Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Here's my story.
I was in nursing school close to graduation in 2015, when one night I started hearing voices. I had 12 hour night shifts and was hardly sleeping. I was dating someone who wanted too much out of me when I had 5 hour lectures, 12 hour night shifts and study time all before my last few classes. I ended up, because of my auditory hallucinations, failing nursing school. The school will no longer comply with me and i'm now drowning in student debt. $180,000.
My psychosis led to my hospitalization. Of all hospitals, I could've been hospitalized in, I was hospitalized in a hospital where I interned in a few years ago where several classmates of mine worked. I was stuck there for 14 days to almost a month. I'm so traumatized.
I left against medical advice so I could take my last few exams and attend my BSN RN pinning ceremony. After I failed the class the school decided to give me a second chance to pass the class. Of all places, they had me intern under my ex fiancee- he was already an RN.
I had psychosis still since I left against medical advice and was hearing voices when they gave me night shift again 12 hour hospital shifts.
Working under my ex fiancee was bad enough, but he told my supervisor and instructors that I was following him and got kicked out of the unit because of his actions.
I ended up failing the class again.
The school let me show up to my BSN pinning ceremony, let my family members throw me a graduation party, let me get my hopes up only for them to withhold my diploma.
Around this time my psychosis worsened when they forced me to continue on with the program with auditory hallucinations- they denied my medical leave of absence due to disorganization. They gave me no option but to flunk because I was still hearing voices when they had me retake the class.
Around this time, I woke up one day and told everyone that the person I was dating was stalking me. I told everyone on facebook, on instagram, several churches. Around this time I also told people that he also RAPED ME.
I woke up one day- possessed by demons- telling everyone that he raped me when he did not. I spent the next year of my life contacting churches, telling every single soul that he raped me when he did not.
*staff edit*
I usually am very very very private about my failures on social media and it's like the psychosis had me ruin my reputation by posting about rape and stalking.
It got to the point where I was messaging my exe's exes telling them that he raped me. One threatened to involve law enforcement because I was harassing her (that's how looney I was).
I ruined my entire reputation and sometimes I feel like killing myself.
So I struggled for 3 years with my school trying to negotiate and they won't help me. I needed to find a way to get to paying my student loan so I got into modeling.
During my modeling career- I unintentionally met an organized gang. Long story short, they started actually harassing me, breaking into my car. One even left a car tire bolt on my driver's seat to scare me. I was mortified and a few months later got a DUI, my second DUI after psychosis because I was trying to cope with everything. Of all people I got involved as a Person of interest by a gang.
I told my psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with schizophrenia. She didn't believe me and thought I was off the wall paranoid, but that did happen. Someone was ACTUALLY stalking me and breaking into my car.
I gained 20 pounds from the medication that the doctor put me on from telling her about the gang activity. She thought I lost it and gave me medication that decreased whatever self confidence i had left.
Life beat me up into pieces.
Now I found a way to become a nurse but now I have 2 misdemeanors on my record from the DUIs, I have post traumatic stress, flashbacks almost everyday and am dealing with a ton of depression.
The voices are finally starting to stop, and in a sense they were distracting me from reality. Now that I realize everything that happened, I'm in shock. I'm in shock that my brother is driving now ( he graduated high school), I'm in shock that 3 years went by, I don't recognize myself in the mirror, I'm completely shocked. I can't believe I told everyone my ex raped me and posted it on social media. I can't believe I flunked nursing school, I can't believe I have 2 DUIs, I can't believe that someone started stalking/ harassing me for real.
My life story is like the plot for a sick twisted movie.
*staff edit*
I need help. Prayers, comments, suggestions, anything. I'm willing to listen.
I'm seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but it's not enough.
I also don't drive anymore because of my DUIs. I feel like I lost my life to schizophrenia and psychosis. Everything I worked hard for: my professional reputation, my degree/diploma, my body ( I was a marathon runner but struggle exercising daily because of post trauma from hearing voices and I used to swim, but because of the voices I drown in my own pool and stopped swimming).
I feel like it was all taken away from me. I need help, ( I'm getting professional help), but I need prayers please so God will turn my life around, help heal and restore the brokenness.
I feel broken. In a million pieces and like someone is stepping on the shards of pieces to make sure I'm fully dehumanized.
I feel disgusted with my own body because of what I 'm forced to do every week. I cringe in the shower, I cringe before I go to sleep at night. I hate my body.
*staff edit*
The whole time I'm thinking, someone help me. God please save me, but no answer.
Now I'm struggling to get off of coke. *staff edit* I'm scared I'm going to fail a drug test and not ever be allowed in nursing school again ( once I transfer to another school).
Please pray for me. Pray for peace for my soul, because I'm suffering.
I was in nursing school close to graduation in 2015, when one night I started hearing voices. I had 12 hour night shifts and was hardly sleeping. I was dating someone who wanted too much out of me when I had 5 hour lectures, 12 hour night shifts and study time all before my last few classes. I ended up, because of my auditory hallucinations, failing nursing school. The school will no longer comply with me and i'm now drowning in student debt. $180,000.
My psychosis led to my hospitalization. Of all hospitals, I could've been hospitalized in, I was hospitalized in a hospital where I interned in a few years ago where several classmates of mine worked. I was stuck there for 14 days to almost a month. I'm so traumatized.
I left against medical advice so I could take my last few exams and attend my BSN RN pinning ceremony. After I failed the class the school decided to give me a second chance to pass the class. Of all places, they had me intern under my ex fiancee- he was already an RN.
I had psychosis still since I left against medical advice and was hearing voices when they gave me night shift again 12 hour hospital shifts.
Working under my ex fiancee was bad enough, but he told my supervisor and instructors that I was following him and got kicked out of the unit because of his actions.
I ended up failing the class again.
The school let me show up to my BSN pinning ceremony, let my family members throw me a graduation party, let me get my hopes up only for them to withhold my diploma.
Around this time my psychosis worsened when they forced me to continue on with the program with auditory hallucinations- they denied my medical leave of absence due to disorganization. They gave me no option but to flunk because I was still hearing voices when they had me retake the class.
Around this time, I woke up one day and told everyone that the person I was dating was stalking me. I told everyone on facebook, on instagram, several churches. Around this time I also told people that he also RAPED ME.
I woke up one day- possessed by demons- telling everyone that he raped me when he did not. I spent the next year of my life contacting churches, telling every single soul that he raped me when he did not.
*staff edit*
I usually am very very very private about my failures on social media and it's like the psychosis had me ruin my reputation by posting about rape and stalking.
It got to the point where I was messaging my exe's exes telling them that he raped me. One threatened to involve law enforcement because I was harassing her (that's how looney I was).
I ruined my entire reputation and sometimes I feel like killing myself.
So I struggled for 3 years with my school trying to negotiate and they won't help me. I needed to find a way to get to paying my student loan so I got into modeling.
During my modeling career- I unintentionally met an organized gang. Long story short, they started actually harassing me, breaking into my car. One even left a car tire bolt on my driver's seat to scare me. I was mortified and a few months later got a DUI, my second DUI after psychosis because I was trying to cope with everything. Of all people I got involved as a Person of interest by a gang.
I told my psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with schizophrenia. She didn't believe me and thought I was off the wall paranoid, but that did happen. Someone was ACTUALLY stalking me and breaking into my car.
I gained 20 pounds from the medication that the doctor put me on from telling her about the gang activity. She thought I lost it and gave me medication that decreased whatever self confidence i had left.
Life beat me up into pieces.
Now I found a way to become a nurse but now I have 2 misdemeanors on my record from the DUIs, I have post traumatic stress, flashbacks almost everyday and am dealing with a ton of depression.
The voices are finally starting to stop, and in a sense they were distracting me from reality. Now that I realize everything that happened, I'm in shock. I'm in shock that my brother is driving now ( he graduated high school), I'm in shock that 3 years went by, I don't recognize myself in the mirror, I'm completely shocked. I can't believe I told everyone my ex raped me and posted it on social media. I can't believe I flunked nursing school, I can't believe I have 2 DUIs, I can't believe that someone started stalking/ harassing me for real.
My life story is like the plot for a sick twisted movie.
*staff edit*
I need help. Prayers, comments, suggestions, anything. I'm willing to listen.
I'm seeing a therapist and psychiatrist but it's not enough.
I also don't drive anymore because of my DUIs. I feel like I lost my life to schizophrenia and psychosis. Everything I worked hard for: my professional reputation, my degree/diploma, my body ( I was a marathon runner but struggle exercising daily because of post trauma from hearing voices and I used to swim, but because of the voices I drown in my own pool and stopped swimming).
I feel like it was all taken away from me. I need help, ( I'm getting professional help), but I need prayers please so God will turn my life around, help heal and restore the brokenness.
I feel broken. In a million pieces and like someone is stepping on the shards of pieces to make sure I'm fully dehumanized.
I feel disgusted with my own body because of what I 'm forced to do every week. I cringe in the shower, I cringe before I go to sleep at night. I hate my body.
*staff edit*
The whole time I'm thinking, someone help me. God please save me, but no answer.
Now I'm struggling to get off of coke. *staff edit* I'm scared I'm going to fail a drug test and not ever be allowed in nursing school again ( once I transfer to another school).
Please pray for me. Pray for peace for my soul, because I'm suffering.
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