My wife and I have been in a Godly, committed marriage for 33 years now. She's been a stay at home mom for most of that time. However, eight years ago she began working part-time for our multi-campus church in Illinois. Her supervisor was the Associate Campus Pastor at the church. During her time of employment there, she began having lunch with him (drove separetly according to church guidelines). I was not too comfortable with this and voiced my concern with my wife at the time. She told me there was no problem, and I trusted her. Over time, she began working almost full-time hours even though the job was supposed to be 10 hours per week. We eventually moved away from Illinois and she quit her job.
Recently she was looking at Facebook and saw a post from this pastor's wife who had posted a cryptic message, but reading between the lines told the story of a pending divorce. At this, my wife showed the post to me and said that she wouldn't be surprised if it was the pastor's fault. I wanted to know why she would think that and asked her if something had happened during the time she reported to him.
She explained that during their time together, he was really good about getting to know her spiritually, and over time became her spiritual leader. He was very good about empowering her, complimenting her, and caring for her emotionally. He was always asking for her thoughts and ideas, and always sought approval from her in the job he was doing (mainly feedback on how he preached and taught). She admitted that she began thinking about him too much and that it was crazy how she could love two men at the same time. She said that she wanted those thoughts to go away, and prayed about it. She explained that one night after one of the classes he taught (he'd asked her to be there), he waited until most of the class had left, and as my wife was leaving, called her back to him. Once she came back, he came very close to her, face-to-face. The look on his face and in his eyes told my wife that he was about to kiss her. She told me that the bells and whistles were going off and the Holy Spirit told her to run, and that's what she did. She worked with him a few more months and they never mentioned that incident.
My wife said that they never touched each other, and that when the relationship was to a point where it was about to become physical, she ended it. She said that she never told me what happened because she didn't want to hurt me, and that nothing happened anyway.
She apologized for letting her guard down and that it won't happen again.
She told me this three weeks ago, and have had a knot in my stomach ever since. I can't get it out of my head, and feel heartbroken. She considers the matter over, since it happened 8 years ago and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She's said that she hasn't heard from him or thought about him since we moved.
I still have questions like, how can she have loved another man while we were married? Why didn't she tell me, even when I objected to them having lunch together? I have questions about the depth of our marriage, like why did she think it was appropriate to get her spiritual and emotional support from another man outside of our marriage?
To conlcude, I know my wife loves me and is dedicated to me and our family. I have never had a reason to not trust her, but this has shaken that. I also know that the Pastor was probably grooming her for the affair that he was trying to have with my wife (and probably did again and got caught, thus the pending divorce). I think my wife recognizes this, as she commented that "she fell for it". However, knowing that still doesn't heal my heart.
I have so many mixed emotions that I can't figure out. Sometimes I want to hold her close and not let her go and other times I look at her and feel betrayed.
I've prayed for peace and want to fully forgive her, but am just not there yet.
Any Godly insigh would be very much appreciated.
Recently she was looking at Facebook and saw a post from this pastor's wife who had posted a cryptic message, but reading between the lines told the story of a pending divorce. At this, my wife showed the post to me and said that she wouldn't be surprised if it was the pastor's fault. I wanted to know why she would think that and asked her if something had happened during the time she reported to him.
She explained that during their time together, he was really good about getting to know her spiritually, and over time became her spiritual leader. He was very good about empowering her, complimenting her, and caring for her emotionally. He was always asking for her thoughts and ideas, and always sought approval from her in the job he was doing (mainly feedback on how he preached and taught). She admitted that she began thinking about him too much and that it was crazy how she could love two men at the same time. She said that she wanted those thoughts to go away, and prayed about it. She explained that one night after one of the classes he taught (he'd asked her to be there), he waited until most of the class had left, and as my wife was leaving, called her back to him. Once she came back, he came very close to her, face-to-face. The look on his face and in his eyes told my wife that he was about to kiss her. She told me that the bells and whistles were going off and the Holy Spirit told her to run, and that's what she did. She worked with him a few more months and they never mentioned that incident.
My wife said that they never touched each other, and that when the relationship was to a point where it was about to become physical, she ended it. She said that she never told me what happened because she didn't want to hurt me, and that nothing happened anyway.
She apologized for letting her guard down and that it won't happen again.
She told me this three weeks ago, and have had a knot in my stomach ever since. I can't get it out of my head, and feel heartbroken. She considers the matter over, since it happened 8 years ago and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. She's said that she hasn't heard from him or thought about him since we moved.
I still have questions like, how can she have loved another man while we were married? Why didn't she tell me, even when I objected to them having lunch together? I have questions about the depth of our marriage, like why did she think it was appropriate to get her spiritual and emotional support from another man outside of our marriage?
To conlcude, I know my wife loves me and is dedicated to me and our family. I have never had a reason to not trust her, but this has shaken that. I also know that the Pastor was probably grooming her for the affair that he was trying to have with my wife (and probably did again and got caught, thus the pending divorce). I think my wife recognizes this, as she commented that "she fell for it". However, knowing that still doesn't heal my heart.
I have so many mixed emotions that I can't figure out. Sometimes I want to hold her close and not let her go and other times I look at her and feel betrayed.
I've prayed for peace and want to fully forgive her, but am just not there yet.
Any Godly insigh would be very much appreciated.
