Trigger Warning My Mind Is Shattering Like Glass

[waves]

If you ever held something fragile and you dropped it and it broke in many pieces this is what is happening in my mind.

A few days I dreamt and saw my significant other about to have sex with my grandmother who has died. Then all of a sudden my significant other physical appearance change into my father who I live with. Then I told him I was going to tell my sister and mother what he was doing, and he begged me not to because they would kick him out the house.

I have had deep fears that my significant other, is just like my father who raised me. He and my father seems to have similar traits in my eyes. My father although married, flirts with other women he comes into contact with even in front of me, and this has always made me feel very uncomfortable, wondering why he is behaving like that because he is married. There is more to this as well, where my significant other and father seems to have similar traits in my eyes relating to how I am treated. This is where oftentimes my father seems to care about me, but he has an angry side of him that really bothers me etc

Another thing that has come to my attention is, that it seems as if my different alters view themselves as being with my significant other. These alters vary in height, looks etc So in some dreams where I see other female getting close to him, it upsets some of my alter because each alter, views themselves as a separate person, who are each in relationship with my significant other at the same time.

Therefore each alter sees my significant other as cheating, when he is around any other alter personality, so therefore some of my alters are fighting with each other because they see him as being their significant other only.

This came to my attention when I dreamt I saw a female flirting with my significant other, but that female turned out to be me.

This entire thing is simply confusing, as sometimes I cannot seem to separate my fears about my significant other and what he does, and what the reality of the situation is. But in my mind they are one the same.

At the same time Jesus Christ uses dreams to reveal things to me that I did not know. My main alter, me is a Christian and as a result although I am battling with the above, I also have been having dreams that come true, especially where God is revealing the motives of others around me (fake friends) through dreams that I was not aware of before. Additionally Jesus Christ gives me dreams showing what some of my alters have done, the abuse I received etc

I am not sure how long my mind can survive in this condition. But it seems to be getting worst. As I have stated before that I don't know anyone in the country I live in who can effectively deal with my situation. Jesus Christ has shown me for example that if my situation is not dealt with properly by the right person/persons, this can have severe consequences for me.

 

[SkyWriting]

If you ever held something fragile and you dropped it and it broke in many pieces this is what is happening in my mind.

A few days I dreamt and saw my significant other about to have sex with my grandmother who has died. Then all of a sudden my significant other physical appearance change into my father who I live with. Then I told him I was going to tell my sister and mother what he was doing, and he begged me not to because they would kick him out the house.

I have had deep fears that my significant other, is just like my father who raised me. He and my father seems to have similar traits in my eyes. My father although married, flirts with other women he comes into contact with even in front of me, and this has always made me feel very uncomfortable, wondering why he is behaving like that because he is married. There is more to this as well, where my significant other and father seems to have similar traits in my eyes relating to how I am treated. This is where oftentimes my father seems to care about me, but he has an angry side of him that really bothers me etc

Another thing that has come to my attention is, that it seems as if my different alters view themselves as being with my significant other. These alters vary in height, looks etc So in some dreams where I see other female getting close to him, it upsets some of my alter because each alter, views themselves as a separate person, who are each in relationship with my significant other at the same time.

Therefore each alter sees my significant other as cheating, when he is around any other alter personality, so therefore some of my alters are fighting with each other because they see him as being their significant other only.

This came to my attention when I dreamt I saw a female flirting with my significant other, but that female turned out to be me.

This entire thing is simply confusing, as sometimes I cannot seem to separate my fears about my significant other and what he does, and what the reality of the situation is. But in my mind they are one the same.

At the same time Jesus Christ uses dreams to reveal things to me that I did not know. My main alter, me is a Christian and as a result although I am battling with the above, I also have been having dreams that come true, especially where God is revealing the motives of others around me (fake friends) through dreams that I was not aware of before. Additionally Jesus Christ gives me dreams showing what some of my alters have done, the abuse I received etc

I am not sure how long my mind can survive in this condition. But it seems to be getting worst. As I have stated before that I don't know anyone in the country I live in who can effectively deal with my situation. Jesus Christ has shown me for example that if my situation is not dealt with properly by the right person/persons, this can have severe consequences for me.

It does sound like you have turmoil in your life.
Keep seeking face to face help.

 

[Petros2015]

I don't know anyone in the country I live in

What country do you live in?

 

[eleos1954]

If you ever held something fragile and you dropped it and it broke in many pieces this is what is happening in my mind.

A few days I dreamt and saw my significant other about to have sex with my grandmother who has died. Then all of a sudden my significant other physical appearance change into my father who I live with. Then I told him I was going to tell my sister and mother what he was doing, and he begged me not to because they would kick him out the house.

I have had deep fears that my significant other, is just like my father who raised me. He and my father seems to have similar traits in my eyes. My father although married, flirts with other women he comes into contact with even in front of me, and this has always made me feel very uncomfortable, wondering why he is behaving like that because he is married. There is more to this as well, where my significant other and father seems to have similar traits in my eyes relating to how I am treated. This is where oftentimes my father seems to care about me, but he has an angry side of him that really bothers me etc

Another thing that has come to my attention is, that it seems as if my different alters view themselves as being with my significant other. These alters vary in height, looks etc So in some dreams where I see other female getting close to him, it upsets some of my alter because each alter, views themselves as a separate person, who are each in relationship with my significant other at the same time.

Therefore each alter sees my significant other as cheating, when he is around any other alter personality, so therefore some of my alters are fighting with each other because they see him as being their significant other only.

This came to my attention when I dreamt I saw a female flirting with my significant other, but that female turned out to be me.

This entire thing is simply confusing, as sometimes I cannot seem to separate my fears about my significant other and what he does, and what the reality of the situation is. But in my mind they are one the same.

At the same time Jesus Christ uses dreams to reveal things to me that I did not know. My main alter, me is a Christian and as a result although I am battling with the above, I also have been having dreams that come true, especially where God is revealing the motives of others around me (fake friends) through dreams that I was not aware of before. Additionally Jesus Christ gives me dreams showing what some of my alters have done, the abuse I received etc

I am not sure how long my mind can survive in this condition. But it seems to be getting worst. As I have stated before that I don't know anyone in the country I live in who can effectively deal with my situation. Jesus Christ has shown me for example that if my situation is not dealt with properly by the right person/persons, this can have severe consequences for me.

Overall, it sounds like your dreams/nightmares are mainly stemming from a lack of trust in your significant other. Considering that may be the case ... are there things your significant other is doing or has done that is creating and/or justifies a lack of trust? ... or could possibly be related to Pistanthrophobia? Not saying either is the case, only possibilities.

Pistanthrophobia is characterized by an irrational fear of building an intimate and personal relationship with others. Past trauma or harmful experiences carry so much weight that fear overcomes the desire to trust others.

People with this condition begin to feel as if everyone sooner or later will disappoint or betray them. They become extremely distrustful. They’re afraid of the idea that past harms may be repeated and they don’t want to let that happen.

May the Lord bring you peace to your heart. Amen

 

[Petros2015]

Another thing that has come to my attention is, that it seems as if my different alters view themselves as being with my significant other. These alters vary in height, looks etc So in some dreams where I see other female getting close to him, it upsets some of my alter because each alter, views themselves as a separate person, who are each in relationship with my significant other at the same time.

I've wondered about that, I've read some previous posts you made where you said your significant other was with your 'best friend'. Is it possible that your best friend IS one your alters?

Way out of my league here but wishing you some peace. I had a friend who experienced some limited disassociative personality changes from time to time, and it took me a while to figure out what was happening, but it wasn't on the scale and complexity you are describing.

 

[Petros2015]

I am not sure how long my mind can survive in this condition. But it seems to be getting worst.

If it was me in a similar situation, I suppose here is what I would do (I have no idea if this is a good idea or not). I was experiencing some limited form of disassociation in the form of ruminations. I knew it was happening but I wasn't fully conscious at the time to understand what was happening, and it only happened when I was alone, so I got a voice activated tape recorder. After I taped what was happening I was able to review what I was saying with my conscious mind.

I think that I was starting to develop some alters, and referring to myself under different names which were taking on different personalities or excusing different behaviors. Things were starting to get strange and dangerous; they have since gotten better. My ‘alters’ really weren’t a defense mechanism caused by trauma though, they were a coping (or even at deep levels an "offense") mechanism for insecurities and fears exacerbated by addiction and alcoholism and not being able to face myself or other things in my life. I think ultimately they were different levels of my own ego, and giving them their own names gave them more power and personality. Ultimately I had to take away their names and acknowledge them as parts of myself that needed to be handed over to Christ. I was at maybe level 2 or 3 of 10. It could spike higher if I was drunk or under the influence of pot. If you are using non prescription drugs, try to stop they will only make things worse.

You are not me though. If the situation is really bad, I think what I would try is to send a message to each specific alter, make sure they all understand what the situation is and see if you can get some concensus or cooperation. I would prepare an envelope with each alter’s name on it, and inside, the same message. Set the envelopes all where you can see them, your desk or something and leave them there.

**Get a copy of your birth certificate with your name on it and place it in the envelopes along with a message. That is one thing that the other alters can not do. They can’t get a birth certificate.

The gist of the message could be something like this:

=============================================

I (my birthname) have disassociative identity disorder. I know that I am real and have a birth certificate.

You (the alter) were created to help me cope with trauma, you can not obtain a birth certificate like I have done. If you doubt me, try to do it. You probably don’t even have a driver’s license. If you look for one, you will find my name and picture and not yours. This is the situation.

I am the prime personality trying my best to manage you and many other alters

We are all going to have to work together and become more integrated

I am a Christian – I follow Jesus Christ and seek Him for healing and salvation.

I want you to do so as well for all our sakes. I want you to pray for me. I am hurting.

I don’t know when you will surface and sometimes our memories are confused or I don’t know what you are doing.

I want you to help me, my life is important to you and if I lose it, you will die. I am a good person, and I am suffering.

Please communicate with me and let me know what you are doing and what you need and how you feel about this message.

If you are surfaced and active and I am asleep, please send a message to my email (email address) to let me know what is happening. If you want me to write you again, or have ideas to help, let me know.

Thank you

====================================

My apologies if this sounds silly or is impractible or is not your situation, I am just guessing at things I might try from other posts you have made. Ultimately, it’s going to take a lot of prayer I think.

But… if you can get the alters to pray, then you will indeed have a lot of prayer.

 

[Dave-W]

If you ever held something fragile and you dropped it and it broke in many pieces this is what is happening in my mind.

Please hang on to the fact that Jesus can put all those pieces back together again, better than before.

 

[EzekielsWheels]

Praying for you waves. Please remember that dreams can potentially deceive us.