My nosey daughter

[Beautiful2Him]

Hey there,

Just trying to get some advice on how to address my daughters nosiness. I'm not sure if this is an age thing (she's 10) or a boredom thing or what but it's getting really annoying. Anytime I'm on the computer she'll come around and act like she wants a hug or to ask me something but she just wants to see what I'm doing on there. Or if I'm reading an email or text she'll sit by me and peek at it and try to read it. I don't look at inappropriate things so I'm not worried about that, I think it's just the principle. Sometimes there are things I don't want her to see or read like this past week I've been testing my mom back and forth trying to help her plan a surprise visit to us. So obviously I don't want my daughter seeing this. I tell her to not be so nosy and stop trying to read my texts or emails, that they don't have anything to do with you so you have no reason reading them. But that hasn't seem to stop her. I don't know what the deal is. She doesn't do this with her dad. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[LionL]

Maybe she feels she's not getting enough attention from you - she may even feel neglected. Why not save your computer time 'til she's either in bed or at school?

 

[tdidymas]

Sounds like she wants to know what is capturing your interest. If you gleefully let her in to your "inner circle" of what you're doing most of the time, then when it comes to something you don't want her to know, then I'd say just be honest, and tell her that is "for your eyes only." If she has your acceptance and affection most of the time, then it seems like she would accept your explanation. Just a suggestion.
TD

 

[Catherineanne]

Hey there,

Just trying to get some advice on how to address my daughters nosiness. I'm not sure if this is an age thing (she's 10) or a boredom thing or what but it's getting really annoying. Anytime I'm on the computer she'll come around and act like she wants a hug or to ask me something but she just wants to see what I'm doing on there. Or if I'm reading an email or text she'll sit by me and peek at it and try to read it. I don't look at inappropriate things so I'm not worried about that, I think it's just the principle. Sometimes there are things I don't want her to see or read like this past week I've been testing my mom back and forth trying to help her plan a surprise visit to us. So obviously I don't want my daughter seeing this. I tell her to not be so nosy and stop trying to read my texts or emails, that they don't have anything to do with you so you have no reason reading them. But that hasn't seem to stop her. I don't know what the deal is. She doesn't do this with her dad. Any advice would be appreciated.

If you don't want her to see what you are doing, then do it when she is in bed.

She is not being 'nosy' at all; that is your label, and it is very unpleasant.

 

[sarah_beloved]

I've realised that when I'm too caught up in my own stuff, my son (he's 9) starts acting a little too "clingy". She just wants the attention and affection from you. In a few years time things might just be the other way round

 

[lindart]

This brought back long forgotten memories! When I was young my Mom used to have long conversations on the phone with my Grandmom every day. I used to sit on the radiator behind her during these conversations. I wasn't nosy, I was lonely. This went on for years. God rest her soul, I loved her, but never felt ' close ' to her.

 

[Anton's Antics]

It's funny because my wife often says that the kids never bother me...I can read the paper or whatever in general peace..but as soon as she sits down to do something all the questions start coming and the kids' "neediness" seem to escalate. Psychologists please explain? We try and redirect their questions to me so they can see that dad can actually do stuff too. But mums of the world are an easier and more obvious and regular target for solving all kids probs. I think love languages are important here. Some kids need our face to face time, others contact, others words of affirmation etc, so I guess its good to think of where each child's 'tank' is up to. Empty or full. Top it up and get on with your stuff. That's what my wife does and I think she's awesome. And yes, I'm catching on too.

 

[sarah_beloved]

It's funny because my wife often says that the kids never bother me...I can read the paper or whatever in general peace..but as soon as she sits down to do something all the questions start coming and the kids' "neediness" seem to escalate. Psychologists please explain? We try and redirect their questions to me so they can see that dad can actually do stuff too. But mums of the world are an easier and more obvious and regular target for solving all kids probs. I think love languages are important here. Some kids need our face to face time, others contact, others words of affirmation etc, so I guess its good to think of where each child's 'tank' is up to. Empty or full. Top it up and get on with your stuff. That's what my wife does and I think she's awesome. And yes, I'm catching on too.

This is very true. Even as a kid I ran to my mom for everything. The only time I look for my dad is when I need someone to sign my math test with a F. Less scolding

 

[Mudinyeri]

While I have no idea what goes on in the OP's house, I have seen something along these lines in my own family, unfortunately. One of my brothers spent so much time on the computer that his wife sought affection in the arms of another man. His daughters were headed down a similar path until his wife's cheating and their eventual divorce woke him up.

I suspect that those who have posted that the OP's daughter is in need of attention are correct. Try saving the computer and smart phone time until after she's in bed. Instead, focus on spending time doing things she enjoys while she is awake. See what happens.

 

[JAM2b]

Nosiness is a human characteristic that children are not immune to.

Sure, it could be she needs attention. Or she could be very curious and learns by observing. Or she could just be nosey. I have a 12 year old who will go for hours wanting to have absolutely nothing to do with me, until I try to talk on the phone or sit at the computer. Then he gets all in my business. I ask if he needs something or wants to do something, and the answer is always no. When I'm doing nothing and have time for him, he isn't interested and has his own things to do. Bottom line: he's nosey.

I just tell him straight up that he is being nosey, and what I am doing is not his business. He walks away and leaves me alone until next time. I try to talk to him in other moments about it, and tell him the importance of privacy and space, and how he would not like it if I stayed over his shoulder watching what he was doing (that's not to say that I don't monitor his computer activity or have rules about it; I just don't hover and scrutinize it all.). He gets a little bit better for a little while then reverts back to it. It is a process to learn appropriate boundaries and put them into regular practice.

 

[ex-pat]

All of the above, plus a question about whether she models YOUR behavior if she's reading or online or watching TV...do you engage her openly or try to see what has her attention over her shoulder. (Of course, a parent has the right to check out what their kiddo is up to, but it's about HOW you do it)

 

[dayhiker]

Lots of good thoughts ... the one I had is its a way for her to learn what its like to be an adult. What do they talk about, what can I learn, etc. I remember that being one of the reasons I like to listen to adults talk when I was young.