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My mom was in hospice

Discussion in 'Hospice Forum' started by RuthD, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. RuthD

    RuthD Supports LGBT Supporter

    My mom spent her last days at a hospice. I go back and forth on whether I think they treated her at times. They put her in restraints because she would try to walk when she could not. It looked so bad though. I also am not sure if she died without help. It's sad.
  2. servant of Merciful Love

    servant of Merciful Love Contemplative Supporter

    United States
    Hi Ruth ~ I am sorry you are feeling unrest about this :hug:

    I will be praying that you can be at peace with this in time.

    God bless you :crossrc:
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2011
  3. Chaplain David

    Chaplain David CF Chaplain Staff Member Chaplain Supporter Recovery Team

    Hi Ruth. I am a part-time hospital chaplain and it is my great love to minister to those who are critically ill and actively dying and their families both before and after a loved death occurs. I've also been associated with two hospices, one as a patient receiving grief counseling and another in hospice training. My ongoing continuing education is in these areas as well.

    I am sorry that your mom died. It is always difficult no matter what the circumstances and whatever we are feeling in terms of grief and our emotions is normal for us. To question the cirumstances around your mom's death is also very normal. You love her, wanted the best for her and the last part of her life was not the sanitized version of dying that is presented in the movies or media, but reality which can be much different.

    I cannot speak to your mother's cirumstances as I was not there but all of the nurses and hospice workers that I know go the extra mile to provide the best end of life support possible. There is a great effort between the doctors and nurses (and volunteers) who care for those in hospice to do so in a manner that makes them as comfortable and painfree as possible. Yet your observations are yours and you have the right to them and if you have questions about any aspect of care she received then I would ask the hospice director.

    But your wellbeing is paramount too. I therefore highly recommend grief counseling as it really helped me after my mother and father died. It does not show weakness to seek counseling but really strength. I helped me get things sorted out, make some sense of everything and overcome thoughts and emotions that were both very sad and also hampering my ability to funtion. I also regained happiness which at the time, I never thought I would have again at least to the extent that I'd been happy before in my life.

    You are in my prayers Ruth. Please contact me if you want to talk or have questions.


    Sacerdote (David)
  4. edwardfsmith

    edwardfsmith Newbie

    I know what you are feeling
    My father was in hospice and died at home in home hospice.

    There was another thread where we talked about not feeding them or given them water.

    I am very conflicted about that myself.

    I tried my best to give him water at the end.
    Watching it and having it happen in my arms just leaves me with the feeling that care could be better in this way.

    I also know God was calling him home, and that it was inevitable
  5. Bens

    Bens Newbie

    Other Religion
    I cannot speak to your mother's cirumstances as I was not there but all of the nurses and hospice workers that I know go the extra viagra mile to provide the best end of life support possible.
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2012
  6. RuthD

    RuthD Supports LGBT Supporter

    I started this thread long ago and just now have been back as it was too painful at the time. I have gone to grief counseling. My mother was constantly being disciplined where she was at. She would do things that upset people very bad. I wanted to be with her at her moment of death but was not called as I instructed them. I happen to know of nurses that overdose patients to put them out of their misery. It is too late now to know what really happened. I have accepted that she is gone now and I miss her. Thank you all for your support.