When I was younger, there was one rule in the house and that was there was a God. Now, that didnt mean we went to church all the time. My family and I never had a really steady church going experience. We were always switching churches, and if we did go to a church for awhile it was about every other week and I wasnt forced into going to Sunday school. As I got older, the habits of us going to church got worse and worse. While I was in 7th grade my life dramatically started to change for the worse. I started to hang out with the people who smoked, who drank, and who went partying. I strayed from my old friends and my new friends began to take over my life and greatly influence me. Now, currently that year I had been enrolled into confirmation. And ironically a lot of the kids who drank and smoke was going to the same confirmation class. I was so excited. I started to listen to a lot of there music too; bands such as System of a Down, Disturbed, Eminem, and other various artists. At the time, I never realized my attitude changing
.I didnt notice how my apparel was changing, but I did notice how mean my parents were beginning to act. A lot of the people I hung around with always had problems with there parents, so naturally I talked a lot of trash about my parents
and it seemed the more untrue things I would say about them the more they praised me and accepted me. Deep down inside, I knew what I was doing was wrong
I could feel something tugging at my heart, but I kept it up until I was almost numb. Soon, the summer of 8th grade came along. I had gone to church camp and felt revived. But, I slipped back into my old ways only worse. That summer I started to drink alcohol, and I started to smoke, and now I listened to more and more of their music. I was constantly swearing, and I was lost
I was lost from God. I became a blasphemy to Christ and I denied that I was Christian and that I was an atheist. I felt guilty as the words slipped from my lips, but the feeling left as soon as I would go home and drift away in my depression. Now, it is 9th grade. I am still friends with all of the smokers and drinkers, But soon I began to resist what they were doing and I started to realize what I was doing and how wrong it really was. I realized how my parents werent getting mean, it was me. All long, it was me who changed. But I still couldnt hoist myself up. I still would hang around them, and now my group I was in discovered the technique of cutting yourself to release your stress and anger. Naturally, I protested to them and told them how stupid they were, but how could I possibly stop them or myself when Jesus still wasnt back in my life? So, once again, I was influenced. And I began to cut myself more and more each day. The blood almost giving me a sort of comfort I had some how lost. I started to realize how bad my music was that I listened to and I broke all the CDs that made me depressed and started to listen to Sonic flood, and Oh, how I cried that night. All my guilt poured in on my soul, and I was actually starting to feel better. Secretly, I was trying to escape my group of people I was in and go back with my old good friends from Elementary school. The group I was in, did not appreciate that I wanted to leave and started to constantly harass me. Each day at school they would threaten me or push me, they tried to burn my hair on fire and theyd yell to me No one likes you Hannah, we all decided you should just leave or kill yourself. Eventually this all built up on me, and I was back to cutting myself and I tried overdosing. My parents started to notice my fall again and brought me to a few psychiatrists. But, I knew that no matter how much medication they put me on or how much therapy I got I wouldnt be fully healed with out Christ in my life. Slowly, I started to ignore the people at school, I began reading the Bible and praying each day. I took all my non Christian CDs and completely destroyed them 56 in total. And most importantly, I asked Christ to come back into my life, and would you believe it? He welcomed me home, with open arms! And I have never felt as happy as I do now, because after all I did, the Lord forgave me and welcomed me home!
I wasn't sure where to put this exactly, maybe it would help some people who knows...
I wasn't sure where to put this exactly, maybe it would help some people who knows...
