My Mother Is Guilting Me About My Faith

[GoldenRule636]

Hi everyone, I'm Jess. I'm 24 years old, born and raised Catholic, but as of the last couple years, I've left the Catholic church and considered myself a Christian. I've been attending a Baptist church for about a year and a half with my boyfriend and so far I really like it there.

(If anyone is curious, I did not leave the Catholic church because of my boyfriend and it's not like he ever asked me to. I only left Catholicism because I don't believe in praying to Saints, God's forgiveness being only obtainable through confession, or purgatory. No judgement on anyone who does believe those things, but I personally don't. I don't want to start any religious debates, this is purely for context)

My mother, however, has never been okay with this. She believes that because I was raised Catholic, I should always be Catholic, and in her mind I've changed religions, not denominations, religions. Here's the thing: She doesn't go to church anymore. She claims that she doesn't go because she's angry at God for taking her son away (my brother passed away 13 years ago).

Today, my Mum approached me and told me that she just can't be okay with my new faith. She wants to see me married in the Catholic church, by a priest, so she wants me to go back to the Catholic church despite my beliefs. If I do, she says that she'll go back too, because "that's her miracle".

So now, I feel like unless I abandon my convictions and go back to my old church, I'm at fault for her lack of faith, and that thought really makes my heart hurt. What should I do? Any prayers and/or advice is welcome.

 

[CodyFaith]

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[mkgal1]

Today, my Mum approached me and told me that she just can't be okay with my new faith. She wants to see me married in the Catholic church, by a priest, so she wants me to go back to the Catholic church despite my beliefs. If I do, she says that she'll go back too, because "that's her miracle".

So now, I feel like unless I abandon my convictions and go back to my old church, I'm at fault for her lack of faith, and that thought really makes my heart hurt. What should I do? Any prayers and/or advice is welcome.

I went through the same guilt from my own mother when I was 13 years old (about not attending a Catholic church -even though she had stopped going herself).....but the pressure your mum is putting on you for her OWN faith in God is really over the top. That's not your burden. This isn't so much a religious problem, but a boundaries issue. Do you live with your mum? I'm sorry your mum is emotionally black-mailing you.

 

[GoldenRule636]

I went through the same guilt from my own mother when I was 13 years old (about not attending a Catholic church -even though she had stopped going herself).....but the pressure your mum is putting on you for her OWN faith in God is really over the top. That's not your burden. This isn't so much a religious problem, but a boundaries issue. Do you live with your mum? I'm sorry your mum is emotionally black-mailing you.

I do still live at home, because I'm still going to school. She's also aware that my boyfriend is planning to propose to me sometime this year, and I guess with my cousin's wedding coming up next weekend she's been thinking about it more. I knew she didn't like my decision, but she's never made me hurt this much before.

 

[bekkilyn]

Wouldn't your boyfriend also have to be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church? Even if you did abandon your convictions and go back, your boyfriend would also have to abandon his and then go through what I understand is a lengthy conversion process in order to fulfill this desire of your mother, and it doesn't seem like a very realistic thing that will happen as your boyfriend, being a Baptist, probably has no intention whatsoever of ever becoming Catholic.

Have you attempted to invite your mom to come to church with you and boyfriend?

 

[GoldenRule636]

Hey Jess.

I feel your convictions to leave the Catholic church were legitamate, and I just want to encourage you and say you made the right choice on that part. Christianity is not a religion of manmade rules and traditions, but a relationship with the living God. We have no bondage, we are free once we are saved.

She is guilt tripping you and manipulating you, plain and simple. We are to honor our parents except when they contradict the things of God. Jesus said that many of our families will not understand, some to the point of their own families betraying them. I'm not suggesting this is the case for you, but I am saying that Jesus warned us many will try to tear us away from him and the truth, try to force our hands, etc.

Ultimately Jesus wants us to forsake all that entangles and follow him. He never said it would come without social challenges, infact he said that it will and must come with them, but he did promise to be with us always and protect and guide us.

He's took you this far and will not let you down, trust him.

Thanks for your reply. I definitely appreciate the support. I'm still following Him to the best of my abilities, but it's hard because I do want her to go back to faith in Christ, even though that's not my decision

 

[GoldenRule636]

Wouldn't your boyfriend also have to be Catholic to be married in a Catholic church? Even if you did abandon your convictions and go back, your boyfriend would also have to abandon his and then go through what I understand is a lengthy conversion process in order to fulfill this desire of your mother, and it doesn't seem like a very realistic thing that will happen as your boyfriend, being a Baptist, probably has no intention whatsoever of ever becoming Catholic.

Have you attempted to invite your mom to come to church with you and boyfriend?

I have. She doesn't like how late in the day the service starts (10:30AM) They only have one service so there are no alternate options for that church.

From what I understand, the Catholic church wouldn't require him to convert, but it would require us to take an oath to raise our kids Catholic, and I believe scripture says not to take oaths, so he isn't comfortable with that, nor am I.

 

[joshua 1 9]

I only left Catholicism because I don't believe in praying to Saints

They do know how to pray in Heaven. I wanted to have some medical tests run and I asked my departed loved ones in Heaven to pray for me. They know how to pay according to God's will and I did get good results. Paul says we can: "come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." So usually we can pray for ourselves. (Hebrews 4:16)

In Revolution 8:3 we read: "He was given much incense to offer, along with the prayers of all the saints, on the golden altar before the throne." God does not go by what HE can see or what HE can hear. He goes by what is a "an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable," (a fragrant offering).

 

[bekkilyn]

I have. She doesn't like how late in the day the service starts (10:30AM) They only have one service so there are no alternate options for that church.

From what I understand, the Catholic church wouldn't require him to convert, but it would require us to take an oath to raise our kids Catholic, and I believe scripture says not to take oaths, so he isn't comfortable with that, nor am I.

Chances are she would likely find another excuse to not go if the service was earlier, but it wouldn't hurt to keep the door open and continue to ask her. She may just say "yes" one day!

It wouldn't be a good idea to compromise your faith even for your mother, but do continue to show her you love her and care about her and that those feelings won't change. Maybe her real fear is that if you have left the Catholic church and then get married and leave home, you will abandon her and so she is clinging to some way of keeping that from happening.

 

[GoldenRule636]

They do know how to pray in Heaven. I wanted to have some medical tests run and I asked my departed loved ones in Heaven to pray for me. They know how to pay according to God's will and I did get good results. Paul says we can: "come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need." So usually we can pray for ourselves. (Hebrews 4:16)

I really didn't want an argument about faith, but here's why I don't pray to Saints:
1 Timothy 2:5
"For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus"

John 14:6
"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'"

John 14:13-14
"And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it."

I believe we are to pray only to God. Only God answers our prayers. We may respect Saints and remember their lives, but prayer is a form of worship, and worshiping Saints is idolatry.

 

[GoldenRule636]

Chances are she would likely find another excuse to not go if the service was earlier, but it wouldn't hurt to keep the door open and continue to ask her. She may just say "yes" one day!

It wouldn't be a good idea to compromise your faith even for your mother, but do continue to show her you love her and care about her and that those feelings won't change. Maybe her real fear is that if you have left the Catholic church and then get married and leave home, you will abandon her and so she is clinging to some way of keeping that from happening.

That's possible. I know she doesn't actually like the idea of me leaving home, but this was just a step too far. I think if she went with us, she might even enjoy it, but we'll see if she ever agrees. Thank you for your replies.

 

[seeking.IAM]

You're an adult. Adults make adult decisions. Go back or don't go back as you think, not as your mother thinks.

 

[joshua 1 9]

I believe we are to pray only to God.

You do not ask people to pray for you? I am not talking about the "saints" in the Catholic church. I am talking about my friends and family that are in Heaven. Our friends and family have time for us. I am sure the saints in Heaven are very busy and we would be doing good if we could get just a few seconds of their time. Of course time is different in Heaven than what time is here on the earth. I am not trying to defend the beliefs of any church. I am just trying to have a friendly conversation that does not seem to be working out very well.

 

[eleos1954]

Hi everyone, I'm Jess. I'm 24 years old, born and raised Catholic, but as of the last couple years, I've left the Catholic church and considered myself a Christian. I've been attending a Baptist church for about a year and a half with my boyfriend and so far I really like it there.

(If anyone is curious, I did not leave the Catholic church because of my boyfriend and it's not like he ever asked me to. I only left Catholicism because I don't believe in praying to Saints, God's forgiveness being only obtainable through confession, or purgatory. No judgement on anyone who does believe those things, but I personally don't. I don't want to start any religious debates, this is purely for context)

My mother, however, has never been okay with this. She believes that because I was raised Catholic, I should always be Catholic, and in her mind I've changed religions, not denominations, religions. Here's the thing: She doesn't go to church anymore. She claims that she doesn't go because she's angry at God for taking her son away (my brother passed away 13 years ago).

Today, my Mum approached me and told me that she just can't be okay with my new faith. She wants to see me married in the Catholic church, by a priest, so she wants me to go back to the Catholic church despite my beliefs. If I do, she says that she'll go back too, because "that's her miracle".

So now, I feel like unless I abandon my convictions and go back to my old church, I'm at fault for her lack of faith, and that thought really makes my heart hurt. What should I do? Any prayers and/or advice is welcome.

We are each responsible for our faith, what we believe. She wants to be Catholic and attend the Catholic church ... that's ok ... you do not ... also ok.

It's about treating someone with respect. Mom I respect you, if you want to resume attending the Catholic church, I respect your choice do so ... and I ask that you respect me as well in my choice to attend a different church. If she keeps bringing it up later as before ... just kindly state this matter has been discussed and settled ... I choose not to attend the Catholic church, that is my choice. I love you mom. Then go on about your business. If she needs a miracle (she's defining her own miracle?) in order to resume attending church then she'll have to wait for a different miracle ;o) Pray for her relationship with the Lord to be healed.

God Bless.

 

[GoldenRule636]

You do not ask people to pray for you? I am not talking about the "saints" in the Catholic church. I am talking about my friends and family that are in Heaven. Our friends and family have time for us. I am sure the saints in Heaven are very busy and we would be doing good if we could get just a few seconds of their time. Of course time is different in Heaven than what time is here on the earth. I am not trying to defend the beliefs of any church. I am just trying to have a friendly conversation that does not seem to be working out very well.

The issue is that I feel you missed the point of the post. If you really want to discuss praying to saints, you can private message me. But I did say that I don't want to discuss why I believe what I do, I'm literally just asking for advice for the problem at hand.

 

[GoldenRule636]

We are each responsible for our faith, what we believe. She wants to be Catholic and attend the Catholic church ... that's ok ... you do not ... also ok.

It's about treating someone with respect. Mom I respect you, if you want to resume attending the Catholic church, I respect your choice do so ... and I ask that you respect me as well in my choice to attend a different church. If she keeps bringing it up later as before ... just kindly state this matter has been discussed and settled ... I choose not to attend the Catholic church, that is my choice. I love you mom. Then go on about your business. If she needs a miracle (she's defining her own miracle?) in order to resume attending church then she'll have to wait for a different miracle ;o) Pray for her relationship with the Lord to be healed.

God Bless.

Thank you for your advice and kind words. It's something I need to learn to deal with and respond to.

 

[High Fidelity]

Don't let her guilt you. You did the right thing!

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

I have. She doesn't like how late in the day the service starts (10:30AM) They only have one service so there are no alternate options for that church.

From what I understand, the Catholic church wouldn't require him to convert, but it would require us to take an oath to raise our kids Catholic, and I believe scripture says not to take oaths, so he isn't comfortable with that, nor am I.

No, this isn't true. You do not have to take an oath to raise your children Catholic! You are just to agree not to work actively against Catholic beliefs, if I recall correctly. Married in the RCC. If you are Catholic and he is not, you can marry in the Catholic Church but I'm not sure if you have to be in "right standing", meaning a current participant or not.

Oddly, this site will not let me cut and paste. But anyway, the NON-Catholic does not have to make such a promise. The Catholic does, however, have to attempt to raise them in the Catholic faith, so I'm not sure where that leaves you.

http://canonlawmadeeasy.com/2009/01...ts-have-to-raise-their-children-as-catholics/

 

[eleos1954]

Thank you for your advice and kind words. It's something I need to learn to deal with and respond to.

In all things .... Love ;o) .... you'll be fine.

God Bless

 

[GoldenRule636]

No, this isn't true. You do not have to take an oath to raise your children Catholic! You are just to agree not to work actively against Catholic beliefs, if I recall correctly. Married in the RCC. If you are Catholic and he is not, you can marry in the Catholic Church but I'm not sure if you have to be in "right standing", meaning a current participant or not.

Maybe it's different in the US? I know my uncle had to take that oath to be allowed to marry my aunt in the Catholic Church.