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my husband hit me.

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Lacey31, Apr 26, 2006.

  1. heron

    heron Legend

    +893
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Or her husband read her posts. Or, if she moved, she has no internet access and no time.
     
  2. imaniingod

    imaniingod Veteran

    +159
    Christian
    US-Others
    Hello all, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you! I was in the same situation, I dont know your circumstances but the father knows and I pray that he will put his protective covering over you! God Bless
     
  3. MrsSeptemberPenguin

    MrsSeptemberPenguin Contributor Supporter

    +264
    Christian Seeker
    Married
    Agree...I just can't see an ultimatum working. I still think you should file a police report, or maybe leave for a while, but don't make him go to counceling as a condition to stay married to him. If he asks questions tell him you need time to think, or that you are doing this for your safety as well as the childrens.
     
  4. greenessa

    greenessa Well-Known Member

    610
    +27
    Christian
    If you look at the dictionary definition of ultimatum..

    ... what is wrong with that? Even better, substitute consequences with penalties. We spend there whole childhood teaching our children that their actions have consequences, good and bad. Why should that end as they become adults? I think it is fair to go in that direction in this situation.
     
  5. Redguard

    Redguard Make It So, Number One!

    +1,773
    Christian
    Married
    CA-Liberals
    Ultimatums don't usually work very well.
     
  6. heron

    heron Legend

    +893
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I think she's talking more about terms and conditions.

    If you hit me again, I'll call the police. (protective steps)

    If you hit me in front of the kids, I am suing for custody
    (protective steps)

    If you touch the kids, you need to move out until you can safely relate to them.

    If you don't help me move, I am not going to listen to your rants about how messy the house is.


    Then he knows what to expect, and she is able to have a say in the relationship. And she makes it clear that she will not cower under his abuse.
     
  7. YellowSapphire

    YellowSapphire Optimism Through Christ

    570
    +50
    Presbyterian
    Private
    JMO, but I don't think now is the time to be worrying about whether you can make your marriage work in the long run. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. It would take a lot of work and changing on his part, forgiveness on yours-- and only time will tell wether this becomes a reality for you two.

    Your husband sounds verbally AND physically abusive. The fact that he told you that you WILL start OBEYING him suggests to me that your husband is used to being the biggest, loudest, most important person in his life. Maybe he needs a really big guy whom he respects (and it's HORRIBLE that he does not respect you, but that's what were dealing with here) to sit down and explain to him that true men don't hit their wives and to convince him of the importance of counciling and medical help for his bipolar.

    He sounds as if he's an unhappy and angry person. I'd be willing to bet a small mint than when he hit you, it didn't have anything to do with you. You say he's not interested in your church. Is he trying to BE God instead of serving God? Is he trying to be the center of his own universe?

    Right now you need to get yourself and your two children safe. I wouldn't advice giving up on your marriage right now, but I gotta tell you, if he wants to leave, I say don't let the door hit him on the way out.
     
  8. heron

    heron Legend

    +893
    Christian
    In Relationship
    A lot of men act tough and capable, but I suspect that many of them are more worried than the women are. They are emotionally taking on the responsibility for several people (whether financially or not, they still feel that obligation). The payments of a new house are worrisome...not sure if the decision to move will work...seeing the marriage weaken... he could have snapped into manipulation out of sheer terror.

    That doesn't make it right, and it doesn't mean women feel less weight of responsibility...just adding some insight.
     
  9. starprincess

    starprincess Senior Veteran

    +36
    Christian
    Married
    Seems like the typical scenario in most abuse cases.

    I know you're still in shock by what happened. As mush as it hasn't dawned on you as yet "It is abuse".It doesn't matter how stressful the situation "is or was". He was way out of order.
    I'm of the opinion Once he hit you once...he would feel he could hit you again. It doesn't end.

    I would seriously listen and take these advices.File that report.:hug:
     
  10. Mrs. Luther073082

    Mrs. Luther073082 Commit to the LORD whatever you do - Proverbs 16:3

    +1,220
    Lutheran
    Married
    So has she still not logged on?
     
  11. sing4777

    sing4777 Veteran

    +156
    Christian
    Private
    This kind of abuse can start years into marriage...
    If she stays - he'll do it again and again and again.
    Bi-polar or not, it's a crime to assault someone.
    That's like saying a person can murder someone
    but they can't help it.
    If that's his excuse then he justifies it and more will
    come but worse the longer she tolerates it.
    Get out, Get out, Get out!!!!!
     
  12. tizherself

    tizherself Member

    77
    +8
    Christian
    We can only hope the reason she hasn't logged on is because he has repented of his hard heartedness and they have gotten good counsel. I pray that it was God's will and their outcome that they are happy in their new home and renewed by the Spirit in love and respect for one another - if you're out there, won't you let us know that you're okay?? If things are not better, I pray that the Lord give you protection and a spirit of discernment to know when to take measures to keep yourself safe...
     
  13. Derek44

    Derek44 Member

    72
    +3
    Nazarene
    Married
    Lacey,

    Do you mind if I refer your case to my wife? Her username is Linda44. My wife is a counselor, who specializes in women help, treatments, and therapy. I can have her PM you, so you can further discuss this. Do you have nearby family members that you can stay with during the time being? God is with you and your husband.
     
  14. KillerV

    KillerV Veteran

    +92
    Christian
    Private
    US-Republican
    I have to agree completely.

    I hope you stay safe. And He gets the help that he so desperatley needs.
     
  15. fulltime

    fulltime Member

    264
    +13
    Christian
    Married
    I am so sorry that you have to go through such a hard situation. If your husband does not get counselling then it sound like you should,even if its just for the support.I know that if you get the police involved that it could get really ugly.If you had your husband arrested,would that control him enough to wake him up ?
     
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