Hi KisKatte!
I am newer here also, as well as to the Orthodox faith (Catechumen) and you sound like a cousin to my own journey. Lord bless you!
I had a similar experience, of God saving me from self-destruction in a very direct manner over several years of strange occurrences - maybe not as strange as you, but they involved near-suicide, many police (multiple occasions) and visions, and 'revelations.'
This is long, sorry!
I was lost away from God for 20 years+ (we are close in age) in gnostic occult nonsense. This made me think I interpreted and changed and upheld reality through my mind (transurfing reality, mind-energy for pushing 'quantum pendulums', and more things which are tricks - only tricks and snares).
These are now seeds (and great sources) of temptation to me as I come to Christs only true Orthodox Church. The temptation is for me to think I have seen more 'revelation' then others. This allows me to test my faith in obedience to the faith of the Church, or choose my past experiences.
When the Church says doctrine that I 'do not agree with' (or think I know better) I am learning to accept their is no need for me to 'solve' and actually, its not my responsibility. The Church and Faith does not require my 'approval'.
I was not holy -
at all - during my 'revelations' either - which helps me ground myself. How many Saints actually receive visions? Very very few!
So I likely saw a mixture of some truth, and mostly lies - the truth was perhaps let in by God to save me from complete destruction, when I desired the comforting lies of the enemy.
This is a good talk by Fr Hopko at roughly 30 minutes, 'the scriptures existed before me, traditions existed before me, the church existed before me.
They [church, traditions, dogma] were not waiting for me to interpret and change.' Though he is speaking on about a Evangelical conference, it fits this conversation I believe.
An Orthodox Assessment of Evangelicalism - Speaking the Truth in Love | Ancient Faith Ministries
This would be a good test of God, no? If I have pride left over that says 'I learned something deep and beyond the Church', I would then deny His church through my disobedience, refusing to humble myself,
I then say to God 'no thank you' to the very long journey he gave me to bring me to the faith of the Orthodox Church! I would go back to choosing myself, and not Christ!
I pray this helps you, as I still struggle with this mightily even if your 'secret' knowledge is different then mine - and I think your 'revelation' would become a stumbling block to others. All of the holy Fathers (as was stated earlier) say to flee fantasy, flee imagination, flee visions. My priest has very nicely helped me with my own ego-heretical ideas - which I don't 'believe' anymore but they rise up like a current and overwhelm me quite often.
These 'revelations' (in my opinion only) are just tricky, very specific snares to trap certain souls, because they are intoxicating. Do you not think about
why you have this burning desire to 'reveal' new knowledge? You are so new to the forum, but want to talk about new knowledge and revelation already!
But, that is a trick, and not from God
What is from God, is you going back to the Church.
I will quote what
you wrote, which for me, is true revelation!
Still I could not get rid of my sins and did not listen to the church! From this point in my life now(!) I know I should better be guided by the orthodox church. Everytime I did not listen I had to regret this.
Fr Kosmas of Australia, has some great series on visions and revelations with Holy Fathers and monks - including one 'guardian angel' (demon) who prayed with a monk for a full year. A year! Prayed and did prostrations with him! As St John of the Ladder says, we don't have the experience of the demons! They have so many tricks!
Talk 33: And No Wonder, for Even Satan Disguises Himself as an Angel of Light
Talk 33: And No Wonder, for Even Satan Disguises Himself as an Angel of Light
https://www.orthodoxtalks.com/talk-...satan-disguises-himself-as-an-angel-of-light/