to this mans troubles with scripture please do, rather than calling him a limp noodle. This man posed trouble and it seems he could possibly be unevenly yoked. I don't have all of the information I just know what my wife and I went through when I wasn't saved. Your profile doesn't imply that you are married so if not how would you be able to offer any marriage advice? If however you are, please provide scripture to help this man not just name calling.
 
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jham123

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This book is made on Biblical principals of a christian marriage. On every single day of the instructions of the book there is a Bible verse speaking of the instructions of marriage. The books simply makes suggestions of what you can do to carry out that particular instruction. Kirk Cameron did not come up with these instructions to a christian marriage..God did. This book is full of the Word of God. Why is this wrong?
Mandy, you are assuming that JF has neglected his wife similar to what the character played by Kirk Cameron did in the movie.

Way to stereo type Jesus Freak. and that was my point all along. If JF is being the perfect husband (we have no way of knowing until HE informs us) then why would you suggest he do "the love dare"

it's easy to see that you've seen the movie....one that stereotypically paints the husband "the problem"

When in fact Women file for divorce the majority of the time
When in fact Women cheat just as much as men
When in fact Women are more likely to be the abusers

So when you would like to to stop advising folks based on stereotypes and for a change start advising them based on what information you've been provided, I'll stop calling you out.

Back on Topic, JF....look into the book I posted
 
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jham123

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This man posed trouble and it seems he could possibly be unevenly yoked.
Please, as I said to your wife, why do you two keep going at JF as if he is the problem here??

This guy is reading scriptures with his kid every night, while SHE is out drinking and cavorting with divorced women......sheesh...what are you reading into his post that the rest of us cannot see?

All bad marriages do not follow the same tracks that your did.
 
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jham123

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anger, hate and bitterness towards me. ........ and she has hated me ever since.

She scratched the hell out of my son the other day, for disrespecting her. So bad, that it formed scabs on his shoulder and arm. My reaction could have been, and her's would've have been if I did it, to take the kids and leave.
.
There are red flags of mental abuse cropping up left and right with every post you are making.

Withholding of affection
Blaming you for her misfortunes
now declining into physical abuse of the children
I think I detected a hint of disillusion of the children as well.....Which is child abuse.

Be careful and visit shrink4men see if there is anything that rings a bell
 
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