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My husband cheated on me n I hate the women he slept with

Discussion in 'Recovery Related Spiritual Advice' started by Skyybluegirl, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. Skyybluegirl

    Skyybluegirl New Member

    4
    +11
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    I apologize for my spelling I'm typing on my phone. So My husband cheated on me the first year of marriage. It was not an emotional affair with another women. He would come home late from work and I always felt that he was cheating on me and I wanted so bad to follow him to catch him but I never caught him. One day while he was in the shower I was going through his phone and I saw he was searching for a gentleman club. It crushed me to think that I was not enough to look at. So I asked him and he confessed that he did go to a strip club. So I forgave him I thought well its only a strip club he didn't sleep or touch these women. I told myself I knew it he was doing something wrong. After he confessed we decided to start going back to church n things were going great. I forgot to mention I was pregnant with our baby boy. After our baby was born I started to feel weird again n I thought to myself he is going to strip bars again. 3 months after our baby was born n us going to church he decided he wanted to tell me the truth it was the most scariest feeling in the world. My entire world was crumbling n I couldn't breathe. He confessed that he went to a massage parlor and had someone give him a handjob. I was so hurt and days later I once again forgave him I thought ok ok it was only a handjob. I didn't know what a massage parlor was or what they did I thought ppl went to get massages n that's all. I thought I knew stuff but apparently not. Well maybe a couple weeks after telling me he was speaking to his pastor n the pastor told me that he wanted to tell me the whole truth but only if I could handle it. I told her I dnt think I can but he confessed for the 3rd time. N admitted that he had gone to a number of massage parlors n that he also slept with these women n that he used protection every time. I drilled him with questions like if they were pretty, if he kissed them, if he performed oral to them n everything I could think of asking. He admitted to doing everything. I was hurt I wanted nothing to do with him. I love this man with my entire being so we decided to take counseling from our pastor. 2yrs now n he has changed n I believe he is faithful because God promised me a new husband n I believe it true. My only problem now is that I hate Asian women I wish they would all die. I have thoughts of burning these locations down. N I have Asian friends n wouldn't want to hurt them just the women in these locations. I dnt know how to remove this hate inside me. I thought I let go but apparently I have not. How can I serve God if I hate his children. I need prayer n help. I need to move on n stop living in fear.
     
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  2. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,873
    United States
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    Single
    US-Democrat
    I think it's scary how much you can give someone and it's still not enough.
    I'm sorry you're going through this.
     
  3. Darkhorse

    Darkhorse just horsing around

    +3,623
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Prayer will help lessen your hatred for these women, but it will take time. It won't be easy. Keep in mind that, as you said, they are God's children also, and we all sin.

    But this is a deep personal hurt to you.
    God can work miracles, but...keep at it.
    The hardest - and strongest - part is praying for them. Do it - it helps you.
     
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  4. Skyybluegirl

    Skyybluegirl New Member

    4
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    United States
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    Thank you, I know that God is the way n I will keep moving forward no doubt about it. I know this will take time n that's the hardest part for me because I want this anger to go away. The enemy is so good at putting things in front that will trigger my memories.
     
  5. Job3315

    Job3315 Well-Known Member

    777
    +608
    United States
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    You are hating the person not the sin/spirit behind it.

    The Lord loved Peter, he rebuked satan/the mindset/the spirit behind Peters comment.

    The problem is not asian women, but the evil spirit operating in those places.
     
  6. Chinchilla

    Chinchilla Well-Known Member

    +1,036
    Poland
    Christian
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    You have big faith , most women would alredy divorce that guy and don't put up with him lying to you , it took him several attempts to reveal the truth...
    You feel the hate towards these women but your husband did worse than they did in that situation , if you alredy forgive your husband then you should also forgive to these women . It's not like they raped your husband he willingly went to these places to get pleasure from them .

    Also to add not everybody is God's child but these who are born again.
    John 8:44-45
     
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  7. Skyybluegirl

    Skyybluegirl New Member

    4
    +11
    United States
    Christian
    Married

    I have never thought about it that way. Thank u, I don't want to hate ppl. It's just so sad that places like these exist.
     
  8. Angeleyes7715

    Angeleyes7715 Well-Known Member

    +917
    United States
    Apostolic
    In Relationship
    I really feel for you. I probably would have divorced him. First hope you got yourself checked out by a Dr. after what he did even if he used protection. And second it's great that he went to God, but I'm pretty sure God allows divorce for adultery.

    I am an unmarried woman though so I'm sure I'm probably not the best advisor. But I can imagine your hate for these women and I totally get it. I would probably feel the exact same way. I would of had to resist the urge to go and fight those women lol. You have a right to be angry. Pretty sure the Bible says be angry and sin not. So continuing to hate them not okay, but being angry at them I think you are justified.

    Trying to divorce someone who you have kids with after they try go to God and uprooting your whole life I mean I get why you stay probably, but i mean thats a tough call. It's one of those where there aren't really any good options, but I mean if he is deciding he's going to change and not cheat and hasn't cheated since that's at least something good. If it we're me though I probably couldn't get sexually involved with that person ever again knowing what they did. I would have told him hope it was worth it cause that's who you can go to from now on goodbye. But again, you sound like you are better than me, kudos to you for that. Lol I get angry just writing this message to you about it lol.

    Did you ask him why he felt the need to cheat?
     
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  9. Angeleyes7715

    Angeleyes7715 Well-Known Member

    +917
    United States
    Apostolic
    In Relationship

    Yeah and then there are places on the internet designed for spouses to cheat like they are actually looking for married people. Or the fact that nearly every woman you see is half dressed and is on a mission to get attention from any guy they see for a confidence booster. Or the fact that you can't watch a movie or play a game or get on the internet without women exploiting themselves sexually. The average male has to only wake up in the morning and open his eyes and he's probably already cheated -__- lol. Man I hate the devil he's so annoying... And I totally blame him for the way things are.
     
  10. Kristen.NewCreation

    Kristen.NewCreation Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,913
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    This thread was moved from Depression Disorders to Recovery Related Spiritual Advice.
     
  11. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

    +16,550
    United States
    Messianic
    Married
    US-Others
    I would strongly encourage the OP to find a competent biblical marriage counselor. They can help deal with the raw emotions in a constructive and redemptive way, instead of the destruction running thru her head right now.
     
  12. Zoii

    Zoii Well-Known Member

    +3,602
    Australia
    Seeker
    Single
    I'm 17 and so - what do I know.
    I will only offer my friendship to you and suggest two things:
    When you have things crowding your mind, I cannot recommend strongly enough for maintaining a journal. You write just whatever comes to mind.

    My second is to reinforce the advice of @Angeleyes7715 gave that as he has had sex with multiple sex workers who in turn have multiple partners, it might be wise to have an STD checkup inclusive of a cervical swab to check for human papillomavirus which can cause cervical cancer
     
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