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My niece died.. a poem about her:

Discussion in 'Poetry & Prose' started by blue_eyes1313, Feb 28, 2002.

  1. blue_eyes1313

    blue_eyes1313 New Member

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    Christian
    My niece died on Thanksgiving day. I wrote a poem about her to give to her mom (my sister). Before I give it to her, I would really like you comments/critisicm. Thanks a lot! --Kenzie

    Janai

    An angel gone to glory
    Saved by God's amazing grace
    How sorely she is missed

    Trapped inside her dying body
    She was waiting for her time
    Every day, she grasped life
    with such strength

    We desperately held onto her
    Held her back for a while
    But the Lord giveth and taketh away

    Now the Lord has come for her
    She can run, play, laugh
    With wings like a butterfly

    An angel gone to glory
    Saved by God's amazing grace
    How sorely she is missed.



    Thanks!
     
  2. Snor Snor

    Snor Snor Servant of Jesus Christ

    206
    +1
    Christian
    Cool, but sorry about your grandmom :( I'm glad that she's up there in heaven now! :)

    God bless ya's :)
     
  3. blue_eyes1313

    blue_eyes1313 New Member

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    Christian
    It's not my grandma, it's my niece. She was eleven.
     
  4. FOMWatts<><

    FOMWatts<>< Follower of the Way

    591
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    Calvinist
    Married
    US-Others
    You have quite a moving talent for poetry. It is good that you have discovered that the best poetry does not rhyme but has rythm in its meaning. It is very nice in its flow, and could be expanded on, but some things are better left short and to the point. Good poem!

    FOMWatts<><
     
  5. mama

    mama Chocolate the "other" food group

    131
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    WOW....I loved it....I also think short is best at times like these....you can never go wrong when it comes from the heart.....with much love and respect....mama
     
  6. blue_eyes1313

    blue_eyes1313 New Member

    67
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    Christian
    Thank you so much for the feedback. I had a really hard time writing this and found I was unable to evaluate myself because I couldn't concentrate. Thanks again! Lovin y'all in Jesus! -Kenzie
     
  7. Hishandmaiden

    Hishandmaiden The Humble Servant

    +115
    Christian
    Private
    I had moved this thread to the creative writing centre as it is more appriorate here.
     
  8. FollowHisPath

    FollowHisPath Senior Veteran

    +125
    Baptist
    Single
    wow, thats really good your good at writing poetry. Im sorry about your neice at least she is sitting with Jesus in Heven now!